Finding Your Soul Mate

You ever look around and notice that life can be one big joke on us humans.

Now, before you think I'm pessimistic and have me condemned to that group of hating everything from Corporate America to Politicians and Wal-Marts, you have to understand -- I want to save the world.

The environment, the animals, people in poverty (namely my own family sometimes), the lonely people, and the broken-hearted.

Never had anything against any of them.

However, the actual act of living this existence we call human is difficult, at best to comprehend, and to the point of impossible, when dealing with that little thing called--love.

Look at the greatest love affairs of the last few decades. Big time Hollywood actors and actresses who never seem to truly fall in love, or find their soul mates. Rather they spend time trying to find someone to understand them, someone to make them feel human again. I do understand that.

I do.

You see I'm an actress myself. Stage actress. I thought I should clarify since there are differences between stage and screen. Also, I should clarify even more and say I perform with local theater, not Broadway. Not even off-Broadway. There would be too many 'offs' for my group to make it count anymore. In relation to the screen actor I would be the performer in those 'sleeper movies' that everyone talks about for the year. Except it's the overlooked one, not the one that won seven Academy Awards.

However, actors on stage and screen do have things in common. For instance, the reason I can understand those great love affairs, and all their faces in the magazines and tabloid papers, is because they say lonely, wanting, not fulfilled -- unhappy. I understand that. It is difficult to be completely happy as an actress. Even when you have a loving, trusting, fulfilling relationship, and I do. Found him a few years after high school and married him. Never been happier either.

What makes anyone of them think a beautiful girl or handsome boy with the popularity point of mega star is going to give some meaning to their existence at that moment is beyond me? Let's face it that's not love that's a partner in therapy.

On the other hand, therapy is what love truly is. Isn't it? True love, soul mates, that kind of 'deep soul connection' loves that those same actors and actresses perform on the silver screens. That is what we really think of when we talk of great loves. Marc Anthony and Cleopatra. Sampson and Delilah. Paris and Helen of Troy. These loves give us a basic for trying to accomplish something completely impossible.

These couples lived life in a dangerous time where the passion of the mind and the passion of the body brought them into each other arms against all rules and laws. Now let's face it, we can have great relationships but none of us are going to necessary launch a thousand ships or divide a country over them. Some may divide a family, like the Romeo and Juliet syndrome, but generally speaking, us 'normal' humans have much more interesting obstacles to overcome. Everyday life. Great love, however, does come in a much different form.

Family and home life, careers and jobs which are not the same by the way. A career is something you want to do. A job is something you do waiting for your career to start. I have had jobs. Plenty of them. Fast-food restaurant worker, retail clerk, theater reservations, the corporate grind, but none were my career. Not when you're an actress, it's all too hard to maintain. Routine, regiment. I leave that to the real people of the world. I have great admiration for all of them, mind you. Do not get me wrong. I am just like everyone else. I performed jobs everyday.

Unfortunately, for myself, I am never comfortable with getting up every day at the exactly the same time. Going to work, finding goals and deadlines to meet. I was the one trying to find something interesting to keep my mind occupied all day so I don't think about all the other things I could be doing if I wasn't at that job at that moment. Then it was come home, make dinner, watch some television, escape in fantasy, go to sleep, and do it all again.

Understand completely that there are, of course, high points to of all the admirable people of the world. They are stable, often have money and many get a few days off a week to do all those things around the house and with their family that they would rather never do. But through all of this, my admiration for the job workers of America, comes from the fact, that they can smile, laugh, enjoy vacations and overall have a nice, comfortable life. That is what makes them happy and I'm all for making people happy as stated earlier.

It may not be too exciting to all of us who live in the uncertain possibility realm, but it is comfortable. That is an extremely admirable trait. It is extremely real. Thank God, there are real people who live real lives, so to speak. Unfortunately, I could never be one of those people, so I continue to fall into that realm of uncertain possibility people looking towards the horizon and concentrating on where I'm going, not where I am.

It is from the real people all the way to the uncertain possibility people that I would like to tell you a tale of love and life in the 21^st Century.

Of course, I will say that if you neither want to hear about love or life, you may want to put this down. It will involve shameless passages about finding love and sweethearts. It will not contain any graphic violence or sex, however. Sorry. Real love has its share of both those things, but it is not politically correct to bring anyone into anyone else's bedroom when dealing with life and love in the 21^st Century.

If you will indulge me for a few moments, I promise you a laugh, perhaps a cry and overall a glimpse into what all of us uncertain possibility people call a 'creative lifestyle.'

