Author: BadgerGater
Email: [email protected]
Status: Complete
Category: Hurt/Comfort; Drama, Angst
Rating: PG, adult language (they are adults, after all)
Spoilers: Brief mention of various episodes thru year 2
Content Warnings: If you don't want to see Jack get hurt, don't read this
Season/Sequel: Late 2nd season, Carter's still a captain; (written between seasons 2-3)
Summary: A trip to an ordinary planet takes a nasty turn
Disclaimer: Viacom/Showtime MGM/UA Gekko Double Secret Productions are the real owners of Stargate and these characters; I just borrow them & conscientiously return them, okay usually worse for wear, but you'll always get them back, promise; No money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement intended, and I really don't mean to do any permanent harm to Jack. It just keeps happening.
Author�s Note: Thanks to two great betas: Tanya for catching all my oops moments and Carol for overcoming all my hazy medical knowledge: This story would never have happened without you both (see Badger tipping her cap & saluting)::To everyone who answered my pleas for e-mail (beg, plead, grovel), thank you! remember, encouragement keeps a girl writing!
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Jack O'Neill
SG1's mission to PXG425 started out as a simple trip, or so it seemed for the first couple of hours.
I had done my usual mission preparations, figuring what we needed for rations, clothes and personal gear, lightweight tents, flashlights, first aid packs, batteries and comm gear. I, as usual, packed my weapons, my MP-5 machine pistol and my 9mm Beretta, and a hefty stock of ammunition for both. Made my pack damn heavy, it did, but better that than run low at a critical moment. Every trip was a balancing act between what we needed, what we might possibly use or want versus what we could comfortably carry. I always wanted us to take more weapons, Carter wanted us to carry more of her technical whatnots, and Daniel wanted extra room to bring home more rocks, er, artifacts.
We had done so many of these recon trips, by this time, that it had become routine, a little too routine, it seemed. Was I getting tired of this leapfrogging across the universe stuff? Nah, that part I enjoy. It's all the hours and hours of mission prep time, the paperwork and red tape needed before we can actually ever leave on a mission that makes me crazy.
I was just in need of a little action. Patience is not a virtue I've ever been able to acquire.
I checked my list again, making sure I had everything I thought I would need and could still carry. Then I headed to the locker room, carrying my vest and backpack, to pick up my jacket and my favorite baseball cap, the one with the brim bent at just the right rounded angle.
Off to see the wizard, I thought as I glanced around the locker room, before striding down the hallway toward the gate room. I passed a couple of airmen in the corridor, nodded at each. I heard Teal'c's quiet footsteps come up behind me, then heard the voices of Daniel and Carter coming down the hall, discussing something I figured I wouldn't understand anyway, so I just kept walking.
The gateroom door slid open in front of me. I mentally reviewed all the data on PXG something or other, another earthlike planet, though I'd found no threat worth noting on the hours and hours of MALP and UAV tapes I'd watched.
Carter had gone up to the control room to oversee the dialing-in process as we got ready to go to PX-whatever it was. Why couldn't we ever give these planets a name someone could remember? Someone other than Carter, at least? Oh well, nobody listens to *my* ideas anyway. I�m just the muscle on these missions. Carter and Daniel are the brains. I�m only the expendable military body charged with protecting them.
General Hammond followed Daniel into the gateroom. The General and I have a pretty relaxed relationship, we go easy on the salutes, heavy on the respect. He's a good man, someone I can trust at my back as I head out there, into the universe. That's important. He'll do his best to protect us, take care of us, but he won't endanger his whole command for one team, not even his best team, and I understand and respect that. (Although sometimes I think he figures we're not his best but simply his most troublesome team. But then, he sends us out first. That says something about respect going both ways. He doesn't have to say what that means. I know.)
I'm sounding pretty philosophical this morning. I think I've been spending waaay too much time around Daniel. This thinking stuff of his is rubbing off on me. Scary thought.
"Ready to go Colonel?" asked the General.
"Always, Sir," I answered with a smile.
"Just remember, Colonel, simple recon. To the ruins, then back, you have five days...
"Yes Sir." I turned to my team. "C'mon Captain," I hollered up at Carter, who grinned in answer, looking eager to head out there as always. Daniel was looking pre-occupied, his mind already on those drawings on the ruins. I'd better watch out for him or he'll trip over the steps on his way up to the gate, I thought. Teal'c, impassive as ever, gave me a slight nod indicating he was ready, staff weapon held upright in his hand.
"You have a go, Colonel," said my CO.
I threw him a hasty salute, a bit sloppy I admit for a Colonel, but then I've never been some parade ground soldier.
The familiar sounds of gate activation began just seconds after that baby-faced Lt. Simmons (had I ever looked that young? Nah) ordered the ramp cleared. I watched the wheel spin for what must have been the ten-thousandths time.
I tried not to think about what I was going to do in a minute or two. Hell, I don't understand it, despite Carter's attempts to explain the science of it. I'm a straight forward kinda guy, don't need to know how the gate works, just that it does. Hey, I don't understand how airplanes stay in the sky, either, but I ride in them. (That's a bad thing for an Air Force Colonel to admit, but it's true. Of course, I'm not a pilot-- I didn't fly airplanes, I jumped out of them.)
So in a few seconds I was going to hop on that cosmic roller coaster and land, hopefully on my feet, on some unknown, unnamed and apparently uninhabited planet a few hundred light years from home. The aerial intel sent back from yesterday's UAV flight showed some ruins a ways from the gate, and Daniel had gotten so excited about the possibilities that Hammond had given in and let us go take a look.
After all, we had been hanging around the base for two weeks, unable to find a suitable planet to explore. I think Hammond was so fed up with us (okay, okay, me) bugging him for some action that he was willing to send us on this milk run just to get us out of his hair, what little he had left of it.
The gate 'wave' whooshed out of the ring and stabilized. (If you want the scientific terms talk to Carter, she'll be happy to give them to you. In great detail.) "Wormhole established," said Simmons.
I could see Carter activate the MALP, watching closely as it sent back fresh images. "Nothing new, Sir," she called out as she left the control room and headed down to join us on the ramp.
"Time to hit the road, campers!" I said, settling my sunglasses on my face, and striding forward, first through the gate to PX-whatever. I jumped across the threshold, the stinging cold of the wormhole ride stunning me for a moment, and I stumbled when I hit the ramp on the other end. Caught my balance quick, before the others came through right behind me. We'd all had a few embarrassingly bad landings, but I do have my Colonel-ish dignity to uphold.
My eyes snapped to alertness, checking 360 degrees around me, searching for threats. Rocks, trees, brush. Nothing moving. No sign of life. "Everybody here?" I asked Carter without turning around as I heard the wormhole close behind me.
"Yes Sir."
"Where to Carter?"
"The ruins are that way," she said, pointing to a low hill.
"How far?"
"The UAV indicated about 15 miles."
I groaned as we started walking. "Daniel, why can't these people ever build their ruins *next* to a gate? Huh?" I asked. Oh well, truthfully, it wasn't a bad day for a hike.
"Well, Jack, actually....
"That was a rhetorical question, Daniel. No answers. Please."
I took point, Daniel and Carter just behind, Teal'c on our six as we marched across the plain, away from the gate.
It was quiet and well, actually, rather pleasant on this world. It seemed a lot like Earth, but then, most of the planets we visit are like that. The gate system links similar worlds, that's why they were picked, for their ability to maintain life. These planets from the Abydos cartouche were all selected for their ability to support humans, or at least hosts, which so far had all been humans or things fairly similar. So it was no surprise that the place looked sort of, well, familiar, I guess.
The air was warm. The ground was covered by grass-like plants, but the green was just a shade off normal. The sky, too, was blue, but with a shade toward, I don't know, maybe the green? Or a little purple? The sunlight was a little more orange tinted then back home. And as always, the air smelled different, carrying the scents of those oddball plants, I suppose. Carter had explained that to me once, too, how slight variations in the elements in the air, still breathable, but not the same as Earth's, made the air smell different. And the light of a sun other than Earth's made the sky on each planet look a little strange. Even the gravity was a tad off here, a little heavier than back home. I could feel it as I walked.
