Title: Glass Roses
Author: Shades of Hades
Date: February, 2007
Warning: Slashy-Sap (Ever Be says it's not sappy, but I know better ;P).
A/N: This is probably my least favorite chapter right now. Maybe I'd like it more if I started to like Derek more. Eh. I don't know.

Chapter Seven: Torn Between

To say I was surprised by his actions was a bit of an understatement. Of all the things I expected him to do, kissing me wasn't one of them.
Before I could respond to the kiss, however, he pulled away, quickly burying his face in my shirt.
“I'm sorry,” he told me sadly, as he pull himself away from me. “I had to do that, even if you didn't want me to.”
I pulled him back to my chest.
“There's no need for that,” I lifted his chin, and tilted his face towards mine. “I wanted you to kiss me. I was just so confused by everything that had happened I freaked out yesterday when you almost did, but I've had time to think about it.”
He smiled, and leaned forward kissing me again, this time much deeper than before. His arms snake around my waist, and I open my mouth in surprise as I feel his cold tongue prod at my lips. Suddenly, my body is like ice.
I squeeze my eyes shut, and push him back slightly.
“I'm sorry,” I tell him softly, not able to look him in the eyes. I seem to be having this problem a lot lately. “It's just all so strange for me...”
Leaning forward I place my lips softly over his again, and try hard to ignore that hurt look in his eyes.
Gabriel pushes me gently away. “You don't think I may be confused by all of this?”
“That's not what I mean,” I tell him as he starts to walk away from me. “I mean, the fact that you're a ghost.”
He stops, his shoulders tense, eyes staring straight ahead. Then, after a few moments he begins walking again.
“I know,” is all he says.
I follow him closely as he walks up the stairs and turns into my bedroom, not even bothering to open the door. I'm so distracted by following him, I almost forget to open the door myself, and stop with my face mere inches from it.
When my door creaks open, I find him sitting on my bed, staring at the floor. I drop my backpack to the ground and fall next to him onto the bed.
“It's asking too much of you, I know,” he begins quietly, eyes focused on the floor. “I've been though so much pain in the past, but I still want to take the chance with you... I hardly know you.” There's a pause and I silently beg for him to look at me, to look anywhere but that spot on the floor. But he doesn't, just continues. “I shouldn't take life away from you. I may be stuck here with my regret, but I don't want YOU to feel like I do.”
Finally, his eyes rise from the floor and he looks at me, tears filling his blue eyes, and I find myself looking away from the intensity in them, ashamed at myself for doing so.
“I don't have anything you could take me away from.” Even as I speak the words, my mind wanders back to Derek, my mind telling me all things I could do with him, that I could never do with Gabriel.
“Someday, you'll find someone, and you'll be happy, but that someone isn't going to be me,” he tells me plainly, eyes falling back to the floor.
“Yes, it will be,” I tell him softly, placing my hand on his shoulder, only to watch in painfully slow motion as it falls through and hits the bed.
Gabriel gives a small sob.
“How can you say that when you can't even touch me?” his voice is so soft I have to lean in closer to hear him.
“I don't know,” I answer him honestly. “Last week I had no clue that ghosts even fucking existed, and I had never been close to anyone. Everything is moving so fast, my mind can't keep up with it. You threw everything I knew before this out the window, and you expect me to be able to answer you. You've had over a hundred years to think about your life and everything you know to be true. I've only had seventeen.”
Both my hands are resting on my lap and I stare at them, never feeling so unsure of myself in my life.
There was a long thick silence, and for a small moment I thought he had actually left, until he spoke.
“I may have had longer to think, but I doubt life makes anymore sense to me than it does to you.”
His hand rested on mine and his fingers curled under my chin lifting my eyes to meet his.
“I love you,” I said and my eyes widen in surprise.
Smiling, he kissed me, pushing me down on the bed with his sudden body weight.
I raised my hand to his cheek, smiling into the kiss with the boy above me, the cold of his mouth, refreshing me as his tongue parted my lips to deepen the kiss. His experience showed as he easily over powered my mouth, and took full control of the kiss, his fingers absently ghosting down my chest, raising goosebumps in their wake.
A shiver ran down my spine as his hands work their way under my shirt and stopped, pulling away from me.
“I'm sorry,” he tells me, face inches from mine, hair falling from its place and tickling my face.
“Don't stop,” I answered back, bringing my lips up to meet his in a cool caress.