Creativity of the mind or the heart for that matter comes from a deep place in a soul that imagines life different than what it is at this very moment.

Imagination comes from a need to change this existence and love comes from a desire to make this existence tolerable. All the peoples of the world need love, it breaks the confines of conformity and neither makes sense nor follows the path of least resistance.

To sum up, love is the most unpredictable uncertain possibility there is...and that's why I love it. I love Love. Writing about it talking about it, living it. There is nothing more creative, imaginative or exciting that has been set forth upon the human existence that touches all of us all at one time or another.

Hometown Boys and Flirting Girls

When I was a little girl I dreamed of growing up in a small southern town, maybe from my days of watching Dukes of Hazzard or all those sitcoms from the 80s. (I actually grew up in one of those smaller mid-size towns in Connecticut. The one that's small enough for some of the small town events, but too large to know everyone. My dreams were far better of where I wanted to grow up, so I'll give you that.)

It was one of those small southern towns, where everyone knows each other and each other's business. Where all those southern characters with big accents and bigger tall tales exist from all the stories.

You know the ones. The pleasant hairdresser, who, you know nothing about their life, but has an opinion on everyone else's life.

The mayor, who is friends with everyone, and has no particular political affiliations just works 'darn hard' to make your town a better place.

Now usually this will include a jumpstart to the hundred year old Frog Festival in the town. Bringing in a news crew from the big city to help draw people. People from 'outside' your small town to make it more interesting for the weeks leading up to the festival and to create funny anecdotes to discuss around that hairdresser's shop.

There were other people in the town as well. For instance the Town's Superstar. That's the one boy who could do no wrong, whether playing football or saving a farm by holding a town meeting with all the students at my local high school. Together they put on a big fundraiser over at Old Man Petry's Barn to raise the necessary funds.

You know the boy I'm talking about. He's handsome, funny, and intelligent. He exceeds at all sports, projects, activities and such. Somehow he has managed to retain the face of an angel, the strength of ten thousand men and the morals and values of Ghandi.

However, he can always find time to have a beer with his friends and go out on a few dates with girls who will always be his friends after. He would never, ever oversteps his bounds, or make a girl feel she needs to have sex with him. No, no, no. As a matter of fact the discussion is never brought up. Not on the first date, and certainly not on the second date.

He has it all. Without faults and without problems, it seems. Of course, he does have some problems, not readily known to the people around him. It wouldn't want to inconvenience anyone. His happy go lucky charms though, do not sway his military father who has planned his life for him. He despises it, secretly, and actually wants to get out, find adventure and make a life for himself away from that small town. He is hoping to find a real cause he can fight for. In the end though, he will fulfill his father's wishes, make his mother happy and go away to college, never to fail at anything ever in his charmed existence.

Eventually after becoming very well off, not wealthy, never wealthy, but not poor either, (probably a lawyer, so he can help the small town when a large Corporation wants to build a super retail store in their backyard), he'll bring home the love of his life.

Now, I'm sure you know this woman. She's beautiful, smart, funny and unassuming. She is never cruel, or annoyed by the smallness of your town or the people. You see, she herself, before she made a name in big city, came from a small town. She was just looking for someone to make a home with, raise children and own a few animals, probably saved from the shelter. You know what I mean. She's the most unattainable, wonderful, person you would love to know, and become friends with, but unfortunately, never get the chance.

After the town superstar and his beautiful wife marry and settle down somewhere else, not in your town, of course. They have four kids, and go on to live a happy, loving life together. Other than the occasional trip with the kids back home for the Frog Festival or July 4^th Celebration each year, you don't see much of them. Opportunity missed perhaps, but you do hear about him and their life all the time from his mother, their high school chums, the hairdresser and of course, the town superstar's baby sister.

His baby sister is the one who's still living at home, and cannot seem to find a place in life or a husband for that place. She is in that constant struggle for independence and away from her brother's charmed existence. At least that's her goal, mostly, she's just the funny one. Unattached and completely devoted to the town and the town's left over good 'ol boys who spend their days farming or at the factory and their nights at the local bar. She is the cardboard cutout of what a girl ought to be like. Perhaps a little sillier than most people, a lot more confused about life outside her small town and more than challenged to uphold any morals or standards that are remotely as strong and true as her charmed brother.

This woman has become the town flirt. She finds title a happy existence while getting her nails and hair done each week and contributing to all the gossip. She, in essence, is the next generation of her mother and their friends without the husbands....yet.

