Name: Luke "Three Legs" Griffith
Age: 25
Most Common Discriptions: Tall, dark, and handsome. That guy with my girlfriend. Oh my god, did you see the size of that thing?!
Occupations: Apple stacker. Professional student. Army tool.
Hobbies: Dating two girls at the same time, with the same name, then confusing them. Water skiing, until my boat blew up. Practicing for the longest beach sitting contest. Trying out new ways to get slapped by a girl in less than 30 seconds. Anything to do with water. Using my charm to get women to do anything I want. Reading, so I can sound intelligent when I am coercing women.
Aspirations: To be the first person to die of a hangover. Mother, daughter combination. To get through life without taking anything serious. To bring back poligamy.
Things I miss: Sour cream, toilets, sour cream, cocktail glasses, breaking cocktail glasses, real women, the beach, real women, sour cream, my burned up boat, real women, getting in more trouble than my sister, having my picture up in the "do not admit" section, and the annual highschool cheerleading championship at the Cox arena.
Things I won't miss about Iraq: Article fifteen hearings, sweating out of every pore in your body, females, the Army, living in a trailer, NCO's, officers, MRE's, sleeping in the dirt, waiting in lines, the Army, everything.
My life story: None of your damn business!
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