Disclaimer: These quotes may or may not offend you. If you feel they are particularly alarming in any way shape or form, discontinue reading.
Quotes of the week comes to you from Frank's college experience at Suny Potsdam.

Week of...

8/28/98-8/31/98
"This is bullshit
I'm outta here
you're roomate is a p-$$-!"
--every orientation leader at some point [author: Dan White]

"Moving in sucks!"
--Jeremy

"Hot freshmen is what it is!!"
--some guy on the way to dinner, 8/31

"This young man is George Father..." --Doc Hartman
"WHO'S YOUR DADDY??!!" --Craig Burgher
"Oh, I'm sure he's never heard that one before." --Jerry... or Eric Pecor, 9/1

"Some conductors look like they're having sex on the podium... ...others like they're about to sit on the John."
--Mr. LaVine as he makes a thrusting and squatting motion, 9/2

"Collin, you've got a wimpy ichtus..."
--Mr. LaVine, 9/2

"Brad says HI."

"I'm single... I mean, I HAVE a single."
--Frank at a Psi-Phi party, 9/4 [author: Collin]

"Women = Dumb."
--Mystery Science Theater 3000, 9/5

"'Nyah Nyah, it's so easy', NO! It's hard! F*** You!!"
--Frank, 9/5 [author: Collin]
(The kid just said the wrong thing at the wrong time)

9/7/98
"You are the hottest guy alive! : )"
--Mileena

"'Tis a ill chief who cannot lick his own finger."
--Shakespeare [author: unknown]

"I'm shy-- I'm not the type to go, 'Hey! How ya doin'! Baby, I don't know who you are, but ya sure look good!!'"
--Mr. LaVine, Conducting Class, 9/7

"Mark McGuire is the F*@%ing Bomb, 62 Baby!"
--Shawn Turner [author: Shawn Turner]

"I'm not attracted to girls... ...or men."
--Foster says as he enters the room suddenly, 9/10

Foster: "What did you use my fart sound for (on your computer)?
Frank: "Bigginizing." (Frank's substitute for maximizing)
[author: Foster]

Some guy in MST3000: "Why, that's remarkable!"
Crow: "No it's not! Shut up!"

"You want me to put that cigar where?"
--Monica Lewinsky [author: Jeremy]

"Who's this in this picture? Yeah, this guy knows!"
--Some kid at Psi-phi as he points to some really butch girl! (He didn't realize it was a girl). 9/11

"There aren't so many girls here tonight" --Mariah
"Yeah, it's a friggin' sausage factory..."
--Some guy says, and then Yeti laughs hysterically, 9/11

"Hello Wall."
--Mike, Mystery Science Theater 3000, 9/12

"Dr. Erickson?" --guy in movie
"Umm, breast?"
--Crow, MST 3000, 9/12

As certain people walk past his room:
Frank: "We must walk in the path of god" (said robotically)
[author: Foster]

9/14/98
"Nick, I will NOT sleep with you, no matter how many sodas you bring me!!"
--Kylie, 9/14

"It's a lot bigger than I imagined..."
--Rei, (Breath of Fire III), 9/14 [author: Collin]

"Whoa, I'm getting stiff..."
--Kris, 9/14

"Vote Shawn for Hall Council Prez"
--D. Rodman [author: Shawn]

"2000 dollars!!! I need the car!! Forget about the show!!"
--Dave Letterman, 9/15

"'Hey everybody look! I'm Shoshannah, Da-Da-Dat-Da-Daa! I'm a pixie!'"
--Mr. Tallman, 9/16

"Oh my god it's sooo hot in here!!"
--Everyone whenever they came into my room, 9/17

"That mans d!*k is hanging out!!"
--Bearruci, 9/17 [who??] [author: Shawn]

"Oh my god, your friend has a nice ass, but he's so gay!"
--Ruth, the shooter girl, 9/18

"You don't seem like you're used to strip bars..."
--Mira (or was it Miria? Maia? ...?), 9/18

"That's a blow-up doll!! Six guys and a blow-up doll spells trouble."
--Collin, 9/18

"I wish I was a girl so I could be a slut with all the other girls."
--Frank, 9/18 [author: Collin]

"Watch out for the BEES!!"
--Jeremy

"He's getting away..." "I got him!"
--Stormtrooper [from TROOPS], 9/19

9/21/98
"Go to your rooms and spank yourselves!"
--Homer; Simpsons, 9/20

"Homer, you have it set on 'whore'."
--Marge; Simpsons, 9/20

Mr. Tallman shows a 70's textbook with colorful timpany drums on it:
"This one came with LSD!"
--Mr. Tallman, 9/21