However, the town cannot stay quiet for too long and excitement and mystery continues to fall upon it. One day, that same baby sister creates a town scandal by having a baby and not knowing whom the father is. It is now that her uptown, perfect brother comes home. Sure enough he finds his one best friend from school, the Baker boy, there is always a Baker boy. Well, the Baker boy always had a slight problem of spending too much time not focusing in school or at work and has no real plan for his life. He runs something like the local Halloween Haunted house and finds this fulfilling for the two months he does it. For the rest of the year, he's the town's handyman. Fixing plumbing, heating, fans, doors, windows, cars and occasionally Mrs. Berry's cabinets that keep swinging open when the train goes by. He is loved and hated throughout the town. The troublemaker and unable to settle down to save his life. He was the one who could have done something, but just never got around to it.

Now, between the town hero's sister and the local Baker boy, a romance had developed for many years. She had a crush since she was ten and he was sixteen. He joked with her as his best friend's little sister, but he dated the high school girls, got drunk with his buddies and life moved along. Until one magical night, you know that kind of night, when she was eighteen and he was twenty-four. They met up, talked, took a long walk by the creek and found the old Granger cabin. That's the place where all the boys used to break into to drink or bring girls to, including that sister's perfect older brother. 

Here is where, the baby sister and the Baker boy make love on a hot summer night that pulled a cool breeze making the world about as perfect a place as it could be. They never experienced anything like that. Unfortunately, when the Baker boy asks for to marry her, she says she needs time and he walks away hurt by her cutting remark and vows never to get involved with her again. He keeps his vow and she goes back to being the town flirt.

Now, when she has a baby several years later, it is widely known that who some of the possible fathers are, so the superstar comes home and begins asking around. His best friend, the Baker boy is obliging and offers a list of names, all of which he's uncertain about, but is uncharacteristically unhappy about the topic as well. The superstar brother begins pointed questioning and finds out the father is none other than the town gigolo. Who is married to a hometown girl, Louisa May, and has a pack of children all screaming all the time. He's is a victim of the shotgun wedding story. You know the one. It begins with a hot summer night by a lake where the moon shines so bright, it's like a light in the sky and it ends with Louisa May pregnant, crying hysterical about how much he doesn't want her and then Louisa May father's shotgun at the boy's head. Constrained and terrified the boy asks her to be his wife, she squeals in delight and surprise, telling all her friends about her romantic proposal and how happy she is to be getting married. And on it goes. She plucks out child after child and gossips around the hairdresser with the screaming brats running around and being doted on, while he drinks all day and night, leaving other women's houses and seedy hotels in the bad section of town. They fight all the time at their farmhouse the only thing they own and never have any money anymore. Louisa May's father is old and gave the shotgun to his son in law, that he now uses to shoot at ducks at the local lake where he first sleep with the daughter. Usually he shoots those ducks late at night when he doesn't want to go home, drank far too much to be useful for any woman and couldn't find anyone willing that night any way.

Finally, the superstar brother of the town flirt with the baby, catches up with good 'ol Jimmy Bob terrifying the ducks of Dorset Creek. He discusses the situation his sister has been found in and with the coolness and suaveness of a bobcat ensnares the lost and destitute Jimmy Bob into admitting his weaknesses and that he had been with his sister and that was his baby. Not wanting to make the situation worse, the superstar brother makes a deal with Jimmy Bob. He won't say who is the father, if Jimmy Bob would try to go home and make it work with his wife. Jimmy Bob agrees.

The brother then buys the Old Granger farm and cabin at the lake, a piece of real estate he has been waiting to be sold for a long time, realizing the importance of the ten acres and the location. He gives the farm and cabin to his sister and her new husband, the Baker boy, who has become successful with his windmill energy conversation prototype he had made several summers ago when he was out of work. The brother and best friend of the Baker boy found an investor for the prototype and the Baker boy sold it for fifty million dollars in the big city and now can provide a great life for the town flirt her fatherless child and himself. After a surprise dinner set up by the brother for his sister and a blind date, who happened to be the Baker boy, he proposed simply and funny something like 'Marry me'. She laughs and begins to start into her old ways saying she isn't sure she wants to marry him, but he's too quick for it this time and kisses her. The scene fades to their wedding, where they are happy and contented getting married in an ceremony at the lake where they first fell in love. Jimmy Bob and Louisa May attend and are happy and noticeable pregnant again. Problem solved and a marriage saved all because the superstar came home and set the people of his hometown in the right direction, why not? He is respected and admired, loved and revered.

