Trusting the Devil

By BadgerGater

E-mail: [email protected]

Category: adventure, drama; H/C

Pairing: None Too busy trying to stay alive to be worrying about romance

Season: Three, after The Devil You Know

Spoilers: Anything mid-season three or before

Rating: PG

Warnings: None.

Disclaimer: Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, Gekko Productions; all the powers that be, not me; I just borrow them, and I always bring them back alive. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement intended. The story is the property of the author and may not be posted elsewhere without the author's consent. (But ask. I'm easy.)

Summary: The Tok'ra need help from SG-1

Author’s note: Thanks to Margo, Tanya, Corine and cdl-- all of you own a part of this.

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Part one

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In my long career in the military, I have done some damn distasteful things, things I won't mention, things I will never tell anyone, things I don't even like to admit to myself. But this, this was going beyond distasteful, beyond reason, beyond sanity, beyond fear.

I was going to do it, God forgive me. God save me. It had to be done and I was the only one to do it, because I would never let someone under my command do something I would not or could not do myself. That's my very own personal hard and fast, inviolable rule, right up there with no one gets left behind; don't get mad, get even; don't let Daniel out of your sight; and never, ever trust a snake. O'Neill's rules of conduct.

I wasn't sure I could do it, I wasn't sure that in the morning I would be able to force my legs to carry me into that room and make myself do this thing; that when I finally stared that moment in the face, that my courage wouldn't desert me and I wouldn't run screaming for the door.

I've done some things over the years that others thought were brave, or foolhardy, downright stupid even, but never anything like this. God help me.

I sat in the darkness, unable to sleep, unable to close my eyes without a vision of tomorrow appearing in my brain, so I might as well sit here, by the window and gaze out at the stars. Even if these weren't the familiar stars of home, perhaps I could still find comfort in them.

-----------------------------

In the darkness of the room, I heard quiet footsteps approaching. It was Daniel.

"Jack?"

"Couldn't sleep."

"Thinking about tomorrow." Statement as much as question.

"Yeah."

"Are you all right with this?" In the dim light from the window, I could see the little frown furrowing his forehead. "Stupid question. Of course you're not all right with this. I could..."

I sighed. "No Daniel, you can't. And no, I'm not all right with this. But I have no choice."

"You always have a choice."

I snorted. "I'm military, Daniel, I gave up the right to most choices a long time ago."

"You weren't ordered to do this..."

"No, I wasn't. But that doesn't change what I have to do..."

What I have to do, what I have agreed to, what I will do tomorrow that goes against everything I want to do, this thing that makes my body want to scream in remembered pain....

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

It all started with a message from the Tok'ra, asking for a meeting with SG-1 and General Hammond. We agreed, opened the iris for them, and Gen. Jacob Carter/Selmak, Tok'ra Council Leader Garshaw, and an escort of Tok'ra stepped through the gate.

Sam greeted her father affectionately as always. Hammond and I shook hands with the others, led them upstairs to the briefing room, and listened to their story.

"We need your help," said Garshaw, getting right to the point.

"Well that's a turnaround," I drawled. Hammond threw me a dirty look. I did not look apologetic.

"I know our relations have not always been cordial in the past, and our alliance has been shaky at times." Garshaw conceded.

"Now that's an understatement."

"Colonel..." snapped Hammond in that warning tone he seems to reserve only for me. Wonder why?

"However," Garshaw continued, seeming to ignore my comments, which she probably was since she knew me rather well. "There have also been times when we have worked well together. We assisted you when you requested our help in dealing with the reetou, did we not? We assisted each other in retrieving Selmak/General Carter from Natu. And now, we have need of your assistance in a matter of diplomacy."

"Us? SG-1 as diplomats?" Oh, wonderful.

"We need a representative to speak for us in negotiations to secure the release of one of our people; a Tok'ra who is being held captive by the people of Ralsta. Yosh'ta had infiltrated Apophis's forces on a planet where we discovered that there was a large force gathering for an attack. We do not know which forces and in what numbers, or what weapons they possess. Even more importantly, we do not know what planet or planets they are targeting, or even whether this is Apophis working on his own. He may have formed an alliance of several of the System Lords, or perhaps even somehow united the entire council. Yosh'ta spent months among the growing army, and he has vital information which we desperately need. Our first operative simply vanished. We believe he was discovered and killed. Our only hope for detailed information on Apophis's plan is to get Yosh'ta safely home."

"And why should we help you?" asked Daniel. Good boy, I thought, learning not to be so damned trusting all the time.

"Because this could be important information for you as well," the council leader replied.

"You would share this information?" asked Hammond.

"Of course," Garshaw nodded graciously.

"Of course. Right," Mr. Skeptical, that's me.

Garshaw turned to me. "Colonel O'Neill, I know you do not trust us, yet in this case, the rewards for your world could be many. Including the safety of your own planet. It could be Earth thay are massing these forces against. Without the information from Yosh'ta, we don't know where, when, or what to expect."

"And if the attack is *not* aimed at us?"

"Then you will still have earned the gratitude of the Tok'ra High Council, and you will be rewarded suitably."

"Suitably meaning?" I prodded.

"Suitably. Depending on what it is we learn from Yosh'ta, we could provide some further intelligence," suggested the Tok'ra counselor.

"A weapon?"

"Perhaps." Garshaw answered, guardedly.

I turned to General Carter. "Sir, with all due respect, tell me why I should trust these....these...people..."

The voice was harmonic. "Colonel, I know you do not trust us..."

"I'd like to speak to General Carter, please. Not..." I waved my hand.

"Ah, yes," the harmonic voice continued. Jacob made that little move, that head bow with eyes closed, then re-opened his eyes and looked directly at me. I shivered. I hate that snake/human conversion, even when they are our allies.

"Colonel O'Neill," and now the voice coming from General Carter sounded normal, "I give you my word, the Tok'ra are leveling with you. It is vital that we recover the information Yosh'ta has learned about Apophis's operation. It's important to all of us. Even if Earth is not directly involved, anywhere in the galaxy that we can give the Goa'uld's a bloody nose benefits all of us who oppose them."

"Ah, the old, the enemy of my enemy is my friend thing, Sir?" I suggested.

"Exactly, Colonel O'Neill," said Jacob with a smile.

Hammond had remained quiet. "So, you need our help to retrieve this Yosh'ta. Why?"

Garshaw nodded. "Yosh'ta made his escape successfully from Apophis's staging planet. However, he was unable to gate to us directly. He chose to gate to the planet Ralsta where we had previously been unchallenged when using their Stargate. However, it seems a new leader has taken control of the people there..."

"Humans?" I asked.

"Yes. Humans." Garshaw stated. "The new ruler is distrustful of all of us and refuses to acknowledge the difference between the Tok'ra and the Goa'uld."

"And that's because?"

"Since we had last been to Ralsta, the people were raided by the Goa'uld. Hundreds of their people were taken to be Jaffa and hosts. They no longer trust us..."

"Can't blame them," I muttered under my breath, but Hammond heard, and gave me a look that threatened demotion, if not a firing squad. I bit my lip to keep from saying more.

"What is it that we can do?" Hammond asked.

"None of us can go to the planet without the fear of being taken prisoner and, like Yosh'ta, tortured, perhaps killed. We need an intermediary, a human intermediary. We are asking that you send SG-1 to make our request..."

"We're not diplomats," I protested.

"That's for sure," said Hammond, looking pointedly at me. "Perhaps, Garshaw, we could send another team. We do have a diplomatic unit..."

"No, we trust this team, and know they have unique skills and abilities. Teal'c, of course, cannot go, because the Ralstans have the ability to detect Goa'ulds. That's how Yosh'ta was discovered."

"Well if Teal'c can't go because of his larvae, then what about Sam? I mean, she did have a Goa'uld and though it's gone, she still carries the marker," wondered Daniel.

"We believe the Ralsta can detect the difference between someone with only the marker and a true Goa'uld. The Ralsta have heard of you, of the exploits of SG-1, and they are willing to accept the three of you, and allow one additional team member, to replace the Jaffa."

"Perhaps Major Kovacheck, Sir?" suggested Major Carter, turning to the Tok'ra. "He's head of our diplomatic team," she explained.

"That would be acceptable. However, the Ralsta have stated they will be willing to talk with Dr. Jackson and Colonel O'Neill. It seems they have made contact with other races, I believe the people from the Land of Light, who have told them that SG-1 can be trusted," Garshaw explained. "The Ralsta are rather xenophobic, very worried about keeping their people and their planet pure. They will only allow a party of four from Earth to travel to their planet for the meetings."

