The Kender Nation has declared war on Denmark!

*The beating of war drums signifies that war is upon us. The Kender Nation has begun to organize its vast army machine, consisting of a flock of goats and several Kender, as well as the Mighty Walrus, the Tequila Worm and of course, our Spiritual Guide, HEAD.*
*As the assembled masses of Kender discuss the coming war, their war general approaches the podium.*
*A hush falls over the masses as Mylo the Kender, Warrior Master of the Kender Nation, speaks of the coming war.*
"Members of the Kender Nation, the time for war is now. Too long has our war machine been dormant. Too long has our thirst for adventure been left unquenched.
There is an enemy out there that must be saved from itself. Too long has its citizens been devoid of any intelligence to properly govern itself. This enemy needs our divine guidance to grow so somebody OUTSIDE its borders will actually care about it.
It is time to conquer the nation of Denmark."
*A wave of excitement falls over the ranks of the Kender Nation as finally a country that even the Kender can conquer has been located.*
"This upcoming war will be a long and drawn out affair. The might of Denmark is not to be laughed at."
*At this remark, all the Kender start laughing trying to imagine the might of Denmark.*
"Their army is made up of, er, I think it has, emm. Actually does Denmark even HAVE an army?" Mylo wonders.
Petri jumps up and offers this response, "Now that you mention it, I do not recall EVER hearing about a Denmark army, or anything it has ever defeated." *A murmur of excitement grows among the Kender as they are beginning to realize WHY Mylo has picked Denmark to invade."
"Well then I guess the first order of business for this war to begin is to actually determine if an army for Denmark actually exists." Mylo says.
"Petri, Iky and I, with a flock of goats shall discreetly infiltrate Denmark and attempt to find any proof that its army may exist. Come Petri and Iky, we have work to do, next stop Denmark......"

*****

Now before anyone goes all insane, THIS IS A PARODY! I am just having fun here. Honestly, I have nothing against Denmark, or its citizens. THIS whole story is meant to be a joke, and give other people something to add too.
SO DO NOT TAKE OFFENSE ANYONE! THIS IS A JOKE!
*Mylo the Kender hopes that even the members of BT will understand that this is a satire and not real...*

******

*Petri, Mylo, and Iky crawl to a hill overlooking Denmark,,,,

*Petri pulls out her spyglass that look similar to the one Slayer use to own*
Petri; "GASP ! They are already waiting for us with fortified defenses !"
*Iky takes spyglass, looks and Cries out "Great Creations of HEAD ! They have fields and fields of Tulips ! How did they know I am allergic to them ! *then begins to sneeze*
*Mylo takes spyglass, studies carefully then bounces Iky on the Head* You silly Kender that is Holland !
Petri & Iky; OHHHHHHHHH ok, *whew !*
*Petri looks through glass again, *GASP !* They have beautiful castles, I cant wait to find the secret passages !"
Mylo looks through the spyglass "You goof that is Liechtenstein. That is a long ways away turn the power of that spyglass on low.
Petri "We are not invading them are we ? They look a lot meaner than Denmark."
Mylo "NO we are not ready for Liechtenstein or Luxembourg. They are powerhouses !" *looks through glass then directs to Petri*
"That is what we are up against"
*As Petri looks through spyglass she nonchalantly chews on a Danish Muffin* MMMM I THHEEE !