The only thing left is the annual Frog Festival ending where the town is about to cancel the festival due to money concerns. Between the superstar, his best buddy, the Baker boy, now his brother in law and Jimmy Bob, who has begun farming his land again and making a good crop, they save the town from canceling the Frog Festival and everyone benefits.

Later on in my life, I created a small-town Community Theater group to help make this dream happen. Even keep it running with my husband, and together we conceptualized a small town festival, a street fair, to be exact. Perhaps in an effort to capture that Frog Festival idea of my youth. There were no frogs involved, however, just ponies, a moonwalk (or bouncer as they are called today), games, food, music and entertainment. Of course, the town I live in now is far smaller than where I grew up. Only 11,000 people. Still too much to know everyone and still it isn't southern. Only a little redneck. I feel I am getting closer to my dream everyday.

All right, so it's all just a story. It could be real for someone somewhere, but I've never met these people and I doubt that you have. Sure, some characteristics may remind you of your hometown, but let's face it. The town superstar does not exist. No one can do everything and solve everyone's problems. Face it, even if there were one, would you really want to know him? Arrogance would be a problem I would imagine. To to be honest, if anyone could do all those things and be praised, he would be arrogant. I wouldn't even blame him for it. Good for him, I say!

The important part of that story however, is that love and life comes in all shapes and sizes. The superstar and his beautiful unassuming wife, the town flirt and the Baker boy, and Jimmy Bob and Louisa May. They are simply 'caricatures' of life's little moments.

You followed the story easily, because you've heard it a million and one time. Romantic comedies in film and on the stage play upon it and have for years. It's the story of love, of life. Of completely unattainable people who live in a world outside the real world, and even if they have just a job or a career, they are far more exciting than your existence and having far more fun living it than you are.

That's the draw of any story. Create such thought-provoking 'real' caricatures with personalities that jump at you and make you laugh or cry.

Of course, every type of manufactured love story is not from the south or even the Midwest. Some are in much different places. High rise corporate buildings that create entanglements involving money, greed and power. People whom often influence and persuade to get what they want. That's just another moment of life and life especially in the 21^st Century. Computers, emails, stock accounts, money laundering, cell phone, security video cameras. It has it all. But what does it say about life or love?

Plenty.

This is from an audio tape that was used to introduce the 'Armaggedon Agenda' storyline from our angel characters.(It was narrated by the leading character, Anataniel, one of the seven princes of Heaven who holds the aspect of love)

You may have believed that darkness only came at night...

Or that dark things only resided in hidden nightmares.

This is not so.

The definition of a demon in modern dictionaries reads 'a noun from the English. An evil spirit', an intermediate between gods and men.'. Other definitions say a demon is a devil or a fiend; a person considered extremely wicked evil or cruel; an evil passion or influence.

These definitions though, descriptive of a demon in nature, are not quite an accurate account for encountering one or how one makes you feel.

In the centuries before modern men, where demons and evil spirits could be found surrounding and engulfing the human race, a King in Ancient Crete encountered a demonic spirit born of angelic nature taken by forces of power and greed. The demon, who resembled a man in every way except the dark blackness of its eyes that held the evil of its master in them, asked of the King in which manner would he like to die.

The king unaware that his death would be forthcoming replied as a King would 'Never.' The demon smiled turning up the corners of its mouth and told the King his desire was granted. He would never die. And thus the King suffered and suffered through hundreds of years watching his own children and their children die before him. Experiencing the anguish and sadness that comes with eternal existence.

The king, Methane, still walks the earth today, still in agony and anguish. Long ago he lost his ability to reason. He watched his kingdom die before him, his wealth and riches plundered and was even witnessed many attempts of death upon him, only to survive and try to take revenge, that was neither sweet nor fulfilling. For even those who harmed him were able to find peace in their dying breaths. A peace Methane continues to long for....

Another King, noble and true across the waters from Crete was asked the very same question by one of light. An angelic spirit whom visited the King hours before he was to die at the hand of his greedy brother. The king replied 'as God would see fit.' The angelic spirit took the King's hand and smiled, taking him home to his Father and was greeted into heaven's gate with the glory of the angels for his deeds upon the Earth.

The greedy brother found a dead king when he entered his chambers that night to commence with the torture. The greedy king repented when the angel returned to tell of his brother's fate and his bliss in heaven. Taking over the throne he lived long and was a good king as his brother before him.

Time passed and many kings, rulers, leaders and commoners knew of these powers between the worlds of Heaven and Hell. Many knew. Many saw...and many believed.

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