- DOORS : Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get door opened,
stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws. Once door is opened, it is
not necessary to use it. After you have ordered a door t the "outside"
opened, stand halfway in and out and think about the weather out there
for a while. This is particularly important during very cold weather, rain,
snow, or mosquito season. Swinging doors are to be avoided at all costs.
- CHAIRS AND RUGS : If you have to throw up, get to a chair quickly.
If you cannot manage in time, get to an Oriental rug. Never use the tile
floor or a throw rug. When throwing up on the carpet, make sure you back
up so that it is as long as the human's bare foot.
- BATHROOMS : Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not
necessary to do anything -- just sit and stare.
- A NOISE IN THE KITCHEN : If you hear any type of noise in the
kitchen, especially a can opener, run there as fast as possible. If you
walk in and out of your humans legs and rub on them looking really cute,
they will "have" to give you a treat.
- HAMPERING : If one of your humans is engaged in some close activity
and the other is idle, stay with the busy one. This is called "helping",
humans call it "hampering". Following are the rules for "helping":
- When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the
cook. You cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped
on and then picked up and comforted.
- For book readers, get in close under the chin, between eyes and
book, unless you can lie across the book itself.
- For sewing projects or paperwork, lie on the work in the most
appropriate manner so as to obscure as much of the work or at least the
most important part. Pretend to doze, but every so often reach out and
slap the pencil or sewing needles. You can also be very helpful by pulling
their straight pins out of their project one by one. This will be very
helpfuf, since it took them so long to put them in "just right".
The worker may try to distract you; ignore it. Remember, the aim is to
hamper work.
- Quilt frames make great hammocks in spite of what the humans may
tell you. Also, unfinished quilts are very soft to sleep on and the batting
sticking out makes a great toy. You can help by shredding the batting to
make it softer.
- For people paying bills (monthly activity) or working on income
taxes or Christmas cards (annual activity), keep in mind the aim -- to
hamper! First, sit on the paper being worked on. When they move you, watch
sadly from the side of the table. When activity proceeds nicely, roll around
on the papers scattering them to the best of your ability. After being
removed for the second time push pens, pencils and erasers off the table
one at a time.
- When a human is holding the newspaper in front of him/her, be
sure to jump on the back of the paper. They love to be scared.
- WALKING : As often as possible, dart quickly and as close as possible
in front of the human, especially on stairs. This is always a must if they
have something in their arms, they are in the dark or when they first get
up in the morning and don't have on their glasses. This will help their
coordination skills.
- BEDTIME : Always sleep on the human at night so she/he cannot
move around. This keeps them really warm ad they will like it. They won't
move you because they won't want to disturb your sleep.
Note : I received this in my e-mail and don't know the origional author.
I modified it slightly...it really had to be written by a cat
|
