by Frank Hall
January 1999 -- May 1999, Ed. 3
~Frank
....Collin, don't pet me."
--Karen Kotelnicki, 1/19
"What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
...A nervous wreck!"
--Mr. Leonard
"Not just anyone can be a master of perversion"
--Happosai, from Ranma 1/2
"This is Dave Letterman, I have a TV show, I don't need this attitude..."
--David Letterman, 1/26
"I couldn't sit still and I shot that damn thing in my eye."
--"Willow" [his actual name is "Jamie!"], 1/29 [author: Scott]
"So, what are we going to do tonight?" --Karen Kotelnicki
"F*cking? I have no idea." --Karin Ryan, 1/29
"I think we should screw all the guys..."
--Karen Kotelnicki, 1/29 [author: Collin]
"I haven't been drunk at school yet... It's been two weeks."
--Frank, 1/29 [author: Collin]
"I don't know if I can get all that in my mouth at one time."
--Karen Kotelnicki, 1/30 [author: Collin]
"You're funny and swift, but I'm slow." --Kevin, 1/30 [author: Kevin Murphy]
"They're small, they're thin, they fit in my hand and they taste really good."
--Karen Kotelnicki, 1/30 [author: Collin]
"My dick." --Phil, 1/30
"The Road to the Superbowl is long and pointless..."
--Simpsons, 1/31
"The road to Frank's cock is long and pointless..."
--Lisa Verville, 2/2 [author: Lisa Verville]
"Blah-ha-hah!!"
--John Prylo making fat gestures, 2/5
"When you file your fingernail down to a knife-like point, and you slash [your enemy] across his face?! That's what they do in Rugby, they slash, gouge, and stab. Is that what we want for our community??!!
--Dr. Mathews, speaking about the social question?, 2/5
"I augment my ego by diminishing your self-esteem."
--Dr. Heinick defining "diminished" and "augmented" [author: Emily Manor]
"I'll spank you if you want; that'll make you feel better."
--Karen Kotelnicki, 2/8
"I'm gonna hit on every girl in this room."
--Frank entering Lehman [author: Scott Abrams]
"Never be late with your 'depoenis'."
--Dr. Gordon, Crane Chorus, 2/9
"I smellll sex and... ...Kyra..."
--Dan White singing to Pat, 2/10
"This.. is... retard-ed..."
--Dr. Rheams as she sees the "rit." marking, Crane Chorus, 2/11
"Yeah, that's me, I love cock."
--Neil Bryson [author: Scott Abrams]
Dan White (whining): "Fosterrrrr...."
Nick (as he gets interrupted): "I think he's in the showe--"
Dan White: "--SHUTUP!!!!" (2/14)
"This piece is very wordwordwordwordwordwordword..."
--Obnoxious fat-assed middle-aged woman in Lit Style 2, 2/15
"They don't call us SuperBones for nuthin'!"
--Eric Pecor in response to auctioning ourselves in a dating fundraiser
"'What a sack of sh!t, that's not how it's done!'"
--Dr. Mathews imitating Otto Von Bismarck, 2/17
"'Go ahead, you Austrian Puke! Make my day...'"
--Dr. Mathews imitating Otto Von Bismarck, 2/17
"This piece isn't very wordwordwordwordword..."
--Colin K. feciciously mocking the previously mentioned fat-assed middle-aged woman in Lit Style 2, 2/18
"Frank, ya know you have penis-lover written on your tv?"
--J.P. 2/18
"How'd I play today, doc?"
--Dan White
"DUDE!"
--Dr. Rubio to Dan in major class [author: Dan White]
"I love spit valves..."
--Pat Holden, 2/20
"It has come to my attention that we must retract the previous statement. NBC sucks. FOX good. NBC bad. CBS great."
--Homer Simpson, 2/21
"You gotta duck when sh!t hits the fan!"
--Dr. Mathews, 2/22
"Foster, don't tempt fate."
--Frank
"Hey Fate, wanna have sex?!"
--Foster, 2/21
Frank: "I don't know guys, what should I do?"
Pat and Liz: "Do it! Do it! Do her! Do it! Do her! Do it!" (2/23)
"The world is run by fools."