Hammond looked around the table. "I will have to discuss this with my superiors and SG-1 as well. Garshaw, Jacob, we will have an answer for you before the end of the day." Hammond stood, everyone else around the table doing likewise. "Sgt. show our visitors to the VIP suite, please."

"Yes, Sir," answered one of the SFs, leading the Tok'ra from the room. Hammond headed for his office, and the red phone.

My team and I remained in the briefing room. "So?" I opened, looking to the others for input.

"This could be very valuable information, Sir," offered the Major. "If the System Lords are planning to attack Earth, we need to know."

"So what, we can stop them with our shuttles?" I said, testily.

"Sir, if the Goa'uld are coming after us, they would be in violation of the treaty we negotiated through the Asgard," Carter reminded.

"I *know* that, Major," I said, letting the anger show in my voice. "And I also know the Asgard were bluffing, and maybe the snakes have figured out the Asgard were only bluffing."

Teal'c's solemn tones lent emphasis to his statement. "The System Lords fear the Asgard and I do not believe they would risk a war, even for the sake of destroying the Tau'ri. I believe they still see you as a minor inconvenience to be dealt with at their leisure."

"*Minor inconvenience*, huh?" Just once I'd like to meet a race of aliens who didn't see us humans as puny little upstarts. Okay, so I tend to take those insults way too personally, I know. I refuse to regard my people as primitive, or young or minor, even if we don't always stick our best foot forward, out there in the galaxy.

"So," Teal'c added, "I do not believe the System Lords would unite to attack Earth. They find alliances difficult to maintain, even were the entire Goa'uld empire to be at risk."

"So you're saying that this is Apophis alone..." suggested Daniel.

"Apophis, or at the most one or two others. The Goa'uld find it difficult to maintain any sort of alliance which requires trust and co-operation."

"How'd you ever guess that?" I said, snidely, to no one.

Teal'c raised one eyebrow at me. "You have seen that, O'Neill."

"That was just an aside, Teal'c. A personal observation. Irony. Satire."

"I understand," he said quietly. "This does not significantly lessen the danger to your planet, however. If Apophis sends ships..."

"even one ship..." said Daniel.

"Yes, even one ship could destroy the undefended Earth," finished Teal'c.

"If we don't know they're coming we don't stand any chance. And if we do know they're coming we stand a slim chance. Oh good." I said tiredly. "So we don't have a choice, do we?"

"I think that is an accurate assessment, O'Neill."

"That's what I was afraid you were going to say, Teal'c."

We sat quietly waiting for Hammond's return. Through the small window into his office, I could see his grim face as he talked on the red phone. I tapped my pen on my notebook, drummed my fingers on the table, got up to pace around the room, as always needing some physical activity to fill the long moments of waiting.

Finally, Hammond hung up the phone, and sat quietly behind his desk, eyes closed, as if steeling himself for what he would have to do next.

Ohoh, I thought, this is not good.

The General returned to the briefing room. I stood, turning to face him as he seated himself at the head of the table, then took my seat again, my team around me.

"Sir?"

"I've talked with both the Secretary of Defense and the President. They want us to help the Tok'ra."

"Damn," I shook my head, not liking this, not liking this at all, remembering O'Neill rule number five, "never trust a snake," I muttered. "General, isn't there some old cautionary tale about a snake in sheep's clothing?"

"Ah, Jack, what would be a wolf."

I looked blankly at Daniel.

"A wolf. In sheep's clothing," he explained.

"Wolf, grizzly bear, lion, snake. All predators, Sir," I said unhappily, looking over at Hammond.

"Colonel, your objections are noted. However, your team, minus Teal'c of course, will assist the Tok'ra in retrieving Yosh'ta. Major Kovacheck will join you for this mission. Now, let's bring the Tok'ra back in here and work out the details, shall we."

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In the end, and after hours of discussion, we hammered out our plan. All of us would go to the Land of Light. Hammond, Teal'c, General Carter and Garshaw would remain there. Daniel, Carter, Kovachek and I would go on to Ralsta. Kovacheck would be our advisor, having no direct role in the negotiations. Major Carter was to go with us, over my vigorous protests. If the Ralsta detected her previous relationship with Jolinar and were bothered by it, we were to send her home immediately. That is, if the natives didn't decide to do to her what they'd done to Yosh'ta, I worried.

We were greeted warmly in the Land of Light, as always. Representatives from Ralsta arrived just moments later, three very ordinary looking humans dressed in loose fitting trousers and soft shirts in muted colors. Silently, we endured their close inspection. One of them held out a device which he waved around our bodies like a Geiger counter. The Ralstans demonstrated its use as a Goa'uld detector, the device beeping madly near Jacob, less stridently but still vigorously near Teal'c. It made no sound around me. Daniel and Kovacheck also passed inspection. It beeped, faintly, when it was turned to Major Carter.

The Ralstan leader, Malan Matara he had called himself, turned quickly on us. "And what kind of trick is this? Attempting to pass off a Goa'uld among your humans?"

"She is human."

"She carries the marker of the Goa'uld in her body, our device detects it."

"Major Carter once was host to a Tok'ra but it is gone," Daniel explained.

Malan conferred with his cohorts for several minutes, then turned back to me. "We have agreed, the device shows too little of the material of the Goa'uld to pose a threat. We will allow her to travel to Ralsta, but we will examine her again very closely when she leaves. If that is satisfactory..."

Hammond nodded, as did Garshaw.

"Then, SG-1 of Earth, you may accompany us to the negotiations."

And then it was on to Ralsta. We stepped through the wormhole and emerged onto a planet. The sky was tinted an odd shade of blue, more green it seemed than the norm. The plants were quite Earth-like, although strange blue bushes grew amid the green of the grass, and, of course, trees.

"Ah, trees. You know, they must be the most universal form of life in the galaxy," I mused.

Carter grinned. Daniel was too busy looking around at the inscriptions on the stones encircling the gate to notice my comment.

"Daniel? What's up?"

"Oh, I was just reading."

"And what does it say?"

"It says that Goa'uld are not welcome here. It warns that any 'devil' daring to come to Ralsta will suffer mightily for his crimes, a fate worse than death."

"Sounds serious."

"It is."

Malan was growing impatient. "Come, the Lord of the Realm awaits."

"The Lord of the Ring?" I raised an eyebrow at Daniel.

"The Ralstan leader, Colonel," reminded Kovachek. He was new to SG-1, not used to my humor. Bah.

"Ahh, right. Let's go."

We walked away from the gate in the direction of a large city we could see on the horizon. We marched down a level road past neat farm houses and well tended fields filled with lush growth and pastures were cow-like creatures grazed.

"This looks like a peaceful and successful culture," observed Daniel.

"It was, until the Goa'uld came," said Malan. "Our people have lived in harmony and tranquility for many generations. Until those devils came through the gate." He looked over at Carter. "How could you let one of them invade you? And how did you expel it, and survive?"

"The Tok'ra left my body to save my life. They are different from the Goa'uld, Sir," she told him.

He snorted. "So they say. But a devil is a devil."

"If it looks like a snake and it slithers like a snake and it hisses like a snake, fair assumption that it's a snake, hey?" I muttered.

"That is correct, Colonel O'Neill," said Malan, quietly.

We walked in silence after that. It was a long afternoon's march to the gates of the city and then through a maze of winding streets into the Great Hall, where Ralsta's leader awaited us.

"Lord of the Realm, Gavin Naboren."

"Greetings, SG-1 of Earth," said the leader of the Ralstan people, an average looking man with a shrewd glint in his eyes.

"Greetings to you and your people, Lord Naboren," Daniel bowed.

I let him talk, he's good at it, you know. I just stood back in the shadows, as Daniel and Kovacheck talked about what was and wasn't a Goa'uld. I hung back in the fringes of the room, reconnoitering, just in case we had to make a hasty exit, noting the guards and the small zat-gun like weapons they carried.

Finally, as the talk seemed to be winding down, I asked. "Before we report back to our leaders, we do need to see Yosh'ta. We wouldn't want to spend a lot of time negotiating for a dead man," I said, tactful as always.

"Of course." agreed the Ralsta leader. "You may visit him."

Malan led us through another long series of hallways and into an area that was dark and quiet. "Only two of you may enter," he said, unlocking the door.

Carter and I went in. The man, the Tok'ra lay tossing feverishly on a small cot. The room was stark and bare, but adequate, a small high window letting in daylight, a pitcher of water on the tiny table, blankets on the cot. I did not, however, miss the chains from Yosh'ta's wrists attached to a ring embedded firmly into the masonry wall.

