::Legolas walks into forest at midnight, carefully searching for Lyn::

Legolas: Eeeeeelf Womaaaaaaaaaaaan.. Come out come out wherever you are!

::a very drunk Sam walks by::

Sam: Aye! Ello there Lego! May I call you lego? Lego my eggo? Oh bloody me I've gone and come on to another man again!
Sorry about this Leggings.

Legolas: No problem at all, my good fellow. No problem at all. Leggings eh? Say, have you noticed that fat people always
tend to wear leggings? I wear tights, but that's ok because I have a perfectly lean and tone and muscular.hard..sweaty.elf
body.. ::Runs hands up and down self, Sam reaches for Legolas but he smartly slaps his hand away::

Sam: Oy. Oh where is that Froto! I do believe he's left the seat up AGAYNE!! Dear me, every day its always Sam this, Sam
that, "Sam darling, could you please groom my horse again?" "Sam be a dear and do my laundry again" "Sam, would you be
a good love and follow me to hell and back because I was gay enough to get stuck with this homophobic ring?" ::Sam
collapses on the ground::

Legolas: ::Carefully stepping over Sam:: I've got it!

Gimli: ::Magically appearing:: what!!

Legolas: HOLY MOFO! Wtf was that?!

Gimli: Ho ho ho, just a bit of dwarven magic me gots up me sleeves ::winks::

Legolas: Well my hairy midget friend, do you have any magic that could possibly make you NOT SUCK HORRIBLY AT
GRAMMAR?!

Gimli: .do you? Exactly. Well what are you I've got it-ing about?

Legolas: I lost my place.

Gimli: I've got it!

Legolas: yes! Thank you!

Gimli:.so..

Legolas: yes..? Oh right, I think I've found out why SAM IS SO VERY... 'large'

::whispers in Gimli's ear::

Gimli: Oh my. well yes I can see how that would happen. Anywho, I must be, my preciousss.

Legolas: What?!

Gimli: Nothing, Leggers ::giggles wildly and runs madly away coincidentally right into a tree and collapses on the ground::

Legolas: Fine, let's aaaall see how many names we can make out of Legolas! WHAT ABOUT MY NEEDS?? MY WANTS?? DOES
ANYONE CARE?!?!

::Lyn jumps down from tree::

Lyn: I do, Legla..Lo..Legolas

chapter 2

::Legolas starts singing in his beautiful Elfen voice::

Lyn: That's it, can I just say one thing? SHUT UP, do ya ever NOT sing? Have you ever stopped to think that you just might
be a little ANNOYING?

Legolas : ::plugging ears:: Hear no eeevil! ::continues to sing::

Lyn: If you don't shut the F up right now, you will have my fist right through you mouth.

::Aragorn, magically appearing::

Aragorn: And my Sword!

Gimli: ::mumbling before conking out again:: And my Axe!

::Boromir coming to life and screaming as he goes down the waterfall::

Boromir: And my Strength! OH GOD IM NOT DEAD YET!! NOOO! SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME! IM STILL NOT DEAD! ITS GOING
TO TAKE MORE THAN 3 ARROWS TO STOP ME!! HEEEELPP!!!!!

::Sam opens one eye, still very drunk and slurring::

Sam: Haha too late! Oh yeah, don't forget about me, you have my whatever it is that Hobbits give!

Legolas: And my bow!

::Everyone turns and looks at Legolas::

Legolas: . what.

Everyone Else: Shiznit man, you're a freakin moron.

Legolas: That may be so, but you're all just jealous because I have long hair.

Lyn: I have long hair.

Aragorn and Gimli: So do we!

::Lyn goes behind tree and vomits::

Legolas: Yes. But you did not let me finish. I also have pointy ears.

Aragorn: well yeah, he's got a point.

Lyn: Hold up Mr. Hot Pants, I'm an elf to y'know, check out these babies ::points to her ears::

Legolas: Yes, that may be but I have a lean, muscular, toned, hot.sweaty.hard.elf..body.::Rubs himself again and reaches
out to stroke Lyn's shoulder::

Lyn: Don't touch me.

Legolas: Don't touch ME.

Lyn: I DIDN'T touch you

Legolas: Did too

Lyn: Did NOT

Legolas: Did too

Aragorn: SHUT UP for the love of Sauron!

Legolas: Did t.. WHAT?!

Lyn: That can only mean one thing! You.. You must be.. EVIL!

Aragorn: Yes you fools, I'm EVIL. Because I tried NOT to NOT take the evil ring and I DIDN'T want to destroy it and I DIDN'T
want to beat Sauron's army.

Legolas: OH GOD! YOU REALLY ARE! YOU REALLY ARE!

Lyn: And all this time. I thought of you like a father!

Aragorn: Whoa now, who the hell are you?

::Lyn hides behind Legolas::

Aragorn: It's not like I cant see you behind anorexic boy over there.

::Legolas breaks into tears::

Legolas: It's not like I don't try! I mean, they put so much pressure on you to just be a thin elf! " No", father said, "they
don't have fat elves! How would I be able to look you in the eye if you were a fat elf? Now go, fast for a week and rid
yourself of evil thoughts of food!"