I had the team take an earlier break, for just that reason. We sipped water from our canteens, nibbled on ration bars. Must be one of those famous military secrets, I mused, how they were able to turn something as simple as a granola bar into something that tasted like sawdust. After 10 minutes, we set off again.
Behind me, I could hear Carter and Daniel arguing about what they were going to find. I turned around and made eye contact with Teal'c. We nodded okay at each other and moved on. We'd done this so many times that we had the system down pat, didn't need a lot of fancy communication.
After our next break, we switched up positions, Teal'c on point, me next to Daniel, Carter watching our backsides. Ooops, maybe I shouldn't think of it that way. But come to think of it, she did spend a lot of time walking behind us. She better not have her attention on our lovely backsides, I thought, she's supposed to be watching for trouble back there. I, of course, would never waver from my duty, the thought would never cross my mind to watch *her* lovely backside. Oooh, shouldn't be thinking that, Jack, I told myself.
As we walked, I tried to pay attention to what Daniel was saying. It wasn't easy. I am pretty good, though, at just sort of nodding, making the occasional appropriate uhuh and letting him think I'm listening. Usually works, not always though.
He stopped suddenly. "Jack? Have you heard a single word I said?"
"Yes."
"So what was I talking about?"
"Those ruins," I guessed.
He got that exasperated look on his face. Carter had caught up to us and was standing at his side. "I was saying that you have a very large bug sitting on your left shoulder.
"Sheesh!" I jumped, knocking it off my shoulder. So I hate bugs, big deal. "You should have said something!"
"I did. But you weren't listening," he said accusingly.
"Right." Jack, get it together. Don't get sloppy and lazy, letting your mind wander, just because this looks like a peaceful planet.
"Carter, walk with Daniel. I'll take the six."
So there I was bringing up the rear of our little parade.
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We arrived at our destination late in the afternoon, the rest of the trip totally uneventful. We did a quick perimeter check, then I let Daniel and Carter go to work. The two of them headed straight for the huge, jumbled mass of boulders that looked like a giant child's tumbled down stack of building blocks.
Teal'c stood watch atop the hill while I set up camp. Hardly seems like work a Colonel ought to be doing, I know, but I've bivouacked so many times I could do this with one eye on my job, the other on our surroundings. I picked a camp site, unpacked our gear, set up our little single person tents, put out the motion sensors, made a fire ring out of rocks (quick, before Daniel decided to call them artifacts) and lit a cheery little blaze from some of the local wood. It gave off a fragrant scent, almost like candles.
The captain and Daniel were still chattering away happily, so I went up the hill to join Teal'c. "Anything happening?"
"Nothing, O'Neill. It is quiet."
"Take a break, then," I ordered, and he headed back toward camp. I turned my cap around on my head, took out my binoculars and set them before my eyes. I swept the horizon, carefully, section by section. Nothing. No Goa'uld. No humans. No villages or other signs of habitation. No farms or houses. No tornadoes. No lions, tinmen or little girls. Not even a yellow brick road. Nothing.
"Maybe it's a national holiday so everything's got the day off," I mused aloud.
I stayed on watch until dusk, when I headed back to camp, turning on the motion sensors. We had another lovely meal of MREs, I think mine was lasagna, but it tasted like chicken, so I don't imagine it matters what they called it. We set our watches for the night, and I settled into my tent for a nap before my scheduled watch.
I sleep well off planet, lightly but well, not at all like at home where I spend my nights stargazing on the roof. Insomnia at home, sleep like a baby on the road-- I guess it's the military thing again. I learned long ago to sleep when I have the chance, because my next rest may be a long time away. I was asleep as soon as my head hit my pillow, and woke, as planned, exactly four hours later. Ten to two, by my watch, set on Mountain Standard Time. Got up, stretching, hoping no one heard the popping in my knee joints.
Carter acknowledged me with a "Good evening, Colonel" as I went to get a cup of coffee from the pot perched on the edge of the smoldering fire.
"Anything?"
"Quiet."
"Good. Go get some sleep then, Captain."
"Thank you Sir. And good night."
She headed off to her tent as I sipped my coffee and looked up at the strange stars overhead. As always on a new planet, I spent a few minutes trying to pick out any of the familiar constellations or stars. I rarely succeed, and this PX-whatever was no exception.
At dawn, Daniel and Carter were up and on their way back to the ruins. I followed. What the heck. It was going to be a long day, and they were anxious to show me what they'd found, or thought they�d found. They confounded me, they did, with their ability to see things in the faint scratchings on the ancient stones.
"So what have we got?" I asked.
"Well, this was a very ancient building, probably a temple..." Daniel started enthusiastically.
"And you know that because?"
"I doubt they would have gone to all the trouble of putting this kind of detail on an ordinary building, or building something this huge."
"Maybe it's graffiti. Could be this was their favorite men's room," I suggested sarcastically.
Daniel shot me that look, the one that said I was on the verge of hurting his feelings. I shut up.
"Now this drawing is especially fascinating," he continued. "It looks like a goa'uld in a headdress..."
"I still don't know about that Daniel," piped in Carter. "It could be a local bird or animal..."
"Have we seen any, local birds or animals that is?" he asked.
"No, but we haven't seen any people who could have built these buildings, either." said Carter. "Maybe everything on the planet became extinct for some reason."
"That's a pleasant thought," I interjected uneasily.
"Well, if they did, it was a very long time ago. Thousands of years by the age of these stones," Daniel added.
"So there's nothing and no one here now?" I asked.
"Well, not right here, anyway."
"So the planet is deserted?"
"It's a big planet, Jack."
"Much too big for us to walk across the whole thing. Guess we'll pack up and head for home. Flag it for a come back if someone has time for a further recon mission."
"Aww, Jack, General Hammond gave us five days. There's no need to go back already. I mean, I could study these stone tablets for weeks, there's so much to see."
I looked around. Rocks. With squiggly lines. Only Daniel would see the potential here. "Anything of strategic value? Anything that will help us fight the snakeheads?"
"Not yet, but that doesn't mean there might not be something." he said earnestly. Daniel didn't want to leave and was trying desperately to convince me we ought to stay.
What the hell. If we went back, we'd probably spend another two weeks waiting for the computers to find us another planet to explore. And while this place seemed awfully quiet, it was still better than being stuck in my office, behind my desk, facing something I hated more than the gould: paperwork. "Ok, kids, we'll stay our five days."
Daniel smiled. "Thanks Jack."
I left the children to their toys and wandered around the jumbled pile of rocks, okay, ruins. Here and there I saw odd scratch marks on the rocks. These people weren't much as artists, I thought. This could be a letter, or a horse, or maybe a camel. Maybe I ought to call Daniel over to get a professional opinion. Nah, he and Carter were busy enough.
Teal'c was still on watch at the top of the hill, so I continued to explore. I'm not very good at just sitting still, so I kept moving through the huge, broken boulder sized stones, many the size of a pick-up truck or larger. A couple were as big as a small house. How did they move them here, I wondered? Daniel would know.
I stepped over several broken pieces of rock and saw some plants growing in the shade of one of the big boulders. The plant had a long, strong stem, covered with thorns like a rosebush, except no flowers. A shame, I thought. I like roses. Okay, so you don't believe that? Huh, lot you don't know about me. It's true. I grow roses in my backyard. So sue me.
As I leaned in closer to look at this plant, I stepped forward onto a small rock that shifted under my weight. I started to lose my balance and took an unplanned step backward.
Something stabbed into the bottom of my right foot. "Oww!" Sheesh, that was stupid. I found a rock to sit on, pulled off my boot and sock, and found a long, slender razor sharp little thorn, from one of those plants, stuck through the sole of my boot. I could see a small red dot of blood on the bottom of my foot where it had pierced the skin. Boy, this was dumb. How many times had I yelled at Daniel for wandering off and getting himself hurt and here I'd just... Well, hopefully this was nothing. Except I felt a stab of pain in my foot, right above the spot where the thorn had pricked me.
I looked carefully at the thorn, didn't look like any of it had broken off in my skin. I stuck the thorn into my vest pocket, massaged my foot a little, then put the sock and boot back on.
