To Be Desired
                                                       Chapter 14


�You do?� He asked softly. I hesitated, then nodded my head slowly. He smiled. �I Love you, too� He said moving to kiss me and making a frustrated sound remembering he couldn�t. He started kissing my neck instead. I put my arms back around his neck and exhaled in relief. �You do?� I asked in shock. �Oh, yeah� He said. He loved me he loved me he loved me!!! I felt like doing a happy dance, except I didn�t really cuz I�m sick.  Can�t go around doing happy dances when your sick, believe me. I smiled at him and turned my face upward looking at the millions of stars.

I loved stars, they were so beautiful. Paul was sitting next to me looking at them too with his arm around me. It was really cold. I shivered. �Are you cold?� He asked. �No� I started highly sarcastically. �I just shiver now and again for fun.� I added, smiling. He smiled. �Here� He said pulling off his suit jacket. He slid it around my shoulders. I slipped my arms in the sleeves. �thanks!� I said smiling. He gave me his jacket! How sweet, I love it. He slid his arm around me. I cuddled into his side and looked back up at the sky. Wow. He loved me he loved me he loved me! my neck started to hurt and I looked back to the city. I turned my head into Paul�s shoulder. He was really warm, and he smells sooooo good. I took a deep breath. I was really tired. �Can we go inside?� I asked. �Sure� He said standing up. He grabbed my hand and pulled me up next to him. He opened the door and sound flooded into the peaceful night. I took a step inside and almost walked right back out. It was very stuffy and smoky, it was crammed with people, and the noise was so loud I was starting to get a headache already.  I followed Paul through the crowd with my hand locked in his. I was getting dirty looks left and right. We ended up next to George and John With throngs of girls standing by and hanging on them. Paul entered the conversation easily as I stood next to him taking the looks from fellow Paul lovers. Sometime during the conversation Paul squeezed my hand and I squeezed back. I didn�t feel very good so I waited for a time to break into the conversation. �I�m going to go to bed, I don�t feel so well.� I said to Paul when George left to get drinks. He looked at me. �OK� He said. He walked with me to my room and I let him in and shut the door behind us. The incredible noise was muffled a bit but it was still loud. I slid my hands around his neck and his were around my waist. �What time are we leaving tomorrow?� I asked. � At around 9� He said. �Oh OK� I said. �Goodnight, Luv� He said kissing me on my cheek. �Night, Paulie, I love you� I said almost afraid to actually say it out loud. �I Love you too, Sarah� He smiled and blew me a kiss before closing the door quietly. I remembered I still had his jacket and brought it up to my face. It smelled so good. I�m sorry I am like addicted to his smell. I threw it on the chair by my bed and changed into my black sweat shorts and pink spaghetti strap shirt. I slid under the covers and fell asleep almost immediately.

          I stirred a bit and opened my eyes slowly. I felt something pinning me down. Paul�s arm was lying across my stomach. He was lying on his stomach with his head facing me.  I laid my hand over his and stroked his finger absentmindedly. He looked so peaceful asleep. I swept his hair away from his eyes. I scooted closer to him and laid my head next to his. He smelled so  good. I love how he smelled. I took a deep breath and fell asleep quickly.

I felt Paul pull me to him groggily. I stirred and looked at the clock. It was 7:34a.m. I rolled over to face Paul. �Paulie� I said gently. He moaned and hugged me to him.  �Wake up, you� I said. He blinked and opened his eyes. �We hafto get ready, It�s 7:30� I said. He smiled. �Good morning� He said and kissed me on my cheek. �Morning� I said smiling. �Are you feeling better?� He asked. �Yeah� I said nodding. I did feel practically all better. Just weak. I didn�t want to get out of bed.  The bed suddenly felt incredibly soft. I threw my arm around Paul. �Don�t make me get up� I whined snuggling against him. �OK� He said sleepily. �No� I said sitting up. I really couldn�t. �You can sleep, I hafto do my hair� I said struggling out of the twisted heap of blankets. I got my shower stuff and went to take my shower, wishing I were still in bed. I took a long hot shower and washed the ecki sick away. I realized I forgot my clothes and wrapped my towel around me firmly. I opened the door and breathed the cold, unsteamy, air.

There was an empty space and an imprint in the pillow where Paul was. I went to my case and picked out my tight sandblasted jeans, my plastic belt with the British flag printed all the way around it, and my small red shirt. I was running late.  I had an argument with my clothes. Trying to get them on all wet. My pants were being mean. I jumped up and down trying to get them on. Finally the relented and I buttoned them and slid my belt through my loops. My bra was the most pissy, it kept sticking to my skin and completely annoying me. I looked at the clock and stepped up a gear realizing if I didn�t hurry I wouldn�t have enough time to blow dry my thick hair.  I had somehow lost my shirt and threw the blankets of the bed searching for it. I was shaking them out one by one when Paul walked in, still in his pajamas.

