(a.k.a. Why my character isn't aloud in Middle-Earth anymore.)

________________________________________________________________________

NA: It is a sunny day in Middle-Earth as the fellowship travels across the grassy plain leading to Caradhas. All is peaceful as Gandalf leads the way…until…

Voice: "WHOOO-HOOO! LOOK OUT PEDESTRIANS!"

NA: The voice flies through the air, hitting the fellowship sound on the ears. Gandalf turns to find the source of the voice.

Gandalf: "What in the world, AH!"

(A blur riding a black horse streaked by, grabbing Gandalf's hat along the way.)

Gandalf: "I'll show that no good jerk…" (Muttering, he rolls up his sleeves and points his staff at the black horse, which has turned around and is heading for the aged wizard. The horse bucks, falling to the ground as a small form is thrown off. The fellowship runs over as the figure stands up, wobbling from dizziness.)

Person: "Dang that horse it good! Woah, the ground's wavering…(grins) cool. (Notices fellowship.) Hi!"

(Fellowship stares.)

Gandalf: "My hat miss?"

Girl: "What hat? (Notices one in her hand.) OH! This one! (Gives Gandalf his hat.) You should have seen your face!" (Cracks up into laughter.)

Boromir: "Who are you?"

Girl: (Still laughing.)

Boromir: (Waits.) "Are you done yet?"

Girl: (Wipe tears from her eyes.) "The name's Jess!"

(Jess looks at the black horse.)

Jess: "Ah! What did you do to Snowy?!"

(Jess runs over to Snowy.)

Merry: "Isn't snow white? That horse is definitely black."

(Pasue.)

Pippin: "Maybe the snow is burnt."

Gandalf: "He is only paralyzed. It should wear of soon."

(Horse stirs, then gets up.)

Sam: "That horse looks awfully familiar…where did you get it?"

Jess: "Oh, I stole it off one of those black riders back there. (Points behind the fellowship.) They didn't need it, so cut it loose."

(Everyone minus Jess gapes.)

(Jess reaches into a backpack on the horse and pulls out three brightly colored packages, each very thin. She rips off the paper and starts eating whatever is in the tubes.)

Aragorn: "So, Jess, where do you come from?"

Jess: (Finishes paper tubes and puts them in pocket.) "I don't really remember, but whoo-hoo! I sure did have fun at that tower that is just ahead a little ways!"

(Scene changes to the Tower of Isengard. It has been given a new look; toilet paper hangs of the very top of the tower, and pink spray paint is written on every other spot. One sentence says: 'I love my girly hands!')

Aragorn: "What tower?"

Jess: (Is now vibrating.) "That-tower-with-the-silly-white-guy-with-the-really-girly-hands-and-the-attitude-problem!-So-I-left-him-a-special-gift.-It-was-so-funny-when-I-went-by-and-sprayed-pink-spray-paint-in-his-eyes!-That-was-great!-I-also-T.Ped-his-stupid-ugly-black-tower.-In-fact,-I'm-planning-on-going-back-tonight!"

(Everyone stares at Jess who can now not stand still.)

Jess: "So-who-are-youuuuuuu?" (Eye twitches.)

Merry: (Afraid to answer.)

Gandalf: (Looks at Aragorn.)

Aragorn: (Looks at Gimli.)

Gimli: (Looks at the hobbits.)

All: (Look at Legolas.)

Legolas: (Sighs.) "My name is Legolas."

Jess: (Eyes widen.) "Legolas?! THE Legolas?! The incredible Legolas?! (Watches as Legolas nods uncertainly.) YOU'RE MY FAVORITE CHARACTER!!!!!"

All minus Jess: (Look confused.)

Jess: (Looks at Pippin.) "Then you're Pippin! (Runs over and hugs him.) YOU'RE MY FAVORITE HOBBIT!"

All minus Pippin: (Back up slowly.)

Jess: (Lets Pippin down and hugs all the other hobbits.) AND YOU'RE ALL MY OTHER FAVORITES!"

Hobbits: (Run for cover behind Aragorn.)