---------

“Are you okay? You've been distracted since you sat down.”
I glanced up at the boy across from me, smiling softly despite myself at the memory of last night.
“I'm fine,” I assured Derek, and he looked relieved.
“I thought for sure you would tell me you didn't want to go with me after school today.”
“What? Why would you think that?” I asked, completely confused at his logic.
“No reason,” he tells me, suddenly entirely too interested in his sandwich. “Did you have a nice night?” He change the subject, so I let it go.
“Yeah, it was alright,” I tell him, trying hard not to shout out loud about what happened between us last night. I smiled wider as I thought about Gabriel's lips on mine.
“I had a good night, too,” he told me with a nod.
“Oh yeah?” I asked with a raised eyebrow, only half listening as he told me about what had happened to him last night.
My mind just kept wandering back to Gabriel and the night we spent together. I had never really thought of myself as a romantic, but last night I had actually told him I loved him. I had never told anyone that, not even my own mother. Not that anyone could blame me. The only people that she would want to hear that from would be a guy with a fat wallet, but the fact still remained that I was in love with Gabriel.
He didn't say he loved me back, but it was obvious in his kisses and the way he touched me. Gabriel was not the kind of person to lie about that, nor was he the type of person to share an intimate moment like that with someone he didn't care about. Besides, he told me he DIDN'T want to start anything with me because he thought I would leave him. He trusts me. And I trust him.
Trust is an odd feeling for me, something, like love, that I had never really felt before. I was FINALLY starting to see worth in someone and it only took a dead man to show me.
“You're not even listening to me, are you?” Derek sounded hurt, and I looked up at him.
“Sorry,” I told him, ashamed at myself for zoning out while he was talking. “I'm just a little distracted.”
“Oh yeah? Something you want to talk about?” he asked, looking concerned.
“No, I really don't want to,” I told him honestly, and he gave me a hurt look.
I really don't understand this boy. We barely know each other but he's trying so hard to get my attention and get me to talk to him. I may be communicating better with people, but still, I hardly want to tell him my life story.
“I understand,” he told me as he hung his head, staring blankly at the table. “I mean, it's not like you know me that well... I don't really expect you to trust me yet.”
“It's not just you,” I tell him, feeling immensely guilty for his sharp change in mood. “I don't really like talking to people much. They make me nervous.” I had told him far more than I meant to, but it seem to do the trick, he was a least a little more cheery than before. He even smiled warmly at me.
“I know what you mean, there's really only a handful of people that I feel like I can talk to. That's probably why I'm so close to Rachel.” He looked depressed for a second, but it passed when he put his hand out in front of me, holding a sandwich. “Here,” he told me simply.
“What's this for?” I asked him as I stared at the sandwich he was presenting me with.
He blushed. “I noticed you didn't have anything to eat again today, and I never finish all my lunch anyways,” he tells me, not looking at me. “It's peanut butter and jelly.”
I took the sandwich from him. I was really starting to like this boy.