*****

*The Kender Nation reaches the shores of Denmark. After a long boat ride on the KNR ship, "That Belongs to ME", Iky, Petri, Mylo and several goats arrive at the shores of Denmark. They arrive to absolutely NO FANFAIR as nobody is there to great this great invading horde.
"Hmmf. Nobody is here to greet us. What kind of secret fact finding tour is this if nobody is here to give us any facts?" Petri wonders.
"Hmmm. Maybe everyone in Denmark is invisible. Maybe that is why nobody has ever heard of the Denmark army, nobody can see it." Iky suggests.
"OOOSSS and AHHHHs" for all 3 Kender as they wonder if this is fact true.
"Well, as the leader of the Kender Nation, I say this land of Denmark now belongs to the Kender." Mylo says as he plants the Kender Nation flag into the beach.
"Hip Hip Hooray! Hip Hip Hooray!" all three Kender shout in unison.
"Wow Mylo. That was a very simple war. We have already conquered Denmark. You are a very good leader to have won this war so quickly." Petri says.
"Thank you Petri. I guess the people of Denmark are too afraid of the Kender Horde and rushed away the moment we arrived. Well that was a boring war. Nothing happened. Just like what happened when we conquered UDL and FSS." Mylo adds. *Flipping through a book entitled, Uncle Trapspringer's guide to War, Iky makes an interesting discovery.*
"Excuse me Mylo, but according to this book, war can not officially begin until both armies have a toast to each other. So until we locate the Denmark army and have some toast, the war can not officially begin." Iky says.
"Hmmm. Well if that is what the rules say, then that is what must be done. This leader is not above the rules. Well any rules that do not inconvenience him." Mylo smiles.
"Ok, lets go search for the Denmark army and have a toast. Iky, leave the goats here and let's go look around." Petri says.
*Iky, Petri and the Paragon of Virtue, Mylo set off in search of the army of Denmark. Unfortunately, Iky forgot to leave the goats behind, so they all start to follow him. None of the Kender notices this however.*
*The Kender approach a village and start to ask the villagers if they have seen the Denmark army.*
"Excuse me Hummie. My name is Mylo the Kender, I and my hordes have invaded your country. However, the war can not officially begin until we toast your army. So could you tell us where you army is located?" Mylo asks.
Looking down at the smaller Kender, the human responds, "What are you doing here? You children should be off to school now learning all about the United States of America and how it is envied by all the other nations on planet Earth."

"Well the Kender Nation admires only itself, we will conquer America next. But first we must find the Denmark army. Where is it and does it even exist?" Mylo asks again.
"Hmmm. Not sure about that. I have never actually seen the Denmark army, but I have heard some rumors of its existence. Maybe you should ask..."
Before the human can finish his thought, a bad smell assaults his nose as the flock of goats have found a garbage can and have started munching on its contents. The smell is so awful that the human leaves.
"Hey come back Hummie! We won't hurt you. Do not be afraid of us!" Iky yells out to the retreating human.
"Wow, this is real easy. See how these hummies are afraid of us. We will conquer this country with ease as soon as we find their army." Petri acclaims.
*The three Kender continue to search for clues to the existence of the army of Denmark. The goats continue to have a fine meal.....*

"Must Find little Petri. Petri come back to Slayer. Slayer miss Petri. Slayer miss "make things bigger glass". "Slayer leaves his Ransacked Cave and looks for tracks".
Following the tracks to the rives he discovers that the little ppl are boarding a boat. He sees Mylo and decides he is hungry. Unfortunately Slayer is a big ogre and very slow so the disembark before he reaches them. Slayer picks up a small tree and uses it to sail after the Kender. He arrives at a Wondrous Land filled with beauty. He doesn’t like it. Slayer like dark and smell cave.
He sees the 3 little ppl and the walking food they brought along for their journey. With a roar he charges Mylo "he looks a little bigger than the rest and maybe he'll taste better!"

As Slayer roars forward, Petri turns around to investigate,,,,

The origin of the bellowing war cry of the hungry ogre. "SLAYER ! My friend Slayer missed me and has come to visit. He is so nice."
Petri rushes forward to hug her big friend, but drops some of her precious items and stops to pick them up. Eventually she disappears as she follows one marble down a hillside.
Meanwhile Mylo, unaware of Petri's absence has found a group of women Danish Muffin Makers and is questioning them on how they get the type of grains they use to make the muffins. After some questioning Mylo remembers his task to conquest Denmark and tells the muffin makers his goal and his search for the Danish Army. The muffin makers see the approaching Ogre and run off.
Mylo "Wow ! we strike fear in everyone in Denmark. I must find this Army and I am certain the Muffin Makers know where it is.
Mylo takes off running after the women Danish Muffin Makers.
Iky who had been distracted by a Danish Apple Pie sees Mylo chasing after a group of Danish women.
Iky; "Darn ! Mylo gets all the woman !" Iky chases after the women with Mylo. The Kender prove to be too quick in their pursuit of the Danish women and Slayer is left alone with a herd of goats to tide him over until supper.

