Ten Rules for Running the SGC
Author: Badgergater
Email: [email protected]
Season: 8-9
Spoilers: All of S8 and first 3 eps of S9
Category: Humor
Pairing: None
Warning: None
Rating: Anyone with a sense of humor
Summary: Jack gives his successor some good advice
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of MGM, SciFi, Showtime, and probably a whole bunch of other rich and important folks that definitely don't include me. This story is for entertainment purposes only, and no money was involved, only appreciation for the characters.
Author's Pledge: Honest and accurate information allowing the potential reader to make an informed choice on whether or not to read this fic
Author's Note: Special thanks to Cokie <G>
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To: Major General Hank Landry,
Stargate Command,
Cheyenne Mountain
x
From: Major General Jack O'Neill,
Office of Homeworld Security,
Pentagon
x
Subject: Ten Rules for Running the SGC
x
Note: Hank, I know I wasn't in charge of the SGC for long, but there's a damn steep learning curve there. So you won't have to reinvent the wheel, I'm giving you the benefit of my hard won experience.
Okay, okay, I know, this is more than ten rules, but then, I never was very good at math.
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30. Take good care of my people. They're good people.
29. There's always another way.
28. Never underestimate the importance of the proper potato. Remember, no Yukon Golds. They just don't mash.
27. Don't even think of eating the arugala.
26. Listen to Bra'tak. He may be an old coot, but he's a smart old coot.
25. Let Walter pick the bunting. He so has the Martha Stewart gene.
24. When negotiating with more than one group of aliens-lock them in a room together and stay out of shouting distance for at least 24 hours.
23. Never question Siler when he's carrying the big wrench.
22. Keep Tailgate Tuesdays. They're great for morale, and Teal'c loves the taco dip.
21. Leave no one behind.
20. Do not lockdown the base without an adequate supply of Ben & Jerry's.
19. Require Carter to keep all those alien doohickies in her lab. Behind lock and key. And *you* keep the key.
18. Don't eat the lemon chicken. Blue jello is a much better choice
17. Tell Daniel no. Loudly, and often. Occasionally, just to keep him on his toes, throw him a 'yes' bone. Watch for the reaction when he realizes what you've done.
16. Never, ever play ping pong with a pissed off Jaffa. Unless you're wearing armor.
15. Saving the world is not all it's cracked up to be. Believe me. They may promote you for it.
14. Take good care of my people. They're good people.
13. Any alien that shows up looking like someone familiar is NOT to be trusted.
12. In fact, any alien that shows up (Asgaard and Tok'ra included) is not to be trusted. (Except if it's the Nox. They're cool.)
11. Don't trust the Russians, either.
10. Do *not* let Harry Maybourne back on the planet, no matter how much he whines, pleads and begs, or what sort of too-good-to-be-true deal he offers. The man lies, cheats and steals, and that's on his good days.
9. Take good care of my people. They're good people.
8. Do *not* believe any scientist (including Carter) when she/he tells you that it's now safe to strap one of your people into some alien doohickey (chair, glider, video game thingy, whatever). It *will* lead to disaster.
7. Never trust that dead aliens are really dead.
6. Do not help anyone move. And *never* let them move in.
5. Special occasions (such as when I visit) require cake. (Earth made cake. Do not ever eat alien cake, especially if it is offered to you by a beautiful woman!)
4. Trim the foliage.
3. Try not to shoot the archaeologist. It makes him cranky.
2. Be generous with the fruit baskets.
1. Take good care of my people. They're good people.
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