Jess: (Hugs Aragorn.) "What color is your real hair? Huh, huh, huh?" (Runs over to Boromir and hugs him.) Can I have your shield when you die?"

Aragorn: "What do you mean my 'real hair'?"

Boromir: "No!"

Jess: (Ignores Aragorn and Boromir. Runs to Gandalf.) "Can I have your staff when you die?"

Gandalf: (Looks slightly spooked.) "NO!"

Jess: (Goes to Gimli and kneels down. Squeals.) "It's Gimli!" (Pats Gimli on the head, much to his annoyance.)

Gimli: (Grumbles.)

Jess: (Goes over to Legolas and hugs him.) "How old are you?"

Legolas: "Uh…"

Jess: "How old do you have to be to marry in elf years?"

Legolas: "Uh…"

Jess: "Can I try your bow?"

Legolas: "NO…"

Jess: (Asks twenty consecutive questions, all being one word: why?)

Legolas: "Save me from this insanity!"

Jess: "Can-I-join-the-fellowship?"

All: "NO!"

Jess: "Really?! Thanks!"

All: "NEVER!"

Jess: "I'll-never-ever-leave-you-Frodo-cause-I-know-your-future!" (Laughs maniacally and hugs Frodo. Jumps on Snowy and rides off.) "I'll-be-back!"

All: (Quiet for a minute.)

Gimli: "All in favor of making a run for Caradhas say aye."

All: "Aye!" (Start running for the mountain.)

Chapter Two
By Sabrin
________________________________________________________________________

NA: After the encounter with the fellowship, our hyper hero gallops off for Isengard…

(Jess gallops up to the tower. She rings a hidden doorbell and gallops off giggling. Saruman opens the tower door and looks around. He shrugs and closes the door. Jess rides up again and rings the doorbell. She rides off, snorting with laughter. Saruman opens the door, an annoyed look on his face. He mumbles something about orcs, and closes the door. Jess comes up one last time, rings the doorbell, and gallops off, laughing at the top of her lungs. Saruman storms out, his face red with anger. He goes back in, slamming the door. Jess goes up and rings the doorbell again and waits for Saruman to answer it. He answers it.)

Saruman: "Who in blazes name is it?!"

Jess: "Hi! I'm selling used swords!"

Saruman: (Stares at Jess as if she were nuts.)

Jess: "Are you interested?"

Saruman: (Looks at Snowy.) "That horse looks familiar…"

Jess: "Uh…it was a parting gift."

Saruman: "No, I'm not interested. Go away."

(Saruman slams door. Jess rings the bell again. Saruman opens the door, looking annoyed.)

Saruman: "I told you I'm not interested!"

Jess: "No, that was my sister. I'm selling used helmets!"

Saruman: "AH! I'M NOT INTERESTED!"

(Saruman slams door. Jess gets off her horse, tethering him down. She reaches into her backpack and pulls out a can of pink spray paint and a can of purple silly string. She also grabs a tube and eats the whole contents in one gulp. Her eye twitches, and she smiles broadly. She rings the bell again. Saruman opens the door, looking ready to kill.)

Saruman: "WHAT?!"

Jess: "Hello good sir!" (Jess shakes Saruman's hand and pushes past him.) "Beautiful place you got! I have just the thing to give it that lively and interesting look!"

Saruman: "Are you related to the first two?"

Jess: "Yeah, yeah, whatever. Are you interested?" (Looks at Saruman.)

Saruman: "NO!"

Jess: "Oh, okay…" (Turns away. She takes two steps to the door before turning around.) "Are you sure?"

Saruman: (His face is now red.) "NO! I TOLD YOU NO!"

Jess: "You sure? Tell you what, it's on the house."

(She sprays both cans at Saruman, giggling insanely.)

Saruman: (Is screaming a high pitched girl like scream as he drops his staff and drops to the ground, withering like the worm he is.)

Jess: (Laughs.) "Remember me now?" (Grabs his staff.) "I'm taking a souvenir, okay? Love your tower's new look! Seeya!"

(Jess runs off with the staff, jumping onto Snowy and making a run for it.)

Saruman: (Whimpering. Looks up at tower. Screams again.) "NOOOOOO!!!!!"