"Yosh'ta?" asked Carter, kneeling above the injured Tok'ra.

The figure on the bed stirred, moaning. "Who's there?"

"I am Major Carter, this is Colonel O'Neill. We've come from Earth to negotiate for your release. We're here on behalf of Garshaw and the Council. I bring you greetings from those who tend the gardens of Rodan."

Yosh'ta nodded, recognizing the code phrase Garshaw had given us. The figure licked his lips, and Carter quickly poured water into a cup and offered it to the man. He drank greedily, then lay back. "I am sorry. I am very weak. My host is badly injured and I am unable to heal him."

"What?"

"Although I was able to escape Apophis's camp undetected, I was injured in making my escape. And these...people...used a device on me, trying to remove me from my host. Romm'taxx's body was gravely injured by the device. My host was not so young anymore, and now, the injuries are so severe I cannot heal him." The Tok'ra looked at us with pleading in his eyes. "I must get this information to my people. There is so much they need to know..." He paused, fighting for breath. "I have memorized plans for their new weapon, the co-ordinates where they will move the base, the planets they will attack. So much information."

"Can you tell us?" Carter asked.

"No, it would take days, even if I could explain it all. I need to get back to my people." Yosh'ta closed his eyes.

"Damn," I mumbled under my breath. "We need to get this guy off this planet."

"Sir, I don't think he has much time. The host is very, very weak, even the Tok'ra's life force seems unusually weak. We can't wait long."

"Okay," I looked down at Yosh'ta. "We are going to go back and talk to our people and yours. We'll be back. Hold on."

---------------------

We left the room, going back to the quarters the team had been assigned and found Daniel and Kovacheck already there, looking glum.

"A problem?" I asked. Perceptive, that's me.

"Yes. These people have some rather major demands," said Kovachek.

"Now that's an understatement," said Daniel.

"What do they want?"

"Oh, everything," said Daniel.

"Like?"

"Death gliders. Staff weapons. Nuclear warheads. Everything they've ever heard of."

Kovacheck nodded. "They know how important this guy is to the Tok'ra, and they are not willing to give him up cheaply. It doesn't look good, Sir. This could take a while."

"We didn't find anything better downstairs, either. Yosh'ta 's host is dying. We don't have much time, there may not be enough time to find a diplomatic solution," I added. "We may have to be thinking of a military solution."

"What, bomb these people?" asked Daniel, incredulously.

"Hopefully, no. Maybe just a jailbreak."

"I don't think that will work, Sir," said Carter. "That Goa'uld detector device that they've got..."

"Right, that beeping thingy..."

"...there was one attached to the gate, Sir. Malan told me it's set up to lock the gate if a Goa'uld tries to come in or go out. That's how they caught Yosh'ta."

"So, we'll disable it. Blow it up."

"Hard to do, Sir. The gate was guarded, too," Carter reminded me.

I hate it when she's right. "Damn. That limits our options." I thought for a few moments. "Okay, I'm going to go back to the gate, talk to Hammond and Garshaw, see what they think. Carter, you're with me. You two stay here and keep talking to these people. Got it?"

-----------------------------

Six hours later, Carter and I stepped back through the gate to the Land of Light. I was tired after a long day and two long hikes. I delivered the bad news to Garshaw and Hammond, then headed off to one of the tents they'd set up near the Gate, to catch a nap while they worked on a list of possible options and solutions.

A Tok'ra came to wake me three short hours later. Not much sleep, but it would have to do, I thought wearily, heading for the General's tent, meeting an equally weary looking Carter on the way. Inside the small shelter, Garshaw and Hammond waited.

The moment I stepped through the tent flap and saw the General's face, I knew I wasn't going to like this conversation. "Sir, Ma'am," I said, suspicion curling through every inch of my body.

"Come in, Colonel, Major. Have a seat," invited Hammond. I really, really didn't like the look on his face or the odd timbre in his voice.

"What have you got for us, Sir?"

"We've got a possible solution," said Hammond, tentatively.

"It is not an easy solution, Colonel O'Neill," said Garshaw, " but we are in a desperate situation, and must get Yosh'ta s information at any cost."

I didn't like the sound of that at any cost, suddenly getting the definite feeling that this was going to be at Jack O'Neill's any cost.

"So what are you proposing here?" I asked, suspiciously.

"We are proposing a rescue..." started the General.

"Sir, they've got that gould buster doodad on the gate. Even if we can break him out from that jail in the middle of that town..."

"Just hold on a second, Colonel, and let us finish. Please," my gut rolled over at the grim way Hammond spoke those words.

"We have a plan to get Yosh'ta out of the cell and the city." said Garshaw. "It will not be without risk..."

"Nothing worthwhile ever is," I said, glibly. Hammond ignored me. Bad sign, real bad sign.

Garshaw continued. "If Romm'taxx, Yosh'ta's host is dying, we can leave behind the host."

"What?" spoke up a stunned Major Carter. "The parasite can't exist outside a host body for more than a few minutes, and it will take us hours to reach the gate. Even if we take some sort of container, Yosh'ta would be detected..."

Jacob waved at his daughter. "Sam, please. Listen..."

Garshaw continued. "There is an alternative."

Suddenly understanding what they were saying, I jumped to my feet, waving a hand in the air. "N-n-n-n-n-no, none of us are volunteering to be a host, not even for a Tok'ra, not even on a temporary basis. No. Absolutely not. NO."

"No one needs to become a host, not in the true sense," Garshaw said.

I was glaring at Garshaw. "In what other sense is there?"

"As you know, Colonel, it takes hours for one of us to take over a host, even willing hosts require a lengthy time for a joining to be completed..."

Thank God for that, I thought, fighting back the almost overwhelming urge to rub the back of my neck, that spot where Hathor's larvae had.... Stop it Jack. You made it, it didn't. Hammond was watching me as I forced myself to sit back down, knotting my fingers together on the table.

"Yosh'ta can leave Romm'taxx, and enter the body of a human, through the throat as Jolinar did to Major Carter, leaving no entrance wound..."

"No externally visible entrance wound," I corrected.

She nodded. "True, there will be a wound, but not visible to the Ralstan. Yosh'ta can remain within the human's body, unjoined, unmelded, and will not be detectable by the Ralstan's devices."

"You're sure of that?"

"Quite. As you know, until the joining is complete, the markers do not show up in a human's blood, just as you, O'Neill, do not show the effects of your, hm, encounter with Hathor's larvae."

This time I wasn't quick enough to stop my hand from rubbing the back of my neck. No effects. Hmmpf. There were effects all right, even if none of them were visible or measurable. Hammond saw the movement, watched me intently with narrowed eyes.

"So what you're saying is one of us has to trust this Goa'uld..."

Garshaw's eyes flashed at me. So, yeah, maybe I'd just insulted her. A little. Can't blame me, I was a little upset at the time. "Yosh'ta is a Tok'ra, just like myself, and Selmak, and others..."

"Okay, one of us has to trust this parasite to enter his body and not take over..." I amended.

"Correct," said Garshaw.

"And then it will willingly leave when we get back here?"

"Yes, we have a new host waiting," Garshaw smiled reassuringly.

I shivered. "And what guarantees do we have that Yosh'ta won't decide he likes the body he already has, complete the 'joining' and just stay where he is? Huh?" I couldn't keep the distaste out of my voice.

"You have the word of the Tok'ra High Council. And my own personal vow."

"And my word as well, Colonel," said General Carter, err, Selmak, actually both, one after the other.

I looked intently at each of the humans and Tok'ra assembled around the table, trying to read their expressions, then turned slowly to General Hammond. "Sir, do *you* trust them?" Please, General, say no to this, I silently pleaded.

"Jack, I don't see that we have a choice. Yosh'ta told you they could have new weapons, we need the information, so do the Tok'ra. And we need to know who and where they will attack."

Sam was looking from her father to General Hammond, then back at me, horror plain on her face.

"Sir, you can't..."

"I will not order any of you to do this. But we are presenting it to you as the only available option to retrieve information of vital importance to us and our allies." Hammond's eyes drifted up to meet mine, and I knew he hated saying this. "Jack, I know it is a terrible thing to ask. Show me another way and I'll gladly take it. But..."

I swallowed, shook my head, unable to provide any other answer.

The silence lasted long minutes.

"Colonel, the information could save Earth and if not Earth, then millions, perhaps billions of innocent lives on another planet," General Carter pointed out.

Why oh why do I get myself into these situations? Why did I ever think Jack O'Neill, a simple all American Irish boy from Chicago, ever had any business getting involved with aliens, good or bad? Why?