An interesting meeting occurs in Denmark at the Internet Cafe

On the second day of the Kender Nation's fact finding tour and invasion of Denmark, the Kender have become quite bored. It seems that no matter where the Kender go, the silly hummies run from them spouting a string of profanities that can not be repeated in this social setting. Suffice to say, that the people of Denmark sure have a colorful language.
Mylo, Petri, and Iky are hungry as their supplies have run empty. It seems that Iky has eaten all of their food, as he is QUITE A BIG FELLOW, and somehow lost track of the flock of goats.
"Iky you are such a tool. You ate my last Danish muffin, now I have nothing left to eat." Petri exclaims as she smacks Iky in the back of the head.
"Yes Iky. You also ate my last English muffin, so now I have nothing to eat as well." Mylo yells as he kicks Iky in his rather ample behind.
"mmmmmmermmermmerm mmrem emre mermm" Iky replies, as he happily finishes off the last of the food.
"Well now what are we going to do oh almighty leader? So far this invasion has SUCKED! First, we invade and we can not find the Danish Army and now we have run out of food. Not to mention that all our goats are gone. So what are we going to do you worthless fathead of a Kender?" Petri wonders as she attempts to take the crown of office from Atop Mylo's large head.
Mylo and Petri fight among themselves for the crown while Iky happily checks through their belongings for anything else he might be able to eat.
Finally regaining his crown, proclaiming himself as the King of Sosaria, by tossing his last marble at Petri to distract her, Mylo thinks about their next course of action. Mylo pulls out a spinning wheel and places it down on the street. He leans down and closes his eyes, falling over his feet that were mysteriously tied together. His hand accidentally touches the spinner. The spinner spins as all spinners do while Mylo frees himself from this latest attempt by the Goat King to stop him.
Behind Mylo, Petri is laughing at once again tying Mylo's shoes together.
Finally the spinner stops and points to a nearby cafe. Smiling to himself, thinking that nobody noticed the spinner, Mylo picks up the spinning wheel and returns it to his pocket.
"Well fellow Kender, despair not. I have used my infinite wisdom to determine our next course of action. We should go to yonder cafe and see what kind of rations we can find, er borrow, ah, well you know what I mean. Hooray for ME! I have once again saved the day without any help from anyone else. That is why I am such a good leader. Now lets be off to that cafe and fill our bellies."
Iky and Petri smirk at how silly Mylo is to think that they did not know how he made all his decisions, walk off to the cafe. Mylo attempts to follow them. However, somehow his shoes have been tied together again and he falls on his face again.

After once again untying his shoes, Mylo joins Iky and Petri inside the Internet Cafe. All three Kender are taken aback by what they see inside this cafe. Inside this cafe, they see rather large boxes with many different ropes coming out of them that go into the wall somehow. They also see the back of many different human's heads as each hummie seems to be staring intently at each box.

