9th Grade Words of Wisdom

The 9th Grade Words of Wisdom are a bunch of funny phrase my friend, Taylor, thought were just too funny to not write down. She had an entire notebook dedicated to them and has let me put them up on my site. Most people reading this won't know why it was funny but thats ok. You don't need to know why because it just was. And now for the actual thing.



9th Grade Words of Wisdom:

  1. Yea, my third arm, the one i keep down my pants
  2. I think that gets the most random thing down Taylor's shirt award
  3. Orgasms are fun
  4. You rape a chicken, it does this, you rape a cow it does that
  5. How does Dan know what happens when you rape a cow?
  6. I'm a brave little toaster
  7. So they pick up rocks and move them to a new place? They do rock relocation?
  8. "Treat your date like gold, or diamonds!" "Or a really nice polyester blend."
  9. I'm going to go somewhere where it's less, oh I don't know, stupid
  10. Oopsy f^ck!
  11. "Cows suck!" "Cows rock!" "Cows live on farms and eat grass!"
  12. Why did the raccoon cross the road? 'Cause IT WAS STAPLED TO THE CHICKEN!
  13. With my telekinetic powers, I can bend you like a spoon!
  14. Oh! OOOOH! Damn that spin cycle!
  15. What would happen if you put a uteris on a pottery wheel?
  16. It's gonna be the cockroaches, Dan's sharpie, and Lauren after the nuclear holocaust
  17. How many strips of bacon does it take to get a dog across the ocean? 7! Because fish don't have armpits!
  18. F^ck, f^ck, f^ck a duck, screw a kangaroo, finger bang an oragutan, orgy at the zoo! :-D
  19. In my room....in the dark....(boom boom) ow, ow, ow!
  20. Okay, let's try this again. In my room....in the dark (whack) s'ok, just stubbed my toe.....(boom) Oh my god!
  21. The Julia Masacre
  22. If you have 2 dead corpses and you get 40 more, how many dead corpses do you have? Don't forget to label
  23. Fwah!
  24. I AM......AN AMERICAN!
  25. Here is the church, here is the steeple, open the doors and HERE ARE MY FINGERS!
  26. OH MY GOD! If that would've hit my eye, I would TOTALLY be blind right now!
  27. Greg. GREEEG. GREg! Greg. GREG! Grreeg?
  28. And that was the last time I let my dad zip up my pants!
  29. FAT PIGEON!
  30. I giggle a'tchoo!
  31. I am a child of Christ
  32. The toilet water in this school is very acidic
  33. No. I will not reach towards your crotch for the popcorn
  34. STD gum
  35. The Chinese could take old dog crap and put it in that sauce AND IT WOULD STILL TASTE GOOD!
  36. We're MEDIOCRE! :-D
  37. My name is Jamie and my breasts are lop-sided
  38. Door porn
  39. It sounds wild and exotic, like malaria
  40. I am a lesbian on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays
  41. "Don't jump, Kate! It's not worth it!" "Yeah, you'll only sprain your ankle."
  42. "I have a black belt!" "You have a waffle?" "I have that too, comes with the belt."
  43. Welcome to Sweden! We stop chainsaws with our genitals
  44. Enunsiate your orgasms
  45. All guys are douches! Eric, you're a douche!....What's a douche?
  46. I think porn is slowing down my computer
  47. We were smoking a pigeon at the haunted house
  48. $30 worth of bread
  49. Bekki is a gothis rainbow
  50. I WANT PANTS!
  51. Ya BROKE MA RADIATOR!
  52. "FLAMING BUS"
  53. I had something to put in here, but I forgot what it was
  54. There's always room for heresy
  55. Hausaufgabenheft
  56. "You know what's the gayest song in the world?" "I'm gay, gay, gay, hahaha?"
  57. I laughed, I cried, I spilled jam on my good pants
  58. I just made myself uncomfortable
  59. There's a Cuban in the Sprite!
  60. "Would madame lick the battery?" "Madame wouldn't lick the battery." "Why wouldn't madame lick the battery?" "Because madame wouldn't lick the battery."
  61. I so want to color on your face
  62. I was sitting in American History, I guess chewing my gum... and I drooled on myself.
  63. I was siiting in the movie with Bob's arm around me and it was all romantic and he started giggling.
  64. I feel like I have herpes of the mouth.
  65. "What's that?" "It's a broom!"
  66. Let him go play with his fancy toys! We have sarcasm and coat hangers!
  67. My legs are tingly! TINGLY!
  68. I want pie! Even though I don't like it I WANT SOME!
  69. "Why don't you turn your TV to channel 12?" "Because television rots your mind." "Not channel 12!"
  70. Fetus Sea
  71. "I SEE YOUR VAGINA!" "I'm a man." "YOU ARE THE VAGINA!"
  72. "Do girls have vas deferins?" "No" "Well, they should."
  73. The Free Porn Channel
  74. Shhh! Sometimes it's story time.
  75. Dude, don't do that. Your man-boobs jiggle.
  76. Put "rangers Lead the Way" in there. Put it in there or I'll destroy your personal property.
  77. Bah! Bah! BAH!
  78. Doodly, doodly, doodly, doodly GOD DAMNIT!
  79. The extent of my pantry is an aray of cream of random object and Belgium waffle mix.
  80. "You could use a fish scale!" "You could use a fish!" "You could use a ffffff..." *passes out*
  81. There are so many... ugly people.
  82. Yeah, give the heart a crack.
  83. Crotchial area
  84. I'm a friend of Taylor Crotch AND PROUD OF IT!
  85. UGLY baseball
  86. MICE FUCK!
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