NOAH'S ARK in this Day of Our Lord 2000
IN WESTPORT
One day the Lord spoke to Noah who was a god fearing man
and told him that he was going to drown the earth
in six months time to rid it of all the evil. But he promised to save
Noah and his wife
and family and two of every living thing on the planet. So God ordered
Noah to build an ark and with a flash of lightning
he delivered him all the specifications of the Ark.
Noah, being a God fearing man, promised to do t
he Lords work as asked. "You have six months" the
Lord ordered "or you better learn to swim for a very long time!.
Six months passed and the skies clouded over and
the rain began to fall in torrents. The Lord looked down
and saw Noah sitting in his yard, crying bitterly and there
was no ark to be seen. "Noah" shouted God, "Where is my Ark"?
Lord I’m really so sorry, I did my best.
Please forgive me" begged Noah. First, I had to get
planning permission from the UDC but they turned
me down with your plans, so I had to hire an
architect to draw up plans to their specifications.
The second set of plans were passed but the neighbours
objected, saying I would be taking light off them by
building the ark in my front garden. I appealed to
Bord Pleanalla and won the appeal by promising
to build in my back yard. This would involve knocking
my house to get the Ark out as I have no back
entrance but I was agreeable to this. Next I ran into
problems with the Environmental Protection section
when I went looking for the wood you specified. Those trees
you wanted me to use are protected in this country, so
I had to import the wood. I checked out the animals you
wanted me to bring and started gathering them up
but was sued by the Animal Rights Society.
Just as I was getting through that one the Council
demanded an environmental impact statement
on your proposed
flood.
They got upset when I told them they
had no jurisdiction over your flood
and demanded a site map of the
proposed flood. I sent them the globe.
Right now I am trying to resolve a dispute with the
Equal Opportunities Employment Board as to how
many I am supposed to employ and how much I must pay them.
The Revenue Commissioners have seized all
my assets as they claim that I am trying to leave
the country illegally. The UDC want a revised plan
showing water supply and sewage, details of a l
eakage control system, provision for disabled
persons, and the litter
warden is demanding a plan on how I intend
to dispose of animal droppings. Really I don’t think
that I can manage to build this Arc in less than 3 years."
With that the sky cleared, the sun began to
shine and a rainbow appeared across the sky.
Noah looked up and smiled.
"You mean you are not going to destroy the world?"
he asked with the first sign of hope in a long time.
"No" said the Lord, "the local government already has".
