Jack’s Lists
By Badgergater
Email: [email protected]
Spoilers: Through New Order
Season: Eight
Pairing: None (well, unless you count Mary Steenburgen)
Category: Humor
Rating: Anyone
Warnings: None
Summary: In New Order, Jack told us he had a list of rewards for saving the Earth, promotion to General being one. But what were the others?
Disclaimer: Don’t own Jack or anything else from Stargate. Acknowledge the power of those who do.
Author’s Note: I know, it’s not really a fic, but all of us Jack fans need a little humor these days. So here’s a little, probably very little, to hopefully make you laugh<G>--
List I- Rewards for saving Earth (again):
Fish for the Pond
New title: Supreme Commander of the SGC
Guest star gig on The Simpsons
Front row season tickets to all Avalanche games
Dinner with Mary Steenburgen
Kinsey as personal valet: mow lawn, take out garbage, wash dishes, mop floors, scrub toilet, do laundry, shine boots
Do loop de loops with Air Force One
Stanley Cup as plant stand for my office
Tok’ra allowed on planet by invitation only
Lifetime subscription to National Geographic
Change official Class A headgear to baseball cap
Free Tibet
Every kid gets a dog
Phasers on the Ford to clear traffic jams
Rename Prometheus as "The Enterprise"
Curling named new national pastime
Replace staircase from briefing room to control room with fire pole
Ask Asgaard to name next new ship "The Homer Simpson"
Officially change name of Goa’uld to more pronounceable "Gould"
List II- Things to decree once I’m Supreme Commander of the SGC
No Marines allowed in SGC
No Russians allowed in SGC
No politicians and sycophants allowed in SGC
Casual Mondays
No paperwork for the General
Red phone connects via direct line to Mary Steenburgen
Opera in the elevators
Cake in the commissary every day
Casual Tuesdays
Captured motherships will be loaned out to no one. No loans of tel’tacs either. And no, we absolutely don’t help *anyone* move
New uniforms- peridot camo
Hot towels in the men’s rooms
Casual Wednesdays
Jello served at all briefings (color choice optional)
Rename the Gateroom as the Kawoosh Room
Rename Stargate as the annulus
Casual Thursdays
Pumpkin pie in commissary (whipped cream optional)
Padding for the gate ramp
Mary Steenburgen Appreciation Day celebrated monthly
Penlights banned from infirmary
No more hard to remember PX- yadda yadda yadda. Name planets like hurricanes: Anja, Alex, Bob, Bill, Corine, Eduard, Fred, Judy, Larry, Linda, Margo, Martina, Otto, Susan, Sid, Raoul, Tanya, Ulrike--
Most important: Generals get every Friday off to go fishing
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