******

"Look at how silly these hummies are. For some reason they are staring at large boxes." Iky says.
"Yes indeed, and look how pale skinned they all are. I bet they never go outside to wander. How do they ever see interesting things and places staring into large boxes?" Petri wonders.
"And look at how they are dressed? In such weird and drab clothing. Not one of them has the style and panache that I do. No wonder they are all in here. They are all too embarrassed that they look like that." Mylo reasons.
The three Kender continue to look around the cafe, making fun of everything they see. Finally after an eternity of time, well actually 5 minutes, but that is an eternity to a Kender, Mylo screams out, "I can't take this anymore. How DARE all these people stare at those boxes and ignore ME! Don't they recognize true perfection when they see it?" Both Petri and Iky look at Mylo with a rather weird look, thinking, "Oh here we go again with Mylo's dillusions of grandeur." Remembering their true purpose for coming here, food, Iky says, "I am hungry. I am going to find something to eat."
The three Kender approach a counter. "Vendor Buy" Petri exclaims at the man behind the counter. The man behind the counter is not impressed.
"Shopkeep, I would like to see your goods." Iky adds. The man behind the counter is not impressed.
"Vendor, I would like to purchase some wares." Mylo asks. The man behind the counter continues to be unimpressed.

A hummie approaches the counter. "Hey man. I am the masta dueler in this flop. Get me some time on the computer so I can start pking some newbies." the hummie asks the man behind the counter.
"No problem dude. But try to take it easy this time. Remember, IT IS ONLY A GAME." the man behind the counter says to the hummie.
The hummie goes off to one of the large boxes and sits in front of it. There are several other hummies there who appear to know this hummie.

A large shout goes out from the sitting hummies as they are all getting excited about something. Peaking the Kender's interest, all three Kender approach to see what all the commotion is about.

****

"Ha, I killed another newbie. That Aldur is a punk. He is my fav target." one hummie says.
"That is nothun. I whacked Galhed upside his head. He is too easy." another hummie says.
"Oh yea. Well I just killed 300 newbies, every member from tAv and everyone else who came by me. I am da bomb. The kewlest dude and the masta killa. Nobody can touch me." A third hummie says.
At this juncture, the three Kender approach the hummies and their strange boxes.
"What is going on here? Is their a fight? Can I help? I am a GM GoatKiller so I am good in a fight." Petri yells as she begins to twirl her hoopak.
"Oh yea? Well I am the master warrior of the Kender Nation, and I am the killer of Druez the not so quick and his merry band of slippery serpents." Mylo exclaims as he begins to twirl his hoopak.
"Oh yea? Well I was a former Football player in college and I can whip anybody's ass." Iky roars.
*Both Mylo and Petri turn toward Iky and slap him in the head. Reminding him to "stay in character."
"Oh yea. Well let me try again. I am the master chief. I can eat anything that I can cook." Iky yells in the appropriate pitch as he wonders what he can find to eat.
The hummies startled by the appearance of these strange creatures, forget what they are doing and at once look at the Kender.
"Hey what are you kids doing here? Shouldn't you be in school you dumb newbie bait?" a hummie asks.
"In school? I do not think so. I graduated Cumma summ Kender fun at the academy of HEAD" says Petri.
"Who are you hummies and why are you staring at those boxes?" Mylo asks.
"hmmm mmmm mmmm" Iky adds as he stuffs yet ANOTHER Danish muffin into his mouth.
"Who am I? Well my name is Gekko, and I own EVERYONE!" a hummie called Gekko says.
"I am called Eggy. And I am da bomb" a hummie called Eggy says.
"I am called Ratidont. And I kill all who mess with me." a hummie called Ratidont says.
"I am Uteris. And I take EVERYTHING seriously." a uteris exclaims.
"You are a uteris? You do not look like a uteris. Shouldn't you be part of another hummies' body?" Mylo wonders.
"No I am Uteris. I am my own hummie." Uteris says.
"Are you sure you are not uranis Uteris?" Iky giggles.
*Ok, enough Uteris jokes....*
"Ok. Well let me introduce myself. I am Mylo the Kender, Leader of the Kender Nation, Guardian of Sosaria, Senshal for Head and a Paragon of virtue." Mylo says.
"My name is Petri Fiddlefinger, GM GoatKiller, VP of FSS operations and King of the Rough Riders." Petri adds.
"My name is Iky, Oracle for Head" Iky adds in between mouthfuls of muffin.