Chapter Three
By Sabrin
________________________________________________________________________

NA: Our favorite fellowship is trudging back down Caradhas, all looking cold and tired.

Merry: "My nose is cold."

Frodo: "My ears are cold."

Pippin: "The hair on my feet are cold."

Sam: "I'm cold all over!"

Gandlaf: (Sighs.) "Let's make camp here."

(They make camp by a pile of rocks.)

Gimli: "I still say we go through the Mines of Moria!"

Gandlaf: "They are to dangerous!"

Legolas: (Sniffs air.) "I like it here. It is so clean and peaceful."

NA: Unfortunately for Legolas…

Voice of Jess far off: "Oh-yeah!-Go-go-go-Snowy!"

Legolas: "NO!"

All: (Freeze.)

(Jess rides up carrying Saruman's staff.)

Jess: "Hi-everyone!-I-went-to-see-Saruman-and-I-got-a-souvenier!-What-do-ya-think?-Huh?-Huh?-Huh?"

All: "Uh…"

(Jess gets off horse, bringing both the backpack and staff. She jumps into the circle around the fire, sitting right next to Pippin. She hugs Pippin.)

Jess: (To Pippin.) "Did-ya-miss-me?"

Pippin: "Well, to tell you the truth…"

Jess: "I thought so!" (Pulls out paper tube from her backpack.) "Pixie stix?"

Pippin: "What is a pixie stix? Does it contain pixies?"

Jess: "No, but it contains ingredients that are almost guaranteed to keep you up all night!"

Pippin: "Sure!" (Takes the tube of sugar.)

Merry: "I want one to!"

NA: Thirty minutes and five economy packs of pixie stixs later…

Pippin: "WHOO-HOO!" (Swings his sword around his head and trips.)

Merry: (Is vibrating.)

Sam: (Concerned.) "Should we do something Mr. Frodo?"

Frodo: (Is laughing.) "No way! I'm enjoying this!"

Merry: (Starts running around the camp.)

Pippin: (Races after Merry.)

Jess: (Pulls out more pixie stixs.)

Aragorn: (Whispers to Gandalf.) "So what are in pixie stixs?"

Jess: (Overhears Aragorn.) "Sugar, sugar, sugar, some other stuff, and artificial flavoring!"

Pippin: "Mmmm…artificial flavoring."

Jess: (Turns to Legolas.) "Have some!"

Legolas: (Pales.) "Um, no. That's okay."

Jess: (Puts on puppy dog eyes.) "Pleeeeease?"

Legolas: "No…I think I see something over there. I should go investigate."

(Legolas runs off.)

Boromir: "Wait up Legolas!"

(Boromir runs after Legolas frantically.)

Jess: (Shrugs. Turns to Aragorn and Gimli.) "Want some?"

Gimli and Aragorn: "Uh…no…we couldn't…"

Jess: "Don't worry! I've got plenty! I just have to wish them out of my backpack!"

Frodo: "Your backpack?"

Jess: "Yeah! I can wish for almost anything! Watch!"

(Jess turns backpack over and starts emptying out pixie stix bags. They keep coming out, and the bags are soon almost above Frodo's head.)

Sam: "I think that's to many…"

Jess: "There is never such thing as to many pixie stixs!"

(Jess shoves all the packs back into her backpack. She looks up and sees Frodo looking sad for no reason at all. She hugs him.)

Jess: "I'm here for ya man!"

Frodo: (Looks worried.) "A little help Sam?"

Jess: (Lets Frodo go before Sam can do anything and goes over to sit next to Gandalf.) "So…why is your hat pointy?"

Gandalf: "Because…"

Jess: "Why is grey the first color?"

Gandalf: "I…"

Jess: "Why is your beard so long?"

Gandalf: "Well…"

Jess: "Is there a reason for it being long?"

Gandalf: "Yes…"

Jess: "Are you related to Saruman?"

Gandlaf: "No!"

Jess: "Is there anything beneath your robes? You know, like clothes?"

Gandlaf: "That's enough of that!" (Scoots away.)

Jess: (Pouts, then spots her next victim.) "Hey Aragorn!"

