Quotes of the Week
Edition V: Spring Semester, 2000
by Frank Hall
The Week of January 17th:
"Could you... you know, pass gas in front of me?"
--Anime character in a stupid Playstation game, 1/17 [written by: Collin]
"Collin, these are the pillows to use in pillow fights, 'cause they're heavy." --Lisa
"I usually put sneakers in mine." --Collin [written by: Lisa]
Week of January 24th:
"Shutup, Snatch!"
-Girls from upstairs, calling each other insults, 1/24
"I feel nauseous, some chemically-sour gum should do the trick."
--Ruthie, as she takes from Frank and Pat's Candy-dish, 1/28
"'I Go To Extremes...' Don't you, Scott? Billy Joel." --Frank
"When I have exhausted every other option, I go to extremes." --Scott on TGIFrank, 1/28
"What's in lava lamps?" --Liz
"Uhh... Lava?!" --Pat and Frank together, 1/30
Week of January 31st:
"Sex cures everything."
--Pat says sternly, 1/31
"Go vote. Go drink. Go drink and then vote!"
--Drug Studies, 2/2
"No, I said 'A or B', not 'eh?!'"
--Dr. Siskind, 2/4
"After you go home and turn on the 'Box of Lies', with Jerry Springer, cleanse your ears with some Beethoven."
--Dr. Busch, regarding television, 2/4
Week of February 7th:
"I'll deal with those murderous trolls." --Homer Simpson
"Huh?!"
"I mean, I'll deal with those murderous trolls."
-Homer Simpson, 2/6
"Hey, I'm a pretty lousy president."
--"President Clinton", Simpsons, 2/6
"Thank you for bringing that up, I love talking about death... that is, in the Romantic period."
--Dr. Busch, 2/9
"I work with drunks."
--Drug Studies Professor, 2/9
"I don't want a piece of pretzel that's from this afternoon..." --Kevin, as Frank offers Kev some pretzel
"Yesterday..." --Frank corrects, 2/9 [author: Scott A.]
"Yeeaa! Thank you, Collin! I feel like Jon Lovitz now!"
--Frank, 2/12
"My mom drove me to drink...! I never got a chance to thank her!"
--Meaghan-something? [author: unknown]
"Truth or Dare, Sarah?"
"Can I do both?"
--Sarah, Comfort Suites, 2/12
Week of February 14th:
"Am I losing parts of my brain?!" --Chris
"Could be, you're a percussionist!"
--Dr. Siskind, 2/15
"All women are evil!" "Yeah!" --Pat and Stu
"Fire. Bad." --Collin, 2/15
"Ah! Help! Help! I'm being impaled by my own chair!"
--Pat, 2/16
"I'm not givin' out free beer or anything..."
--Edwin McCain at Lake Placid Goodwill Games, signing autographs, 2/16
"Excuse the f*** outta me!"
--Anime character in a Playstation video game, 2/19
"I hate Japan."
--Collin says randomly while watching video games, 2/19
(Bach's Toccata and Fugue is playing)...
"I can play this on trumpet." --Frank
"Frank, you couldn't play Twinkle-Twinkle-Little-Star on trumpet!"
--Collin, 2/20
"Great, now my testicle has ants on it."
--Homer Simpson, 2/20
"A missionary? But I don't even believe in Jebus!"
--Homer Simpson, 2/20 [author: Scott A.]
Week of February 27th:
"I thought you were dead!"
--Jerry Seinfeld to David Letterman after his quintuple-bypass surgery, 2/21
"Age has a way of making you look like a melted candle."
--Bill Cosby, hosting the Late Show, 2/22
"'Do you drink?' 'No, I'm a reverend, mormon, southern-baptist, muslim, orthodox Jew!"
--Drug Studies Professor, 2/23
"God-is-gay. Yahweh is a homo."
--parody of Governor Jesse Ventura, on Conan, 2/24
Week of March 6th:
"As long as we're here, let's talk about drugs."