"You try walking when you're pharmaceutically enhanced!"
--Paul Reiser on Viagra; Mad About You, 9/22

"Can we POSSIBLY make this any more CONVENIENT??!!"
--Dr. Heinick in an intense rage, as he kicks chairs across the room, 9/23

"All this frickin' make-believe!"
--Dr. Heinick impersonating Mr. Rogers, 9/23

"I'M GAY!!"
--Scott screaming to Kris' former friend in the Lehman Dining Hall!, 9/23

**This is just a reminder that all homosexual jokes are not to be taken personally. Thank you for your tolerance.**

"This is the honeymoon suite. This room expects sex!"
--Chandler; Friends, 9/24

"You'll just have to spank me and find out..."
--Karen, 9/25 [author: Collin]

"2 mouths, 4 hands, 2 cocks, let's go."
--Sara, Karen's friend, 9/26

9/28/98
"Keys? Keys?? Is there responsibility??"
--Scott says excitedly at the Hall Council meeting, 9/27

"Oh, there's responsibility, that sucks."
--Scott says disappointedly at the Hall Council meeting, 9/27

"...And he says 'how many bars are there in Potsdam?' and I said, 'Plenty!!' and he said, 'are there beautiful women?' and I said, 'Let's just stop there!! You'll have to decide for yourself!!'"
--Mr. Tallman, 9/28

"There are many names for that... sleigh bells, sleigh stick, jingle stick... I prefer to call it Jingle Stick."
--Mr. Tallman, 9/28

"...and then he says something about fingering during sex [sax]..."
--overhearing a conversation by two girls leaving Crane

"Just out of curiosity, how much did you tip the pizza delivery guy?"
--Me (Frank)
"Nothing! I told him to keep the .03 cents! I didn't know!!"
--Kevin, 9/28

"God save my fish."
--Dan White

"I want to buy a goat. Where can I buy a goat?"
--Dr. Tekpety?, 10/1 [author: Shawn]

"I don't need any tractors."
--Collin, 10/4 [author: Shawn]

"...and that's not because I'm drunk, I really don't know the words."
--Collin, 10/4 [author: Nick]

"I feel so much better than I did before."
--Frank after hurling, 10/4 [author: Shawn]

"No, I'm gay-- I like boys."
--Dave Babcock [Umm... who?] [author: Shawn]

10/5/98
"Sorry, but I must start again-- I am not top shape."
--Prof. Boudreault [author: Shawn]

"Smile, Kirsten. You always look like you just ate a human child."
--Mr. Tallman, 10/5

"I had the best SEXTET rehearsal for two hours tonight."
--Elaine from down the hall [author: Shawn]

"Your name's gonna be CHUNT, and no, I don't know what that means..."
--guy from "You Don't Know Jack"

"Now you see, that's wrong."
--Storm Trooper [from "Troops"] [author: Scott]

"I can't believe we're discussing this. I'm going to be SO FIRED... oh wait, I already am!!"
--Mr. Tallman, 10/9

"OH MY GOD, LIGHT!!"
--Mr. Tallman imitating young children, 10/9

"Britt, I'm sorry I missed the sex appointment. Next time $200 more plus a pound of crack."
--Dennett [author: Nick] [Note Dennett = Nick]

"Stay outta trouble!"
--Audra [author: Audra]

10/12/98:
"She's the cutest girl I've seen in 4 days!"
--Me, after the October break, 10/13

"My arm is pulsating red, that's awesome!"
--John Prylo, 10/13

"ARMY!!"
--John Prylo

"Ladies and gentlemen-- I'm wet and I'm drunk."
--David Letterman (some episode from '96), 10/14

"Plants have sex, too, but there's no 'oh, oh, oh!'"
--Frank, 10/14 [author: Kylie]

"His nose is big, and he has the personality of a warthog!"
--Frank, 10/15 [author: Kylie]

"Nice WWF Hat! I'll Body Slam Your Ass."
--the dick upstairs known as "Mr. Burns" [author: Dan White]

"Are you Mr. Burns?" --Dan White
"No man, I'm Mr. BURNS!"
--"Mr. Burns", 10/17

"I missed the boat..."

10/19/98:
"Mr. Burns must leave Knowles North now or face annihilation from the WWF!"
--Jim Ieda"

"I LOVE ME!!"
--Mr. Tallman, 10/19 [author: Scott]

"Fair ones, no! Lacking suitable male company no doubt have you in your innosense turned to each other. But I can allow it no longer!"
--Kuno, under the impression that Akane (and her company) turned lesbian.