Aragorn: "Yes?"

Jess: "I forgot."

(Pause.)

Jess: "Hey Aragorn?"

Aragorn: "Yes?"

Jess: "I forgot."

(Pause.)

Jess: "Hey Aragorn?"

Aragorn: "Yes?!"

Jess: "I forgot."

(Pause.)

Jess: "Hey Aragorn?"

Aragorn: "YES?!"

Jess: "I forgot."

(Pause.)

Jess: "Hey Aragorn?"

Aragorn (Who still hasn't learned not to answer.): "WHAT DO YOU WANT?!"

Jess: (Takes deep breath.)
"I-want-to-go-bother-the-ringwraiths-some-more,-TP-Saruman's-tower-thingy-again,-I-want-to-go-hug-the-hobbits-again,-marry-Legolas,-pat-Gimli,-annoy-Gandalf…"

NA: Five minutes later…

Aragorn (Who stopped listening after the first sentence.): "I'm going to go find Legolas and Boromir."

(Aragorn runs off rather quickly.)

Pippin and Merry and Jess: (Drop onto the ground, asleep after way to much sugar.)

Everyone still left at camp who is awake: (Cheers.)

Chapter Four
By Sabrin
________________________________________________________________________

NA: During the middle of the night, after everyone is back and asleep, our hero wakes up and rides off on Snowy. She heads toward everyones favorite tower…

Jess: (Tethers horse down and jumps through a window that had been carelessly left open. It leads into the bedchamber of our favorite worm. He is still pink in the face, and a bit of purple silly string is still in his beard. Jess takes a deep, deep breath.) "HIYA SARUMAN!"

Saruman: (Wakes up and panics.) "Ah! Who is it?!"

Jess: "Remember me!"

Saruman: (Spots Jess. Pales.) "Ah! Not you! Anyone but you! I’m going back to sleep and hoping you're just a figment of my incredibly limited imagination!"

(Saruman throws the covers over his head, revealing fuzzy pink bunny slippers on his feet.)

Jess: (Eyes widen and pulls out instant Kodak film camera from her backpack. She snaps several pictures and piles the snapshots into her backpack. She runs up the stairs into a higher level room and spots something covered up on a table. She lifts the blanket up to reveal Saruman's palantir.) "Oooo…pretty."

(Jess touches the orb. The eye of Sauron appears.)

Sauron: "Who summons Sauron?"

Jess: (Grins and gets idea.) "HIYA SAURON! Hope your ringwraith isn't missing his horse!"

Sauron: (Confused. Then it clicks and the eye flares.) "You were the imbecile that pushed my servants off that cliff!"

Jess: (Nods proudly.) "I had so much fun!"

(Flashback of eight screaming ringwraiths falling of a cliff as Jess stands above them, laughing hysterically with a flaming branch in her hand.)

Sauron: "You fool! That is not a form of fun!"

Jess: "Yeah it is! Here's something that's fun to!"

(Jess gives Sauron 'the finger'.)

Sauron: (Confused.) "What is that supposed to mean?"

Jess: (Whispers the meaning into the palantir.)

Sauron: (Eye flares once again.) "I AM NOT!"

Jess: (Giggles madly.)

Sauron: "I shall send all of my black riders after you if you do not take that impolite gesture back!"

Jess: "How do you know where I am? Huh? Huh? Huh?"

Sauron: "I am every seeing!"

Jess: (Sarcastically.) "Sure…"

Sauron: (Mad.) "I'll prove it!"

Jess: "What kind of slippers is Saruman wearing then?"

Sauron: (The eye pales.) "Uh…uh…"

Jess: "So, how old are you?"

Sauron: "What?"

Jess: "Are you married?"

Sauron: "I…"

Jess: "Why did you choose Saruman as your helper?"

Sauron: "Because…"

Jess: "If you're just a spirit, how can you talk?"

Sauron: "I…"

Jess: "Do you have a body?"

Sauron: "I…"

Jess: "Do you have clothes on?"

Sauron: "Wha…"

Jess: (Eyes widen.) "Are you sitting here talking to me…naked?!"