Because, Jack, it's your job. Because someone has to stand between the bad guys and the innocent, and even if your white hat has been rather badly tinged with gray, you're still the only sonofabitch dumb enough and bullheaded enough and crazy enough to do this.

"Yes, Sir," I said quietly. I looked around the room, at each one of these...people... and my Commanding Officer. "We will bring back Yosh'ta and the information he carries."

"Thank you Colonel O'Neill. Your service will not go unnoticed." Garshaw nodded and looked very pleased as she left with her advisors, General Carter departing too, taking Sam with him, until just Hammond and I were alone in the tent.

The General wouldn't look at me. He knows what he's asking, I thought. "Jack, you know I wouldn't have agreed to this if there was any other way."

"I know, Sir."

"They've promised. And although I don't know that I'd trust just on the Tok'ra's word alone, I do trust Jacob. He's been my friend for 30 years."

"A part of him, General. With all due respect Sir, we don't know if he's been compromised by that thing in his head."

"Jacob never would..."

"Sir, you don't know what those things are capable of," I shivered, remembering my futile attempt to resist Hathor's writhing, evil infant Goa'uld.

"Colonel..."

"They are..." I shuddered again, rubbing my neck "unstoppable."

"Jack, you don't have to do this..."

"What, I'm supposed to ask one of the others? Let Daniel, or Carter or even Kovacheck? No, Sir, you know me better than that," I finished angrily.

"Yes I do, Son. And there is no one I trust more."

I tried not to listen, tried not to be swayed by this man I so respected and admired. "Sir, trust doesn't enter into it. If that gould..."

"Tok'ra..."

"Snake. If that snake decides to take control, I won't be able to stop it. I know I can't, Sir," God, hard as I tried, I couldn't keep that tremor out of my voice.

"Jack..."

"I need to be going, Sir. I've got to get back before Yosh'ta dies and the whole argument will have been for nothing." Wearily, I got up from the table, slipping on my jacket, heading back out into the darkness of the ever-dark side of the planet we called the Land of Light. Darkness, how appropriate, I thought grimly as I walked back to the tent where I'd slept. I gathered up my gun and other equipment, found Carter, and went back to the gate.

The whole Tok'ra delegation was waiting to see us off.

"Good luck, O'Neill," said Garshaw. "We'll be waiting."

"You'd better be," I said, then turned to Hammond, offering him a salute. "Sir..."

"Colonel," he returned my salute, understanding the unsaid words behind the action.

As Carter and I started up the stairs, I looked over at her face, as grim as mine. "C'mon Dorothy, we're off to see the wizard."

"So Sir, if I'm Dorothy, who are you today?"

"Do I look at all like Bert Lahr?" I asked as we disappeared into the shimmering center of the Stargate.

------------------------------------------------

Part 3

---------------

Back on Ralsta, Malan was waiting.

"Did your talks go well, O'Neill, Carter?"

"Ah, yes, I think we have some good information for our negotiators."

"Excellent. We will return to the city immediately, then."

More hours walking. I was getting really sick of this whole mission, this planet with its green trees and blue bushes and lack of modern transportation. I just wanted this to be over with.

When we reached the Hall, I asked to meet with Daniel and Kovacheck right away. We were once again shown to our quarters. "Yosh'ta is still alive?"

"Yes, the host is hanging on, but he won't last long," said Daniel.

"Well, we have a plan," I said and outlined our discussions.

Daniel was aghast. "Jack, one of us is supposed to take in that Tok'ra and they promise to take him back out?" I could see Daniel's thin shoulders shudder. "That's crazy."

"Do either of you have any other suggestions?" They shook their heads. "Is there any likelihood that your negotiations will work?"

Kovacheck shook his head. "No. They aren't budging from their initial demands. They know what they want, and they know we need Yosh'ta. It's a stalemate."

"So, we go with the Tok'ra's plan?" Daniel was hugging himself.

"Yes," I answered him quietly. "Tomorrow morning I'll...

"Sir, it doesn't have to be you, Sir," said Carter, her eyes huge. "I could..."

"No Major. You can't. They'll be checking you most closely of any of us. It has to be me," I said past the lump in my throat. I saw Kovacheck open his mouth, waved away his words, Daniel's too.

"I will not order any of you to do what I wouldn't do myself."

"Jack, you can't. I know how you hate those things."

"And you don't?"

He shrugged, wordlessly.

"Sir..." started Kovacheck.

"No. I will not allow any of you to do this." Was I succeeding at all in keeping the fear off my face? I wasn't sure, as I looked at the three grim, white faces in the room with me.

Somehow, I got through the rest of that evening on Ralsta, dinner with Lord Naboren and Malan, until I could safely return to the suite of rooms SG-1 was sharing.

--------------------------------------

I jerked upright on the bed, gasping for breath, sweating and shaking. Now that was one hell of a nightmare, I thought. No, not a nightmare. It was a memory, actually, of Hathor's infant Goa'uld, of what had happened to me. I fought to get my breathing back under control, slow my racing heart, and quell the panic my body felt. Easy Jack, calm down, this is different, this time will be different, the rational part of my brain insisted, but that renegade subconscious kept reminding me that a snake is a snake is a snake.

Of all the things I had ever been faced with in more than two decades in the military, through years of secret missions, black ops, wars and prison, I'd never faced anything that scared me, until I met the snakes, until I faced having one of those snakes inside me, controlling me, turning me into a helpless puppet.

Shaking, I got up and pulled on my trousers. Despite the darkness, I found my way to the table and the pitcher and a glass, pouring myself a drink and gulping it down.

I paced around the room, back and forth, eleven steps from the window to the foot of my bed, over and over and over, until finally, exhausted, I slumped into the chair.

Hours later, I was still sitting at the window, in the middle of the short Ralstan night, sleep continuing to elude me. In the darkness of the room, I heard quiet footsteps approaching. It was Daniel.

"Jack?"

"Couldn't sleep."

"Thinking about tomorrow." Statement as much as question.

"Yeah."

"Are you all right with this?" In the dim light from the window, I could see the little frown furrowing his brow. "Stupid question. Of course you're not all right with this. I could..."

I sighed. "No Daniel, you can't. And no, I'm not all right with this. But I have no choice."

"You always have a choice."

I snorted. "I'm military, Daniel, I gave up the right to most choices a long time ago."

"You weren't ordered to do this..."

"No, I wasn't. But that doesn't change what I have to do..."

What I have to do, what I have agreed to, what I *will* do tomorrow that goes against everything I want to do, that makes my body want to scream in remembered pain....

--------------------------------

We had to maintain a front of normality, or the Ralsta would get suspicious.

After breakfast, well, the others ate, I pushed my food around my plate, Daniel and I went down to see Yosh'ta. My feet were stumbling on the stairs, my heart pounding so loudly I was afraid Malan and the guard would hear it thundering. No one seemed to notice as we walked through the quiet hall and down to Yosh'ta's cell.

Malan and the guard left. Daniel peeked back through the door, making sure the pair had gone far enough down the hallway to leave us alone.

"Yosh'ta."

The Tok'ra opened his eyes slowly. "O'Neill, you have returned."

"Yes. And with a plan to get you out of here."

"My host is incapable of rising from this bed. He is dying."

"We're going to leave him here."

Yosh'ta's eyes bored into mine. "You are offering up yourself as a host?"

"No, not exactly." I answered quickly. "Garshaw sends her greetings, and, and a plan."

Yosh'ta looked at me, nodding. "Yes?"

"The plan is for you to, to, ah, well... I'm supposed to be your taxi."

Daniel stepped in. "He'll accept you through the back of his throat, with your pledge that you won't initiate the joining. You'll have to stay hidden within Jack's body, but un-melded, in order to pass through the gate. Garshaw has a new host waiting there."

"Why?"

I was able to speak again. "The gate has a Goa'uld trap on it. If you're unmelded and quiet, we should be able to pass through."

Yosh'ta was staring at me again. "You do not wish to be a host, O'Neill. You despise us."

"No, I just don't like you. Or trust you. And I like being alone in my own head, thank you," I answered, running a hand through my hair.

Yosh'ta closed his eyes. "Fair enough. I pledge on my honor that I will not harm you, O'Neill, that I will not take you as host, but simply accept your offer of transportation off this cursed planet." Romm'taxx took several shuddering breaths. "My host is failing. O'Neill, I will be as gentle as I can, but you must know there will be considerable pain. It is unavoidable."

"I know." I swallowed hard, looked over at Daniel's pale face, wondering if mine looked as grim.

Unbuckling the holster of my 9 mm, I handed it over to my friend. "Daniel, if this goes wrong..."