"Let's go for herpes."
--Collin at Sexual Jeopardy, 10/20

"Is there another 'Sex Toys' catagory?"
--Mitch at Sexual Jeopardy

"Who's your daddy?"
--Donald Duck [author: Kevin]

"530 pound pumpkin!! Look at this son-of-a-bitch!!"
--Dave Letterman, 10/20

"Drivin' in my Ta-xi!"
--Jeremy (singing while playing Grand Theft Auto)

"Ohh, I'm sorry, did I offend your self esteem?"
--Dr. Heinick, 10/25

"I wanna have sex with you and all you wanna do is play Mario!"
--unknown girl down the hall, 10/23 [author: Collin]

"HAEF"
--Frank trying to say "Hey F" while stuffing his face with a sandwich. [author: Foster]

"My plan is to rid the world of security guards by turning them into werewolves and crushing them into randomly placed oil barrels."
--MST 3000 [author: Shawn]

"The boat missed me..."

10/26/98:
"Holy fluking shnit!"
--Kang on the Simpsons Halloween special [author: Collin]

"Why the f*ck why?"
--Frank [author: Dan]

"It's Sunday night. What part of midnight don't you understand?"
--RA in rm. 120, Oct. 25 11:35 [author: Mitch?]

"On Grass."
--John Prylo [author: John Prylo]

"Foster... you were... on Space Mountain and your ... pants fell right off." --psychic
............................................................................................."pants fell right off." --Foster
--psychic Rob Channing and Foster, speaking almost simultaneously at the end, 10/26

"Life is a leading tone... resolving to death? Is that what you're saying?"
--Dr. Heinick to Jeff (hippi-type guy), 10/26

"SSccottttttt..."
--Foster whines in a feminine voice, 10/27

"Ahhh!! I'm Dan White!! I like to pound on the ceiling!!"
--Dan White pounding on my ceiling while we listen in on the girl-upstair's phone conversation, 10/28

"It's National Phone Sex Week!! PHONE SEX!!!!!!!"
"HAVE PHONE SEX, GODDAMMIT!!"
--Dan White, same situation

"Stop talking about marriage and talk about PHONE SEX! [then to Megan:] Oops, are we listening in on somebody else's phone call??"
--Dan says sarcastically

"I love you, Kristen, have I ever told you that?! PHONESEX!!"
--Dan still trying to get the girl on the phone's attention [not Kristen, that's somebody else...]

"Hey everyone, Xena's in the bathroom!!"
--Dan White, regarding Foster taking a shower, 10/29

"...I'm having hot, passionate, sweaty jungle sex, what are you having?!"
--Frasier, 10/29

11/2/98: "What do you have written down? Nothing?! That was bad!!"
--Dr. Heinick, 10/30

"Who are you dressed up as? The loser who's not gonna get any tonight?"
--Dan White to Collin, 10/31 [Halloween]

"I'm not psychic. I tell people what they want to hear."
--Tarot card reader, 10/31

"If you're tired, I can wack you..."
--Kris to Scott, 11/1

"There's nothing about a bass half-step that inherently suggests an impending shark attack!"
--Dr. Heinick, 10/28

"I fogged his Yeti-ass!"
--Rachel, "Friends", 11/5

"That Yeti is one smooth talker."
--Rachel, "Friends", 11/5

11/9/98:
"THREE YEARS! That's a long time to pupate!"
--Mr. Tallman, 11/9

"How am I supposed to do anything with a GODDAMNED ToY ShOvEL??"
--Brittainy Moore

"YOU"RE!Q"
--Frank spazzing on IMs against all the people who use "your" instead of "you're" [author: Foster]

"I haven't had month in a meat and a half!"
--Foster, laughing halfway through [author: Foster]

Dan White trashed at D.A.P. (mind you, he's playing with a novelty traffic light):
"What is this, GreenDay? Red light for GreenDay. No green light for GreenDay, isn't that ironic? ...Red light for Kevin's facial hair. Green light for Kevin shaving. I'm serious, turn this GreenDay shit off. ...Did Dan White go to happy hour today? [Green light flashes] Yes. Did Dan White drink? [Red light] Nooooo. [Yellow light] Maybe! [Green light] Yes, yes he did."
--Dan White playing with the traffic light in the living room of DAP, 11/13

* "This young man just made flatulence." --Waitress at "Fritz and Bea's," Canada
"Oh, he farted? Shit." --Waitor in response, to Ryan Flatt, 11/14

* "I do lots of drugs. I play the fu*kin' tuba, too."
--John Prylo at "Fritz and Bea's"

