Dave Barry
"I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me."
From his column (November 8, 1999): "...My yard also has had plenty of frogs. Until recently, these were plump, nonagressive frogs that just sat there, looking pensively off into the distance, thinking frog thoughts ('How am I supposed to reproduce? I appear to lack organs!')
But lately my yard has become infested with a whole new brand of frogs - smaller, quicker, junior-welterweight frogs that are extremely jittery, as though they spent their tadpole phase swimming around in really strong espresso...."
"Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world."
I won a Dave Barry contest once in the Indianapolis Star, and my prize was a t-shirt that read "I Won a Dave Barry Contest in the Indianapolis Star."
DAVE BARRY is a syndicated columnist for the Miami Herald and a member of
"THE ROCK BOTTOM REMAINDERS."
"Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing."
POSTSCRIPT
"The covers of this book are too far apart."

AMBROSE BIERCE
NEXT HUMOR WRITERS/CARTOONISTS PAGE = GARY LARSON/THE FAR SIDE

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