Legolas is walking down an un-trodded forest path. The sky is a clear blue, and the trees are gently swaying in the breeze.
A smile overcomes him as he realizes what a beautiful day was unfolding. Over come with a feeling of comfort, he swiftly
slips his hand down his elvish tights.

Legolas: ::Looking up at author (we shall call her Kira, but that's not her name *DUUH* ):: What?!

*Kira: You heard me. Come on these girls want some action, Lego!

Legolas: Listen fair lady..

Kira: My name is LYN. O shit! Just kidding it's kira!

Legolas: Lyra..?

Lyra: . fine.. haha kinda like Lycra! Haha like what you're tights are made out of, you know?

Legolas: .When I signed this deal, you told me it was going to be a SLASH! That means with other men right?? Not with my
SELF!

Lyra: hehehe. or does it?

Legolas: Sigh. have it your way. ::Sticks hand down his pants::

Lyra: At that exact moment, the rest of the Fellowship happeneds to walk on by Legolas, all pointing and laughing wildly.

Frodo: I know what I'm getting Legolas for his Birthday! Hahaha!

Pippin: Or should we say, LegoLESS? Hahahhahahhahahahah!

Sam: Shut up Pippin, that wasn't even funny. It didn't even make sense. Plus, you're gay, you have no excuse.

Legolas looks up at Lyra, his face bright red with a confused yet somewhat aroused look.

Legolas: I am NOT aroused! I'm very livid if you please! But, Why did you just do that?? WHY??

Lyra: I don't know. I thought it was funny.

Legolas: Well it hurt my feelings

Tears start to swell in Legolas' eyes

Legolas: I am NOT crying! You devil woman! Who do you think you are!

Lyra: I'm an AUTHOR. ::All of middle earth grows silent:: And you will do what I say! ::Flashes Legolas the ring of 'power' she
has on her finger::

Legolas: . That's a ring pop.

Lyra: .This is my story.

Legolas: .This is my life.

Lyra: I own you! Every adventure you trek, I WRITE! Every potion you boil, I CREATED! Every Orc you kill, I SLAYED IT FIRST!
::sobs::

Legolas: .Don't get all Sarah Michelle Gellar on me, gosh I was only kidding. Here, come here, I think someone needs a hug.

Lyra: Sniff, yeah you're right. ::Hops down into Legolas world and hugs Lego.

Legolas: There, isn't it all better now?

Lyra: Mmm I could just eat you up!

Legolas: Excuse me?

Lyra: Nothing, Mr. Sweet Buns! ::Squeezing Lego's butt::

Legolas: ::eyeing Lyra:: I think it's time for you to leave.

Lyra: And I think it's time for you to DO WHAT I SAY BECAUSE IM WRITING THIS STORY YOU ELF! By the way I'm an elf, too.

Legolas: As of when??

Lyra: As of right..nnnnnow. ::Ears suddenly become pointy and hair turns blonde:: OH GOD NO!!! NOT BLONDE!!! ::Hair
quickly changes back to normal color::

Two: It All Ends...

Legolas: Hey, what's wrong with blondes??!

Lyra: (quickly changing subject) Why would you sleep with my best friend..? In front of me..?

Legolas: I never.

Lyra: Fine! I don't need you, then! I'm gonna go get me a slice of that Frodo.

Legolas: No! That's going against everything wholesome and pure!

Lyra: And this story is about..?

Legolas: Point taken.

Lyra: Can I ask you something?

Legolas: Go ahead.

Lyra: How do elves, you know, go? Do they do it in the woods? Or is that unholy?

Legolas: I'm going to pretend you aren't there.

Lyra: Hmph. Now to continue with our story, Legolas spots Sam in the distance.

Legolas: OH GOD no, please not Sam, for the love of elves! I destroyed an evil ring after a quest to Mount Doom and
defeating countless numbers of horrible creatures! And to think, someone the likes of YOU is controlling me? An AUTHOR?!

Lyra: Ohhh I AM an author aren't I? Hmm.On his way to Mount Doom, Legolas pulled out of the Fellowship, a decision
everyone is calling a "big mistake". But it's not a mistake - Legolas invented a new "Evil Defense System", that thing's ready
to go, right? No? It's not? He hasn't invented it yet? Oh, he could never do it, it's impossible? Oh, great!

Legolas: You are making my head hurt.

Lyra: ::with dreamy eyes:: You are making my HEART hurt, you gorgeous, gorgeous elfman.

Legolas: Look, Lyra, if you want me that bad, why are you writing me in a Slash fic? Why not one with me and you, if you
catch my drift, get the picture, float my boat, follow me, give me a ring, see where I'm coming from, rhyme it on time, think
I'm dreadfully hot, etc.

Lyra: .huh? Ok? Well let me start this off.

Legolas is walking through the woods and sees a beautiful girl he has never seen before?

Legolas: ..beautiful?

Lyra: AHEM

Legolas: because I was thinking RAVISHING!

Right, so this ravishing girl looks up at Legolas with her deep green eyes, and Legolas immediately falls for her. As they start
to talk, Legolas falls even more in love with the girl (whose name is coincidentally Lyra) because her beautiful personality
and hilarious sense of humor intrigues Lego like no other had before.

Legolas: Don't you think you're getting a bit carried away?

Lyra: No.why.. do you??

Legolas: Of Coooourse not!!

Lyra: Why are you so mean to me, I give you my world and you give me nothing!

Legolas: You know I'm only joking right? I mean, after all you ARE the most beautiful creature I've ever met. And you ARE
rather intriguing. in fact I think I.that I.

Lyra: Did I just make you say that?!

Legolas: No, surprisingly.. no.

Lyra: Oh Legolas, I love you

Legolas: And I you, my love

Their lips soon touched a soft passionate deep romantic kiss expressing their innermost feelings spread all over them as
they collapsed on the ground in need of air.

Lyra: Wow you're a GREAT kisser!

Legolas: Well I HAVE lived for hundreds of years. you know, lots of practice, eh eh?

Lyra: Shut up Legolas, you know that was the first time you've ever made out.

Legolas: You shut up

Lyra: You shut up

Legolas: GOD I love you. ::make out again::

Lyra: ::siiigh:: I know

Legolas picks up Lyra and runs off into the distance, right into a tree.

Legolas: OW! What was that for?

Lyra: Sorry, but I was wondering when you were gonna take your hand out of your pants.

Legolas: You never said I could.

Lyra: I know ::Winks:: psst. call me..

Legolas: .. yeah because I DO have a phone and all?

Lyra: Exactly.

Legolas: Shut up

Lyra: You shut up!

Legolas: GOD I love you. ::make out again::

Lyra: ::siiigh:: I know

Legolas & Lyra: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnd Fin.