Another pair of boots ruined, I thought glumly. These were good boots; well broken in. I go through a lot of boots because of all the miles we walk. Breaking in a new pair of boots is one of the things I really hate to do-- stiff and uncomfortable new boots, the bane of my existence, I thought sadly. I keep hoping the military, what with all the cost cutting, doesn't ever start charging for the clothes, boots and other gear we go through. I'd quickly be paying the Air Force for the privilege of working for them, instead of the other way around.
I got up to return to the others and took one step, "Oww" as another pain stabbed through my foot. A little knot of worry started in my stomach. This was not a good sign. Took a couple more steps, and suddenly felt dizzy and nauseous, sank to my hands and knees, sweat popping out on my forehead, retching. When I'd lost all of my breakfast, I sat back on my heels, and drank from my canteen to rinse the bitter taste from my suddenly dry mouth.
That little knot in my stomach had suddenly grown to a very big one. I spent a couple of minutes on the ground, gathering myself, then tried to look casual and normal as I walked around the rocks toward Carter and Jackson.
The captain looked up, a frown creasing her face. "Sir, you're limping."
"Just hurt my foot a little...
"Want me to take a look?"
I gave her a look of only partially feigned terror, thinking back to Antarctica. I know she was doing her best to help, but having a rookie trying to set your broken bones was not my idea of fun. Never again. "No thanks Carter."
"Sir, I *have* taken advanced first aid...."
"I know. It's nothing. I'll be okay." I forced myself to ignore the stabbing pain in my foot and climbed up to Teal'c's post. I found a convenient rock to sit on nearby and watched the scientists work, tuning out their chatter. The day seemed to be getting warmer and I peeled off my jacket and sipped greedily from my canteen. Odd thing was, ten minutes later, I was so chilled I put the jacket back on. Wish the weather on this planet would decide what it was going to be, I thought uneasily.
I snapped awake, I wasn't sure how much later. Whoa, dozed off? In the middle of the day? I took another drink, took the jacket off again, then put it back on.
I don't know how long I sat there, quietly scanning our surroundings, before I realized my foot was well, you know that painful pins and needles feeling you get when your foot goes to sleep and then it wakes up?
I groaned.
"O'Neill, is something wrong?"
"Nah," I answered, massaging my foot through my boot. "My foot just went to sleep."
Teal'c gave me that puzzled look I know well (you have to know the guy to catch it, true, because it's pretty subtle. Teal'c's not a show your emotions kind of guy). "O'Neill, how can your foot go to sleep without the rest of you?"
"It's an expression, Teal'c. It means my foot went sort of numb, and then when you move it, it feels like someone�s poking it with pins or needles as it, well, wakes up."
"I see" he said, and I knew he didn't. Junior probably prevented such things.
Only problem was, I could tell this was more than just my foot going to sleep. It was a weird combination of numb and painful. I took off the boot and sock again. My foot looked fine. When I touched it, I could see my finger pushing on the skin, but I couldn't feel it. Then I realized I couldn't wiggle my toes, couldn't move them at all. Hastily, I pulled my sock back on, slid my boot on without doing up the laces. Took a deep breath, easy O'Neill, I told myself. "Ahh, Teal'c, I think I may have a problem here."
His expression changed, from totally unruffled to interested. That was almost panic, on Teal'c's part. For my part, I think it was panic, just a little tiny bit.
I stood, put my weight on my foot, gasped from the pain. It was so odd, I couldn't *feel* my toes or my foot, but they hurt, like they were on fire. I bit back a groan, took a step, limping badly. Sat back down, fighting off another sudden chill.
Teal'c pulled out his radio. "Captain Carter, Dr. Jackson, we need your presence."
Below, I could see Daniel's head suddenly appear above a rock, Carter's blonde locks beside him. I stood, waved, an embarrassed grin on my face.
Give them credit, they hiked it up that hill double time. When Teal'c says there's trouble, there's usually trouble. With a capital T.
"What's up, Colonel?" Carter asked, looking around, gun at the ready.
"Put the weapon down, captain." I said wearily.
"Colonel O'Neill's foot is resting and cannot be awakened," Teal'c told them.
"Foot's gone to sleep, Teal'c, just gone to sleep." I shifted my weight. "God," I said, closing my eyes a moment as pain shot through my foot.
Daniel grabbed my arm, helped me to sit back on the rock, as I hopped to keep all weight off my right foot.
"What happened?" he asked.
"I stepped on something, back there, in the rocks. A thorn plant. It poked through my boot, cheap damn buy em from the lowest bidder Air Force issue boots, aaah," I muttered as another stab of pain shot through my foot. "And now my foot's gone numb. Can't feel my toes at all. But, umm, my foot hurts just a bit."
Carter was easing my boot back off, checking my foot, which looked absolutely normal, at least for one of my appendages, considering the calluses, scars, and that odd bend in my big toe caused by breaking it and letting it heal unaided. "Where?"
I showed her the spot, a tiny discolored area.
"Are you sure you got all of it out?"
"Yeah. Ummh."
"Sir, you look flushed," Carter said, holding her hand against my forehead, added, "and you're too warm, definitely running a fever." She looked at Daniel. "What do you think? Should we try to drain it like a snake bite?"
"It could just be a local reaction, like a bee sting," Daniel suggested, looking at me worriedly. "How long ago did this happen?"
"Couple hours."
"I don't like this, Sir," Carter said, frowning.
"Me neither," I agreed sarcastically.
"I think there could be something, a toxin maybe, like a snake bite, doing this. Which means it will probably keep on getting worse," she said earnestly.
Oh good, I thought, lucky me.
"We should start back to the Stargate," said Teal'c in his ever steady tone.
"Yeah," I agreed. The others all stared at me. All of them knew, if I was agreeing to go home, that I was worried. I was. That knot in my stomach was growing with each flash of pain through my foot.
Carter checked through the first aid kit. "Sir, I don't know if we should give you anything for this. I know you're in pain...."
"Ya think?"
"...but since we don't have a clue what this is, anything I give you at this time might do more harm than good. I'm sorry Sir."
"Not half as sorry as I am," I mumbled, between gritted teeth. "Let's go."
My team went into action. I climbed to my feet, took a step, nearly fell on my face, would have if my flailing hand hadn't caught Carter's shoulder. "Hard to walk when you can't feel your foot," I mumbled, embarrassed. Daniel took my arm while Carter and Teal'c grabbed up the gear, leaving behind the tents and other things we wouldn't need.
We walked. Okay, I stumbled, they walked, taking turns helping me. I never thought I would ever find myself longing for a pair of crutches, but I was. That would have been the only way to keep weight off my foot completely.
I didn't want to say anything, but it was getting worse, definitely worse. Maybe it was the exercise, my blood pumping harder. Or maybe it was just the passing of time, but pain was washing through my foot, all the way up to my ankle, with every stride, every breath, I think every time my heart beat. It was getting harder and harder to keep the pain out of my face. I thought I was doing a pretty good job until Daniel called a halt. I took in a couple of big, deep, shuddering breaths, trying to collect myself. Couldn't stop the groan of pain. Wiped sweat from my face between shaking with chills.
"Jack? How you doing?" Daniel's face looked worried, Carter's mirrored his concern.
"Just peachy, kids."
"We need to give him something for the pain," Daniel said to Carter.
I hate it when people talk about me like I'm not there. "I'm okay."
Daniel looked at me. "No you're not Jack. You're not fooling us."
Carter rummaged though the first aid kit and handed me a pill. I swallowed it, washing it down with the last of the water in my canteen, hoped to God it would help.
We moved on, making painfully slow progress. After a couple of hours, we stopped.
"We should keep going," I said.
"We need to rest, Jack, even if you don't," said Daniel. He helped me sit on a rock, handed me his canteen. I sipped thankfully, feeling hot and thirsty.
"Did the painkiller help?" asked the captain.
I shrugged, told her most of the truth. "Not much."
Carter's hand was cool on my forehead. "Still running a fever," she said. She bent down, pulled off my boot and sock, looked again at my normal looking foot. Checked the pulse at the top of my ankle. "Your foot still has a strong pulse, and it's warm, so the circulation must be good. Can you wiggle your toes?" I tried. Nothing. "Bend your foot?" I tried. Still nothing. "Ankle?" Moved it, a little, with a groan. "It's moving up your leg, isn't it?"
