Date:  Cape Cod Hash, Saturday June 12, 2004
Hares:  Mother Shucker, Maxi Pads with Wings, Cod the Animal
Theme: Blair Witch II
Start: under Route 6 at Exit 7
Beer Check: next to where a man was burned to death after Blair Witch I
On-in: Mother Shucker's and Val's place, Cummaquid MA
Time:  2:00 p.m. HST
Total Distance:  maybe 4 miles
Scribe: Cums Alone
Weather: 75 glorious degrees, a beautiful sunny day for the Blair Witch II

Cape Hashers present: Just Brenda (2 hashes?), Cod the Animal, Just Donna,
Just Karen (2?), Little Neck, Maxi Pads with Wings, Just Michelle, Mother
Shucker, Just Val, Wee Willie Wanker (dual citizen ... both BH3 and C2H3),

Virgins: Manny

Boston Hashers present: Bonsai, Cock Climber, Cream Whora, Cums Alone,
Doggie Treats, Friar F*ck, More Semen Please, Raging Queen of Beers, Shitty
Trail, Snatchsquatch, Trail Hoover (aka at the RI hash: Summer's Eve 7 Year
B*tch),

Music City H3 Hasher (Nashville TN): Foreskin

Missing in action: J Mo, Holy O!Zone (they said they were cumming and didn't
appear. Could it have been more foul play???)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


The Start and the Run:

What strange evil forces are entwined with the Blair Witch Hash on the Cape?

Shortly after the hash last year, a man was found burned to death, tied to a
tree near the hash trail.

We had been instructed to bring amulets to protect against evil forces, a
good idea.  This year there were more strange and mysterious happenings.
Several hashers got stuck in traffic on the way to A after a pre-lube in
downtown Hyannis. Seems an SUV had rolled over 5 times right in front of the
start of the hash. We passed the SUV and took an immediate left into the lot
full of parked construction vehicles and hashers. Friar decided to rest
after his ride, so he lay down across the railroad tracks. As they were
shiny, I advised him to move if he felt any vibration.  Just Val said that
it was safe, since the train had hit a car in Hyannis about an hour before,
and there was a fatality. Blair Witch strikes again!

Mother Shucker gave the explanation of marks, X = F, F = F, a turkey eagle
split (but we would miss the most scenic and fun part of the trail if we
took the turkey trail). There would be mud, blood, and beer.

We took off through the woods. Unlike the trail in Millis the week before,
there was considerably less poison ivy, but the usual thorns and stuff.  We
went parallel to Rt. 6 for a while and then turned into the woods. We were
on trails that were marked with flour, little chalk stick figures and
strange looking amulets with feathers and other goodies.

We got to the turkey/eagle split and Doggie Treat decided on the eagle,
while I decided that it was okay to be a turkey. Mother Shucker came by and
told me that we were missing a half-mile of knee-deep water by being
turkeys. Okay by me!

I was walking, accompanied by Just Brenda. We found a BN and then a BC.
Hmmm ... I didn't see any beer. Brenda didn't see any beer either. Maybe we
beat the beer to the beer check? We kind of hung around a bit, and then we
heard a whistle. Sure enough, Maxi Pads was off the main trail, behind a
couple of pine trees. There was a whole lot of crime scene tape blowing
around. Maxi explained that it was because the tree where the guy got burned
to death was in the woods about 50 feet away. Gruesome. Actually, they took
away the tree for evidence, but the other trees around it bore scorch marks
that attested to its existence. There was still some tape tied from some of
the trees, but much of it had disintegrated with a year’s exposure to the
weather. I grabbed a handful to add to the hashit, which was stashed in the
trunk of my car (Doggie Treats had been awarded it on Wednesday, so it would
be a fitting addition to commemorate her temporary ownership).

After viewing the crime scene, we refreshed ourselves with a brew and waited
for the FRBs. Cod the Animal walked right on by without even pausing at the
BC. He was talking with Cock Climber and More Seamen Please. Hey wait ... he
was one of the hares!  What's with that? After we laughed a bit, we started
whistling to call them back, but an airplane overhead drowned us out. Mother
Shucker came up and we told him what happened. So he ran off after them. The
rest of the pack arrived with less trouble because Shitty Trail has a nose
for beer. She trotted right over and sniffed the cooler.  The rest of the
pack also got a tour of the crime scene.  All were suitably impressed.

From the beer check, trail wound around in the woods, up and down hills,
through sandy areas, finally back to A.  Bonsai had baked cookies, which she
thoughtfully shared with the pack.  From A, we drove back to Just Val's and
Mother Shucker's for the circle and refreshments.

The on in:

Friar F*ck got nominated to stand in as RA. Wee Willie was ordered into the
circle for abuse. Comments on the run included:  "Shitty Trail", "Not enough
pavement for the Boston hashers", "convoluted", "too many t*ts", "not enough
green", "too many dogs", "swampalicious", "too much flour", "just enough
shiggy", "this is the second week I got wet", "not enough dead bodies", "not
enough crotch chafing", "I loved it," nice deflowering for me", "great
weather", "not enough mud ... I am used to hashing in Rhode Island". The
hares did their down down.

Doggie Treats was dementoress for virgin Manny.  She asked him how much time
he spent on his knees, but he didn't answer. Manny said that Just Karen made
him cum.  "It's her fault", he said. But cumming is a good thing. His
favorite barnyard animal is the horse, but his favorite s*xual position is
doggie style, a response that pleased Doggie Treats greatly. Manny thought
the square root of 69 was 35, but despite that he was deemed worthy of the
hash, and given a down down.

Accusations:
* Visitors: all non-Cape people got a down down
* Hare ran past beer check: Cod the Animal, so if one hare drinks, they all
drink. And they did.
* Sanctioned event shirt: Trail Hoover (Tufts 10k shirt), and Raging Queen,
as accuser, got to drink with her
* Just Val was falsely accused of working at a hash. She pointed out that
the crime scene was in Barnstable, and she works in Hyannis. So, Cream Whora
got to drink for his false accusation. He then sang "Beat Your Meat at the
Ball Game".
* Technology on trail: Cums Alone, Friar and Doggie Treats, and one or two
others (actually DT called me to let me know she was on 3, since the marks
were pretty far apart after the BC) Friar sang "My Ding A Ling" for the
pack.
* Hat in circle (a witch's hat): Mother Shucker (and all hares got to drink
for that)

We did hash religion and then we had a great barbecue, with hotdogs, veggie
dogs, potato salad, cole slaw, baked beans, chips and salsa, etc.

Quotes:
"It's all head, baby." - Doggie Treats
"It could be S & M." - Bonsai


--- Cums Alone, your humble scribe

Upcumming Events:
*July 4 ... barbecue in Newport, Cuffed & Stuffed in the Buff.  Also, July
4, a local barbecue at Cums Alone's in Watertown (early afternoon, ending in
time to see the fireworks in Boston)
* Ottawa 1000th run, Red Dress Run. Weekend of July 1-4.
* Buffet Hash - July 10-11
* Burlington Invihashional - July 16-18
* Blew Moon Hash in NH - July 30-8/1
* Hash Clam Bake: August 28
* Sky Di*e Hash September 18-19