--Nick
"Then you should have no problem getting elected."
--Doug (across the hall), 2/23
"If your father wasn't a tough bird, you're not gonna be breakin' through those seeds, and you'll be suckin' air for a long time! Particularly if you're a bird!"
--Dr. Mathews, 2/24
"What should we do when Bambi fights Godzilla? ...'Oh no! We should protect Bambi, because she's a sweet and innocent creature...' It's called survival of the fittest... and Bambi 'aint got it!!"
--Dr. Mathews, 2/24
"Hmm, intellectual and stimulating... I could read Shakespeare while you spank me..."
--David Spade, 2/23
"Frank, did your hands turn into apples again?"
--Phil, 3/7
"Ridin' that train, high on cocaine..."
--Dr. Mathews, 3/8
"It was F*cked!"
--Dr. Mathews, 3/8
"It's not a particularly good experience, sleeping with an elephant."
--Dr. Mathews, 3/10
"Those slant-eyed bastards..."
--Dr. Mathews, regarding Asians (note: this is not what he actually believes, so be calm)
"The public is just not ready is just not ready for Kellogg's 'Gay Flakes.'"
--David Letterman, as the box also reads, "Theyyy'rrrre G-G-G-G-AY!"
"I want a box of dicks!"
--Karen Kotelnicki, whining, 3/11
"Eww, ...I've got jizz all over me!"
--Keri Lauro, 3/11 [author: Pat Holden]
"Kids, Mr. Tallman is what we call gaaay..."
--Scott Abrams, 3/16
"Don't be retardedly stupid."
--Mitch, our R.A., 3/16
"It's time for me to bend over and receive my destiny"
--Bart Simpson
"I'd give my left nut for 10 minutes with her."
--guy in Mi Familia (a Francis Ford Cappola production)
"She was a virgin. I said, 'go ahead. Pledge. I'll see you in 8 weeks.'"
--Yeti! 3/19
"Foster, know what I saw that reminded me of you?"
--Jen K.
"A big picture of Death with a scythe?"
--Foster, 3/20
"Now that I just met you, WANNA F*CK?!"
--Phil to Karen at dinner, 3/21
"I represent cock."
--Scott, 3/19 [author: Scott Abrams]
"Boy George... gay."
--Beth Littleford, The Daily Show, 3/24 [author: Scott]
"Frank... don't kill yourself to appease Foster!"
--Megan Gill, 3/27 [author: Foster Brown]
"Why don't you talk, and I'll take the pictures, Dr. Wannamaker?"
--George Crumb, 3/26 (Famous Composer of the 20th Century!)
"I believe God is an alcoholic taxi-cab driver in Mexico, blamed for everything from Adam and Eve screwing around, to plagues of locusts, and the Holocaust... He's not dead, just tired."
--Dr. Mathews, 3/31
"I can't repeat that because I made it up."
--Dr. Gerber, 3/31
"What makes it emotional, is the emotion."
--Obnoxious 40-year-old woman in Lit Style 2, 3/31
"I guess my confidence comes and goes..." --Frank, (regarding Trombone playing)
"Wrong." --Doc Hartman, 3/31
"The only objection I have to Godzilla walking down the street is that children would look up and see his giant genitalia."
--Jack Handey [author: Ruth Bennett]
"Alpacas are my favorite animal... I'm going to raise them one day."
--Dr. Siskind [author: Ruth Bennett]
"Arrr-- What are you, a pirate?"
--Pat [author: Ruth Bennett]
"Goodnight, Stewie! Mommy will be right up to put you to bed..."
"BURN IN HELL!"
--Stewie, "Family Guy"
"Communists make for good bed-fellows, whew!!"
--Dr. Mathews, 4/28
"It's like Homer Simpson said... first you get the money, then you get the power, then you get the women!"
--Dr. Mathews, 4/28 [should be sugar, and not money, but same thing really...]
"I don't want any of your raw peanuts, Foster!"
--Dan White, 4/28... ...and note how "peanuts" sounds like another word.
"After I leave, this hallway will be quiet and gay all over again!"
