Ellen: I got those Got Drunk With a Dictator, Interviewed a Cop and Got Tossed in Jail blues!

Lita: Shut it, Ellen. My head hurts like hell……

Shadow: *stretches* Interesting. You’re the only one of us who suffers from a hangover.

Lita: I swear, when I can walk a straight line, I’m going to have my dragon eat you.

Shadow: You can’t walk a straight line when you’re sober!

Emily: *walks in, but is not in cell* Will you both stop arguing? How on earth are we going to interview Sir Percy Blakeny now?

Egos: *sob*

Shadow: Can’t you just pay the bail?

Emily: You’ve got to be kidding!

Lita: Well how much is it?

Emily: Two bucks.

Shadow: o.O You aren’t willing to spend two dollars to get us out of jail.

Lita: What’s a dollar?

Jasom: *who’s filming this* It’s kinda like a mark.

Lita: Oh.

Emily: Hey, I don’t have that kind of money. Besides, you three aren’t worth it.

Shadow: What?!

Ellen: *continues to play off key* I got them My Producer Won’t Bust Us Out of Jail and I’m Afraid to Drop the Soap blues! Oh!

Shadow: Emily, you’ve got to do something.

Emily: I’ll talk to the network, but no promises. *walks off*

Ellen: I got those –

Lita: You’re about ready to get a fat lip if you don’t shut up!

Ellen: *is silent*

Shadow: So…… What should we do?

Jasom: You could count all the bricks in the wall.

Shadow: Like the Count of Monte Christo?

Jasom: Who?

Shadow: Never mind……

All: …..

Ellen: *clump of plaster falls on her head* Ow! Aw, come on, Lita, I stopped singing!

Lita: That wasn’t me! *clump of plaster falls on her head* Ow!

Egos: *look up*

*A large hole has just been cut in the ceiling and a perfectly dressed English gentleman is climbing down a rope into the cell. He looks around, a bit surprised*

Percy: Odd’s fish, but I thought this was Baron de Noir’s cell.

Ellen: The Scarlet Pimpernel! We’re saved!

Percy: *looks up into hole in the ceiling and calls* Right. One more over, Tony!

Lord Antony: *from above* Right, Percy!

Shadow: *glomps his arm* No! Don’t leave us! We need to bust out of here!

Percy: Well, m’dear, I don’t know how you expect me to help.

Lita: *gasps* I remember now! We were going to interview you!

Percy: Ah, yes. I saw that show. Not so sure I wish to be a guest, now…..

Shadow: Look, if you get us out of here, we won’t force you to answer all our questions!

Percy: ‘Fraid that would be impossible, ‘Mamzelle. For, you see, you are not aristos, and have no fear of Madame La Guillotine.

Lita: Erm…. Yes we are?

Percy: *manages to rip Shadow from his arm* Are you really aristos?

Ellen:….. Lita’s got a dragon. Does that make her an aristo?

Shadow: No, that just makes her weird.

Lita and Jasom: Hey!

Ellen: *whines* But I wanna know what an aristo is!

Percy: An aristo, m’dear, is someone with a title and a place in the government. In this case, it would be the French Government, and generally has a lot of money.

Shadow: *now clings to his leg* Please, Sir Percy, don’t leave us here!

Lita: Yeah, it smells funny!

Ellen: I have a plan!

Shadow: Ellen, does your plan involve cows?

Ellen: O.O How did you know?

Lita: Well that scratches out that possibility then.

Percy: Would you be so kind as to remove your person from my leg?

Jasom: Hey Lita!

Lita: What?

Jasom: Sing something!

Lita: o.O Why?

Jasom:….I don’t really know, I just thought that might help. Like in Anything Goes, when they’re singing in the jail cell…..

Shadow: Jasom, singing would probably only make things worse.

Ellen: *digs out harmonica* I got those The Scarlet Pimpernel Won’t Rescue Us and Jasom’s Being Weird blues!

Lita: Ellen, I swear, if you dig that thing out one more time…..

*from down the corridor*

Unknown voice: What is going on down there?

Percy: Tsk, m’dears. Seems you’ve attracted the attention of one of the Agents of the People’s Republic of France. Bad luck. Well, must go. Marquis to save. You understand.

Shadow: No, don’t go!

Percy: *has climbed up the rope*

Egos: *sob*

Chauvelin: *enters, looking extremely annoyed* What is all this racket about?

Ellen: *in between sobs* The Scarlet… Pimpernel… Was here, and he wouldn’t save us, and now we’re stuck here…. And Lita won’t let me play my harmonica! *continues to sob*

Chauvelin: *has become enraged* The Scarlet Pimpernel was here?

Shadow: *gulp* Yes….

Chauvelin: And you let him get away? I’ll see you all get the guillotine for this one! He was supposed to go into the Baron’s cell on the right! I had the trap all laid out!

Lita: I think you need a hobby.

Shadow: I think we’re dead meat!

Emily: *re-enters with official looking papers* Nobody move! I’ve got a mandate from the network!

Jasom: *holds card up to the camera. Card reads “A Short While Later.”*

*back at the studio*

Shadow: *wails* I have a criminal record! My dad’s going to kill me!

Lita: *still has a slight headache* Oh, shut up!

Ellen: *plays harmonica* I got the Nearly Got My Head Chopped Off by an Angry Agent of the People’s Republic of France blues!

Lita: *looks about ready to strangle Ellen*

Emily: *enters as light above again* Okay guys, I got good news and bad news.

Shadow: Well what’s the good news?

Emily: You’re all out of jail. Duh, I thought you would have figured that one out!

Lita: Well, obviously we’re out of jail, but what’s the bad news?

Emily: The network’s been looking at the polls and our ratings are dropping. So, they’ve come up with a quick way – just one episode, mind you – to get our rating to go up a little. I thought it was a terrible idea, but….

Ellen: What was the idea?

Emily: A literary figure dating game.

Shadow: A what?

Emily: I know, I know. We have to drag in characters from classic literature and stick them on a dating game. You three have to be the hosts and bachelorettes.

Lita: You’ve got to be kidding me!

Ellen: Can I play my harmonica?

Emily: >.> No……

Shadow: Emily, why did you agree to do this?!

Emily: That’s the only way they’d spot me the two bucks.

Egos: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Emily: Well, it’s too late now.

Lita: Well, who are the bachelors?

Emily: I don’t even know. The network is deciding.

Ellen: I wonder if any of them like cows…..

Emily: Hit it Jasom!

Jasom: This week’s episode was brought to you by Madame La Guillotine severed head service. Shadow13 does not own any of the characters mentioned, including Citizen Chauvelin, despite the fact that she wishes she did, especially when Terrence Mann plays him.

Egos: Terrance Man! *swoon**sigh*drool**turn into puddles* He sings like an angel!

Jasom: >.> Right then……. She does, however, own Shadow-

Shadow: *is trying to think of ways to get out of the dating game*

Jasom: Lita-

Lita: *is wondering if any of the bachelors will be cute*

Jasom: Ellen-

Ellen: *is wondering if any of the bachelors will like cows*

Jasom: Myself, Jasom, and of course, Emily

Emily: *is buffing her nails*

Jasom: Be sure to send in any questions you’d love to hear asked on a dating game to Shadow13! Until next time…

Egos: See ya!