Sauron: "AH! I CAN'T TAKE THE INSANITY!"

(The eye disappears. Jess reaches into her backpack and brings out a box of crayons. She write something on the orb, then covers it up again. Laughing maniacally, she jumps out of Saruman's window and rides away.)

NA: The next morning…

Saruman: (Trudges into the palantir room.) "What a night."

(Saruman uncovers palantir to discover the words 'Saruman wears bunny slippers!' on it in bright red crayon.)

Saruman: (Screams.)

Chapter Five
By Sabrin
________________________________________________________________________

NA: Much to the relief of the camp the next morning, everyone woke up to find Jess gone. They also found that the road to Moria had been buried under an avalanche (due to excessive noise), and would not be trackable for many days. So the fellowship decided to stay where they were. Legolas was currently in the woods, breathing the lovely air.

Legolas: "Ah, the air is so clear and pure."

NA: Unknown to our favorite elf, something was nearing him that would wreck his joy…

Jess: (Stomps up behind Legolas, her horse at camp.) "HIYA LEGOLAS!"

Legolas: (Turns around slowly and groans.) "Oh no…"

Jess: "Guess what."

Legolas: (Reluctantly.) "What?"

Jess: "It's just us two in this forest."

Legolas: (Looks at a grinning Jess. Backs up.) "I guess it is."

Jess: "I have a question."

Legolas: "Yes?"

Jess: "Will you marry me?"

Legolas: (Stares at Jess as if she were nuts.) "You're to young!"

Jess: "How do I know you're not thirteen or something? Huh?-Huh?-Huh?"

Legolas: (Mumbles something.)

Jess: "So, will you marry me?"

Legolas: "Sorry, but no."

Jess: (Stares at Legolas for about three seconds.) "Will you marry me now?"

Legolas: "NO."
 

Jess: (Waits three seconds.) "Now?"

Legolas: "NO!!!"

Jess: (Waits three seconds.) "Now?"

Legolas: (Starts backing up.) "Please, just leave me alone!"

Jess: "PLEASE?!"

Legolas: (Whimpers.) "Go bother some one else!"

Jess: "Now?"

Legolas: "NO! I TOLD YOU NO!"

Jess: "YOU WILL?! YEAH!!!"

Legolas: "But I said…!"

Jess: (Oblivious.) "Lets-see,-I'll-have-to-make-invitations,-plan-a-date,-order-a-cake…"

Legolas: (Pales (as far as an elf can), then runs.)

Jess: (Spots Legolas running.) "Wait up!"

(Jess runs after Legolas.)

Jess: "Waaaaaaaiiiiiiiittttttttttt!!!!!!!!!!"
 

NA: Back at camp…

Legolas: (Comes running through camp.) "Get her away from me!!!"

(Legolas runs past the camp.)

All: (Look in the opposite direction Legolas was coming in.)

Jess: "Waaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiittttttttttt!!!!!!!!!!!!"

(Jess continues running and screaming but trips on a rock just as Legolas clears a hill.)

Sam: (Whispers to Frodo) "Do I really want to know?"

Frodo: "I know I don't."

Jess: (Looks sadly at the hill Legolas went over. Sighs, and turns back to the fellowship.) "Will he come back?"

Gimli: (Mutters.) "Hope not."

Boromir: "He will." (Silently to himself.) "Probably after a few hours."

Jess: (Silently.) "Who's the victim today? Eeny, meenie…GIMLI!"

(Jess goes over and sits by Gimli.)

Jess: (Innocently.) "Hi!"

Gimli: "What do you want?"
 

Jess: (Eye twitches.) "Noooothing."

Gimli: (Raising an eyebrow in suspicion.)

Jess: (Smiles broadly.)

Gimli: (Looks worried.) "Are you sure you don't want anything?"

Jess: (Keeps on grinning.)

Gimli: "Okay…" (Scoots away.)

Jess: (Pouts. Then goes over to Boromir.) "Hi!"

Boromir: "Hello young one."

Jess: (Eyes narrow.) "I’M NOT YOUNG! I'M THIRTEEN FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! I'M PRACTICALLY A TEENAGER!"