I nodded.
We moved out again, this time Carter wrapped my arm over her shoulder. "This is nice," I mumbled in her ear. "Just watch the hands, Colonel," she tried to look amused but failed. She looked worried. Hmmph. *She* didn't need to worry, I was worried enough for both of us.
I concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other, hard to do when you can't feel one of them, can't feel the ground beneath your foot. I tried to keep the pain at bay, and that wasn�t working either.
We walked on, as the sun set and dusk fell, our path lit only by our flashlights. Finally, we paused for another rest.
"We should stop," I told them breathlessly.
"Sir, we need to get you home."
"None of us will get there, exhausted as we are. And we shouldn't be stumbling around out here in the dark,� I reminded them.
"We haven't seen a living creature...." answered Carter.
"Yeah, these thorns probably got them all." My joke fell flat, very flat. No one smiled. "Just because we haven�t seen anything doesn't mean there couldn't be something out here at night. And you could step on another one of these damn thorn things in the dark." I paused to catch my breath against the pain. "Ahh, ahh, we stop here.
Somebody put a blanket down on the ground, and Daniel helped ease me to a sitting position, my back against a rock, Carter propping my foot up on a couple of our backpacks. Teal'c started a fire while Daniel pulled out some MREs. I tried to eat a little of mine, couldn't get much down, though I tried because I knew I needed the nourishment. Drank more water. I laid my head back against the rock, closing my eyes, and wished my foot and leg would stop hurting. Wished this whole thing was some stupid nightmare I was going to wake up from. Real soon.
"Do you want to lie down?" Daniel asked quietly.
"No."
"Another blanket?"
"No."
"Water?"
"No. Stop hovering, Daniel." The words came out harsher than I'd intended. I opened one eye, saw his concerned face. Daniel's a good friend, my best friend, odd as it may seem. A geeky scientist and a tough, rugged individualist Colonel, who would have guessed. Okay, he's proved he's not so geeky, he can be pretty tough himself. Me, I wasn't feeling so tough at the moment. Pain will do that to you.
He saw my look, let his fingers brush my shoulder in the gesture that said he understood I hadn't meant anything by my tone.
I tried to rest. The pain wouldn't let me sleep, but I did sort of doze, or drift, something near sleep that wasn't exactly refreshing but was better than nothing.
The sky began to lighten, the others were stirring. Carter brought me breakfast: water and a ration bar. "We're about ready to go, Colonel. How's the leg?"
"Peachy." I assessed my condition. Tried to wiggle my ankle. Nothing. Still could bend my knee, sort of, I told Carter.
"Sir, I think we should try a tourniquet, on your calf. Might slow this thing down, even stop it."
"Sure." By this time, I was ready to try just about anything. PX-whatever wasn't so much fun or so peaceful anymore, at least not from my perspective.
The dark look the captain gave me let me know how worried she was. These people know me way too well. When I get agreeable, that's a danger sign. She pulled out her belt, slipped it around my calf at the spot I told her was still feeling normal, then slowly pulled it tight.
"Stop!" I bit back a scream, a cry of pain still making it past my lips.
"Sir?"
"Don't, don't do that. Don't," I was gasping from the pain. "It hurts!"
"Sir, we need to try. Let me move it up a little." She slid the belt higher up my leg, closer to my knee, tried it again. Still hurt, though not quite as bad. I let her pull it tight, taking deep breaths to try to get the pain under control. Wasn't working very well, but there wasn't much for an alternative. I was really beginning to look forward to getting to the infirmary. Right about then, I couldn't imagine anything better than one of those nice soothing painkiller IVs Doc kept stored in the infirmary cabinets.
Things are really getting bad when I'm fantasizing about getting *into* the infirmary, I thought drearily. Damn.
It took both Carter and Daniel to help me get moving. I wouldn't dignify the movement as walking, shuffling maybe, stumbling a lot. We had to stop every ten minutes so Carter could release the tourniquet, let the blood flow back into my leg.
We made slow progress. Long before we got to the Stargate I could feel the numbness, that nasty pins and needles feeling moving up my leg, right on past the tourniquet which was now nothing more than a pain-creating vise on my leg. When we stopped for a rest, I pulled it off.
"Sir, you shouldn't..."
"It didn't work, Carter..." I didn't like the scared look in her eyes. "I can barely move my knee."
"Maybe we should stay here and send Teal'c ahead to get help at the gate. We could have Janet waiting by the time you got there, Sir."
"No. We should stay together. Can't be that much further." Didn't much like the look I got on that statement, either. I washed down a couple more painkillers with water from the canteen. Not that they seemed to be doing me much good but if it got Daniel and Carter to quit fussing over me, it was worth it.
After a few minutes more rest, we moved on.
Capt. Carter
Colonel O'Neill looked like hell. As usual, he was trying to pretend he was just fine and this whole thing was no big deal, but he couldn't keep the pain off his face. And his eyes, the look in his eyes. I've seen the Colonel hurt and angry, sad and mad, determined, dejected, but I've never seen him like this. Lines of pain were etched on his way too pale face. His pulse was racing, his breathing was off and he was alternately drenched in sweat and shaking with chills.
All the while, he was still trying to be Mr. Witty and Officer Sarcastic, as always, but I knew that was no indication of how he was actually feeling. Hell, when he was dying of internal injuries in Antarctica he was still trying to crack jokes, bad ones, it's true, but even when he's feeling fine his jokes are nothing to brag about.
He scared me all right, Daniel and Teal'c too. It took two of us to get him on his feet, keep him moving. It was obvious he was having more and more trouble moving his right leg, the paralysis now all the way up past his knee.
My brain spun, trying to think of answers, possibilities, options and solutions.
Oh God, let us get him back through the gate.
I have very strong feelings for the Colonel, for this brave and tough, strong and uncompromising, dedicated and unswerving, passionate and private, honorable and vulnerable man. I just can�t for the life of me figure out what they are. I respect him as a soldier, admire his leadership, care about him as a person, am amused by his bad jokes, enjoy his wit, treasure his friendship, wonder if it could be something more, if only I knew where he stood with his wife/ex-wife, whatever his status.
I know we can be nothing more than friends while we work together, don't know if he wants more, don't know if *I* actually want to get involved with this man and his scary dark side. I've been through that particular nightmare before. Sometimes I think *I'm* a little off the beaten path myself, to be attracted to guys like Jonas and the Colonel. Yes, sometimes O'Neill scares me, but right then, I was scared for him.
I know how much the Colonel hates to accept help, to be unable to take care of himself, to know that we are worrying about him. My CO takes self-reliance to extremes, even at times like this. So I knew this was bad, even worse than I could imagine, when he quietly accepted our assistance.
Daniel's face was a mirror to my own worry. He was trying to help the Colonel, and O'Neill tolerated it. Teal'c was being stoic for the rest of us, but then, when is he not? He kept watch while we rested. While we moved, he carried the packs that belonged to all four of us, with no complaint.
"We will get you to help, O'Neill," he told the Colonel in that mellifluous voice.
The Colonel nodded, accepted Teal'c�s helping hand to get to his feet, or at least to where he stood leaning on one good leg, resting his weight against the rock behind him. Then Daniel and I each took one arm, draped it over our shoulders, and helped him on.
Mostly then, he moved with our guidance, eyes closed, barely supporting any of his own weight, getting heavier and heavier on our shoulders. He tried not to let us see his pain, tried to contain it, his breath rasping with the effort, but he couldn't control it. A low moaning sound escaped his throat whenever his right foot brushed the ground.
After a couple of hours, we switched, Teal'c helping the Colonel, Daniel and I splitting the gear, keeping only what we really needed, abandoning the rest.
At last, we could see the stargate. I tried to put some optimism in my voice. "Sir, we can see the gate. We're almost there. Hold on just a little longer."
His brown eyes flickered open, pain evident there, but a half smile crossed his lips. "Ahh, there's no place like home." He couldn't bite back the groan that followed. Daniel uttered some reassuring sounds, patting Jack's arm.
