One in Six Billion

Author: BadgerGater

Email: [email protected]

Category: Epilogue, Serpent's Lair

Spoilers: Serpent's Lair, plus There But For the Grace of God, Politics,

Within The Serpent's Grasp; Anything in season one or two

Rating: G

Season: Two

Pairing: None

Summary: Jack is not the life of the party celebrating Apophis's demise

Warnings: Angst. Pass the Kleenex.

Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of

Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, Gekko Productions; all the powers that be, not me; This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement intended. The story is the property of the author and may not be posted without the author's consent.

Authors Notes: Think far, far back to the second season of SG-1, back to the days of yesteryear, when heroes were heroes, and Jack still had brown hair...

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There was one gigantic party going on in the SGC.

All around the lounge, off-duty personnel were celebrating, heck, everybody was celebrating, since the place wasn't back on duty for another 24 hours.

And they had plenty to celebrate.

Not only had SG-1 been responsible for blowing up the Goa'uld ships and literally saving the planet. Not only had SG-1, the rogue team of Colonel Jack O'Neill, Dr. Daniel Jackson, Capt. Samantha Carter and the big alien guy, Teal'c, saved the Earth, they'd all miraculously enough made it back in one piece. Even the president had called, to thank them and congratulate them, and tell them that their sins (okay, their court martial worthy offense of defying orders and going out through the Stargate) were forgiven. On top of that, the Stargate program was back in business.

What wasn't there to celebrate?

Even General Hammond seemed to be enjoying himself, relieved to have his best, and most thought, his favorite team, back. Sure, they'd all have to go back to work tomorrow, but they'd at least still all be here, rather than scattering to new and certainly less fascinating assignments around the globe. The thought of breaking up the SGC had been like breaking up a family.

But now they would all be staying.

SG-1 had been the center of the celebration: backslapping, cheering, hugs, everybody wanting to buy them a drink. The party had quieted down for the few minutes while the president had been on the phone with them. Each had had a few words with the Chief Executive, smiles on every face, except that of Colonel O'Neill.

Well, those who knew him well knew he was a pretty quiet, pretty private guy. But it still seemed odd, the subdued way he'd hung around the fringes of the party.

Somewhere in the early morning hours, as the party was winding down, Sam went looking for Daniel. "Hey, hero, have you seen the Colonel lately?"

Daniel looked up at her in surprise. "Well, actually no, it's been quite a while."

"Like, since we talked to the president?"

"Yeah," said Daniel surprised now that he thought about it. "That's odd."

"I know," added Sam. "General Hammond just mentioned it to me...."

Daniel grinned. "You don't think he's off somewhere a bit, under the weather, shall we say?" grinning at the thought of his always in control friend in a state of inebriation. Thoughts of payback for all the times Jack had picked on him for not be able to hold his liquor danced in Jackson's head.

"No, he was drinking coffee. I never saw him with so much as a beer. He didn't seem to be in much of a partying mood." Sam shook her head. "I don't know..."

"I'll go take a look," offered Jackson. "I talked to him before, he was pretty upset, well, you know, as upset as he ever lets on, over having left me behind on that ship. But we talked about it, as much as Jack will talk about anything, and I thought he was okay with it. I'll go find him, Sam. Don't worry."

He started in the gateroom, thinking maybe O'Neill had gone there to contemplate the events of the past few days. No sign of him. He checked the Colonel's office, but the lights were off and the door closed. The gym and weight room were both empty. There was no one in the cafeteria except a couple of the cleaning crew, and the coffee pot was empty and cold. He tried every place he could think of in the base, even O'Neill's least favorite place, the infirmary. It too was silent and empty tonight.

Had Jack left and gone home? No, that was doubtful.

As a last resort, Daniel took the elevator up to the surface, walking out to the cluster of rocks the SGC personnel sometimes came out to sit on, to escape the claustrophobia that seemed to occasionally strike them all, deep underground. It was a spectacularly beautiful night, no clouds, a setting slice of moon, stars glittering. Jack was sitting on the rock, staring at something in his hands. Whatever he was holding, he set it aside as if hiding it, as he heard Daniel's footsteps.

"You're missing a great party," Daniel offered.

"Yeah," Jack's voice sounded odd, Jackson thought.

"Pretty quiet out here all by yourself," the archeologist answered.

He could barely make out O'Neill's answering nod in the darkness. "Just wanted to be alone for a few minutes."

"Sick of my company already?" Daniel said with a laugh.

Jack shrugged. "You know that's not true. You were right about all this, about Apophis coming and you deserve the credit for saving the planet. You did a hell of a job."

"And what, you did nothing?"

Jack shrugged. "Doesn't matter, what I did." Another moment of silence. "You should go back down to your party. Enjoy it."

"It's our party, Jack. Without you, we've got no one to tell bad jokes." That line didn't even get a chuckle. Something *was* wrong. "Look, did I do something?"

"Just leave it, Daniel, okay? I'm glad you're back, I'm glad the SGC is back in business, I'm glad you saved the planet..."

"We saved what, six billion people today, and you're up here not feeling like celebrating? Look, I know Skaara meant a lot to you, and he died out there today along with Apophis..."

"We set him free, Daniel, I can live with that..." the Colonel answered softly.

"Then why are you out here on the mountain by yourself?"

Anguish leaked from O'Neill's quiet voice. "Because I don't deserve to be down there, Daniel, because I'm greedy and selfish..."

"You?" Daniel asked, incredulous. There were a lot of words Jackson could have used to describe his friend, but those were two that would never have come to mind, in any of the 23 languages he knew.

Jack stood and turned to Daniel, and even in the dim light Jackson couldn't miss the pain and despair on O'Neill's face. He suddenly realized he had never before seen such a terrible, bleak look on his friend's features, or heard such bitterness and self reproach in his voice. "We saved six billion people today, Daniel, and all I can think of is how I would gladly trade

every single one of them for the life of the one kid I couldn't save."

O'Neill walked away, back straight, shoulders stiff, the usual grace and

bounce in his step gone. In his hands, Daniel saw as his friend slipped past

him, was a picture of a little boy in a baseball uniform.

FINIS