Boromir: (Shocked.)

Jess: (Pulls out five pixie stixs from her backpack and eats them all at once. She calms down immediately.) "Pixie stix?"

Boromir: "No."

Jess: "How bout now?"

Boromir: "No!"

Jess: "How bout a red one?"
 

Boromir: "No!"

Jess: "How bout an orange one?"

Boromir: "No!"

Jess: "How bout a green one?"

Boromir: "No!"

Jess: "How bout a purple one?"

Boromir: "NO! I SAID NO!"

Jess: (Whimpers.) "But everyone likes blue!!!"

Boromir: "They have blue?"

Jess: "Yup!"

Boromir: (Thinks hard. Really hard.) "Okay."

Jess: (Shoves fifteen all blue pixie sticks into his stomach.) "Enjoy!!!"

(Jess skips off as Boromir rips open the first pixie stix and gently tastes it.)

Boromir: "Yum…"

Aragorn: (Come over by Boromir.) "I need…wait…are those what I think they are?"

Boromir: (Turns to Aragorn. Pixie stixs litter the ground.)
"Hi-Aragorn!-I-talked-to-Jess-and-she-gave-me-a-pack-of-pixie-stix-and-now-I-feel-like-I-could-talk-for-hours-and-hours-and-hours-on-end!"

Aragorn: (Looks over shoulder to see Jess giving more pixie sticks to Merry and Pippin. He sighs.) "It's going to be a very long day."

Chapter Six
By Sabrin, Rabid Wolf, and anonymous
________________________________________________________________________

NA: Later that day…

Jess: (Sitting by Frodo and Sam, watching Merry, Pippin, and Boromir talk rapidly about nothing important.) "Want a pixie stix?"

Sam: "No."

Frodo: "Not really."

Jess: (Looks at Frodo and her eyes widen.)
"Oh-Frodo!-I-just-thought-of-something-really-sad-that-happnes-in-the-future-and-I-want-to-hug-you-cause-I-may-never-have-the-chance-to-hug-you-again!"

(Jess starts bawling loudly and hugging Frodo, and Sam while she's at it.)

Frodo: (Gasps.) "Losing…air…"

Sam: "She's…strong!"

All: (Look over at Jess, who's still bawling. They shrug and continue on with what they're doing.)

Frodo: (Calls out hoarsely.) "You are all loads of help!"

Sam: (*Faintly.) "Strider! Help! Please!"

Aragorn: "I'm going to go join, uh, I mean, find Legolas!" (Runs off.)

Jess: (Lets go of Sam and Frodo, still bawling.)

Sam and Frodo: (Gasping for air.)

Jess: (Stops crying and pulls out camera.) "Can I take your picture?"

Frodo: "Uh…"

Sam: (Looks at camera.) "What's that?"

Jess: "A camera!" (Takes picture, accidentally leaving the flash on.)

Sam: "Look at the pretty light Mr. Frodo!"

Frodo: "My eyes hurt!"

Jess: (Holds out picture.) "This is how it came out!"

Frodo and Sam: (Rub their eyes before looking at picture.)

Frodo: "Haha! Look at your face Sam!"

Sam: "I guess it is pretty funny!"

Jess: (Runs around camp taking picture of everyone else just to see their reaction.)

Gandalf: "You almost blinded me!"

Boromir: "Hey! I look hot!"

Merry and Pippin: "Any extras?"

Gimli: (Running around camp.) "AH! MY EYES!"

Bill: (Keeps on eating.)

Snowy: (Snorts.)

Jess: (Sneaks up behind Legolas and Aragorn, who is slowly dragging Legolas back to camp.)

Legolas: "Keep away!"

Aragorn: "Leave him alone!"

Jess: "Say cheese!"

Aragorn and Legolas" "Cheese?"

Jess: (Takes picture and looks at it,) "Ah! You both look so CUTE!" (Holds it out to Legolas.) "Want to put it in our wedding album?"

Legolas: (Fleas back the way he came screaming.)

Aragorn: (Confused.)