--Drug Studies Professor, 3/8
"Save a cow, eat a vegetarian."
--Kelly Shehan (sp?) [author: Kelly Shehan (sp?)] and I could've sworn this quote has made the list once before...
"Yeti! Yeti!!!!" --Frank and Pat, as good friend and former roomate Yeti stops by
"Why are you in Knowles North?" --Frank
"Oh, I ran outta toilet paper...." --Yeti (said truthfully and with a smile), 3/11
"You'll notice I write my minor v's with dots because it makes a little smiley-face."
--Dr. Siskind, 3/10 in writing these (although written sideways)-- :>
"Dr. Heinick and I have been discussing having all the music theorists of Crane get up on Snell and mud-wrestle over whether or not a piece is rounded binary or ternary."
--Dr. Siskind, 3/10
Week of March 13th:
"Wherever you go, there you are!"
--Erica Leigh Deufemia [author: Erica Deufemia] (this is also a Dr. Hartman quote)
"Fraaaaaaaank!"
--Alison Henry [author: Alison Henry]
"I love The Red Berets."
--"Old Frank", regarding the Sorority, 3/15
"I love The Sailor Hats."
--"Old Frank", again, regarding a different Sorority
"You're wearing bubbles and I'm wearin a thong... let's get it on!"
--Frank (drunk) speaking in a bad Southern accent, 3/16 [author: Pat Holden]
"What are you wearing... I'm just a fashionable, drunk, horny girl!"
--Sarah [author: Sarah]]
"Hey Frank-- what actually rhymes with Frank-- skank, drank, prank, lank, crank, dank..."
--Mary Jane [author: Mary Jane]
"I practice safe sex through abstinence." --Sarah
"What?! Since when?" --Jess
"Since I became a born-again virgin!" --Sarah
"Well, now we know she's drunk!"
--Jess
Week of March 20th:
"Edison said virtuosity was 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration." --Dr. Busch
"Those sweaty bastards."
--Scott A., 3/17
"I just want you to know... it never gets any better."
--Dr. Heinick, regarding life after college [author: Pat H.]
"Shutup!! Shutup and listen to me! I'm trying to teach you things!!"
--Dr. Heinick [author: Pat H.]
"Books make you look smart. Just look in my office, you'll see all the books I haven't read."
--Dr. Siskind, 3/22
"You're wacking it too much..."
--Doc Hartman, regarding hitting low notes on trombone, 3/23
"I did my laundry and I still have all my underwear."
--Mary Jane, 3/24 [author: Mary Jane]
Week of March 27th:
"I have nuts in my teeth."
(5 minutes later)
"I still have nuts in my teeth."
--Cheryl at dinner with Pat, 3/28
" A green tree it grows
Will it be there tomorrow?
I think and I think... "
--A Haiku created spontaneously by Frank and Pat, 3/29
"If ya hit Burger King, you can re-live ten minutes of your life." --Chris, percussionist, regarding the clock
"If you hit Burger King on a bad day, you can re-live it three or four times."
--Dr. Siskind, 3/29
"You look like you're going to go into a radioactive volcano..."
--Collin as he looks at Scott's raincoat, 3/30 [author: Scott A.]
"I have a boyfriend!" --Laura
"...Oh yeah, what's his expiration date?'
--Collin [author: Scott A.]
Week of April 3rd:
"I don't want to kick it, but wiggling it sounds like a good idea."
--Dr. Gerber, 3/31 [submitted: Bill W.]
"What's the difference between a Rossini Opera and a musical like Les Miserables?" --Don Whitman
"Quality."
--Dr. Busch, 4/5
"Dr. Heinick coerced us into believing this one conclusion..." --Don
"Ah, the Heinick-maneuver."
--Dr. Busch, 4/5
"My grandpa called me to tell me he had a cell phone. I said, 'Grandpa, you don't even have a microwave, how do you have a cell phone?!"
--Eric Holmgren, 4/6
"The reason the guys sucked yesterday was because Frank Hall wasn't here."