-------

School seemed to drag on through the rest of the day as I waited for my promised meet with Derek, wondering why I suddenly felt like I was betraying Gabriel as I walked towards the main school doors.
Derek smiled at me, trying to ignore the people that were pushing their way by him towards the buses.
I gave him a half-hearted smile back, growing uncomfortable with this feeling in my stomach as I looked at him.
“Are you ready to go? My car's out front,” he pointed in the general direction of the parking lot and I nodded at him as he grabbed my arm, leading me out of the school in through the thick mob of people.
“My car's right over here,” Derek told me with a smile as he motioned towards the right side of the parking lot. I followed him obediently, watching the cars past by as we walked.
“Here's my good ol' piece of junk,” he says, as he jams his key into a rusty red ford truck. “It's an eye sore, but it was free, so I'm not complainin',” he tells me as he holds the door open for me. I throw my backpack in first, then hoist myself up into the cab.
“At least you have a car,” I said as he slammed the door behind me and crossed over to his side. When he got into the car I continued, “I still have to take the bus everywhere. It's pretty bad, considering I'm almost eighteen and I don't have my license yet.”
He laughed as the engine flared to life with a slight putter. He rolled down the window, then leaned over me to reach into the glove compartment before he spoke again. “It's not so bad. The bus I mean. You get to ride with your friends at least.” I shrugged but he didn't notice as he pulled a pack of cigarettes and a lighter out of the glove box. “Do you mind if I smoke?” He asked as he leaned back into his seat.
I shook my head. “I don't care, but shouldn't you wait til we're offa school property to do that?”
He shrugged as he pulled on his seat belt, unlit cigarette hanging from loose lips. “It's part of the thrill,” he told me with a smile as he lit the cigarette then threw the car into gear.
My fingers tightened against the handle above the door as we took off, jerking forward at an alarming rate through the parking lot.
Derek smiled at me as he noticed my knuckles turning white. “Don't worry, this truck makes it seem worst than it really is. I'm not even breaking the speed limit.”
Despite his words, I didn't let go of the leather handle until we stopped at what I assumed was our final destination for the time being.
Pushing the lever back into park, he turned to look at me. “I though we could get a bit to eat,” he told me, as he motioned to the small restaurant. Polly's Place.
“I don't have any money,” I told him honestly as I stared warily at the gaudy sign.
“It's okay,” he answers back, quickly, probably expecting my answer, “It's my treat.”
I raised an eyebrow at him. “No,” I told him stubbornly. “You shouldn't have to pay for me. I don't need anything.”
He didn't answer me, only opened his door and hopped out.
“Come on. It's my treat, seriously,” he told me as he opened my door. “It doesn't look like much, but they actually make pretty good food here. I use to come here every Sunday when my parents were still together.”
He held his hand out to me and I undid my seat belt and took it as I slid off the seat. I fell into his arms with an embarrassed blush, my face pressed against his chest. We stayed like that a moment, before I recovered my senses and pushed myself away from him.
Derek just gave me a hurt look before he slammed my door and took the lead.
“Order anything you want,” he told me as we were seated by the waitress,” I don't care about the cost.”
I shook my head. “No, I'll just have a glass of water.” I told him as he opened the menu.
“Don't be ridiculous. I'm not going to eat in front of you if you don't get anything, and I plan on eating, now open your menu and order something,” he told me sternly as a blush spread across his face. “I've got money, and I want to spend it on you, so stop saying you're not having anything.”
I blushed back, opening the menu so I could hide behind it. “Do you have a job or something?”
“Huh? Oh yea. I teach kids to ride horses at one of the local stables,” he scratched his head absently and gave me a lopsided grin. “Guess I don't look like I would, do I?”
I stared at him a moment before I answered him. “No, I wouldn't have suspected.”
He nodded sagely, folding his menu and setting it in front of him. “I've been riding since I was really little. My parents use to have horses before my mom and I moved into town.”
I reflected on his sentence a moment, not really sure if I should ask, but curious about why his parents split. I don't know him too well, and I'm pretty sure I would be angry if someone asked me about my father. Not that I could answer them since I don't know anything about him. But that's not the point. The point is, it would be rude to ask, even if I was insanely curious about it.
I was relieved of my worries however when the waitress came back, “Are you ready to order?”
Glancing down at the menu I realized that I hadn't even really looked at it yet.
“Er, I'll have a glass of water,” I told her despite the fact that I could feel his eyes boring into me as I said it.
“I'll have a chocolate shake,” he told her with a sigh. “I think my friend and I might need another minute before we order anything to eat though,” he told her and I buried my face back in menu as he stared at me from across the table.
The woman left to fill out drink orders and Derek started up the argument once again. “You can't just order water. The only thing you had to eat today was half a sandwich, you must be hungry.” I had a feeling this is what a mother was suppose to sound like.
“I'm sorry,” I told him, hiding my eyes from him.
He stared at me another few seconds before he went back to his menu. “I hate it when people apologize for things that aren't their fault,” he told me quietly as an odd mood settled over us.