June 5, 1052
This is the first time in nearly four years that I have written in my own diary [...] My cousin was killed by Fasorians a few months ago, we received the news only a few weeks ago. Leonard, Justina, and Nathaniel were nearly killed as well [...]

[...]"Yes, it is. I'm twenty-five today. And I have the most beautiful wife and children in all of the great oceans."
"I'm sorry I don't have a present," I said sadly.
"Your survival and the children are enough," he said, referring to our separation and the fact that many children don't survive their first year. I almost tremble to think of it now. I was imprisoned, and separated from Eric for so long, Lillian was born during that time, and I felt so horrible that she was growing up in a jail, without her father, without what she deserved.

June 9
[...]It is so depressing to think of all that has happened in the past few years since I last kept a diary. Of course, as anyone can tell, I no longer live as royalty. It's all because of Ferdinand, the wretched king of a wretched country, Fasoria. A thousand curses upon him, for his dishonorable thoughts and horrible deeds! He has killed many people I knew well and even my relatives. I remember with dark thoughts the rumor I found so silly and yet so dangerous. "King Ferdinand improperly desires one of the women at the Crarinian Royal Court." I remember when Eric said he would be proud, although of course a little angry, if I was her, for then it would prove that I am the most beautiful as well as intelligent woman in all of the great oceans. Of course it was me, and now look at this country. It is in ruins, Eric and I must run from place to place like criminals, and my relatives may be killed any day. All because of one man's desire. The name Ferdinand is now a curse from our tongues; the most detestable word I now know.

June 17
It is late at night. Maybe the eleventh hour, but I have no idea how to tell.
It was the twelfth, and I was riding to cross the river when I saw four horsemen riding towards me fast. I prayed it was someone who would help, but I saw the Fasorian coat-of-arms and I knew it was hopeless. I knew what was happening before they did. They saw Lillian and Napoleon, and decided that they were mine. They ordered me off the horse and gave the children to one of their men to hold. I stood near him and was ready to hurt him if he did anything wrong. He held them surprisingly well, but I was still nervous and angry. The others unloaded the horse and exploited my possessions. They burned whatever they thought they could not use, and loaded up the horse again. They tied my hands and hoisted me onto the horse so that I could not get off. The man holding the children had to walk holding them, which was my only satisfaction, seeing him tire so quickly. We rode for a long time, and finally came to their fort. It was unlike the old fort I had been living in with Eric in every way other then my despise for it.
They took me to a cell, which can only be described as a jail cell with straw on the floor and stone walls and floor. There was a table, chair, and bed. They gave me some food and water and left me there. I decided to hide the diary under the mattress. I had hidden it in my dress when I stopped writing, so it was the only thing I had left. I made the children fall asleep and I stayed up for hours, nervous and worrying, until the next morning they brought me to another room with an older woman who was very quiet until they left. She told me I had to undress the children and give them what was provided to wear. I did so, and she gave me a dress to wear, which I personally thought was less torn and ripped than what I had, so I didn't mind as much as I would have.
She brought me back to me cell and a few minutes later, two small beds were brought for Lillian and Napoleon who were taking all of it much better than I. They seem to be content as long as they were comfortable.
Guards check on my every hour in the day and every two hours at night. I always pretend to be sleeping at night, but really I can't sleep. How am I to sleep when I know that Ferdinand is going to come at any time? I will never know what he is going to do. He may hurt me or the children, maybe take the children away, perhaps even try to have them killed. I don't know what I would do if he hurt them. He doesn't understand that the worse he is, the less likely I am to love him. The fool, I would write all of the curses I know in every language to him, but they are too good for him. There is no word for him, only Ferdinand, now the worst curse I know.
I hate everything about this place. I have not been allowed outside, and I probably never will. I'm so sad and afraid. The only thing I am sure of is that Eric is not dead or captured, or Ferdinand would already be married to me. I can only pray for Eric's safety, and hope that Ferdinand lets me go.

[...]Since my refusal to marry Ferdinand, he is now bent on capturing Crarina and killing Eric so that he can marry me without my consent. He is trying to kill the entire Royal Family so that there are no rulers for this country, making it easy to take Crarina.
Eric's mother died while I was in Onslaugh Jail, and his sisters are under house arrest somewhere. With Napoleon's birth, there are five remaining Cranoras, including Lillian and Eric's sisters. There used to be hundreds who had legal claim to the throne, for Eric's grandfather had many brothers and sisters, but they were loyal subjects. I remember one especially, Lord Matthew, Eric's best friend. They were third cousins, and often they talked with each other and sparred. I remember Matthew's last moments, too. He was protecting me and Eric from the Fasorians from afar, but he was stabbed and left on the floor, trampled and ignored. I saw it, but Eric didn't. He only saw his body, and knew what had happened. Then we ran and tried to escape. I don't want to think about it. It was sad.

[...]I miss the palace that we used to live in before the war, when everything was peaceful and no one we knew was dead or hurt. And if anyone we knew was dead, at least it was for certain and there was no uncertainty. I know that Eric is alive, but other than that, I know nothing of the world outside this prison. I can be sure he is alive, but what does it matter if I am living in a gilded cage with the children, far away, and no hope of rescue?