He stared at the weapon a moment, then looked up at me, understanding what I was really asking. "What? Jack, you can't, I mean..."

"Yes, I can. I don't want to live a prisoner in my own body. I would rather be dead."

"Jack, I couldn't..."

"You can, Daniel," I told him, wanting Yosh'ta to hear my determination as well. "As my best friend, I trust you to do this for me."

His hands shaking, Daniel reached out and took the weapon, stuffing it into his pocket, nodding.

That taken care of, I went back to the cot, sat on the floor beside it, my head as near to Romm'taxx's as I could reach.

Yosh'ta's harmonic voice sent chills through me. "O'Neill, close your eyes, concentrate on something, and breathe through your nose. I will be as quick and as gentle as I can. It will be easier for you if you can relax."

"Relax and enjoy it? That's what they all say," I muttered. My heart was pounding and my mouth had gone dry. Looking over at Daniel, his face white and scared, I took a deep breath and nodded at Yosh'ta. "Okay," I said, closing my eyes, focusing on the remembered image of that other Earth we'd visited to help that other Carter and Kawalsky, the destruction a Goa'uld attack could cause. Doing this, I reminded myself, could be saving Earth. Doing this could be saving Earth, doing this could be saving Earth.

Suddenly, it was there, the writhing parasite body, in my mouth, and I nearly lost it. I wanted to scream, to gag, and I fought back the instinct to expel this thing. Pain, sharp, thrusting agonizing pain flared in the back of my throat, blood trickling from the damaged tissues, filling my mouth. I gagged, and bit back a moan, because, Oh God, it did hurt. I could feel it, him, sliding into the tissues, gliding between muscle and cartilage, each movement sending another wave of agony through my skull, like acid eating through my head. No, it wasn't as bad as that other time, not as bad as Hathor's larvae, but this was a close second, very close second, worse than a skull fracture or broken leg or shattered ribs or even a hot spike through the shoulder. Indescribable agony. I was gasping for air like I had forgotten how to breathe, pain shooting through my skull.

"Jack?" Daniel's voice brought me back, gave me a steadying focus.

"I'm still here," I answered with some relief, despite the agonizing pain in my head. With Daniel's help I pushed myself to my feet, swaying. My voice was raspy and rough, and it hurt to speak. "We've got to get out of here, before... I pass out..." I was feeling very sick and very unsteady. Without Daniel's help I couldn't have stood up, let alone walked, but I had to, I had to walk out of there. Get it together, Jack, do it. I straightened, closing my eyes for a moment to gather myself, focusing on what I had to do, tried to speak and coughed hard, again and again.

"Jack?"

It took me a moment to speak. "I'm okay." I tried to smile reassuringly at my friend, must have failed, because he looked if anything, even more worried than before.

"Can you walk?"

I closed my eyes, again, concentrating. "Yeah. Just... keep it slow." My voice sounded strangely harsh even to my own ears. "It's a little like, umm, like having... a bit of a buzz on." I had to pause, tried to clear my throat. "Everything's a little wobbly... and I... ah... need... to concentrate. You do... the talking, keep Malan occupied...'kay?" I said.

"What about Romm'taxx?"

"Yosh'ta said... he'll live...umm 12 hours or more." Another pause to cough, and I tried to wipe the blood off my lips without Daniel seeing. "That's how much... time... we... have."

Daniel looked strangely at me. "Yosh'ta says?"

I shook my head, bad mistake, causing everything to get all shimmery again. "No... no... I can't hear him... or anything. He... told me... before." Talking hurt, irritated my throat, made me cough which made my head hurt more, which I hadn't thought possible, but it was. "I can feel him...inside... feel him move...can't hear him."

"That's good," Daniel said, tentatively. "Now you shouldn't try to talk anymore."

Great. Couldn't talk, couldn't nod, so I just waved a hand at the door, and Daniel, thank God, got the message. "Go."

--------------

Part 4

Somehow, I walked out of there, I don't know how, don't remember much about those next few minutes except the need to concentrate to keep moving and the pain in my head.

Daniel was chattering away at Malan, asking about the history of the city. Suddenly, Malan looked at me. "O'Neill, you look unwell."

"Ah... yeah."

"Are you familiar with the malady claustrophobia?" Daniel jumped right in to take over the conversation. "That's the fear of closed in places. Colonel O'Neill is afflicted, he can become quite ill if he spends too much time in a small, enclosed place, like Yosh'ta's cell. It's a common problem among the people on our world."

Malan nodded. "I have heard of it, even here. People who find it hard to breathe if too tightly enclosed."

"Right. Right. Strange, that your people should have the same problem, although of course you do know that we share common ancestors."

Way to go, Daniel, I thought, keep him talking.

Finally, we reached the corridor near our rooms, Daniel still chattering. "I'll see to it that the Colonel gets settled comfortably, then please tell his Lordship that Kovacheck and I will be ready to resume the negotiations."

"Yes, Dr. Daniel Jackson," said Malan, bowing and leaving, Daniel following to close the door.

I didn't make it as far as the bed. The moment the door was closed, I lost my fragile control, sinking to the floor, moaning. I could still feel the raw wound at the back of my throat, the blood trickling out of it, down into my stomach. My head throbbed agonizingly. "I think I'm going to be sick," I mumbled, and was, all over the floor, retching, coughing up the blood and bile.

Daniel was at my side quickly, kneeling beside me, taking a cloth to wipe up the mess. He grabbed my shoulders, supporting me, holding me while I heaved, emptying my stomach. Finally, the retching over, I laid back against him, my head against his chest, my whole body shaking.

"Easy, Jack, easy," he soothed.

Carter came over, grabbing a blanket off the bed and wrapping it around my shaking shoulders, steadying me as she helped me drink from the cup of water she'd brought. "Sir?"

Even my voice was unsteady. "Thanks."

"Better?"

I closed my eyes. "Yes."

She checked my pulse. "Sir, I don't like this."

"Well, neither do I," I whispered hoarsely, eyes still closed, still leaning against Daniel.

"Sir, do you think you can get up on the bed? You'd be more comfortable," she suggested.

"Hmmm." I tried, but it took both of them helping me to get me up off the floor, onto the bed, and covered with blankets that did nothing to stop the chills shuddering through me.

"Daniel?" He was immediately back at my side. "You an... Kovacheck, go... you... have to go..."

"What?"

"Negotiations." I rasped. "Go. Talk. Then break it off." I stopped to cough, drank some of the water he offered, then sank back down on the bed. "Tell... Ralstans you have to... confer again with your leaders."

"You'll be okay?"

"P-peachy."

He grinned. "We'll be back in a bit."

"Just... make it good.... Convincing.... Throw...throw a fit if you have to..."

Daniel finished for me. "We'll convince them we need advice before making any deals."

"Yes, Sir," said Kovacheck, who looked a little pale himself.

I heard their footsteps cross the floor before pausing at the door, and Carter's soft voice, "Daniel, don't take too long. I don't like this. He shouldn't be this sick. I've never seen anyone get sick after a joining."

"Well, it wasn't a real joining..." Daniel pointed out.

"No, but they all take time. I didn't get sick when Jolinar jumped into me, the Colonel didn't get sick the other time, with Hathor's Goa'uld, and my Father, who was already sick at the time, didn't have a reaction like this when he accepted Selmak..."

"Well, Jack was pretty nervous about this, well, more like terrified, I think. He really didn't want to do this, maybe that's the reason for the bad reaction."

"What, a psychosomatic thing? You think he wasn't terrified with Hathor? Daniel, you saw his face. It's the only time I've ever seen him look scared, and that day he did."

"Yeah. He looked pretty awful this morning, too, before he did this. Sam, he gave me his gun and made me promise to..., if it didn't work right... you know...."

"Holy Hannah."

The voices went quiet.

"Just get this done quickly and get back here," Carter ended softly.

I heard the door open and close, then Carter's quiet footsteps coming back across the room. I felt her warm hand checking the pulse at my throat. It was very quiet in the room. Very quiet inside my head too, though occasionally I could feel a little, um, squirm, in the back of my skull, like something moving around in there. Maybe because there was something moving around in there. Mostly, I felt the brutal throbbing pain, like my brain was being squeezed in a vise; like the contents of my head were too big for my skull. Probably they were, with that snake taking up so much room in there.

I didn't realize I was moaning until Carter's voice was asking softly, "Sir, can I help?"

"Just hurry up... get this damn... damn thing... out of my head," I rasped.

"I know, Colonel. You'll just have to hang on."

I lay quietly, then, trying to ignore the pounding pain in my skull. "Carter..."

"Yes, Sir?"