I was already dialing the DHD as Teal'c and the Colonel reached the platform, O'Neill sinking exhausted to sit on the steps. He seemed unable to muster the strength to get back on his feet. So it was the Jaffa who turned to take the Colonel into his strong arms. It was a measure of O'Neill's friendship that he gave in, let Teal'c pick him up bodily to carry him. I pulled out the GDO, the code was acknowledged, and we stepped through the portal.
The moment my feet hit the SGC ramp I was shouting "Medical team, we need a medical team."
General Hammond stood at the foot of the ramp, staring up at us, that look we'd seen too many times before on his face, as he watched SG-1 come home early, and wounded.
Daniel and Teal'c, the Colonel in his arms, came through just behind me, as Janet ran in the door. "Colonel O'Neill, he stepped on some plant, got a thorn in his foot. Started with his foot, now his whole leg has gone numb," I told her.
Teal'c set the Colonel down gently, but Jack moaned with pain.
Doc was quickly there. "Easy Colonel."
Dr. Fraiser
God, not Colonel O'Neill again. He thrashed in pain as I tried to remove his vest to check his heartbeat and listen to his lungs. His pulse was fast, breathing shallow; he was obviously feverish and in pain. Even worse were his eyes; I could swear that was terror in those brown eyes.
"I could use a little help here, Doc," he whispered and there was fear, a fear I had never heard before, not in *his* voice.
"You're home. Help is here, Colonel. Just take it easy."
He closed his eyes a moment, opened them again to fasten on my face, to hold my gaze in a wordless plea for me to do something. I only hoped I could.
"Anyone else hurt?"
"No," Daniel answered.
My staff was working and got an IV started. "Breathe easy," I told him. "You're hyperventilating. Slow breaths." His gaze was still fastened on my face with that fierce intensity, as if he were begging me for help. It was disconcerting, to say the least.
"Doc?" he mumbled.
"It's okay." He squeezed my hand so hard I thought the bones would snap, but finally he began to relax and get his breathing back under control. "We need to move you now, Sir."
"Teal'c?" Wordlessly, the Jaffa picked up O�Neill, like he was lifting a child, setting the Colonel on the gurney. Even that gentle touch left the Colonel moaning with pain.
Once in the infirmary, tissue samples were taken, blood tests quickly drawn, and a pulse ox monitor set in place. I chased his team out so I could examine him. "Were you hurt anywhere else?"
"No, that one spot was quite enough," he muttered.
He was staring now at the ceiling, like he'd never seen one before, like he hadn't memorized those particular ceiling tiles a dozen times over. I knew why. He hated this, the indignity of it, as we cut away his clothes and he lay naked on the bed to be examined. Quickly, I checked him over, covered him with the blanket, gave him a moment as he sighed. "How's the pain?"
He could look at me now. "Bad."
"Sir, I know you want me to give you something for the pain instead of asking questions, but I can't until we get some of these test results back, until we have at least some idea of what is going on." He nodded. "So, on a scale of one to ten, how bad?"
"About a seven."
Damn. A seven on the O'Neill scale was probably a thirteen on anyone else's. "Colonel, I'll give you something for pain as soon as I can but you know we have to do these tests first. We'll be as quick as we can," I promised.
"Just get to it, Doctor."
I squeezed his shoulder, then pulled back the covers to take a closer look at his legs, the normal left leg and the injured right one. Both looked perfectly normal, felt perfectly normal to the touch, had a normal pulse, but on the right leg, he could move nothing, feel nothing but painful pins and needles numbness, from toes to mid-thigh. He did not react at all to the pinpricks of my test until I was almost to his groin.
"So what's the verdict, Doc?"
"Nice legs," I grinned. He tried to answer it, couldn�t make the smile get to his eyes. I turned serious again. "Frankly, Sir, I don't know. Yet." He and I have a deal, always the truth, no matter how bad. He doesn't appreciate anything less. I patted his arm. "We'll be getting the first test results back in a few minutes. Just try to relax until then." I turned to a nurse, gave her some instructions, turned back to find his eyes still fastened on me. "Next some x-rays and a MRI, see if we can find out what's going on in there."
"More tests," he said the words like they were a curse.
"Has to be done, Sir," I said softly, taking his pulse and respiration again, feeling better now that it was more normal. He had himself a bit more under control now, but seeing him that wild-eyed just a few minutes ago was scary. "I'll be right back." His eyes followed me out of the room as I went out to the corridor. Hammond, Jackson, Carter and Teal'c were all there, waiting. I wished I had something good to tell them.
"I don't have much yet, General. The paralysis apparently is moving slowly up his leg, there's no way to know how far it will go, or if we have something that can stop it. First, we have to figure out what this is. We're running tests now and trying to keep him comfortable in the meantime."
"Can we see him?" Daniel asked.
"After the tests, Daniel. Then I think he'll appreciate some company."
"I'm going to work on that toxin, and I want to analyze that thorn," said Sam. "And Janet, should we call Dr. Harlow?"
"Good idea," piped up Hammond. "I'll have him on his way within the hour."
Jack O'Neill
I was lying in that damn infirmary again. Trust Doc, trust the medical staff, they've pulled off miracles before, I kept reminding myself.
Fraiser came back in. "We're going to take some more tissue samples, put in an IV central line, and a catheter to monitor kidney function, then take you off for the last of those tests. Okay?"
"Like I have a choice?"
She grinned wanly. "I know." I stared again at the ceiling while the medical staff did what they had to do. I know they didn't enjoy my discomfort any more than I did, but that didn't make it any easier, at least from my end. When the uncomfortable business with tubes and needles was done, they wheeled me over for the MRI and x-rays. Finally, when they were done, I was settled in on a bed in the far corner of the infirmary.
"Nothing so far," I heard Doc tell her counterpart, Dr. Warner. But later, she came back and told me the tissue samples had shown a strange, unknown something, like a parasite in the tissues of my leg. "That's probably the little bugger that's responsible, Colonel. The tough part now is figuring how to get rid of it. I'm going back to my lab. You hang on, ring if you need anything, okay?" I nodded. "Got a visitor for you."
I didn't tell her no. I didn't want to be alone, that left me way too much time to be thinking. The drugs Doc had finally given me were keeping the pain mostly at bay now but they didn't keep my brain from heading off in directions I definitely didn't want it to go. Like what would happen to me when this numbness reached some vital organ, like my lungs or my heart.
It was Daniel who pulled up a chair. "Hey, this time it's my turn to sit with you."
"Bring me anything? Cards? Flowers? A beer ?"
He looked flustered. "Uh, actually, no." He sat quietly a moment. "Look Jack, I'm sorry. This is all my fault�"
"Your fault? How?"
"Well, if I hadn't talked you into staying..."
"Daniel, for crying out loud. Haven�t you got it figured out yet? You can�t talk me into anything. If I'd really wanted to leave, we�d have left," I let the anger drain from my voice, it took more energy than I could spare. "I wanted to stay, too. I was tired of being cooped up on base with nothing to do but reports," I finished tiredly.
Daniel shook his head. He didn't seem to be buying it.
"It's okay. It's not your fault. Really." I closed my eyes a moment, whatever drugs Fraiser had given me were really kicking in. "Look, would you be offended if I tried to sleep a little?"
"No, of course not, I'll go."
My eyes flew open. "No, stay, talk, tell me some story about hierographs or something."
"Hieroglyphs," he corrected.
Thank God, Daniel didn't ask any questions, he understood me well enough to know that I just didn't want to be alone. I finally dozed off as he was describing some drawings on that extra-planetary men's room....
Daniel Jackson
Jack just asked me to stay and that request set off the warning bells in my mind. Jack hates coddling. He looked really worried. I would be too, in his boots, paralysis slowly creeping up my leg. He's not been asking questions, but he knows what�s happening, knows it�s bad, knows we need to find some answers really soon.
I chattered at him for a while, until I could tell he was sleeping, uneasily, but asleep. I reached out and took his hand, and that seemed to ease him, so I just sat there, thinking of my friendship with Jack. Two more different people would be hard to imagine, yet we'd forged a friendship that had helped us both survive some terrible times-- he the loss of his son, me the loss of my wife. Jack buried his pain deep, but that didn't mean it wasn't there or that he didn't feel it. He just tried to never let us see how he felt, but it managed to leak out. Not that I'd ever tell him that. Just like I'd never tell him how for the first time in my life he�d made me (a lonely outsider who never fit in anywhere) feel like I had a place, a family, a home. He was the best friend I'd spent my childhood wishing for.
