*******************

In the North, you ache with loss

and wish for a sick day

to curl yourself away and cry.

the warmth of your voice

now burnt with loss

and everyone knows.

everyone knows you are

far too transparent

to hide away such a wanting.

"thirst" – nicole blackman

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if he'd ever thought himself strong before, he was now proven otherwise. the ache inside was overpowering.

why had she said no? he knew the answer to that question, though he kept asking it to himself. she wanted to be free, she
didnt want to be held down. but he hadn't wanted to hold her down, or hold her back. he just wanted to love her, and give
her whatever it was she wanted.

"elenath.." he whispered, as he leaned on his windowsill and stared out at the stars, and tears pricked at his eyes again.
the little points of light shone down on him, twinkling as though trying to comfort him in his pain.

their comfort didn’t help, only reminded him of what he'd lost. she was named for the sky, after all. elenath meant "starry
one", that was what he called her when they were alone. her given name was Starlyah, and she was the raven haired
beauty that had captured his heart so many years ago, and the only one who'd ever been able to break it.

It was bitter, the taste in his mouth, when he swallowed the tears shamefully. He turned away from the night sky, and went
to sit where he could not see the stars, for they pained his heart too much now.

He couldn’t stop the scene from replaying, in his mind. And yet now he thought himself foolish for even asking her, how
could he have. she was such a free being, a wild thing, and he had fooled himself for thinking that she would have chosen
to bind herself to anything, for she served not even the King, his father, though she lived in this land.

Did that mean that she didn’t care for him? He refused to believe that she had not. She must have, for before she left,
she’d kissed him sweetly, and whispered words of affection, and then disappeared into the night. There had been tears in
her eyes, he thought he’d seen them. She must have cared for him.

Yes, he thought. She did care for him, for they’d shared many things over the years. He felt he’d known her, they’d shared
feelings, dreams, small gentle kisses. And their bodies, they were lovers. So she must have cared for him.

But did she love him? That question burned in his mind. He didn’t know. He wanted to think that she had. And that was
why she’d left, gone away from him, when she’d said no, because she loved him enough to not want to pain him with her
presence? It was like her to do something of that nature, however wild her heart may have been.

And where had she gone? Not even her twin brother, Nathlinus, could tell him. She’d just simply vanished, gone from
Mirkwood, just as the wind blows.

He saw it again, what had happened, as he closed his eyes, which were beginning to sting again with the threat of tears.

It had been a clear night, just like this one. And they’d been walking, much like they’d done hundreds of nights before,
their fingers interlaced, and it was silent, silent, save only for the whispering of the trees and the quiet roar of the water that
flowed not far from here.

The leaves were beginning to fall, it was the most beautiful time. He recalled his thoughts, he had been planning to ask her,
on this autumns night. Long years had passed since they’d first met, and he’d fallen in love with her, the mystery of her,
and then fallen in love with her all over again as he had gotten to know her, as she’d allowed herself to be known.

Yes, he had known her best of all, save except Nathlinus, whom she’d been in the womb with. He could not compete with
that. She had allowed him to get to know her, and she had wanted to know him, though she remained as wild and untamed
as ever, except in his presence, when they were alone.

Maybe it had been that fact, that she for the most part abandoned her usual rampant behavior when she was with him,
after the first years, that he’d thought to ask her. He wanted her to be his. He loved her so much it threatened to suffocate
him some days.

They’d stopped, in the middle of the path that they always took on these nights, and he’d spoken.

"Elenath," he’d said, the name only he was allowed to call her, that he’d named her after their first joining. She’d turned
and fixed her clear green eyes on him.

"What is it?" she asked, coming up to him, and brushing a stray lock of his fine blonde hair away from his eyes, looking
into them as she did. She seemed to search his thoughts.

He looked back at her, and words failed him. He had wanted so much to ask, but now he looked at her, looking at him,
and they left him. Averting his eyes to hers, he stared at the ground, and sighed.

She’d been gentle, she was always gentle with him, and not the harsh being everyone thought she was. She’d taken his
face in her hands and kissed his cheek. "what is it? she’d asked him, with her mind. "something hides inside of you…"

He looked up to see those eyes still looking at them, those shards of emeralds, the fire in them making his heart thump
wildly in his chest. He raised his hands to place them over hers on his ears, and pressed his forehead to hers.

"Elenath.." he said to her, with his mind, closing his eyes. He could feel her breath on his neck, smell her scent, jasmine,
night blooming, of course. He mustered up his courage and spoke again.

"There is something I’ve been meaning, meaning to ask you.." he’d said, this time using his voice, quietly, then his voice
failed him again. "Elenath, do you know how much I love you?" he asked her in his mind.

She pulled away from him, and he opened his eyes, and saw her looking at him, her eyes searching him still. She raised a
hand and ran it gently, fluidly, over his face. "I know you love me, Legolas," she’d answered, silently. "I feel it in you,
you show me everyday."

This made his heart smile, it eased the uneasiness. He caught her hand in his as it left his face. "Elenath.." he’d whispered.
"I want you to be with me."

She smiled slightly. "But we are together," she’d replied. Now that he thought back on it, her eyes had gotten a little
clouded when he’d spoken those words. He hadn’t noticed at the time.

"No, meleth," he’d said, smiling. "Bound. Married." The smile had faded from her face, she was looking at him in quiet
reflection. He looked at her gently, he knew it was quite a thing to have to answer to.

She was silent for a moment, before looking up at him again. "I cannot." She’d whispered, dropping his hand from hers,
and backing away from him. "You know I cannot.."

He moved towards her, even as she backed away. "You can." He’d said, his eyes pleading. "I know you can." He
stopped in front of her, again, and searched her eyes with his.

