We Need to Talk…

By: BadgerGater

Episode: Revelations

Spoilers: Revelations, Meridian

Category: drama, vignette

Pairing: None

Summary: Jack and Carter have that little talk. Sort of.

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: Don't own. Love 'em though.

Author's Note: Every time I see the episode Revelations, I want to kick Carter's butt for her "Way of the warrior crap" remark... you'd think after 6 years she'd have a clue about Jack's shuttered emotions........(but then again, it's one of the great anti-ship moments of the show <G> so there you are).......

^^^^^^^^^^^^^

He didn’t know how many dozen times he’d been through the routine.

Post mission check-ups.

He knew why they were required. He’d been at the SGC long enough to remember exactly why. He had personal, ugly memories of Kawalsky, Carter with Jolinar, that Ashrak thing, even Urgo; unwelcome guests coming home with SG teams was nothing unusual.

But that didn’t mean he had to enjoy the probing-poking-prodding experience. All the people hovering around, Doc and her nurses and aides and what-not, everybody noting everything you did and said. Even a couple of SFs stoically keeping watch, guns in hand, until all of SG-1, or all that was left of SG-1, had been tested snake-free.

Jack was the last one done with the medical work-up. Doc had insisted on running a bunch of extra tests after Teal’c had explained about the knock-out gas on the Goa’uld ship. She’d been worried about after-effects to his lungs.

Finally, he’d been released, with Doc’s usual admonition. “Go home, get a decent meal and a good night’s sleep, Sir.”

He’d nodded silently, as he’d been all too wont to do lately.

Heading hastily out the door, he’d run smack dab into her ambush.

Carter…with an intense look on her face, like she had something to say, the look she’d had for the past, well, ever since Daniel… left.

Damn it.

Guess his old Special Ops early warning radar was no longer functioning, letting him walk right into her trap.

He kept right on walking, hoping she’d go away. It didn’t work.

“Sir, we need to have that talk.”

“What talk?”

“The one we started…”

“No, the one *you started,” he snapped.

“Okay, the one I started…”

“And finished.”

“It’s not finished, Sir.”

“It’s not? Because *you say it’s not?”

In a breach of etiquette, she reached out and grabbed his arm to stop him. “Actually, yes, Sir.”

He stopped, glaring at her. “So, talk then, if that’s what you need.”

“Colonel, don’t you care that Daniel’s gone?”

“For someone so smart, Carter, sometimes you ask the dumbest questions.” He turned and started to walk again, his long strides carrying him down the hallway. He refused to look back to see if she followed, because he knew she would.

“That’s not a dumb question,” she insisted.

He paused again. “Yes, it is.” He started walking once more.

“So you do care?”

He stopped, turning to look back at her. She stood, glaring at him, hands on her hips, every inch the angry Major.

“Just what kind of heartless bastard do you think I am?”

“I don’t know, Sir, but lately…”

“Lately, Major, I’ve been…” he stopped, not knowing what to say.

“Say it, Sir, please…” she looked ready to cry.

“Carter, I’m be lying if I said I was happy. If I said there wasn’t something,” he waved a hand in the air as he searched for the word, “missing around this place."

“Then don’t make me mourn him alone,” she pleaded.

“I’m not mourning.”

“You should be.”

“Why? He’s not dead.”

“What?” she sounded stunned.

How someone so logical could be so illogical astounded him. “Carter, you were in the room, were you not, when Daniel…”

“Died, Sir?”

“When he left,” O’Neill corrected.

“Left? What, you think he’s gone out to get the paper?” she was fighting to hold back the tears for Daniel, and rein in her anger at the Colonel.

“Carter, I don’t know what it was that happened, but you were there, too. You saw it. I’ve seen a lot of people die and I’ve never seen anything quite like that, that jelly-fish light show thingy. Have you?”

“No, Sir.”

“Well, then…” he stopped, not knowing what else to say. He couldn’t tell her the rest, about Daniel asking him to release his body, about how that had hurt and yet, had somehow touched his heart, that Daniel came to him. Asked *him*. Relied on *him*. Despite all they’d been through, despite the ugliness that had come between them, when he’d needed someone to listen to something so important, Daniel had turned to him. Trusting him. That meant a lot to Jack O’Neill’s weary soul.

But he couldn’t tell Carter. He’d never tell her or anyone else. They’d think he was nuts. Of course, she already thought he was a thoughtless SOB so what would that matter? But he couldn’t tell her, mostly because he couldn’t explain it to himself. He was a rational, down-to-earth man, and what he'd seen just wasn't possible. He knew that, he'd puzzled on it, through more than a few sleepless nights. And had finally decided that there was no answer, at least, not now, and maybe someday there'd be an explanation, but for the present, he'd just have to go on.

“Don’t you miss him? Aren’t you sad that he’s gone?”

He turned to glare at her, wondering how, after six years of working together, she could misread him so badly. “Yes.”

He turned and left, ignoring the words she sent after him, walking away because that is what he did when confronted with emotions, his own or someone else’s.

Like he’d always done.

Like he always would.

Because that was the kind of man he was.

Destined to walk alone.

------------TheEnd--------------