Me: Um, dad, I don't think he's enjoying the view. He's in the mental hospital...
-Upon seeing a man on the 10th floor balcony of the mental hospital, leaning over.
Schuster: So your hyperbola is 12xy=0. What happens to it?
Class: Umm....
Schuster: Ok...It crashes into the asymptotes and burns and dies a horrible death.
Sam M.: Whoa, that's OD...
-Math class
Bausili: Not only has Helen the "shameless whore" left Menelaus for Paris, then dumped Paris to go back to Menelaus and doomed all of Troy with it, she also happened to 'bathe' Odysseus while at it.
Meredith: She pimpin'.
-English class discussion
Finkelstein: You know, the way you guys talk about Mr. Byrne, I'm slightly disturbed. I mean, what could you guys be talking about me behind my back?
Natasha: Oh, don't worry. I doubt anybody thinks "Fink is hot."
Finkelstein: Umm....Thank you...?
-Weird situation for Miss Finkelstein at Latin Club
Sam B: Wow, I just had 4 good ideas in a row. But that means I'm gonna have 40 bad ideas now. Hey, maybe they'll all become one, superhuge, awesomely bad idea that will count for all 40!
Me: You're down to 39 now.
-Latin Club
Wood: Now, Hannibal was a brilliant tactician-
Adam H.: Whoa, whoa, whoa. I thought he was a general.
-And he was one of the brighter ones in that class...
Global Student: Wait, I don't understand.The world is really flat?
-...because that was the normal.
Mom: I'm assuming that this isn't the driveway...
-Upon driving onto a friend's front lawn while dropping him off at night.
Chris: You know, when you guys talk about your childhoods, I feel out of place. I mean, at 6, Mitchell and his friend were beating Super Mario, and you were building stuff with your Legos. Do you know what I had done at 6? My dad had taught me how to play Doom, and I had already beaten it.
-Lunchtime discussion with Chris and Mitchell
Mitchell: And then the devil appears and says, "Do you realize how long it's gonna take for this to thaw?!?"
-Another lunchtime discussion
Sarah: Hey, I thought I saw you in the city yesterday. Well, someone who looked just like you...
Me: Well, I was in the city yesterday. It might have been me.
Sarah: No, this guy had a girlfriend...
-Ouch
Sarah: You're a freak. I don't care. Close the damn door.
-In response to my pleas that the classroom would become too hot. She is partially correct: my body temperature is about 95...
Steven: Ok, Shanika, this player has the most career hits, and played for the Cincinnati Reds. He can't get in the Hall of Fame because he gambled on baseball. That's the big hint, he bet on baseball. He was on the news a lot a little while back.
Shanika: Oh, Oh, I know this one. OJ Simpson!
*Steven, Scott, and I all smack our foreheads*
-Teaching Shanika baseball during Science Research
Mark S.: They used to give me rats to try procedures on. I managed to not kill a single one of them. Well, actually, there were a few I did on purpose...No, wait, let me rephrase that: I didn't kill any of them by accident...No, that doesn't sound right either...
-And we're gonna have this guy as our neurosurgeon in a few years; Science Research