After the introduction are finished and the Kender have helped themselves to several new objects that once belonged to the hummies, a few questions are answered.
"We are looking for the Danish army. The Kender Nation has declared war on Denmark. But before we can conquer you, we must first toast your army. And so far we have not found a single army member. Can you help us find them?" Mylo asks.
"Well I do not know about that. I just play Ultima Online on this computer." Gekko says.
"A game? Kender love games. Can we play? What is a com - pu -tor? Can I have my own?" All three Kender yell out at the same time.
"This game is for MEN. Real fighters who are not afraid of physical battles." Gekko says flexing what he thinks is a muscle.
"Well I love a good fight. Let's go." Mylo yells as he takes out his hoopak and smacks Gekko over the head with it.
Gekko falls down and begins to cry. Holding his head and the rather large bump that now appears there.
"Hold on a minute little ones. What Gekko meant is that we fight IN GAME. Not in real life." Eggy adds
"Why don't you fight in real life and not in a game?" Petri asks as she hits Eggy over the head with her hoopak.
Eggy falls over in obvious pain as this is the first time he has ever been struck.
"We do not fight in real life because in game WE RULE. We kick serious ass. In real life we might get hurt." Ratidont says.
"Hmmm. I wonder what would happen if I pulled this long rope?" Iky wonders as he pulls what he thinks is a rope.
In actuality, Iky has pulled the main power cord for the power for the cafe. The cafe falls into total blackness.
Screams are heard as in now appears that many people in the cafe are afraid of the dark. However, a few "Hey who touched me? Who grabbed my purse? Who took my wallet?" are heard throughout the cafe.
After a few minutes, the power goes back on. Many of the hummies stop shuttering in fear as the bogeyman apparently failed to make an appearance.

All hummies and Kender are accounted for except for one Kender. It appears Mylo is missing.
After a frantic search by Petri and Iky, in other words they randomly wandered off, Mylo is found, hidden behind the counter, muttering to himself, "The boogy man is going to get me."
Petri and Iky calm down the "NOT" scared Kender and return to the group of hummies.
The hummies are immersed in their games again which greatly interests the Kender. After a few moments the three Kender all get the same idea.

"Hey, let's play this Ultima Online game!"

The three Kender find open terminals and manage to figure out how to start the game.

*****

Chapter 4: Mylo the Kender meets Mylo the Kender

After the meeting broke up yesterday in which the Lady Fate decided to go off and find Mylo the Kender to stop Amarth the Kender who is in fact Mylo the Kender, the three Kender continued their reign of terror.
"Die you evil spawn of a gutmonger. I want to eat your intestines." yells Amarth the Kender.
"Hey you, are you a magic user?" yells Parcival the Kender.
"Do you have any food?" yells Wrath the Kender.
"Ah get away. I am no match for you. Please don't hurt me anymore." yells Tom Bombadilli.
Despite his pleas, the Kender show no mercy as they surround Tom and slowly torture him.
"How do you like this?" Parcival gleefully exclaims as she gives Tom her famous Atomic Wedgi.
"Argggggg." Screams Tom followed by an almost content sigh.
"I know, I think he will like this MUCH better." yells Amarth as he knocks Tom Bombadilli down on his back and then jumps up and down on his stomach.
"OOF." coughs up Tom which is followed by a loud "BURP" as Amarth has inadvertently helped Tom release some built up gas.
"Do you have anything to eat?" questions Wrath as he is always more interested in TALKING than actually ever doing something constructive.
Then Kender continue to assault Tom Bombadilli for an hour until several mysterious figures approach.*
"Hi there guys. My name is Mylo the Kender. What is your name?" Mylo the Kender asks.
"Look how silly they are all dirty and sweaty. I bet they smell too." Petri the Kender adds.
"Do you think they have any food?" asks Iky the Jester.
*Sigh, NOTHING ever changes even with multiple Iky's.*
Amarth the Kender, Parcival the Kender and Wrath the Kender look at the three new figures who have appeared and are awe struck. Amarth, Parcival and Wrath can not believe their eyes as they are somehow staring at exact duplicates of their real identities.
"Ah, er, Wa Ick em e=mc2" babbles Amarth the Kender.
"That was really interesting Amarth. Are you too stupid to carry on an intelligent conversation?" Mylo asks Amarth.
Looking over Amarth's head, Petri adds, "I think that Amarth has a speech impediment. Fortunately for him I have just the thing that will cure him."

