Hey folks... I should be doing my three papers right now. But this is *so very much* more interesting... and *so very much more* important to, well, um, something.... right. ^_^ Anyway, if anything else, this is proof that I'm destined to be a college professor.

 

For your enjoyment and (hopefully!) amusement…. this is an analysis of our darling Orlando with several different hairstyles.

 

First off, our thesis: Does the hair maketh the man? In other words, does lack of, changed, or hidden hair affect a guy’s hotness? Let’s see.

 

I’ll begin with the pivotal question. Does lack of hair, or hidden hair, decrease a guy’s hotness?

 

Well. Here are two Orlandos, effectively sans-hair. They’re not too bad. The first pic, the upper-class-Englishman-bowler-cap-ness, actually becomes him—if you’re willing to look past his expression, which reminds me of my English class when it’s trying desperately not to laugh at something unintentionally rude we’ve just discovered in our literature. The second pic is rather worse—but that’s not due to any hair factor, rather to the fact that Orly is dressed like some ungodly refuse from a Gap commercial. 

 

 

But here—Oh GOD! What is this hideous creature, and what has he done with our Orly?

 He looks like a cross between Forrest Gump and Jim Carrey that had its eyeballs sucked out by aliens. *shudders*

 

Conclusion: Just having hair doesn’t make you hot.

 

So with that quandary solved, we may now effectively tackle the real question: What hair really does look best on Orlando?

 

Let’s look at the contenders:

 

Contestant #1: Slave to the Spikes (the name is ^TM my sister): Orlando wearing the same haircut as practically every other guy on the face of the earth. (Unfortunately, not wearing the same clothing… he looks like an extra from a Brian Setzer Orchestra video. Meanwhile, Elrond pulls a Curtius).

 

Contestant #2: The Sinead O’Conner cut and the Forrest Gump cut—complete with accurate expressions!!! (Orly really is an actor: while pic 1 captures the classic Sinead attitude of “you’re kidding me. Those are your opinions? They are to me as earthworms after a storm, to be stomped on and laughed at when they shrivel up into black crusty things”; pic 2 exquisitely emulates the “I’m a great guy but with the brain of a lungfish” Gump-i-tude)

 

Contestant #3: The fuzzy-greasy look. Orlando – brush + gel = this.

 

Contestant #4: The HOTNESS… oh, er, I mean, the “elf” look… just look at the way Galadriel’s undressing him with her eyes. You think Celeborn would notice this by now.

 

Contestant #5: I don’t know what this is or where it came from, but it needs to die. (emulating Heath Ledger?)

 

 

Contestant #6: the uber-uber-fuzzy look. Orlando as a cross between Mr. T and Thoreau.

 

Contestant #7: the uber-curly look. Orlando posing as Elijah Wood. Kudos to Erica for the second pic….

 

Contestant #8: ANIME. Nuff said. (garish clothing? Hair that sticks a mile off the head? Look, he even has subtitles…)

 

Contestant #9: The Mohawk. He’s a lumberjack and he’s ok…

 

 

Well, there you have it… so what do you guys think? ^_^  It’s pretty obvious where I’ve thrown in my vote: Long-blond, then uber-curly, then slave-to-the-spikes, then Sinead. Sort of.

 

AND NOW… just some random pictures for your amusement.

Art kids, this one’s for you.

 

*singing* We’re Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts’ Club Band…

 

I think this is his real eye-color….

 

Well, hope you folks enjoyed… I have spent the majority of my afternoon doing this, and now I actually have to get down to writing that stupid report (or those three stupid reports). Rgh.

 

Enjoy the hotness….

 

~Britt