| Aftermath
'Madness, takes it's toll' ~Time Warp, The Rocky Horror Show I am listening to the receptionist laugh on the phone while i wait for Sheila. Sheila seems nervous around me. I have no idea why. Thoughts turn to feelings which turn to behaviour Shiela shows me a triangle with arrows on a whiteboard l thought to myself are you implying that i have control over my thoughts sure enough the conversation turns to mind drugs zombie drugs, i reel off the list, i reel off the same boring story i told the others i turn up the heat and tell her i won't take them, so don't bother going down that road my teeth grind and my pride is in my throat Shiela wants to delve more i tell her i'm not interested i'm been psycho analyzed to death, and tell her my little parties with the mental delvers has done more harm than good 'how's that working for you managing on our own?' Shiela smiles as she throws her cliche gauntlet down i glare at her and tell her it works fine thank you (i've learnt how to build walls quickly for the ignorant) she brushes my retort off as 'denial behaviour' Sheila tells me the good news 'we can pay your telephone bill' but this is the last time' she scolds 'you've been here 4 times DHS, you know' i tell her, 'yeah i know' and fall silent 'thank fuck for that' is jumping in my head i felt belittled when she showed me that diagram and then secretly went home and fixated on my next magic recipe 'must control thoughts' etc when the panic monster has belted me around i have this wonderful enlightening moment where i realize that i am safe, once more and i look behind me at the trail of destruction and see that you have moved further away from me can i just turn up at the mental clinic now and be done with it? at least i'll get some meals, no mail and surely they have art classes edge living; nothing like it..... ~shalome Copyright � 2006 2007. All Rights Reserved. |