"I hope your father" I coughed, waited, caught my breath, "hope he knows what he's doing."

"So do I, Sir."

Oh, that was really re-assuring.

I rested, then, as much as I could, gathering my strength because it was going to be a long walk back to the gate and somehow I'd have to make it. I dozed.

Several hours later, Carter woke me. "Sir, Daniel and Major Kovacheck are back. We need to go, Sir. Can you sit up?"

I tried. I pushed myself toward a sitting position, and the room shimmied, tilted, righted itself with a sudden sickening lurch. It took all my self control not to start throwing up all over again.

I pushed myself to my feet, wobbled a bit, then steadied, taking a couple of deep breaths to regain control, coughing to try to clear my throat.

"How is it?" asked Daniel.

"'Member the... headaches on that planet... with those... bald... naked... singing guys?" I asked, eyes closed.

"Yeah. Brutal."

"Like that," I said, hoarsely. "Only worse."

"Maybe we should wait," Daniel suggested.

"No. Sooner... we get.. out of here," I had to stop to cough, "sooner... I get...damn thing... out of... my head. Let's go." Another coughing fit.

"You shouldn't try to talk so much, huh?" suggested Daniel, who had somehow managed to slip his shoulder under my arm, not that I needed him to hold me up or anything. I nodded, straightened, took a wobbly step, staggered, caught myself, concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other and walked out of that room.

Malan awaited us in the doorway of the great hall. "You will confer with your leaders, and return?"

"Yes," said Daniel.

"Colonel O'Neill still looks quite unwell."

"This happens sometimes. When he gets a claustrophobic attack, it often takes him days to recover," said Daniel.

You know, that boy can tell a story. Bet he could sell refrigerators to Eskimos, I thought. Yup. "Days," I mumbled, waving a hand in the air.

We walked, slowly, but steadily. I really don't know how I stayed on my feet, how I kept moving, just that I knew I had to, that I knew if our deception was uncovered I wouldn't be the only one to pay the price, so I shuffled on, hour after hour.

I have seen Jack O'Neill do some remarkable things, but this was one I will never forget. Knowing how he hates the snakes, knowing how he distrusts the Tok'ra, knowing how he refuses to relinquish control, I had watched in horrified fascination when he leaned over to Rommtaxx's body and allowed the parasite to enter his throat. I'd thought I was going to be sick, just watching. How he did it, I'll never know.

And then, when we got back to our rooms, and he collapsed, I saw for the first time what the effort to do this thing was costing him. Somehow, using whatever mind over matter techniques the Air Force had taught him, or he'd taught himself, he'd held himself together long enough to reach the privacy of our rooms. And yet, the moment he was physically able, his attention was back on the mission, on getting me and Kovachek to finish our business. Never forgetting who he was, the leader of SG-1.

I've always known Jack was a remarkable man, but he proved it over and over again that day.

When we were ready to leave, the man somehow pulled himself together enough to get on his feet and walked all the way back to the gate. Stumbling on in silent misery (that's when I realized how sick he really was-- Jack wasn't talking, wasn't teasing, wasn't complaining), eyes mostly closed as he somehow focused all his energy on moving forward. He walked on, arm slung over my shoulder, moving, walking forward, stumbling, recovering, one foot in front of the other, for hours.

My God, if they gave medals for dogged, persistent, stubborn, obstinate courage, Jack would own a truckload.

When you look at Teal'c, you see a man of obvious physical strength and power. When you look at Jack O'Neill, you see a tall, slender grayhaired man, almost slight. And then you see him focus on a task, and you realize the immense strength of will, the innate toughness, and the bulldog determination. I've seen Jack at his worst and at his best, and he still astounds me.

---------------------

I'd done this once before, long ago, in the desert on the Iran/Iraq border, walked and staggered and crawled for nine days. No one could believe I did it then. Hard to believe I did it now, though this time it was only six hours and less than 20 miles.

I don't remember much of it, only the agonizing pain in my head and my feet making tracks in the dust of the neat, level road the Ralstan's built from their city to the Stargate.

Mostly, Yosh'ta was quiet in my head, his presence felt only by the unrelenting, brutal pressure. Occasionally, I could feel it/him wiggle, each tiny movement shooting pain through my skull and causing vertigo so bad it drove me to my knees. It took every ounce of willpower I possessed not to scream with the realization of what I had riding around in my head with me. After the fourth 'spell,' I lost count of how many times we had to stop to let me recover my equilibrium.

We walked and walked, and then we were stopping, Daniel and Kovacheck bidding farewell to the people of Ralsta, and we were stepping up to the Stargate.

God, this better work, I prayed silently.

It did. The Goa'uld detection device on the gate stayed silent as Carter dialled up the Land of Light and I walked on to the platform. Leaning heavily on Daniel's shoulder I stepped into the familiar bone-chilling cold of the wormhole, staggered and caught myself, with Daniel's help, on the platform of the Land of Light. The gate there, of course, ironically, is on the dark zone, but it was well lit by the portable lighting and generators we'd brought. I didn't realize it then, didn't have the energy to notice, I only knew that I could see General Hammond, and beside him Teal'c, and next to them the people that were going to get this unwelcome passenger out of my head.

I pulled my arm off Daniel's shoulder, forced myself erect, took three steps, saluted my CO, then turned to Garshaw, and stated, hoarsely, "Ma'am, I have your infiltrator," and collapsed.

My memories get scattered after that, vague recollections of people rushing to me, standing above me, Daniel pushing them back to give me room, being carried into a tent and laid on a bed, next to another human, Yosh'ta's new host.

"Colonel," I barely heard the voice, Garshaw's I think it was. "We're going to make the transfer now."

"Good," I whispered. "Now...is good."

I felt the first wiggle of Yosh'ta's movement, triggering excruciating waves of pain, and a moan of pain escaped me. I could feel each movement, each spasm of the snake's body sending waves of agony and nausea through me, and then it was back, the writhing mass in my throat, filling my mouth. I gagged, and then it was gone.

I could still taste it. The taste of it lingered in the back of my throat, in my mouth, on my tongue, a tart, bitter, nasty taste I will never forget. "God," I gasped. "Please, water."

Someone handed me a cup and I drank, soothing my throat, and then again I was retching, expelling every taste of that thing, every bit of it, trying to rid my body of the memory.

Hammond was there, holding my shoulders, Daniel cradling my head, "sorry," I mumbled. "Sorry."

I could barely hear Hammonds soothing words. "It's okay, Son. It's okay. You've done it. It's over. It's over. There's nothing for *you* to be sorry about."

Somewhere right about there, I passed out.

I have watched Colonel O'Neill emerge from a Stargate many, many times, but I can tell you I was never so relieved as right then when I saw the four of them stagger out of the gate from Ralsta. Even Garshaw was smiling.

And then I took a good look at O'Neill, the way he was leaning on Dr. Jackson, the pale, sweat streaked face, the eyes dark with pain, and my heart sank. I had asked so much of this brave man, had I asked too much, this time?

O'Neill straightened, came to attention in front of me, saluting, the sort of thing he never does, and I felt the smile form on my face. "Colonel," I said.

He turned then, unsteadily, and said to Garshaw in a voice so raw I wouldn't have recognized it as his. "Ma'am, I have your infiltrator," and crumpled.

I rushed forward, taking his shoulders, and it was Teal'c who reached down and lifted the Colonel into his arms, carrying the man into the nearby tent, where the new host was waiting.

I turned to Garshaw. "Counselor, let's get that thing out of him."

"Yes, General, we will proceed immediately." She turned to O'Neill, "Colonel, we're going to make the transfer now."

"Good," he whispered. "Now...is good."

O'Neill gasped, shuddered, then moaned in pain, thrashing on the bed, and then that thing was emerging from his mouth, sliding silently into the new host. I wasn't watching Rutan, I was focused on O'Neill, who lay back on the cot, gasping. "God," he moaned. "Please, water."

I held his shoulders while Daniel helped him drink the water and then suddenly O'Neill was gasping, retching and choking, mumbling "sorry, sorry" over and over again.

Oh, Jack, you have nothing to be sorry for, I'm the one who should be saying that to you, begging your forgiveness for asking you to do this, for going so far beyond the call of duty. "It's okay, Son, It's okay. You've done it. It's over. It's over. There's nothing for *you* to be sorry about."

The Colonel went limp in my arms. "Garshaw!" I shouted.

She turned back to me, pulling up one of O'Neill's eyelids, feeling his pulse. "He is not responding as he should," she said, worry in her voice. "Otara," she called, summoning one of the other Tok'ra. He left, returning in a few moments. "Have him drink this, it will help him rest. This has been a shock to his system. Sometimes there is a bad reaction..."