Hours passed. I dozed on the uncomfortable chair, the one we had all joked about replacing with a recliner just for Jack, since he spent so much time here, watching over his team, me usually.
Suddenly, Jack's hand twitched, jerked. His eyes flew open and his cry of pain echoed through the room. He spasmed, arching his back against the bed, and alarms started going off. Nurses rushed in, followed by Dr. Warner, then Janet. Someone pushed me to the back of the room, told me to leave but I hung around by the door, needing to know what was happening.
"Colonel? Jack? Can you hear me?" Fraiser asked.
His answer was an inarticulate moan, and then he was doubling over, trying to get into a fetal position, resisting the nurses' efforts to hold him down. He began retching, gasping for air. Amid the chaos, I heard Janet's desperate voice, "it's moved up, into his abdomen."
Then someone saw me, pushed me out the door into the corridor. I wrapped my arms across my chest, leaned back against the wall, knew what I'd just seen was really bad. Really, really bad. Damn.
Jack O'Neill
The pain had flared in my stomach, then burned like fire in my gut, and I wanted to scream, tried to hold the cry back, didn't manage to. Tried to curl up on myself, to hold in the pain, but there were hands there, holding me tightly, and I wanted to fight but I lacked the energy to push them away. Dimly, I heard Janet's voice, tried to answer, but the words wouldn't come against the darkness.
Dr. Fraiser
We got him stabilized somehow, a strong sedative to calm him and something to combat the pain. But as I stripped off my gloves, and turned to Dr. Warner, I knew my concern was mirrored on his face. "It's moving again." He nodded. "It's paralyzing both legs now and his intestines. His kidneys will go next, and his lungs. Damn. We're going to have to closely monitor his kidney function," I told the nurse. "And get him on oxygen, low feed now, but monitor it. And be sure someone is with him, every minute."
I saw Daniel's scared face in the hall, couldn't avoid him. "It's not good. We have to find a way to stop this." I patted his shoulder. "Go back in, Daniel, when he wakes up he's going to need someone there. I have to get back to my lab."
Jack O'Neill
I woke slowly, saw Daniel sitting next to the bed, holding my hand for crying out loud.
"Hey Jack, you're awake."
"Brilliant deduction," I murmured. "What happened?"
"Janet didn't say. You just had a bad reaction..."
"Tell me..."
"The paralysis has moved, up into your abdomen."
I tried to move my legs, nothing happened, neither one, realized I couldn't feel anything below my waist. "Damn."
Daniel squeezed my hand harder. "Sam, Janet and Dr. Warner and we're flying in Dr. Harlow, remember him, he found the cure for Teal'c, they're all working on this. They'll find the answer."
"They better hurry."
Daniel Jackson
I don't think I've ever seen Jack look scared before. But if there is one thing I know would terrorize the bravest man I know, it's loss of control. Like losing control of his body, being paralyzed and helpless. Janet must have him pumped full of sedatives or he'd be positively twitching on that bed. At least the part of him he could still move.
Captain Carter
My vision blurred in the microscope until I couldn't see a thing. God, I was tired. I hadn't slept much last night, what with worrying over the Colonel during our brief pause for rest. But I couldn't quit now. He was depending on me, again, to solve this riddle and save his life.
The tissue sample showed tiny, microscopic little moving particles in his muscle tissues, but there was nothing like it on the thorn.
Then I realized. The thorn had been in his pocket for what, 24 hours at least. Anything living on it would have died. We needed a fresh sample. I ran to find the General.
Less than an hour later, Teal'c and I were gearing up to go back through the gate. Major Ferretti and Lt. Halverson from SG-2 had volunteered to go with us. Teal'c and I made a quick stop at the infirmary.
The Colonel looked awful, pale against the white sheets. Daniel dozed in the chair beside him. I went in quietly, not meaning to wake either, but O'Neill's eyes popped open.
"Captain," he whispered, "What's up?" looking at my gear.
"We're going back for a live plant, Sir. We couldn't find any live, umm, organisms, infectious agents on that thorn, but the thorn was dead. A live plant may give us the answers."
"You shouldn't be going back there, Carter. It's too dangerous."
"We need to Sir. We'll be okay. Doc sent us some extra protective gear, and Feretti and Lt. Halverson are going with us. Even the General agreed it was okay, Colonel."
"Don't let me hold you up then."
"We will not fail you, O'Neill," Teal'c promised gravely.
"I know, my friend," he said softly. "Wild horses..."
Impulsively, I reached across and brushed my fingers across the Colonel's hand. "Hang on Sir. We'll be back."
He licked his lips, nodded. "Just be careful out there, huh, kids."
"We will, Sir."
I almost ran to the gateroom. We needed to hurry.
Jack O'Neill
Several times during the long night Dr. Fraiser was in to check on me. Daniel sat there, then General Hammond came in during the early morning hours, and made Daniel leave. Told him to get some sleep, said he looked worse than me.
The General eased himself down on the uncomfortable chair next to my bed. "How are you doing, son?" he said in that voice that I knew meant he was worried about me. "Fine, Sir." He snorted. "Lying to your superior officers is not proper military conduct, Colonel. But I guess I can excuse it under the circumstances." He looked at me appraisingly. "Is there anything I can get for you, Jack?"
"Just a cure, Sir."
"We're working on that son." Hammond looked uncomfortable, always looked that way down here in the infirmary. Guess he didn't have as much experience sitting vigils as I did. He squeezed my hand.
I panicked.
He was looking at me strangely. "What is it, Jack?"
"I can't feel your hand, Sir, and I can't move my hand, either hand." I tried to keep the terror out of my voice, failed.
He hit my call button, and in a moment Janet was there.
"My hands are numb. I can't feel anything Doc. I can't move them." Helplessness was overwhelming me.
Doc checked me over. "Yes Sir, I'm afraid it's moved into your arms." She sat down, touched me on the shoulder where I could still feel the warmth of her hand. She added something to my IV. �The team that went back to PXG425 should be back soon with the plant samples. That will give us more to work on. Just hold on, Colonel."
Just then, we heard the gate rumble to life. Doc smiled. "That should be Captain Carter and Teal'c. I'll be back."
It seemed like hours before Fraiser returned. "They found the plants, Sir, and they've brought a sample back, some living parasites, for want of a better term, to experiment on.�
I tried to smile. "Good news, right."
"Yes Colonel." She squeezed my shoulder, gave me an encouraging smile. "We're hard at work. We�ve got the best and brightest working on this. We�ll find something."
It was a miserable long day, lying there, unable to move. Daniel tried to keep me company, spelled by Teal'c, Feretti, the General, even an occasional visit by Carter let me know someone was organizing this round robin effort to keep my spirits boosted. I just wished it would work.
Doc came back, smiling, a few hours later. "We've found something Sir, that slows the little buggers down at least."
"A cure?"
"Not yet. But this is the first step." Her optimism buoyed me.
Another day passed, while I lay in that bed, my body a useless lump of flesh, no worse but no better. Doc was in and out, looking less and less optimistic as time passed. I tried hard not to think about what was happening to me.
Teal'c
As I sat at Colonel O'Neill�s bedside, in this ritual of the Tauri to comfort a friend, I could not but help thinking of this man who is my friend. He was the one who had showed me how a man of courage could stand up to the Gods (false gods, I now knew), could refuse to be their slave, could declare his freedom, could fight to free himself and others, regardless of the odds.
O�Neill is a great warrior, perhaps the greatest I have ever encountered, excepting for Master Bra-tak of cours, though they are so different, it is hard to make a comparison. I fear I will never understand O'Neill's sense of humor, but then, it seems the others like DanielJackson and SamanthaCarter do not always understand him either. He is a man who has survived great sorrow, the loss of his son, the end of his marriage, yet he continues to show great compassion.
ColonelO'Neill is a man of true honor and courage. I am honored to be his friend.
I wish there was something I could do to ease his suffering, to further the odds of a cure. But I cannot. I can only sit with him, and wait. And hope. That is the job of a friend, on this world. It is one of the things O'Neill has taught me.
