Recap of last week’s episode:

Legolas just might be anorexic!

Lyn just might be hitting on Legolas!

Merry just might not be merry!

Gimli is definitely still annoying!

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Legolas is walking through, what’s that? You guessed it! A forest! And the weather is… what’s that? Right again! Clear blue skies
and bright sunshine bathing Middle Earth with a high of 75 and a low of 68 not a cloud in the sky. Well anyway let’s not get too off
topic yet. So Legolas is walking along singing a song he just made up titled Lego, my Eggo.

Legolas:

Oh, when I want it so bad

You just pop right up

Out of that toaster

Popping right up

Two at a time

Freezer food is so divine

I’ll take 5 Eggos

My good man

Let the syrup flow

Like a river of oozing goodness.

After the breath-taking ballad, our hero stumbles upon none other than the self acclaimed “Elf” Lyn.

Legolas: A marvellously fine day ‘tisn’t it Lyn?

Lyn: ‘Tis ‘tindeed ‘tLegolas!

Legolas: Are you mocking me?

Lyn: I ‘tis not be! Why ever would you ‘think ‘that?

Legolas: ‘Tis not know to me.

Lyn: So what’s happenin in Elf Ville.

Legolas: Oh I’ll have the usual, throw in some eggs while you’re at it.

::Dreamy look comes over Legolas::

Legolas: Eggssss………… SPOOOOOOON!!!!!!!!!!!

::Runs madly around in circles::

Legolas: But anyway, what is upwards with yourself may I venture to ask?

Lyn: Oh! Did ya check me when that hottie was all up in my koolaid? Yeahh I was looking ta break off a lil sumthin sumthin, but my
crew gave me the 411 on that skank an he’s allll about the bling bling youknowhatumsayin?

Legolas: OH MY GOD! GIMLI!

::Gimli appears out of nowhere::

Legolas: Quick! ::tosses him the bible:: Read verses 17-49 starting on page 12! ::pulls out flask of holy water, then flinging it onto
Lyn chants:: Heavenly heavenly heavenly heav-

Gimli: No Legolas! I think she’s talking in….street….

::Everyone grows quiet::

Lyn: Anywho not much has been happening, considering I have no life but to write stories fo-hold on I’ll get it ::phone rings:: Yello?

>Much time passes, as Legolas and Gimli sneak into Lyn’s room, which just happens to be right next to Legolas’ and they precede
to raid her underwear drawer<

Gimli: Oooh! Does this one make my butt look fat!

Legolas: I..I don’t know- should it?

Gimli: Only if you want it to, Legerlassss!

::Legolas turns and runs out the room, running over Lyn as she was standing in the doorway::

Lyn: Oh dear lord! I feel like I’ve just been violated by a giraffe of some sort!

Gimli: …you know what that feels like…?

Lyn: N-nooo

Legolas: Well humping animals aside, what were you doing on the phone for so very lengthy a time?

Lyn: What happened was this: I had a hang-up on my machine, so I star-sixty- nined, and they said, "Hello?" And I said, "Who is
this?" And they said, "Who is this?" And I said, "You called me." And they said, "You called us." And I said, "I star-sixty-nined
you!" They admitted it was the Orcs. Then I had a great laugh over what transpired. I immediately called the appropriate people, to
let them know I'd been contacted by the Orcs first. I then called my friend Erasonaraihshamaflo the Elfin princess of south northern
western Mirkwood, to tell her how weird it was that the Orcs called. I pushed the redial button by mistake. I accidentally got the
Orc’s leader, Hairy Orc. At first, Legolas, I thought it was my friend Erasona being funny.

Legolas: Yeah! Yeah…you would think that!

Lyn: Because she was like, “Agga-gagga”

Legolas: That sounds like Erasona!

Lyn: But then I realized it was the Orcs. It was not my friend Erasona. So I jokingly said, "Come, Mr. HairyMan, hairy me
bananas!” After that, it was a very uncomfortable moment.

Gimli: I can see why.

Lyn: They said they were on the other line, they had to take that call. And we played phone tag over the next few hours. I left
several messages on their machine, suggesting we get together and talk - which had been their idea in the firstt place. Finally, a
spokesman for the Orcs at the Demon embassy in Mount Doom called me and told me to stop calling. Which I took to mean that I
would be welcome to come over and broker a deal. Once again, I called the relevant parties, they said they would be happy to
send me to Mount Doom - I could even take comedian Bill Mahar with me. They even had a specific cave we could wait in until
they dropped us a message. Legolas.. Gimli.. I was anxiously awaiting my opportunity to help in a time of crisis.

Legolas: I appreciate that Lyn. What is going on with my hair for heaven’s sake?

Gimli: You should have spent more money on that wig.

Legolas: Yeah..It does look like a wig..doesn’t it. . . .?

::Aragorn walks by::

Aragorn: Wow! Did you guys hear that The Shire’s annual greased hobbit hunting season began on Monday and ends tomorrow?

Lyn: Wait, wait, and wait. Are you serious?

Aragorn: What? Yeah.

Lyn: It’s just that I promised myself I would hunt a greased hobbit this year, and now it’s too late. Aargh, I never finish anything!

Aragorn: That’s not true, Lyn. You’re one of the most disciplined people I know.

Lyn: If that were true, I’d be eating hobbit jerky right now.

Aragorn: Well.. The Shire’s having an extra week of hobbit hunting this season starting next week! You can hunt a hobbit then, just
don’t put it off until the last second, Lyn.

Lyn: I won’t, Aragorn. I won’t squander the second chance The Shire has given all of us to hunt a hobbit!

Everyone: Aaand.. scene.

Legolas: You know what makes me mad?

Gimli: Is this another one of your spur of the moment thoughts?

Legolas: Yes. . .

::whispering to Lyn::

Gimli: He used to get those ALLLL the time when we were in battle. I mean it was SLASH! ‘hey Gimli guess what my tights are
made of? Not Lycra!’ or sometimes it was more along the lines of, HACK! ‘You know the three guys at Rivendell with glasses to
make them look cool, with four swords. Let me tell you something about these guys- they all have the wool vests, they never smile,
the Granny glasses, they drive 4x4s all the time.. I think they’re lesbians - dammit, I said it!’

Legolas: I never said that! Any way as for my thought, what makes me mad is all those self-righteous people going around saying an
eye for an eye makes everyone blind! But no it doesn’t, it just leaves you with one eye.

Gimli: It’s all fun and games ‘till someone loses an eye.

Lyn: Then it’s the kind of fun you can’t see!

Legolas: Well, folks, this is the end.

Gimli: Or is it?

Lyn: Probably not!

~*EL FIN*~