Jack O'Neill's Top Ten New Years Resolutions, 2003

By Badgergater

10. Don't waste any more time waiting for thanks for saving the world (again.)

9. Do not get into *any* death glider, Goa'uld made, Earth made, whatever: they all crash. Or lack landing gear. Or run away with you. Just stay away.

8. Don't trust the reporters.

7. Cross Kelowna off vacation destination list.

6. No swimming. (Cold water causes major shrinkage, makes knee ache, too.)

5. Hide the bananas.

4. Do not, repeat, do not, under *any* circumstances return to Antarctica again.

3. Keep next MotherShip.

2. Avoid ALL snakes.

And Jack's number one 2003 Resolution:

1. Kick some Goa'uld ass.

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Best Resolutions of previous year's:

Don't let color blind guy wire the bombs.

Laugh at Teal'c's Jaffa jokes.

Shoot Kinsey.

Avoid alien women dressed in skimpy outfits, no matter how hot they look.

Don't inhale.

Shoot all the scientists.

Don't take invitation to White House too seriously.

Refrain from looking into alien devices, no matter how pretty the lights are.

Get bullet-proof vest with sleeves.

Do not trust the Russians.

Find my fingerless gloves.

Don't judge aliens by their bad hair dos.

Just because you can't seem 'em, doesn't mean they're not there. (Remember reetou, ashrak, Nox...)

Never wear white.

Do not interfere in Jaffa blood feuds.

Do not let alien build Stargate in basement. (Oh, wait, that's Carter's resolution.)

Write better notes to self.

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