Petri grabs her hoopak and wallops Amarth over the head. Amarth drops down, faster than a Michigan wolverine running from an OSU alumni dinner. (hehehehehe)
"OW! That hurt." cries Amarth like a little baby.
"Don't worry Amarth, I have just the right medicine to fix your headache." Iky the Jester says.
Iky drops a purple potion at the feet of Amarth. Before Amarth can react the greater explosion potion goes KABOOM, turning Amarth into an undead Kender.
"ooOO OOoo OOoo" yells Amarth the Kender.
"I see you still have a speech impediment Mylo. I bet something in your body's possession is causing this calamity." Petri says and then loots the corpse of Amarth the Kender while the ghost of Amarth the Kender watches helplessly.
"OOoo OOoO ooOO" yells Amarth the Kender to Parcival the Kender.
"You are unjust in killing my friend Amarth. You have no honor and you must be punished. Prepare to be judged by me." Parcival calls out as he goes into warmode.
Parcival with an accurate sword of death in his hands, attacks Iky the Jester.
"You are quite rude Parcival, so in the words of a famous poet, COME GET SOME!" Iky yells and twirls his mighty hoopak.
While Parcival and Iky are locked in battle, Iky starts to play some quiet tunes on his harp. A nearby Titan, hears the wonderful tones and is enthralled by the beautiful melody. The Titan decides that all the Kender are in a mosh pit and decides to slam dance. He leaps in the air and attempts to bounce off the back of Parcival. Unfortunately, Parcival weighs about a billion lbs less than the Titan. The Titan squashes Parcival into a pile of goo.
"Oo OOOOOO oo OOO oo" yells the ghost of Parcival.
"There was NO LAG you liar. Stop complaining Parcival." yells Iky to the ghost of Parcival and then loots the body of Parcival.
Wrath the Kender, still plotting his next move has yet to come to the aid of his fallen comrades. Instead he seems to be contemplating the folly of his nefarious ways. Unfortunately, Petri the Kender is NOT a mind reader. Instead she calls forth the words of magic and casts a lightening bolt at Wrath. Wrath crumbles into the dirt, proving once again he was noting but bluster with nothing to back it up.
"Oo OOO ooo" yells the ghost of Wrath.
"Sorry I do not speak in OOooOO." Petri says and then decides to loot the corpse of Wrath.
Humiliated, the ghosts of Amarth, Parcival and Wrath run off, never to return to this realm.
The Lady fate appears and congratulates Mylo, Petri and Iky for a job well done in eliminating the evil pkers.
"I told you guys that my plan would work. All we needed to do is out-Kender a Kender." Fate says.
The three Kender log out and our replaced by the forms of Geeko, Uteris and Eggy.
"Hahaha. You were SO RIGHT FATE! Those chumps learned not to mess with us." Geeko remarks.
"Yea. Make fun of MY name will they? Serves them right, the newbies." Eggy says.
"Forget to include ME in a post? The nerve." Uteris says.
"Sorry I could not help you guys defeat those Kender, I am still macroing off my kills." calls out Slayer the Ogre from somewhere unknown.

Ralidont magically appears.
"Hi guys. Great plan you guys had. I never doubted it for a minute that it would work. WE ARE DA BOMB!" Ralidont proclaims.
"WE ARE DA BOMB?" Geeko, Eggy and Uteris say in unison to Ralidont.
"Where were you while we were fighting the Kender?" Geeko asks.
"How come the Kender never attacked you?" Eggy asks.
"How come you won't pull my finger?" Uteris asks.
In a rage, Geeko, Eggy and Uteris attack Ralidont.