He gave me a look. I suppose I did look a bit strange, standing there with no shirt on shaking blankets franticly. �I lost my shirt� I whined, pouting and dropping the empty blanket. He smiled and shook his head. �You lost your shirt?� He asked. I nodded. �It�s red� I said. Paul picked up the blankets one by one and placed them in a pile on top of the bed. We both bent under the bed and pulled the skirt up. I saw it just hidden by the skirt and grabbed it. �I found it!� I said excitedly, jumping up. Paul looked at me like I was crazy. �I love this shirt� I explained. He nodded slowly. like Ooooooooh Kaaaaaay. �Anyroad,� He said smiling. �I was wondering if I could use your shower cause John is hogging ours.� He said. �Oh, sure� I said. �It�s in there� I said pointing to the bathroom door. �I figured as much� He said smiling. �That�s good of you� I said pulling the shirt over my head. I looked in the mirror above the dresser. The shirt was kind of short, but I liked it like that, It made the belt stand out more. Yeah, I love my belt. �Does this look OK?� I asked turning to Paul. He nodded. �Yeah, lovely.� He said. Grabbing his clothes off the bed, where he set them down earlier. He walked into the bathroom and I heard the water turn on. I put on my socks and sprayed my hair with conditioner, brushing it out. I plugged in my blow dryer and remembered I left my clip on the counter in the bathroom. The door was partially open as steam filtered out of the bathroom. It was incredibly damp and hot in there. �Can I come in?� I shouted over the water to Paul. �Sure� He shouted back. I stepped into the room being consumed by the steam. The water hung heavy in the air. I searched the counter for my clip and found it behind Paul�s shirt. I realized I hadn�t brushed my teeth in the rush and got my toothbrush and realized I hadn�t any toothpaste. Grr. �Paul?� I asked. �Yeah?� He said. �Do you have any toothpaste?� I asked. �Yup, It�s in my room.� He said. �Can I use some?� I asked. �Sure, It�s in my shaving bag.� He said. �And where, pr�t ell is that?� I asked. �Ask John� He said. �Thanks� I said leaving the room quickly. The air was choking me. I walked into the common room where George and John were eating breakfast.

�Hey, John?� I asked. He looked up �Yeah?� He said. �Where is Paul�s shavey kittish thing?� I asked. �On the dresser� He said. I nodded. �Thanks� I said. �No problem� He said returning to his cornflakes. I found it quickly and rushed back to my room. Time was running away. I walked swiftly into the bathroom and started brushing my teeth rapidly. I looked in the mirror and saw the shower certain. Paul was behind that, without any clothes on. I almost spit my toothpaste out and bit my lip, trying not to choke.

  I spit my toothpaste out and rinsed my mouth out well, smiling uncontrollably. I remembered the night�s events and smiled wider. I could say it now! �I Love you, Paulie� I said over the water. �I love you too, Sarah� Paul said. I jumped up and down. �You say it back!� I said happily. He peeked out of the side of the shower curtain giving me a look I was soon growing accustom to. I bit my lip still smiling and then turned on my heel and left. I quickly started blow drying my hair as I heard the shower turn off. I did a fast job of blow drying and pulled out my curling iron. I flipped the bottom out a bit and had the layers close to my face sweep back.

Paul came out of the shower with pants on and an undershirt. �It�s hotter than hell in there� He said breathing deeply. I nodded. �Tell me about it� I said. I put my iron away and searched for my purse. It was on the nightstand from the day before. I did my makeup while Paul finished getting dressed. I packed everything and looked around one last time to make sure nothing was forgotten. I grabbed my bags and heaved them into the common room. I shut my door behind me collapsed on the couch. Ringo had joined them at the table and I heard Paul in his room. �Do you want something to eat?� George asked. I shook my head. �No, thanks� I said. �Tea?� He asked. I shook my head again. Paul walked in and dropped his cases alongside everyone else�s. He sat quickly at the table and stirred his tea. �Want something to eat?� Paul asked looking over at me. �Deja vu� I said. He looked confused. �No Thanks� I said. �You sure?� He asked looking at me. I nodded. �I�m still a bit sickly� I said. �OK� He said slowly, making it sound like it was anything but. Brian walked into the room with Neil and Mal, looking all ready to go.  �Come on� He said checking his watch. �Everyone ready?� He asked. Everyone grumbled and rose from their seats. Bellboys came in and took our bags. I like this hotel, nice working bellboys, no more lugging cases. Paul took my hand as we made it down the elevator and through the back entrance.