Captain Carter
I wanted to throw things. The parasites in the Petrie dish were swarming again. The drug we'd used had only stopped them temporarily. Only a big dose had any effect now, and that was a dose that would kill the Colonel. We had failed. God, we had failed him. *I* had failed him. Exhausted, I turned off the light and sat alone in the darkened lab, the room dimly lit only by the glow from the corner lights that shone on my plants, the ones Colonel O'Neill was always giving me a hard time about, because I'd once admitted I talked to them.
Leaving the dish in the containment table, I walked out to give Janet, and the Colonel, the bad news.
I really didn't have to tell Janet anything. The look on her face said it all. "He's getting worse again."
Jack O'Neill
I didn't need to hear her tell me the news was bad. I could feel the changes in my chest, the way each breath was getting more difficult.
Doc touched my face, her hand on my jaw, where I could still feel it. "Colonel, the paralysis is moving into your lungs. It's affecting your breathing, and the oxygen level in your blood is decreasing. We're going to have to intubate you, put you on a respirator to assist your breathing..."
I shook my head. During the long night, when I'd been trying to sleep but unable to, I'd done a lot of thinking about a hopeless future lying in this bed a helpless vegetable. Not this man, not Jack O'Neill. "I don't want you to."
Doc's eyes opened wider. "Sir, you won't be able to breathe.�
"I'd rather die than be like this... with machines," I struggled to explain. "Give me your word, if you can't cure this, can't fix me up, you'll pull the plug, won't leave me like this."
"Sir, I can't, you know I can't. I've taken an oath..."
"Then no tube."
Doc was appalled. "We're working on this Colonel. We haven't given up on a cure, and we won't give up. You know that."
"I need to know you won't keep me alive like this if you can't find a cure. I can't live like this," I hated the petulance that had crept into my voice.
"Colonel, Sir, please, don't give up. Let me put in the tube when the time comes..."
"I need to talk to Sara."
"Your ex-wife?" Fraiser was puzzled.
"She's still listed as my next of kin," I told her haltingly. "I never revoked her power of attorney. Always thought we'd patch things up.... hoped."
"Sir, we don't have much time. Your breathing is deteriorating..."
"I have to talk to her, make sure. She has to know what I want."
"Colonel, please. I need to do this, soon..."
"No. Not until I talk to her," I answered stubbornly.
Dr. Fraiser
God save me from obstinate, impossible Senior Officers. Janet, I chided myself, that's unfair. Colonel O'Neill is one of the best you've ever served with, someone you respect and admire, caught in a horrific situation.
I hurried to my office, pulled the Colonel's nearly foot thick medical file from the cabinet. Sure enough, Sara O'Neill was still listed as his next of kin. With shaking fingers, I dialed the number. 'Be home,' I prayed silently.
She wasn't.
I left a message on her machine, then returned to tell the Colonel. "Where else might she be, Sir?" He gave me a work number. No answer. Relatives? Close friends? He could only recall a couple of names, but I gave the list to Daniel.
Jackson worked the list like a telemarketer, ever pursuasive, calling one after another, getting friends to call friends, until it seemed he must have all of Colorado Springs in search of one woman.
Time was running out. The Colonel's respiratory system was laboring, but he stubbornly refused to let me intubate him, not until we found Sara.
Sam was in the hallway, looking grim when I told her of the Colonel's request. "He can't do that."
"He has the right to refuse further treatment. And as his doctor, I must respect that."
"Isn't there someone else we could call? Couldn't the General order him..."
"You know he wouldn't do that, Sam," I reasoned.
Suddenly, I heard a shout of triumph from my office, Daniel sticking his head around the corner, yelling my name. "Got her, Janet."
I leapt for the phone. "Mrs. O'Neill, Sara O'Neill?"
"Speaking," she answered warily.
"My name is Dr. Janet Fraiser, I'm with the Air Force."
I heard an indrawn breath at the other end of the line. "What's Jack done this time?"
"He's very ill, Mrs. O'Neill." I told her.
"And what, he wants to see me?"
"Actually, that hasn't come up... You can't come here to see him anyway, I'm afraid.�
"Yeah, more top secret stuff. I know," she said wearily.
"Mrs..."
"Call me Sara." "Sara, the Colonel is extremely ill. There's a chance he won't make it."
I heard a muffled sob on the other end. "What do you want from me? I haven�t seen him in months. We're divorced."
But he still loves you, I thought. I've heard him say your name when he thought he was dying. Sam said the same. But I could tell her none of that. "He has refused us permission to put in a tube to assist his breathing until he's talked to you. And without it, complications could kill him, before we can help him. Right now, he *is* paralyzed, but I believe we still have a chance to reverse that. If we can get him to give us the time."
"I won't go against his wishes." She paused. My heart sank. "But can I talk to him?"
"Hold on. We'll transfer this to his room." I re-routed the call to the Colonel's bedside. I held the phone to his ear, could hear her voice.
"Jack."
"Sara," the word sounded like a prayer. "I'm sorry Sara."
"Don't be sorry, Jack. Not now. I just want you to do what the doctor's asked, let her help you."
"No," the stubborn tone was back in his voice. "Not until you understand.. what I need. Don't let them..."
"I know, Jack I know what you want. I haven't forgotten. No heroic measures, no machines when it's hopeless."
"Right," he struggled for breath. "Know it's not fair for me to ask, make you decide..."
"Oh, Jack, I'll do what you ask. You just hold on, the doc says she thinks they can help you. Hold on, huh, you're good at that, Jack."
"Don't know anymore, Sara."
"Yes you do, Jack. I can't lose you too, you hear me?"
"Does it matter?" I heard a tiny glimmer of hope in his voice.
"Yes, it does." A moment of silence. "I still love you Jack," I saw a tear leak from his eye, down his cheek, soak into the pillow. "Don't give up hope. Please. Let them put in the tube. I'll make sure they listen to you. I won't let you down."
"I know you won't," barely a whisper.
Silence. "Okay." Jack turned his eyes to me, nodded. "Not until... have to," he pleaded, the look in his eyes nearly breaking my heart.
I grabbed the phone. "Thank you Sara. He has agreed."
"Save him, Doctor."
"We'll do our damnedest, Mrs. O'Neill."
The Colonel's eyes were closed. I touched his face and he looked at me. "Don't fail me, Doc." I nodded, swallowed, weighed down by the responsibility he had given me.
I had his team come in then along with the General, because once I put the tube in, he would be unable to speak, write, communicate in any meaningful way. He spent a few private moments with each of them, telling them what, I never did know. None of them have ever talked about it. Finally, his breath was rasping, and it was time. "Colonel--"
He turned those to die for brown eyes to me, the only part of him that was still animated. I saw only resignation there, no hope.
His eyes slid around the room, to Sam, Daniel, Teal'c, the General, me. I nodded at the others, and they left, leaving me alone with the Colonel.
"Sir?"
He closed his eyes, took a shuddering breath, looked at me with a terrible smile. "Do it."
And I did, inserted the tube down his throat that made it possible for his body to keep functioning while his mind was trapped in an all-but-lifeless body. God forgive me. Jack O'Neill, the most vital, alive man I knew, lay now, completely helpless and dependent, unable to move or breathe on his own. I turned away before he saw my tears, at least I hoped I was fast enough.
The Colonel has always been a fighter. Long, long hours passed while his teammates and friends stood vigil, unable to do anything but give him the comfort of their presence as his condition deteriorated.
He gave me a bad scare in the middle of the night. Daniel, who had refused to leave, was dozing in a chair on one side of his bed, I on the other, when a change in the monitors woke me. The Colonel's heart was racing, blood pressure spiking. Oh no. "Sir?" I grabbed for his hand, out of habit, then remembered he couldn't feel anything there, so I reached out and touched his jaw. His eyes popped open, flitting back and forth, obviously in distress.
�Are you in pain, Colonel?� He shook his head no. �Is there something you need?� His eyes were still moving, searching. �Should I get someone?� All the while he was shaking his head no. God, I hated this 20 questions thing, trying to figure out what was wrong, what was happening. �Nightmare?" He nodded, frantic eye movements slowing a little as he fought for control. �Do you want something to help you sleep? More sedative?" again the head shake no. "Want me to stay?" He stared into my face, didn't shake his head no which meant yes, from O'Neill. So I pulled my chair closer, my hand resting lightly against his chin, hoping that touch would give him some little comfort.