**New chapter in the exciting tale of the Kender Nation Invasion of Denmark.**

When we last left are heroes, the mighty Kender nation had received a big setback at the hands of the Lady Fate, Geeko, Eggy and Uteris. Ralidont mysteriously did not help his fellows against the Kender Onslaught.
However, Mylo the Kender, a true paragon of virtue is about to launch a grand offensive against the evil goats, led by Zophar, the pretend goat king.

Chapter 5, HEAD is called forth to save the Kender Nation

***SO THAT is how snow is made. No wonder I failed science classes...***

After refreshing his HEADness, the mighty HEAD, a little more relaxed decides to make a PERSONAL appearance to answer Mylo's request.
From a large mist, HEAD appears before the Kender. HEAD looks like a typical Kender, who happens to have a very large HEAD. The HEAD takes different forms from one moment to the next. From Kender, to human, to goat, to orc, etc...
"I have arrived my Kender. I HEAD, GOD of all Kender have come. How may I assist you?" HEAD asks.
The three Kender are dancing with joy as they have been able to successfully contact HEAD.
"Wow. It is about time your HEAD appeared. I am so sick of chanting HEAD without ever getting to see HEAD." Mylo says.
"My you certainly have a big HEAD." Petri stares admiringly at HEAD.
"Aw, that is no big deal. It is not the SIZE of HEAD, but how you use it that counts." Iky says.
"YEA RIGHT!" Petri and HEAD say in unison.
"Well, before you get a swelled head HEAD. Down to business. As you already know from reading the previous chapters, we have invaded Denmark. However we can not officially conquer this country until we toast its army. But we have not been able to find their army to toast it. Plus, we are getting attacked by the Goat King at every turn. So we need you to do something about it." Mylo blabbers to an unhearing HEAD.
"So HEAD, are you always so BIG?" Petri asks HEAD.
"No. sometimes I am even BIGGER." HEAD slyly tells Petri.
"So have you been practicing your HEAD techniques?" HEAD asks Petri.
"Well, I do not get much practice as the Kender nation is not known for many BIG heads." Petri giggles.
"HEY! WAIT a minute!" Iky and Mylo yell.
Petri and HEAD go off together, leaving Iky and Mylo to wonder where they lost control.

12 hours later, a rather happy looking Petri and HEAD find Mylo and Iky by the docks.
"Well its about time you 2 got back here. We were about to do something clever, but neither of us could think of something clever to do," Mylo says.
"Speak for yourself, I wanted to go to the nudie bar." Iky says.
Mylo and Iky start to pull out some dollar bills when HEAD speaks.
"Stop this at once. I thought you were invading Denmark and wanted my help," HEAD says.
"Er. That’s right. I forgot," Mylo says.
"Well what can we do to find the army of Denmark?" Iky asks.
"Boys, let me clue you in on a little secret. You have seen the Danish army all along but they have been disguised." HEAD says.
"Really? So who are they?" Petri wonders.
"The GOATS! You stupid Kender. Didn't you ever wonder why you never saw any goats and Danish together? That is because the Goat king and his minions are really the Danish Army." HEAD says.
"AH HA! Now we can toast them and finish this war!" MYLO yells.
"Yes, lets go find those silly goats and finish this invasion!" Petri yells.
As the three Kender walk off in search of the goats, Iky has a thought.
"Wait a minute, I have a question. What were HEAD and Petri doing together all that time?" Iky asks.
"Yea what were you two doing?" Mylo asks also.
"I was learning about good HEAD," Petri smirks.
"Yes, and I must say that Petri is good with my HEAD," HEAD exclaims.
"Oh ok, well I hope that Petri can teach us about HEAD next time so we can be good at HEAD," Mylo says.
"Not in THIS lifetime!" HEAD yells and returns to his domain.

© 2000 Douglas Schonenberg. Used with permission.