We all jumped into the limo and drove out through backs of stores or some buildings. �Where are we going?� I asked. �The airport� Paul said. I gave him an exaggerated look like �No Duh�. �I mean WHERE are we going?� I asked.  �Memphis� Paul said smiling. John made a sound. I looked at him �What?� I said. �The south didn�t take John�s comment to well� George explained. I shook my head. �Dumb hicks� I said. �They have taken this thing so far, It�s ridiculous� I said. �Tell me about it� John said lighting a cigarette. Paul took one as did everyone else. John offered me one. I shook my head as they all lit up. �I can�t believe it�s gone this far� John said exhaling the smoke. �I wish I�d never said it, now� He added. I shook my head. �They shouldn�t make you feel that way� I said. �People are morons� I added, for the billionth time. John looked at me and nodded thoughtfully. The car fell silent. �Sarah-� Brian started. I looked to him a bit surprised, he was talking to me. �Would you like to attend the press conference?� He asked. �Attend?� I asked. He nodded. �The press wants to meet you, plus it might take things off John for awhile� He explained. �Oh, sure� I said. I don�t think the Beatles deserved this bashing anyway. Paul slid his arm around me and threw his cigarette butt out the window. I leaned against him getting sleepy. I drifted in and out of sleep the whole drive. I heard the screams and opened my eyes. There were millions of people at the airport screaming at the sight of the Beatles limo. We proceeded slowly through the crowds and boarded our plane, up the stairs. There were a few photographers taking pictures by the big stairs. Paul held my hand proudly and waved to the fans with the others.  I just smiled and willed Paul to keep walking. I finally poked him in the back. He followed the others into the private plane. The mood was somber as the plane took off. �What�s wrong with everyone?� I asked Paul. �There have been some threats� Paul said softly. I wondered why they were all chain smoking with gloomy looks. �Oh, well you don�t hafto worry bout that� I said. �Nothing happens to you guys� I said looking at them all. �Absolutely nothing, to any of you� I added. They all looked at me. John looked weary. �The KKK is going to be there� He said. I nodded and shrugged. �They don�t do anything either, believe me� I said. �You guys are fine� I reassured. The mood seemed to lighten a bit and conversation started cheerier. I fell asleep on Paul�s shoulder, shortly after we took off.

Paul shook me awake when we landed. �We are going to the conference straight from the airport.� Paul said as we followed the others out of the plane. �Oh, great� I said dryly. I looked like I just woke up(fancy that) and I was going to a press conference where cameras will be present. When we got in the limo. I redid my makeup and borrowed Paul�s comb and touched up my hair. I put my purse over my shoulder and grabbed Paul�s hand as we walked towards the hotel. I played with my necklace nervously. I smoothed my hand over my hair before we entered the room.

Flashes blinded me momentarily as I walked in the room. I was still holding Paul�s hand and my palms began to sweat. There must have been hundreds of reporters. I took a deep breath and felt Paul squeeze my hand as he waved to the cameras and smiled. I smiled and held a tight grip on Paul�s hand. I wasn�t sure if I was suppose to wave anyway, I never seen any of the other Beatle girls wave in pictures.  We all walked up a small platform and sat at a table lined with microphones. I bit my lip waiting for it to begin. Brian came up and made an announcement I wasn�t paying attention to and the reporter�s hand shot in the air. The questions started and I started to calm down. The first questions were about their tour and concerts. Then, as expected, swung to Paul and me.

Press: So, Paul, you announced yesterday that you had a new girlfriend.

Paul: Yeah,(smiling) This is my girlfriend, Sarah Lucey.

Press: Ms. Lucey-

Me: -Sarah, please. (I thanked God that my voice didn�t crack)

Press: Sarah, Where did you and Paul meet?

I smiled easily and snuck a quick look at Paul who jumped in quickly

Paul: Well, My brother�s wife�s sister�s friend�s cousin knows Sarah�s Sister�s friend�s brother�s uncle�s daughter, who introduced us. (He said with quite seriousness, the crowd looked skeptical and I nodded in all seriousness)

Me: God Bless �em (Looking at Paul mock lovingly trying desperately not to laugh)

Press: Sarah, where are you from?

Me: Southern California, Yorba Linda

Press: How are you dealing with being a Beatle girlfriend?

Me: I haven�t really had to deal with it that much, see it was a secret before you guys got a hold of it (I smiled) But I�m sure now, I will have to deal with it, then you will be the first to know how I like it.

Press: The other Beatle girlfriends and wives have been treated badly by fans, aren�t you worried about this happening to you?

Me: I don�t worry about anything. It�s going to happen, You know it, It has to happen why bother worrying about it?

Press: That�s a good philosophy

Me: I always thought so. (smile) But, Yeah I don�t really see why they treat them badly (I dunno if I was supposed to be getting into these things)

Press: They are jealous, you�ve got their Beatles

Me: Well, exactly, they were never theirs to begin with

Press: But, they think they are

Me: they�re lying to themselves, You know I�m a fan, Paul was my favorite but I never wanted to hurt Jane or anything, If they love them so much they should care that they are happy, Seems to me they are being selfish.