* "Oh god, Donuts..."
--John Prylo in lust, driving home from the concert

* "I'LL BACK YOU UP, DAVE!!"
--some loser at the concert, angering hundreds of DMB fans

* "I lost my balls!! Have you seen my balls??"
--John Prylo to random individuals, after the concert

* "Excuse me, sir. Yeah you! Have you seen my friend's balls? He lost them..."
--Brian Carucci and Bob

* "That's a nice name. How do you pronounce it?" --Me
"Gr-itz-iella." --the young girl at Ottowa's McDonald's
"Griziella..."
"Frank's trying to get her number! Frank, what about your girlfriend back home!!" --Bob
"Me and your mom broke up a week ago."
--Me

* "Ya f*ck. Ya prick f*ck."
--Ryan, Bob, Brian, John and myself

* "I'll f*ck each one of your cows. How's $2.50 a cow sound? Pretty f*ckin' good, right?"
--Brian

* "Fruit pie. On grass."
--John Prylo

"So basically what Potsdam is, is one big dam stopped up with Pot?!"
--Canadian in "Fritz and Bea's" restaurant

* <--- These *'s represent quotes from the Dave Matthews Band concert in Ottowa, November 14, 1998

11/16/98:
"Do you have an alarm clock that goes like this-- EEE-EEE-EEE-EEE??"
--Dan White to Nick, 11/16

"Am I a freak, skinny, trashy-looking girl? Nope-- I'm Foster Brown."
--Dan White's board, 11/16

"'I just crapped on the floor.' 'Yeah!!!!'"
--Mr. Tallman on the praise of teachers [author: Scott Abrams]

"Most people do it with their right hand..." "...why is everybody laughing?"
--Dr. Hartman, Trombone Studio 11/17

"When you think about it, mud is just dirt that's wet."
--Homer Simpson [author: John down the hall]

11/23/98:
"Is it alright if I lick the turkey, Mommy?" "NO!!!!"
--David Letterman, 11/23

"That's a weak-ass hand so raise it up!"
--Mr. Tallman, 11/23 [author: Scott Abrams]

"I was scared of clowns..." --Shoshauna
"I know, ME TOO!!!!" --Mr. Tallman, 11/23 [author: Scott Abrams]

"Doug is my RA and I don't like him stroking my hair..."
--John, 11/22 [author: John Miller?]

11/30/98:
"I had 3 days to sit around and get sarcastic again!"
--Dr. Heinick after the break, 11/30

"Now I know why the state doesn't issue SUNY Faculty UZIS!"
--Dr. Heinick after the class tries to sing, 11/30

"You don't see me flashing my chest to win a fight, do you?!"
--Ryoga, "Ranma"

"I used to spray it on Steph to get rid of the taste!"
--Dan White after being asked what the "I can't believe it's not butter!" spray was for, in his fridge! [author: Dan White]

12/7/98:
"Which woman will you choose?"
--Japanese guy to James Bond, "You Only Live Twice", 12/8

"Is she pretty?" --James Bond
"She has the face of a pig." --Japanese fellow
"To hell with that!" --James Bond (Sean Connery)

"If I wanted to hear people like you, I'd go to a big fat farm!"
--Jeremy to John Prylo, 12/9

"He gave them hailstones for rain!!"
--Rediculous Handel lyrics

"Well get ready to come out of the non-gay closet!"
--Joey, "Friends", 12/10

"If I were gay, I'd wanna be just like you, Collin."
--Jeremey, 12/11

"The bubbles tickle my... ...Tchaikofsky!!"
--woman to James Bond, "A View to a Kill", 12/11

"F*ck that apple."
--Dan White, 12/11

"I want bras and panties!"
--Happosai, "Ranma" [author: Scott Abrams]

12/14/98:
"I'm starting to feel lame just sitting in this corner!"
--Dr. Heinick, 12/11

"See you in HELL!!"
--Foster on the "Philzie and Frankie Show", 12/14

"I came to bug you for sex."
--Jeremy, 12/15

"Let's bomb Iraq!!"
--John Prylo, 12/16

"What the hell am I supposed to do?!"
--Lisa Verville mouthing off to Dr. Heinick

"Frank... ...you're NOT a LOSER... ...just casual."
--Dr. Heinick explaining my failure, 12/16

***Ladies and Gentlemen. THANK YOU to all who are mentioned in the quotes, and a big THANK YOU to all like 3 of you who visit here! See you next semester... in QUOTES OF THE WEEK 3 !!!!
--Frank... [the editor]***