Jack O'Neill
Whopper nightmare, that, and the awake part was the worst, lying there unable to move or speak, Doc trying to figure out what I needed.
Actually, it wasn't so much a nightmare, as just being locked up in my own head with no escape from my memories. There's way too much darkness, too many ghosts, too many ugly scenes, lots of dark spaces, and unhappy times buried in here. Buried, ooh, bad word, Jack, don't be thinking on that one just now, big guy, I told myself.
I tried to find something good to recall, tried to think of a pleasant memory to wash away the bad ones. But all the good moments were tainted with the sadness that seemed inevitably to follow.
My wedding to Sara, so beautiful in her white gown and glowing smile but I couldn't block out the memories of her sobs when the doctors told us our son was gone; her ravaged face on the day we buried our child; the accusation, blame and rage in her eyes directed at me, because it was my gun, my carelessness, my fault that stole him from her.
The birth of our son, the wonder at holding Charlie's tiny perfect body in my arms, watching him learn to walk and talk; seeing his wonder at the world, at simple things like ducks in the park or the stars in the night sky; but lurking in the background was the ugliness of the way he died, his blood on my hands and on my lips as I tried to give him CPR, fruitless as I knew it was.
A dark night in Iran and the ground racing up to meet me with a bone shattering crash. A dark hole in Iraq where I lived, if that's what you could call it, for four months.
Faces surfaced: Kawalsky's grin, and what I'd done that killed him and the snake inside him. Col. John Michaels, dying in my arms on a fruitless mission in Germany. Henry Boyd�s horrified face as he tried to flee the black hole while I watched, helpless to save him. Frank Cromwell, friend, betrayer, someone I'd thought I'd hated for so many years, yet the man who in the end saved my life. Plunkett, the kid the reetu shot, who'd told me one day about his dreams of joining an SG unit. Dozens more, many I never even knew their names, men who died beside me, men I killed.
Maybe I should have let her give me that sedative, but it was too late now.
Captain Carter
I left the lab to go see the Colonel, needing a few minutes to walk, to try to think, to clear my head. But when I got there, I couldn't stand the awful heavy gloom in his room, couldn't stand to see him there, lying still and helpless, surrounded by the machines that were keeping him alive. When I touched his face, he opened his eyes and looked at me, and I didn�t know what to say. Oh God.
Daniel followed me out to the hallway, hugging me gently, letting me cry silently on his shoulder, and then I told him to go back to the Colonel. I needed to go back to my lab, think of something, try something, do something, anything.
Back at my lab, I looked in at the petrie dish.
All the little critters were dead.
I grabbed the dish, shoved it under a microscope. The creatures were dead. What had killed them? I looked around. What had changed?
The light. Oh god, could it be so simple, the light, sunlight. Earth�s sunlight. Exposing them to light, the natural, full-spectrum lights I had turned on for my plants. I'd shut off the lights and sat in the darkness, only the lab's special plant lighting was still on. Full spectrum natural lights, different from the light on PXG425.
Was that all it would take? Would it work inside his body?
I ran for Janet's office.
Ten days later
Jack O'Neill
I'm on my way home. At last. Dr. Fraiser wouldn't release me from the infirmary until I passed all of her tests. She�s tougher than my first drill sergeant, and that�s one hell of a compliment.
Granted, the first couple of days after Carter discovered the cure, and the medical staff treated me with doses of full spectrum light until I looked like someone who�d spent way too much time in a tanning booth, I wasn't much interested in getting out of here. All I wanted to do, all I did, was sleep, about 23 hours a day. I was exhausted, worn out and ill-- stuff like that gets to even me eventually.
Carter had explained to me the bit about the sunlight, and how Earth's sunlight was different than the light from PX-whatever's star. By exposing me to low, steady doses of deep penetrating infra-red light, the little critters invading my body died. They had to go slow on the treatment, Doc told me, because my temperature kept spiking, but eventually the lights began to work, my temp came down and slowly, and bit by bit, my body came back to life. It was the most glorious feeling, to be able to breathe on my own, to talk, move, feed myself, walk; what a relief to get rid of all those tubes and monitors. I will never take the simple things in life for granted again, never, ever, I have promised myself.
I started right in on the rehab, did as much physical therapy as I could. Hard to believe how much energy, how much strength, it takes to do something as simple as sitting up in bed, when you haven�t for days. How tiring just walking a few steps can be. But once I got to the point that I could walk to the end of the corridor and back, with no help and no breaks, Doc pronounced me fit to leave, to my immense relief.
There were conditions of course. Someone had to stay with me. I had dozens of pills to take, more physical therapy to work on, and strict orders to eat well, sleep enough, stay away from alcohol and excitement. I was so anxious to get out of there, I�d have agreed to anything.
"I've got a private nurse lined up to stay with you for a few days..." Doc started.
"Don't need one, really," I argued.
"Yes you do. That's a doctor's order." She patted my shoulder. "You'll survive."
"Already did that," I told her. "Thanks to you."
"Wasn't just me, you know," Fraiser answered.
"I know," I told her warmly. "And I appreciate all you did."
"Then take care of yourself so all that hard work doesn't go to waste, okay?"
"Sure thing, Doc."
Glancing one last time over my stack of test results, listening to my heart and lungs, she finally said, �Okay, you�re released,� she finished with a grin.
"Thanks." Long before I had completed the walk to the elevators, been cleared through the security checkpoints and shuffled out to Daniel�s waiting car, I was starting to feel a little wobbly. I actually dozed off in the car on the drive back to my place.
Daniel's voice woke me. "We're here, Jack."
I unbuckled myself from the seatbelt, and walked slowly up the steps to my front door, leaning on the railing, feeling about a hundred years old but glad to be alive and on my feet and home. I knew I was getting better and stronger every day. I knew I was damn lucky to be alive, to be getting better, but that didn�t make me any less impatient to get back to being me.
"Hey, wait up," I heard Daniel holler from behind me.
The front door opened, and there stood-- I stopped dead in my tracks. "Sara?"
She stood in my doorway, uncertain, her eyes studying my face. "Hi."
"What are you doing here?"
"I'm your nurse."
"Yeah, right..."
"I figured I helped get you into this, I thought I ought to be here to help you get through it." She was still searching my face. �It�s all right, isn�t it?�
"Yeah, Sure. The more the merrier," I said flippantly.
Daniel was coming up the walk. "Well, actually, Jack, it's just you and Sara. I've got to go-
"Daniel?"
He gave Sara a quick hug and a peck on the cheek. "Good to see you again, Sara. Take care of him. Here's his pills, vitamins, doctor's instructions, the whole bit," he said, handing her a bag Janet had sent along. �Bye guys,� and he was gone.
I stood looking after him.
"Are you coming in or are you going to stand out there all day?"
I went in, stumbled on the doorstep, and she caught me. Sara, in my arms, or me in hers, the result was the same. I wrapped my arms around her, and a sigh escaped me. "Sorry..." and I started to back away.
"Jack, please."
She felt so right in my arms, and I held her closer, letting her head fit in that familiar place, tucked under my chin and against my heart. She was hugging me back.
Her voice was muffled into my shirt. "I'm here because I want to give us another chance, Jack. When Dr. Fraiser told me you might be dying, all I could think of was all the things we never finished saying to each other. The way I left, because I couldn�t face you.� She raised her face to look into mine. �Jack, I meant it when I said I still loved you. Yes, I left you. I needed the space, needed time and room to grieve in my own way. But I never stopped caring about you."
"I drove you away."
"Only because I was willing to go. Then."
"I thought you were involved with someone else?"
"I was, for a while. But I found myself comparing him to you. And Bill came out a very poor second best." She looked down, backed away, slid her hands down my arms. "Jack, we need to settle things, figure out where we stand with each other. If you're willing?"
Dumb question, I thought. I hugged her to me, pulling her in against my chest, holding her as tightly as my tired arms could. Maybe it wouldn't work. Maybe we had both changed too much, or me not enough. But at least we would find out. "Yes. Sara."
FINIS