"Bad reaction? Like this? To a joining? Counselor, you said nothing of this." I glared at Garshaw, suddenly suspecting there was more that we had not been told.

"As I said, General Hammond, it is unexpected. True joinings leave the host weak for several hours. O'Neill not only experienced the trauma of the joining, he did not allow his body to rest sufficiently before making the journey back to and through the Stargate." I stared at her again, and she finally looked up to meet my gaze. "Without completing the joining, the host would not get the benefits of our ability to control the body's reactions to the melding."

"What reactions would those be?"

"Some damage to body tissues, usually slight. Intense pain."

I looked from her to the unconscious man in my arms, then glanced around to find Teal'c. "Garshaw, we are taking Colonel O'Neill back through the gate, to Earth. Major Kovacheck can remain while you wait for Yosh'ta to complete the joining and report what he knows. " I glared at her. "I'll be back."

Dr. Jackson dialed us home, Major Carter sent the iris code, and we hurried through. Dr. Fraiser was waiting at the base of the ramp.

"What happened?" she asked. Jackson gave her a quick rundown on the entire situation as we hurried down the hallway behind the Jaffa who was carefully carrying the Colonel.

I waited in the hallway with O'Neill's team while Dr. Fraiser examined the comatose officer. She was shaking her head as she emerged from his room 15 minutes later. "Sir, I don't know what's happening here. His pulse is rapid, respiration shallow, blood pressure fluctuating. He's semi-conscious, mumbling and not making much sense, but..." she shrugged. "At this point, it's much too early to tell what's happened. He's had some kind of reaction to the parasite's presence. More information would help, Sir. Can we get any assistance from the Tok'ra?"

"Damn right." I looked around, "Major Carter, Teal'c, you're with me."

"Sir..." Daniel started to ask.

"Stay here with the Colonel. We'll be back. Take good care of him, Doctor."

I marched quickly down the hallway, entering the gateroom, shouting up at the technician. "Sgt, dial up the Land of Light."

"Yes, Sir."

It seemed to take forever, but I know it was the usual few minutes before the dialing process was complete and the gate wormhole formed. "Come on," I said briskly, and stepped back through the gate.

Days like this, I curse myself for taking on this impossible job. We know almost nothing about these aliens, these parasites, except that for sure we don't have the technology to remove them. I'd only ever had a couple of the creatures to do any sort of testing on. And while we'd helped Carter overcome the death of Jolinar, we'd never dealt with a human who had harbored an unjoined Goa'uld, and then had the parasite leave the host.

I scanned the latest set of test results, not liking what I was seeing, not liking them at all. Hurrying back to O'Neill's bedside, I once again observed my patient: feverish, semi-conscious, lying now with eyes closed, breathing heavily, monitors showing his vitals unstable and bouncing all over the board. Nothing made any sense, nothing at all.

The restless form on the bed was muttering something. I bent closer to try to make out his words. "Colonel?"

He opened his eyes, brown eyes drifting around the room, disoriented, unfocused, almost like he was drugged, but there'd been nothing unusual in his system. "Colonel?"

"Gone, Doc?" he asked in a hoarse, raw voice. "It's gone?"

"Yes, Colonel, we've done a MRI. There's nothing left of the Tok'ra in your system. No blood markers either. It's all gone, Sir."

"Doesn't... feel gone. Feels," he arched his back on the bed, moaning in pain, sweat rolling off his forehead.

I grabbed a cloth, wiped his face and forehead, and talked soothingly. "Easy, Sir, easy. The General has gone back to talk to Garshaw. They'll know what's happening, they'll know what to do."

"Just... get it out...out of my head."

"Sir, it is gone. You're just having a reaction of some sort to it."

"Didn't... have one... before..." he gasped.

"I know, Sir, we know. This is something we haven't seen before. But we'll take care of it. We're working on it. You'll be okay, Sir."

"Damn snakes," he mumbled.

"Yes, Sir," I agreed, wiping his brow, not liking the heat I could feel radiating from his body, the way his temperature was hovering around 104. I turned to a nurse, "let's get a cooling blanket in here," I ordered, and continued to wipe his face, chest and arms with tepid water.

His breathing seemed harsher. I switched places with one of the nurses, pulling out my stethoscope to listen to his heart and lungs, not at all encouraged by what I heard there. His breathing was getting worse, rasping in his throat. Well, if that snake entered through the back of his throat and he was having some sort of reaction...

I looked across the room, to where Daniel was standing back against the wall, watching silently, the worried frown on his face probably matching my own.

Returning my gaze to my patient, I asked, "Colonel, I need to get a better look at what's happening at the back of your throat." I was encouraged that he was responsive enough to open dazed eyes and look up at me. Then, when I tried to use the swab, he began gagging, retching, fighting. Sick as he was, he was strong. "Sir, please, I only need to touch the back of your throat with a swab. That's all. Okay?" He was looking at me again, but I wasn't sure how much of what I was saying was getting through to him. I tried again, and again he thrashed the moment I tried to even touch the back of his tongue with a tongue depresser. I got just a glimpse of the nasty wound at the back of his throat, enough to see the blood oozing from it and with it some clear fluid. I needed that sample.

Hurry up, General, I thought, hurry up. Things were going from bad to worse and I had the bad feeling that the Colonel could crash at any moment. Listening to his heart and lungs again, it was obvious his respiratory system was struggling. God, I didn't want to sedate him, didn't know if that might not make things worse, but I had no choice.

"Colonel O'Neill?" his eyes barely flickered open, didn't stay open more than a few seconds. "Colonel, I'm going to have to give you a sedative so I can get that sample. And then I'll need to intubate you, to help your breathing until we get this problem cleared up. Okay, Sir?"

I got only a mumbled reply, took that as a yes, and reluctantly called for a tray to intubate him. I added the sedative to his IV, gave it time to work, and prepared for the procedure. Now that he was still, I suctioned the blood away from the wound, and gently touched the back of his throat with the swab. I didn't like what I was seeing. "There's still bleeding here," I told the nurse, "and he's got even more edema and tissue damage than I expected." I handed her the swab. "Get this to the lab. I need to know what's happening."

Intubating a patient is a delicate task but simple, really, using the laryngoscope to see down the throat and insert a small, pencil thin tube to keep the airway open, preventing the swelling, damaged tissue from closing up his throat and suffocating him. I'd performed this procedure so many times that for a moment I was too stunned to realize what was happening. "Damn," I muttered, trying again, having to work to get the tube into his throat. "Suction." She cleared the area of the leaking blood and fluids that obscured the area around the wound, and on the second try the tube slipped past the swelling.

With a sigh, I stepped back and watched the nurse tape the tubes in place. "We made it Colonel, now you just hang on, Sir," I told him softly. "We'll get you through this."

One of the Tok'ra representatives was standing by the gate, leading us to the tent, then leaving us waiting outside. I waited impatiently for Garshaw, who was overseeing the revival of Yosh'ta's new host.

Finally, after what seemed like hours, the Tok'ra leader emerged from the tent, asking,"How is O'Neill?"

"Not well. What the hell happened?" I demanded.

"I am not sure of that, General. This sort of thing has rarely been done in the past, for a Tok'ra or even a Goa'uld to hide unmelded in a human body."

"So what damage could that have done?" I demanded.

"It is possible that O'Neill has experienced a bad reaction, like an allergy to the antibodies of the Tok'ra he harbored. When we enter a host, a substance is secreted that eases our movement through the tissues. Normally, in a full joining, the healing powers of the Tok'ra would prevent any such reaction. I have here for you a sample of the substance. Perhaps it will aid in healing O'Neill."

I nodded. "Carter, get this back to Dr. Fraiser. Go."

"Yes Sir."

Quickly, I returned to Earth, hurrying down the hallway to the infirmary. Janet was standing next to the Colonel's bed, a worried frown on her face. I didn't like the look of it. I liked even less how the Colonel looked, pale, sweating, making small restless movements, a tight expression around his eyes that screamed 'pain,' a tube assisting his breathing, along with oxygen.

"Janet?"

"I hope you've brought something, because I don't know what to do. He's failing, like his system is just shutting down," she looked down at O'Neill's still form. "I finally had to intubate him to help him breathe, and I could barely get the tube in past the swelling around the wound at the back of his throat."

Oh God, I hoped I had enough to help. "Garshaw said it may be an allergic reaction." I handed her the vial the Tok'ra had given me. "This is the substance that may be causing the problem. She said in some humans, it can act like a slow-acting poison."