August 7
Anyone would think that it's a little exciting being imprisoned against your will, waiting for someone to rescue you, wondering if you will be married to someone you hate soon, but it's not really exciting at all. I am very bored. It's so tedious. I don't have much to think about besides my situation and Eric, and what to do with the children when they start crying next, and the rest of my time is sleeping and eating. I wish I would be allowed outside to exercise, but I am stuck here. I pace around the room sometimes, but that really doesn't help.
I sometimes think that I have thought of anything there is to think of. I don't bother thinking of how to escape because I know that there are guards outside the door, everywhere in the corridors, and outside the fort. I would never make it, at least not with the children. I might manage alone, but I would never leave the children here, in this horrible place. I already know what I will say to Eric when I see him next, if ever, and what I will say to Ferdinand if he comes back. I know what I want to say to Mother, James, Elizabeth, Edgar, their children, Leonard, Justina, Nathaniel, Charles, Richard, Mae Anne, Joseph, my aunt Goldina, King Matthew, my many cousins, Eric's sisters, the king of Paparn, Emperor William, Empress Anne, Countess Barbara, Teresa, Duchess Anne, Lady Sarah; my former lady-in-waiting, and everyone else I know. I even have thought of something to say to Father when I die, either soon or in many years, when I go to where Ewoun resides, and I see him again. I feel insane, having thought of all of these things to say to people. I can't think of anything to think of. It's maddening. I try playing games with Lillian and Napoleon, but even they sometimes get tired of it. Sometimes I ask myself, will I simply go mad?

December 28, 1052
I was first captured three years ago today. All day, the memory has hung over me like an ominous storm cloud. I didn't tell anyone until Duchess Tiffany and Countess Priscilla asked me why I was so quiet. I said, "This is the day that I was first taken by the Fasorians." They nodded in remembrance and sorrow.
"I remember those early days very well," Priscilla said sadly, and continued, "His Highness was so heartbroken. He was sure that you were dead, and then he said that you had been expecting a child, and we all went into quiet mourning for both of you. He didn't come out of his room very much in the first few weeks. He always seemed to be crying for the first few days, and then he stopped, but he still didn't leave his room. One of his advisors dared suggest he start thinking about getting a new wife. King Eric had him exiled from all of the secret bases."
"I remember the first day we thought you might be alive," said Tiffany. "It was so wonderful. His Highness was still mourning in his way, not talking to anyone, and then one of our men captured a Fasorian who told us that you were being kept in a jail somewhere. I remember how the King smiled for the first time since you were taken. Then it all started, and you were brought back four months after the first time we heard that you were alive." Tiffany herself seemed to be crying in happiness.
I was happy to hear this, so after I was done helping with cooking and cleaning, and I was alone with Eric, I asked him, "Did you really think I was dead?" He grew very quiet and nodded yes. I know when he does that, it means he doesn't trust himself to speak. "I'm sorry, Eric, I wish I wasn't pretty enough to attract Ferdinand." He smiled a little, but then he said, "I wouldn't have it any other way... I was so... so scared while I thought you were dead. I couldn't think of what to do. I just sat in my room and wished for you. I stopped thinking about how much I hoped the baby was alive after a month or two, after a while I just thought of you. I didn't want another wife, but I knew that the people would demand it eventually. I just wanted to have you back, but the thought that no matter how much I wanted you, you wouldn't come back... that was too much. In my entire life, if there was something I wanted, I would get it. Except for my father. I don't think you understand it completely. I hope you don't, Linda. I hope you never think that I'm dead when I'm not. It's too horrible knowing someone you care about is dead, but when you don't know, it's worse. And besides that, if you died naturally before me, you really would have died twice for me. I don't know if I could handle that." Eric pressed his hands to his face, and I rested my head on his shoulder. I said to him softly, "You've had more pain and suffering than any loving man deserves. I hope that you never have that pain again. And don't think about death anymore. I'm not going to leave your side for decades if I can help it." I kissed him and then I put the children to bed.
I remember the night I was captured so well; better than I would like to. It was evening, and we were having a nice supper, a perfectly normal, quiet supper. Suddenly a courier burst into the room. Eric was a little angry until the man shouted, "The Fasorians are storming Castletown! You must hide, Your Highnesses!" Eric told me to burn my diaries because they might contain important information. I did so, and I also burned some documents that had to do with the garrisons and numbers of our soldiers. Then Eric and I were in a long hallway. Eric was defending me from the few soldiers in there, as well as Lord Matthew, his best friend. I looked away from Eric for a short time and saw Matthew fall to the ground. I gasped and Eric looked and saw Matthew. He didn't say a word, he just grabbed my hand and we ran to my chambers. There is a secret trap door that leads to a series of underground chambers, under my bed, and no sooner had Eric slid under and disappeared than did the door fall down and Fasorians streamed into the room. I screamed, and then one put his hand over my mouth and I think I fainted then. Eric said he heard me scream and then be cut off. Then he heard the soldiers simply walk away, so he was sure they had slit my throat or something like that and left. And then began the long fourteen months that they thought I was dead, and I nearly wished I was.
I know how it feels for someone you care for to be gone. My father died when I was four, but I remember it all too well. Death isn't fair to the living, but it's natural, so we must learn to live with it. What no man or woman should have to go through is thinking that someone you love is dead when they aren't dead. That is something that doesn't have to happen, but it does. That is what is truly unfair. Death may be necessary, but false death isn't, and that it what makes it wrong.