Chapter Seven
By Sabrin
________________________________________________________________________

NA: Night has now dawned, and Jess is sitting on a rock, bored and when Jess is bored, I must say it is a dangerous, dangerous thing…

Jess: (Rubbing fringe on backpack.) "So bored…" (Sighs and turns to look at the darkening sky.) "Still bored…" (Waits ten seconds then pops up to a standing position.) "I'M BORED!!!!!!!!"

All (Excluding Legolas who is sleeping near Gandalf and Pippin, Merry, and Boromir who are asleep after excessive sugar intake.): "What do you want us to do about it?!"

Jess: (Face lights up.) "I know! I'll go to Rivendell!"

Aragorn: "But Rivendell is five days away!"

Jess: (Is packing up Snowy.) "Who cares?! Snowy can make it in one day! How else do you think the Nazgul could keep us with you guys so fast?"

All awake: "Oh."

Gimli: (Mumbles to Aragorn.) "The lady actually speaks something smart for a change!"

Jess: (Ignores Gimli.) "So, anyone want to come?"

Gandalf: "Where?"

Jess: To Rivendell of course!"

Sam: "On that horse? No way!"

Frodo: "I'm going to just go to sleep." (Nestles up against a nice rock and drifts of to sleep.)

Jess: (Mounts Snowy.) "I'm off to Rivendell!"

Aragorn: (Is thinking to self.) "I can see Arwen again…" (Shouts to Jess.) "I'll come!"

Jess: (Grins.) "Okay!" (Pulls Aragorn onto saddle.) "Off we go!!!"

NA: Snowy runs off through the night, arriving at Rivendell five hours later…

Jess: (Rides up to guardhouse.) "HULLLLLLLLLLLO!"

Guard One: (Looks over edge.) "Hello? Who goes there?"

Aragorn: "It is I, Aragorn, son of Arathorn."

Guard One: (Speaks to someone over shoulder.) "Do we know an Aragorn, son of Arathorn?"

Guard Two: "Yeah, went to destroy that ring."

Guard One: (Looks back at Jess and Aragorn.) "Yeah, come on in." (Opens gate.)

Jess: (Rides into Rivendell.)

Aragorn: (To himself.) "Can't wait to see Arwen."

Voice: "Aragorn! I though you were away to Mordor!"

Jess and Aragorn: (Look up. Arwen comes into view.)

Arwen: "Oh my love, you have returned to me!"

(Arwen runs to Aragorn and promptly trips over a, conveniently placed, loose rock. Aragorn runs over and helps her up as Jess quietly places a rock in her pocket.)

Aragorn: "Are you all right Arwen?!"

Arwen: "I'm fine my love."

(The two kiss as Jess looks on in disgust. Aragorn and Arwen walk off, completely forgetting about Jess. Jess follows, snickering and holding her camera.)

Narrator: Arwen and Aragorn go to their favorite spot, a hollow branch above a stream, thinking that they will spend the rest of the night talking and making up for lost time. Unknown to them, Jess has other plans…

Arwen: "I love you Aragorn…"

Aragorn: "I love you Arwen…"

(The two kiss passionatly.)

Jess: (Hiding in the nearby bushes.) "Ewww…" (Pulls out camera.) "This moment is classic…"

Aragorn and Arwen: (Still kissing.)

Jess: (Takes a big stick and pokes Arwen.)

Arwen: (Falls in the stream, dragging Aragorn with her.)

Jess: "Say cheese!" (Takes photo of Arwen looking surprised while Aragorn is looking ticked.)

Aragorn: "JESS!!!"

Jess: (Gulps and runs off.)

Arwen: (Stares at Jess, then turns to Aragorn. Says in a soft and dangerous voice.) "Aragorn?"

Aragorn: (Gulps.) "Yes?"

Arwen: "Aragorn! Have you been cheating on me?!" (Slaps Aragorn.)

Aragorn: (Blubbers.) "But, but, but!"

Arwen: "Hmph!" (Walks off in a huff.)

Aragorn: (Very, very ticked.) "JESS!!!"

Chapter Eight
By Sabrin
________________________________________________________________________

NA: While Aragorn stands outside Arwen's room, pleading for her to forgive him, Jess finds her way to a very familiar and respected elf…

Elrond: (Reading quietly by the fire.)