--Dr. Siskind, regarding Aural skills, 3/31 [quote requested by: Dr. Siskind]
"Ya'll come back now, ya hear?!"
--Dr. Reams, in a thick southern accent, 4/6
Week of April 17th:
"Is this an Easter conflict?" --Frank, entering a faculty conversation
"No, graduation. Something you'll never experience, Frank!"
--Dr. McGinness, 4/17
"Is Holden home?" --Rude Discover Card operator
"First of all, his name is Mr. Holden, or Pat, second of all, no, he's not here. Third of all, this is the third time you've- [click]..."
--Frank, 4/18
"By this argument, chocolate and sex leads to heroin and cocaine addiction."
--Ryan Flatt, Drug Studies presentation, 4/19
"I gotta find some me."
--Mary Jane on April 20th... 4/20...
"Have you ever had breasts before?" --Collin
"Have you ever had a d--- before... ...in your mouth?" --Laura in retaliation
".......yea-..............NO!!" --Collin, correcting himself quickly [author: Scott]
-
"Twisted bastards."
"Yes, Beethoven and Chopin were twisted bastards. All those composers died from Syphillis by the time they were 35 anyway."
--Dr. Siskind, 4/21
Week of April 24th:
"Gypsies are land-pirates."
--Collin, 4/23
"This example begins on measure 17, which is right after........ 16."
--Dr. Siskind, 4/24
"...And so Kevin's mom has 'frequent flyer miles.'"
--Lorelei making fun of Kevin's mom, 4/24
(Dr. Ericson hands Dr. Guiles the brass-area-recital concert program sheet...).
"But my recycling bin is full!"
--Dr. Guiles, 4/24
"Dr. Siskind, what's with all the bass clef?"
"It's a nice day, people are going to go... bass fishing."
--Dr. Siskind, 4/25
"I like some of the things Nixon did, but he was a Sh--!"
--Drug Studies Prof, 4/26
"Dan White is here!"
"Yeah, I drove three hours to check my email."
--Dan White, 4/28
"If I were a guy in disguise, would you still love me?"
--girl in a weird playstation game, 4/29
Week of May 1st:
"Do you know what a paradiddle is?" --Dr. Siskind
"Is that a car with one headlight?"
--Frank, 5/2, as requested by Dr. Siskind and Chris
"Art songs are now sung in halls like Hosmer by very large Opera singers!"
--Dr. Siskind, 5/3
"Hey baby, nice French-Sixth!!"
--Dr. Siskind's pickup line, 5/4
(A man wearing practically no pants at all goes to buy popcorn at the movies, when...)
Collin: "Oh, sorry, I left my wallet in my other pair of pants, err, I mean, my pants." , 5/6
Week of May 8th:
"This is the loading dock. This is where they load and unload stuff."
--Ryan Flatt, giving a tour [as requested by Dr. Siskind]
"You bet your sweet bippy that Sonata-Allegro will be on the test."
--Dr. Siskind, 5/10
"He was adored by women. They used to wait outside while he practiced... like Dr. Busch!" --Don Whitman
"It's rough sometimes, yeah..."
--Dr. Busch says with some sincerity, 5/10
Week of May 15th:
The Last of the Semester. The Director's Cut: Some quotes that never made it this Spring...
"I could go for some strawberry digestive cake..."
--Greg Borsz, Trombone Octet trip to Horseheads NY... 3/30... What were you trying to say, Greg??
"Why does he play his trombone so high up?"
--Elementary school child, about George Father's trombone playing, 3/30
"These kids are from Sing-Sing..." --Elementary school teacher
"Isn't that prison?" --Greg Borsz
(Frank nods solemnly)
"Why is his bigger?"
--Elementary school child, regarding J.P.'s... uh... trombone..., 3/30
"Look, all my books are gone..." --Pat, packing during finals week
"I guess you're not studying then..." --Frank
"Nope!"
--Pat, 5/14