Press: They�re the Beatles, everyone loves them-

Me: they�re just so dang lovable

Press:- you can�t expect to just keep him to yourself.

Me: You�re right, I can�t, and I don�t, I know he�s a Beatle, to tell you the truth it�s pretty obvious, I think it was the haircut gave it away.

Press: Does that bother you?

Me: his haircut?

Press: No, the fact you don�t get him to yourself

Me: I suppose, but it�s alright, I understand

Press: Very understanding of you

Me: isn�t it though?

Press: You were a fan before you met Paul?

Me: Yes, Very big fan

Press: What�s your favorite song?

Me: And I Love Her

Press: Have you heard their new album?

Me: yes

Press: What do you think of it?

Me: It�s great, another chart topper, everyone go out and buy it!

Press: Paul, what happened with Jane Asher?

Paul: We decided we really weren�t ready for marriage.

Press: John, are you worried how your comment will go down here.

John: Of course, I worry about that everywhere I go now

Press: are you regretting having said it?

John: I suppose, It�s made such a big thing out of nothing

Me: Here here

Press: Sarah, what do you mean?

Me: �here here� right on, alright, amen

Press: Do you believe what John said was taken too seriously?

Me: (Laugh) Oh yes

Press: As a fan were you upset about what he said?

Me: Never, I can�t believe anyone being upset and that�s what�s so funny.

Press: Why not? He said the Beatles were bigger than Jesus, people who believe in Christ wouldn�t say that.

Me: First of all, he said they were more popular than Jesus not bigger than, if you�re going to criticize him at least get your criticisms correct. And why wouldn�t he say that? its the truth.

Press: Are you saying the Beatles are better than Christ?

Me: No, I don�t remember saying that actually. Stop twisting my words. He meant, I think, That more teenagers go to Beatle concerts than go to church, therefore they are more popular than.

John: (nods)

Me: I can�t believe it�s been made such a deal of, I mean people are saying he�s an antichrist freak or whatever. I mean first of all he did not mean that and even if he was, you still shouldn�t criticize him. Amendment one- Freedom of religion, If he was you still have no right to bash him. The freedom of speech is also there I believe, You criticized him for his speech, he has a right to his opinion and here you are saying he doesn�t.

Press: But, People took offence to his statement.

Me: His opinion.

Press: They took offence to it.

Me: Well, they shouldn�t have, that�s my point, You all made a big deal about nothing.

Press: Other people thought it something to act upon

Me: So they burn records and shout �We hate the Beatles�. What�s that supposed to do? show everyone how nuts they really are

Press: To show their love for Jesus, standing up for him.

Me: Standing up for him? now we are back to the fact that John said nothing wrong.

Press: some people saw it as wrong.

Me: Then they need glasses.

Press: John, were you shocked by the response your comment got?

I leaned back, obviously thrown out of the conversation. I listened to the rest, dieing to jump in but bit my tongue instead. I waited patiently until Brian came up and announced a couple more questions before they had to leave.

They finally announced the end as we got up and left. Paul grabbed my hand as we waded through the people, lights flashing all around us. We made it to the elevators and filed in to go up to our hotel room. I leaned against the back of the elevator. �Well, that was interesting.� I said. �You were good� Paul said. I looked at him. �you�re joking.� I said. He shook his head. �Reporters love it when people are like that.� John injected. �Then they�ll love me� I said. Paul slid his arm around my waist. I covered his hand with mine. The elevator dinged and we all walked through the door. Brian unlocked the door and we followed the others inside.

This was a nice suite. I looked around the room. Snazzy. It was very posh but comfortable looking as well. I migrated Paul over to the couch and collapsed on it. �Paulie, I�m tired� I said leaning against him. �Then sleep� He said. �What a great idea� I said. I leaned my head on his shoulder.  �Do you have a concert today?� I asked. �Nope� Paul said. �Tomorrow we do though� He added. I nodded. �Cooli� I said. �So, what�s going on tonight then?� I asked. �Nothing really� He replied. John had turned on the TV and Paul was watching it. I pulled on a piece of his hair and stared at him. He looked at me and I smiled. He smiled back. My heart melted. I loved it when he smiled. I Love him I love him I love him! I yawned. �Where�s my room?� I asked. �Whichever you want� Paul said. �Oooo� I said. �I get to choose� I said. �I�m going to bed, then� I said to him. �Ok� He smiled. �Goodnight then� He said kissing me gently. �Goodnight� I said smiling back. I love him I love him I love him. I stood up and went to the corner room. It was a very nice room. I pulled my hair up in a bunish thing and slipped my jeans off. I got under the covers and rolled over before I fell into a peaceful sleep.

Chapter 15

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