--Dan White, 4/28
Foster: "Dan's staff-paper shirt shows how musical he is."
Dan: "A blank, white page..."
--4/29
"Ok. Canada."
--Foster as he starts his car, 4/29
"Do not... smoke a sock."
--Dr. Gordon, Crane Chorus, 4/30
"'Whoa... I saw God in that Durufle, man!!'"
--Dr. Gordon imitating someone high, 4/30
"Stop-op-op."
--Dr. Schaff, teaching conducting, 5/3 [author: Scott Abrams]
4/19/99:
"You can't trust anyone who won't drink beer!"
--Dr. Mathews, 4/9 [A month later, I see a LOT of truth in this statement...]
"But no sprinkles! For every sprinkle I find... ...I will kill you!"
--Stewie, Family Guy, 4/18
"I was lookin at her todaaaaay..."
--Frank, 4/22 [author: Collin Carr]
"What else do we need for Sunday morning?"
--Professor Manzotti
"Oh!... ...Marijuana!"
--Mike
"Okay!! How many pounds?"
--Prof. Manzotti (of spanish class), 4/22
"Yeah, I'm Xena... I know... I know."
--Foster on the way to the shower, 4/23 [author: Collin Carr]
"Dave sucked my hair!"
--Jennifer Anistan, Dave Letterman
"He who laughs last has the slowest modem."
--overheard in a chatroom submitted by Nick Mercier [author: Nick Mercier]
"I'm going to read snatches of poems..."
--Dr. Gerber, 4/23
"Will someone please stop the farting..."
--Mr. Burns, "Simpsons", 5/2
"Nothing succeeds in this world like success!"
--Dr. Mathews, 5/3
Ray DePieu: "I don't know if this will sound stupid..."
Mrs. Heinick: "It probably will."
--5/3
"You think U2 has good lyrics? It's simple words... it sounds deep, but it's just simple words and repeated."
--Dr. Mathews, 5/5
"Why do what these Marxist dickhead theorests want?"
--Dr. Mathews
"No soup for you, Solzhenitsyn!"
--Dr. Mathews
"Here, have a Bb."
--Frank
"We're gonn have SO much sex next year!"
--Pat in regards to the women here next semester
"You can all bring your ho's..."
--Doc Hartman, but meaning "hoses", 5/6
"Drinking is good."
--Adaiah Barron, 5/6
"Frank's here, we can start class."
--Dr. Gerber, 5/7
"You don't take me seriously!"
--Dr. Gerber, 5/7
"Well, you got what you wanted... through no merit of your own..."
--Dr. Heinick, 5/7
"I loove gay men..."
--Lisa Verville, 5/8
"I guess I'll be seeing you guys next semester... =(
.....when I come to visit!!"
--Steve Johnson, regarding his comps (for graduation), 5/10
"I guess I'll be f*cking your mother...
...every time I visist!"
--Dan White [author: Dan White]
"Just watching a movie leads to just f*cking!"
--Big John Prylo, 5/12 [author: Pat Holden]
"You sow what you reap..."
--well... umm... let's just call him "Steward" for now..., 5/14
"Ugly women look so much better in dark cars..."
--Foster, 5/15
"I didn't have dinner, I just had a dorito and farted."
--Foster, 5/17
"Moving out sucks!"
--Scott Abrams, 5/21 [<-- matches Jeremy's moving-in quote in QuotesoftheWeek2]
[Dan White is panting]:
"Do you have asthma or something?" --Lisa Verville
"No, I'm just fat." --Dan White, 5/21
"I bet you didn't know that a period of two weeks could occur in 24 hours."
--Frank [author: Brittany Moore]
"Once the last keg is kicked!..."
--Tom Glascow, SGA President, at the Graduation Ceremony, 1999
| And that's all she wrote! Two years of the college life have turned, with but two more to follow. And as I write this with virtually five people on campus, I conclude this semester and this year's segment of Quotes of the Week with a note of sorrow. In any event, thank you to any and all loyal followers of Quotes of the Week, both on campus and off. Your support is genuinely appreciated! See you next fall, in QuotesOfTheWeek4! |