Janet grabbed the container with a look of hope. "Good. Good. Anything may help. We've never seen a reaction like this before. You certainly didn't have one."

"Right. But in my case the melding was complete. Jolinar's ability to heal would have stopped any adverse reaction in my tissues. But the Colonel was never joined with Yosh'ta, so he didn't get the benefit of the healing."

"But he didn't have any reaction to Hathor's larvae. And that joining wasn't completed either," said Daniel.

"That's what allergic reactions do," I explained. "The first exposure sensitizes the body, but it takes a second exposure to trigger the reaction. The first time a bee stings an allergic person, it's just a bee sting. The second exposure, the body's defenses go into overdrive and reacts so vigorously it will kill itself."

"Right. So we treat this like any other severe allergic reaction." Janet turned to the nurse. "Lieutenant, stay here with him. Do not leave his side for any reason. Any change in his condition, call me. I'll be in the lab next door. I've got a couple of tests I need to do on this." She turned to me. "Sam, you coming?"

We both all but ran to the lab, Janet stripping off her gloves as we hurried down the hall. She quickly gave the vial to a lab tech and ordered several tests. We waited, her foot tapping impatiently as we watched the tech work. Then she grabbed the sample, placed it under a microscope, a smile crossing her face. "Looks okay. Come on."

We hadn't been gone more than a few minutes, before we were back at O'Neill's bedside, Janet barking orders to the nurse, grabbing a syringe and bottle from the tray the nurse delivered. Filling the needle, she injected the substance directly into O'Neill's IV. "Come on, Colonel, come on Colonel."

I held my breath, waiting, hoping, and then I heard the smallest change but definitely a change in the monitors. The beep that indicated the rhythm of his breathing steadied, evened out.

Janet watched the monitors closely, then turned back to me with a smile. "It's helping. It's working. We've got some definite improvement." She looked down at the restless form on the bed. "It's a start, Sam, a good start. Okay, now it's just a waiting game."

-------------------------------

It turned out to be a long wait.

Bit by bit, his temperature dropped, and his distress seemed to ease. The painful frown left his forehead, the aimless restless movements slowed and ceased, and he seemed to be sleeping. Though these initial improvement had been immediate and dramatic, little else happened. The Colonel just didn't wake up. As the hours passed and his condition didn't show any further improvements, I saw the look of optimism slowly leave Janet's face, replaced by a growing worry she tried to hide. Though his vitals had stabilized, it was as if his condition had plateaued. No worse but no better. Heart rate, respiration, and blood pressure all a little low but steady.

I hated seeing him like that. It was like it wasn't really the Colonel, that still, quiet form, because those are two things I never associate with him-- stillness and quiet. He's always moving, always talking. Busy, even busy doing nothing he's always busy. And now, for hours, he has lain on the bed in the infirmary, motionless. That vibrant quality I associate with my CO, that restless presence that fills a room so you can never miss his presence, is frighteningly absent.

Oh God, what have we done? We shouldn't have let you do this, Sir, I should have told my Father no. He would have listened to me.

Daniel was back with two cups of coffee, his face quiet and eyes worried as he handed one to me. I sipped the coffee absently, not knowing what to say or do.

"Teal'c has gone to his quarters, doing his kel noreem. He said we should interrupt if there's any change," Jackson explained quietly. "Is there?" he asked optimistically.

"No."

"So I guess it will be a long night. I'll stay, you get some sleep. I'll take first watch," Daniel said with that little grin, "just like Jack would assign it."

I should have gone home, should have gotten some sleep because I had a whole base to run, hundreds of lives that depended on me, not just one team. But I couldn't walk away from what I'd asked this team to do, what I had asked Jack O'Neill to do.

My conscience wouldn't let me sleep. Shouldn't have a conscience, not in this job, I thought.

The base was mostly quiet as I walked the long hallway from my office to the infirmary. Even there, the lights were dim. Colonel O'Neill was the only patient, Dr. Jackson sitting beside O'Neill's bed, reading to him from a book, his quiet voice rising and falling.

"Hey, wow, you should see this Jack, it's really something. These guys don't have a clue about how the pyramids were really built."

Jackson stopped, hearing my footsteps as I entered the room.

"Any change?"

"None. Yet," said Jackson, sounding weary, nearly as weary as I felt. "You know Jack, he's stubborn."

I smiled grimly. "Yes, I know how stubborn he can be. Leave us for a moment, would you please, Dr. Jackson?"

He looked at me a moment. "He wouldn't blame you, General."

"I know that son," I thought, not feeling better for the words, worse in fact, because even if I hadn't ordered O'Neill to do the unthinkable, I had certainly coerced him into doing it. And good soldier that he was, he had done it, trusting me.

I stood silently by his bedside for a minute, listening to the quiet sound of his breathing. He looked like he ought to open his eyes at any moment, but Dr. Fraiser had told me he might never wake. She didn't know. No one knew, not even the Tok'ra.

Colonel Jack O'Neill, the most frustrating Second in Command I'd ever had, and the best. A man who would lay down his life for his team, and his country. A warrior who would follow orders, even hair brained suicidally stupid orders, if the job needed to be done. Never quit, never give in, never compromise. Do or die.

Lord, don't let it be die.

Despite the headaches he gives me, I like Jack O'Neill, I trust him, respect him, and worry about him. Sort of like the son I never had. A good man, if a difficult one, but always a man of courage and principle and honor.

And I'd used him.

God forgive me, I'd known what I was asking when I'd told him what had to be done to save that damn Tok'ra. I'd known he was terrified of what needed to be done, because of all the formidable things he has faced in his lifetime in the military, this was the thing, maybe the only thing, that scared Jack O'Neill. He'd been through the parasite joining thing once before, and it had left scars, not only outside, but inside. Yet, I'd known he would do it, because, unlike me, he was too good a man to allow anyone else to do it. And to my everlasting shame, I'd used that knowledge to get him to carry that damn snake in his head.

He'd told me once he'd done some damned distasteful things in the name of his country. Whatever they were, they could not have been remotely as detestable as what I'd done to him.

"You really ought to wake up now, Jack." Daniel's voice. Why was he waking me up? I'm always the first one up. What? Had I overslept?

I pried one eye open, then the other, blinking against the harsh lights.

The infirmary.

Oh shit. Not there again.

What? How?

And then I remembered. The Tok'ra. Yosh'ta. Ralsta. Carrying the damn snake.

"It's gone?" I mumbled, my voice so rough I barely recognized it.

Daniel was right there above me. "Jack? What did you say?"

"It's gone? Snake... gone?"

"Yeah, it's gone."

"Good, " I sighed, letting my eyes slide shut again.

"Hey, Jack, wait, come on, you need to stay awake a little longer. Janet needs to talk to you."

"Doc? Doc can wait. Tired." Keeping my eyes open was work.

"No. Stay awake. You can be tired later," Daniel insisted, cranking up the head of my bed.

"Tired now."

"No, later. You've been sleeping for four days, you need to stay awake this time."

"This time?" I won the war to lift my eyelids one more time.

"Yeah, this time. You woke up last night for about 30 seconds, then drifted off again. Doc says you need to wake up and stay awake."

"Doc's always giving orders," I mumbled, my eyes drifting shut again.

"Yeah, she just wants to be sure it's you in there and not some Goa'uld."

"You said it was gone."

"Yeah, well, we're just checking. Sure it's you?"

I thought a moment, wandered around a bit inside my own head, encountered nothing out of place. "Yeah. It's me. Just me."

"Good."

I was silent a moment. "Yosh'ta. What happened?" Suddenly my eyes popped wide open, and I struggled to sit up. "Earth? Apophis? What?"

"It's okay, Jack. Apophis wasn't planning to attack Earth. He was going to use a new weapon on Notara..."

"Notara?"

"A Tok'ra planet. They're moving all their people out now. And we've got the blueprints for a whole new technology. Carter's been working about 20 hours a day in the lab trying to see if we can adapt it for ourselves."

"Good." I let myself sink back down on the sheets.

"Yeah, good." I saw Daniel turn, look at someone behind him, smile, then move away.

It was General Hammond. "Jack. Good to see you're awake."

"Sir, hope you don't mind if I don't salute."

He chuckled. "Don't mind at all." His face went suddenly serious. "Jack, that was an extra-ordinary thing you did."

Extra-ordinarily stupid, I thought, but didn't say it to my CO. "Just doing my job, Sir." I mumbled.

"Just your job, Hell, no, son." He looked at me. "Jack, just concentrate on getting well."

"Yes Sir. Just no more passengers inside my head, Sir," I felt myself drifting off again. "The O'Neill Taxi Company is closed."

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