Emily: What did she say?
Jasom: *puts a hand on the receiver* She says he’s sober.
*Chorus of angels start singing Halleluiah*
Jasom: Okay….Yes, I’m still listening…. So he’s going to drive you back here?.... Oh thank God!.....WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE’S DRIVING YOU IN A CHARIOT!.... Shadow…. No, Shadow…. Shadow, listen to me! Shadow! Dang it!
Emily: What is it?
Jasom: She hung up on me!
Emily: Uh oh…… Is Javert here yet?
Jasom: *hand on temple* Not yet, but he will be soon.
Emily: And he’s gonna be maaaaad……
Jasom: No duh.
Emily: There’s no need to snap at me, Mr. Snappy McSnap!
Jasom: I AM NOT SNAPPING!
Emily: *cough* snapper *cough, cough*
*We hear horses in the background*
Shadow: *off stage* *drunkenly* No, thank you, Mr. Dictator for Life, sir!
*Shadow, Lita, and Ellen stumble on stage, singing Row Row Row Your Boat*
Lita: Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily.
Ellen: Cows!
Shadow: Cows aren’t part of the lyrics!
*they all giggle madly*
Jasom: Oh God….. Are you all ready? Do you have your make up on? Is the mailbag ready?
Shadow: Relax, Mr. Stuffy pants!
Jasom: I do not have stuffy pants!
Lita: *giggles* Pants!
Ellen: Roger wilco, Mr. Stuffy pants! The mailbags all set!
Shadow: who’s Roger?
Lita: Maybe we’re interviewing him.
Jasom: No, you’re- Oh skip it. Now, all the way from the sixties!
Ellen: Kumbiaha, my Lord! Everybody join in!
Jasom: *holds a hand to his temple* It’s The The-Pointless-Interview-Show Show
Ellen: Rain drops on….. kittens… And… ummm
Jasom: Shells……
Shadow: Bring in the guest, Mr. Stuffy Pants!
Jasom: This weeks guest hails from France, and has been chasing M. Madeline – Jean Valjean – for ten years. In the musical, he’s also a religious nut job! Please welcome Inspector Javert!
Lita: Welcome! J
avert: *is shoved on stage, looking terribly confused* Who are all you people? I want to see some identification now!
Ellen: I’m Ellen! That’s Shadow-
Shadow: Hi!
Ellen: That’s Lita-
Lita: Can I have you’re hat?
Javert: No.
Ellen: And that’s Mr. Stuffy pants!
Jasom: I do not have stuffy pants!
Shadow: Welcome, Mr. Inspector sir! Take a seat!
Javert: o.O Thank you, I’ll stand.
Lita: Okie Dokie then!
Ellen: Now, Mr. Guy with hat that Lita wants-
Javert: My name is Javert! Chief Inspector Javert, thank you very much!
Ellen: Whatever. Mr. What’s your face, are you ready to be bombarded with questions?
Javert: Am I what?
Shadow: That’s a yes to me! Mr. Stuffy pants, bring in the MAIL BAG OF DOOM! MUAHAHAHAHA!
Javert and Jason: O.O
Emily: I’m really sorry about this….
Jasom: If someone says I have stuffy pants one more time *cracks knuckles*…..
Lita: *snags a card* Okay, your first question comes from Charlene *card unfolds and we see a very long list roll down to the floor* Oh! It’s big! She wants to know if you’ve ever wanted to be a dog.
Javert: A what?
Ellen: You know, a dog! There the things with that thing and the whatchamacallit……
Jasom: Oh yeah, Ellen’s hammered.
Javert: What does that mean?
Shadow: Just answer the question.
Javert: I most certainly have not!
Ellen: Are you really, really, really sure?
Javert: Of course I’m sure!
Shadow: Not even when you were little? Come on, use your imagination, man!
Javert: I do not approve of imaginations. They're senseless.
Lita: You mean like Ellen?
Javert: o.O I suppose so.
Ellen: What about a tail?
Javert: What about one?
Shadow: Have you ever wanted a tail?
Javert: Most certainly not! I’m enough of a freak being half gypsy without needing a tail!
Lita: *pats* There there.
Javert: Now will you please ask a relevant question?
Ellen: What’s relevant mean?
Shadow: It means… Uh….
Jasom: Oh, God! It’s the sign of the apocalypse! Shadow’s gone stupid!
Shadow: *giggles* That’s a funny word.
Jasom: Run for your lives!
Javert: Why are you asking all these things?
Emily: Well, erm, you see, Inspector, I wrote this fic, and in it, you were a-
Javert: You turned me into a dog?!
Emily: Well, technically-
Javert: I can’t believe this!
Lita: *giggles* Javert, why are you still single?
Javert: I’m not looking for dates right at the moment, you sad, sad freak.
Lita: Not me, silly! I’m just curious!
Javert: If you must know, chastity is one of my principles.
Ellen: You had a principal named Mr. Chastity?
Jasom: No, Ellen. PrinciplES, not principals.
Ellen: Oh. Is there anything else in the mailbag?
Shadow: *fishes around* Hey, Caesar sent us a postcard!
Lita: *snatches it out of her hand. It’s a picture of Caesar in front of the Coliseum with a glass of tequila in his hands* Dear Egos, Missing you. Wish you were here. Love, Caesar. P.S. Drinking will never be as fun again. Awww…. That’s so nice of him!
Egos: *sigh*
Jasom: *groans*
Ellen: Mr. Javert, sir, do you like cows?
Javert: Like for eating? I guess so….
Ellen: You cannibal!
Javert: o.O…. Wait just a minute! You’re all drunk!
Ellen: You betcha!
Javert: I’m placing you all under arrest for drunk and disorderly conduct!
Shadow: Run, it’s Johnny Law!
*Egos and Javert get into a fight, and knock the camera over. Jasom snatches in up and speed talks*
Jasom: Today’s episode was brought to you by Get Drunk Ale. It gets you…well, drunk. Tune in next time when we interview Sir Percy Blakeny – The Scarlet Pimpernel! Hey, leggo!
*Jasom gets dragged into fray and the camera gets knocked out and goes fuzzy*