Jess: (Has already eaten a bag of more pixie stixs and has now ingested more sugar then the average three humans. Goes up behind Elrond.) "Who are you?"

Elrond: (Looks at Jess.) "I am Master Elrond of Rivendell."

Jess: "What?"

Elrond: (Puts book down.) "I am Master Elrond of Rivendell."

Jess: "What?"

Elrond: (Getting impatient.) "Master Elrond, of Rivendell."

Jess: "What?"

Elrond: "Master Elrond of Rivendell! Who do you think I am child, Sauron?!"

Jess: "You're Sauron?!" (Examines Elrond.) "So, then you *weren't* talking to me naked on the palantir!"

Elrond: (Shocked at such a thought.) "What? NO! I am *NOT* Sauron! I am Elrond! E-L-R-O-N-D!"

Jess: "OH! You're THAT Elrond! Why didn't you say so in the first place?"

Elrond: "This is outrageous." (Pulls out book and resumes reading.)

Jess: (Peers over his shoulder for a few minutes.)

Elrond: "Would you mind not reading over my shoulder?"

Jess: "Yes."

Elrond: (Sighs and resumes reading.)

Jess: (After a few minutes.) "Who's that?" (Points at a name.)

Elrond: "That's…"

Jess: "How 'bout that?"

Elrond: "He's…"

Jess: "That?"

Elrond: "That's…"

Jess: "How 'bout him?"

Elrond: "Will you…"

Jess: "Him? Her? It?"

Elrond: "Wha…"

Jess: "Why are you considered so smart if you can't answer any of my questions???"

Elrond: (Fuming.) "Now you listen here! You should learn some respect for your elders, and that…"

Jess: (Loses interest after the first few words and starts eating some pixie stixs. Offers one to Elrond.) "Want one?"

Elrond: (Stops his lecture.) "What are those?"

Jess: "Stuff guaranteed to keep you up all night!"

Elrond: "Well, I really should finish that book. It wouldn't hurt to have something to help keep me up." (Eats contents.) "Mmm, quite delightful…got any more?"

NA: Eight economy packs later…

Elrond: (Riding a broom and has a pan on his head. Waves a ladle in the air.) "OFF TO THE LAND OF THE GRAY LAZYS WE GO!!!"

Jess: (Riding a mop and has a lamp shade on her head.) "OFF TO THE FRAY MAZYS!!!"

Jess and Elrond: (Ride loudly down the hall, banging into the walls and crashing a few vases along the way.)

Aragorn: (Pleads to a wooden door.) "Arwen, you are the only one for me, I swear!"

Arwen: (Peeks out door.) "Do you swear that Aragorn?"

Aragorn: (Smiles.) "With all my heart!"

Arwen: (Comes out and hugs Aragorn.) "The night can't get any worse."

Jess and Elrond: ('Ride' down the hall way and bump into Arwen and Aragorn, who fall into a closet.)

Jess: "Look, a key! Wonder if it locks this door!" (Closes and locks closet door…from the outside.)

Arwen: "Ack! We're stuck in here!!!"

Aragorn: "What's so bad about that?"

Arwen: (Turns on Aragorn.) "I'm claustrophobic you idiot! WHY do you think Rivendell has so many OPEN SPACES?!" (Gazes around tiny closet.) "Mustn't panic mustn't panic mustn't panic…"

Aragorn: "JESS!!! ELROND!!!"

NA: Meanwhile…

Jess: (Stops eating elvish ice cream.) "Did you hear something Elrondy?"

Elrond: (Pauses from the three cartons of ice cream he has.) "No, why?"

Jess: (Shrugs.) "Thought I heard something. HEY! Want to go throw ice cream at people walking on the ground?!"

Elrond: "YEAH!"

Jess and Elrond: (Walk past closet with about ten cartons of ice cream and three scoops.)

Arwen: (Holding empty bottle and has crazed look in her eyes.) "Oh look, a bottle, do you see the bottle Aragorn? Say hi to Mister Bottle! Mister Bottle, can you say hi to Aragorn?"

Aragorn: "GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!"