They didn’t speak, for long moments, when she stared at him, and tears caught in her eyes as she seemed to be
contemplating her answer. Then she leaned forward, and kissed him on the lips, a small gentle kiss.

"revia o minuial, nin cugu" (fly to the dawn, my dove) she’d spoken to him, silently, as she broke the kiss, touched his
face again, and then turned and run into the night.

"Elenath!" he’d called out after her. But she’d not turned around.

And now he opened his eyes bitterly as he forced the recollection to stop, and once again thought himself the fool for
asking her to bind herself to him, for even thinking of it. She wanted to be free, and he’d known it. But he’d thought, he’d
hoped, that she’d loved him, enough to want to be with him, to belong to him, and he to her. He had hoped that she’d
wanted it too.

But she had not. And now he sat here, swallowing defeat painfully, wallowing in grief for her, for such a love lost. She was
gone now, far from here perhaps.

He would never see her again.

Two:

he closed his eyes and remembered the first time he'd seen her. he'd been walking through the woods, towards home, when he'd heard sounds of fighting, off to the right of him, and he'd gone to inspect. being the prince of this land, he'd taken it upon himself to inspect, of course he would. through the trees he saw two elves fighting, one with knives and the other with a long sword, two elves with raven hair, one male, the other female.

the male swiped at the female with his blade, and she let out a shriek. legolas didnt think twice as he pushed through the trees, drawing out his bow and aiming it at the male. "let her go!" he called. the male had just stared at him, a sort of half smile upon his lips, and then the arrow fell from Legolas' hands, unexpectedly, as did the bow. it was magick, and quickly Legolas pulled out his long knives and advanced. they began to fight, furiously and angrily. at one point, Legolas sliced the other elf with his knife, across the upper arm, and the elf recoiled, clutching his arm and looking wounded.

as Legolas moved to speak, to question the antics of the male, he felt a knife at his throat, and for a moment did not move. then he quickly turned so fast so the the assailant behind him could not keep the knife at his throat, and prepared to fight.

he did not expect to see the female elf there. they stood for a moment, still, staring at eachother, her with an angry expression on her face, her bright green eyes piercing his, and then she advanced, and he moved to combat her swipes with her knives.

for a several minutes they'd battled, and she'd won, she'd knocked both of his knives out of his hands and wrestled him down on the ground, sitting on his chest, with both of her blades poised at his neck.

"who are you to attack my brother?" she asked, narrowing her eyes.

"your brother?" legolas had responded in surprise. he glanced over at the male elf, who was sitting off to the side, putting pressure on his cut, and staring at his sister, with her hostage on the ground. yes, they did look alike, he had the same raven hair, only he had bright blue eyes.

"yes!" she had said, not relaxing the blades that lay on either side of his neck. "he is my brother. why must you attack him for no reason? what has he done to you?"

he had looked up at her, and seen the ferociousness in her eyes, those sparks of anger in them. he studied her face for a
moment, before he spoke.

"forgive me, lady. i thought he was attacking you, i meant no harm..." he was getting lost in the sea of green that was looking him in the eye.

she relaxed the blades a little. "attacking me? ha!" she laughed. "no being could attack me if they'd wanted to, not without a fight! No, Nathlinus and i were fighting for sport, you see. You must be more careful to judge situations, sir."

she withdrew the knives from his neck, and he breathed just a little easier. for a moment he'd been truly afraid of her, though he was more caught up in her beauty than anything else, her strength.

She looked over to her brother. "Nathlinus!" she'd called. "What shall we do with him?" she said as she looked down at Legolas again, the anger gone from her eyes, now amusement played in them. She was still sitting on his chest, pinning him down to the ground, though now the blades were withdrawn, he could have easily gotten free from her.

Nathlinus had come up next to her, and looked at him. "Do you know who that is, Starlyah?" he'd said, amusement playing on his face as well.

She'd leaned down to inspect him closer, her black tresses falling onto his face. "No," she'd said, "though he does look a bit familiar."

Her brother's eyes twinkled. "That is the Prince of Mirkwood that you hold captive, sister! You have bested the Prince of Mirkwood!"

She looked down at Legolas again. "The Prince of Mirkwood, eh?" she'd said, amused. She rose up off of him, and bade him to stand. She laughed as he did so.

"Well then, sir Prince of Mirkwood," she'd chuckled. "Now that you know that my brother is not trying to attack me, what have you to say for yourself?"

He looked from one sibling to the other, not knowing for sure what to say. Then he bowed to Starlyah.

"Forgive me, again," he'd said. "I did not know that he was your brother. I only meant to help." He looked at Nathlinus. "I am sorry for harming you."

Nathlinus smiled. "No harm, no foul, sir," he'd said. "The cut will heal quite quickly. I am more worried about your pride."

Legolas looked at Starlyah again, who was cleaning off her blades with the sleeve of her dress, and didn't respond to Nathlinus. Starlyah looked up at Legolas again, and smiled.

"He need not be worried about his pride, brother." she said, her eyes twinkling. "he fought well."

Legolas couldn't speak, he just stared at her, drinking in her beauty. she truly was beautiful, her skin was radiant, her hair a long black pool. She stared right back at him, that small smile on her lips, and then suddenly she jumped into a tree, and was gone from sight.

Startled, Legolas turned to her brother, only to find that he was gone as well. As if it had all been a dream, she'd been a lovely dream. But it had not, for the feeling in the pit of his stomach was all too real, the intense tingling, and the prickling of his skin, as if she'd been electric.

All this made his heart ever the more bitter, and he tried once again to push the thought of his lost love out of his mind, but to no avail. He wondered if she too suffered the way he did, but he could hardly think that. It had been her choice to leave.