Alone at the Top
By BadgerGater
Category: POV, thoughts; Word-a
-month: AloneSpoilers: Tiny ones for Cor-Ai, Brief Candle, Fifth Man and Menace
Season: Five
Summary: George Hammond contemplates his job and his people
Pairing: None
Warnings: None
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of SciFi Channel, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, Gekko Productions; all the powers that be, not me; This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement intended. The story is the property of the author and may not be posted without the author's consent.
Author’s Notes: I couldn’t do this without the incredible TK…
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Every time he watched them disappear into the blue of the void, he stood alone and wondered.
Wondered if this time would be the time they’d return with the technology that could end this endless war.
Wondered if this time they would return with smiling faces and news of a new ally in the fight against the Goa’uld.
Wondered if they would return on the run, breathless, scared, bloody, wounded.
Wondered if they would return at all.
~~~~~~~~~
It was lonely at the top.
Each time General George Hammond
watched a team depart through the Stargate, he shouldered the burden. He was the one who sent them. He was the one who made the decision, had the last word on who went, where they went, how long before they should check in or return; and ultimately, when, or if, a rescue mission would be sent.Far too often, he’d had to say no.
No to a rescue mission when Teal’c was subjected to the trial of CorAi for his actions as Apophis’ First Prime.
No to Henry Boyd’s team on that planet being sucked into the Black Hole.
No to SG-1 going back for Colonel O’Neill and the imaginary Lt. Tyler.
How many times had he said no?
How many good men and women had he sent to their deaths?
He couldn’t think like that. He had to
, instead, think about all the times that they did come home. All the wonders they recounted in the debriefings. All the marvels they had brought back with them. All the alien races they had made friends with, wondrous people like the Nox; intelligent races like the Tollan; powerful if difficult to understand friends like the Asgaard; and long-time allies like the Tok’ra.And yet, if he was honest, the tally was so uneven.
So little gained, for so much sacrifice.
And yet, the people of the SGC all went willingly, time and again, stepping into the wormhole and facing the dangers.
Some went because it was their duty.
Some went for the sheer adrenaline rush of it.
Some went for the joy of exploration.
Some went for the exhilarating search for knowledge.
Some went for the excitement of alien encounters.
Some went for reasons he probably couldn’t fathom or understand.
But they all went, day after day, trip after trip, denying their fear and defying the odds.
While he waited, here, alone with the burden of it all, the weight of all those lives, stacked upon his shoulders.
It would be so much easier to go through the gate himself, to risk his own life, to be responsible only for his own well-being. But he’d given that up a long time ago, when he’d left the field for the last time, and taken up his duties behind this desk.
~~~~~~~~~~
“They also serve who only stand and wait.”
George spent many long evenings up in the briefing room, waiting for the klaxons to sound, for another signal hailing the return of a team. In those interminable
seconds between the moment the Stargate spun to life, and the team walked out of the shimmering blue, George knew an agony of waiting.
Today, he stood alone in the briefing room, watching the Gateroom
come to life.0851.
Colonel O’Neill should be stepping inside any moment, impatient to depart, Teal’c with him. Major Carter was probably already below in the control room.
As his watch ticked over to 0853, Hammond saw the large doors slide open, and O’Neill and his Jaffa shadow entered.
The General knew he should be heading down to the control room, but just this once, he stood above and watched.
There was a lopsided smile on the Colonel’s face. Teal’c was nodding toward his team leader, as if listening. Behind the pair, George saw a Security Forces sergeant break into a grin. Lord only knew what O’Neill had said, but whatever it was, it seemed to have broken the tension in the gateroom. The Colonel was good at that, at deflecting the worries of his team and the techs and everyone else involved in this high risk venture, including Hammond’s own.
O’Neill, never able to keep still, was poking at the gear stacked on the MALP which waited placidly at the base of the ramp, then began pacing impatiently between the ramp and the doorway, looking at his watch, the grin replaced by little worry lines as departure time approached.
0858.
O’Neill was prowling now, his hands fiddling restlessly with his watch and the harness for his P-90
; bending and rebending the brim of his cap.There’d been a time when the teams had all gone through the gate in sensible headgear, wearing protective helmets, but O’Neill had started with the baseball caps, and then of course the Marines had had to prove that they were as tough, brave and foolhardy as any flyboy, and before he knew it, nearly all the teams were going out sans helmets.
Bravado.
It was contagious.
Hammond shook his head. It probably wasn’t the smartest thing, but he had to give them a little leeway.
Maybe he’d given them too much.
Maybe he gave Jack O’Neill too much.
Probably.
He liked Jack, and more importantly, George understood what O’Neill meant to the SGC. Not just as the leader of SG-1 and as the leader of the first expedition through the gate. The Colonel was one of those rare men who, through natural leadership ability, luck
, skill, hard work and sheer, raw courage, inspired others to follow. Sure, there were more than a few who disliked him, but there wasn’t a one in the SGC who didn’t respect and admire O’Neill and want to be like him.
All of SG-1 was lined up at the base of the ramp now, O’Neill, Dr. Jackson, Major Carter and Teal’c.
Hammond knew he shouldn’t have favorites, but he did.
This team was special. Four individuals, each one bringing something out of the ordinary in his or her own way, each one far above the norm, providing something unique that, when blended with the skills, talent, intelligence and experience of the others, made this team extraordinary.
Teal’c, providing the knowledge of alien peoples and worlds.
Major Carter, a brilliant scientist.
Daniel Jackson, archeologist with an encyclopedic knowledge of ancient Earth cultures, linguist, scholar.
Jack O’Neill, military strategist, watchdog, leader, mother hen, smartass.
They were smiling now at something O’Neill had said, and then the gray haired officer turned, threw Hammond a half-hearted sloppy salute, and stepped up onto the metal grating and into the Stargate like he was strolling down the sidewalk.
Hammond watched them go with pride, with a touch of envy, and with a truckload of worry growing in his gut.
What they did was so beyond belief, it was staggering. And yet, at times like this, it seemed so ordinary, like setting off for a hike through the park.
George knew this was no walk in the park. None of the SG team missions were, not ever, not even the ones that turned out to be boring, because the threat of catastrophe was always there. There was no way to know what the team would encounter on a new planet. Sure, the MALP sent back data on temperature and gravity and atmospheric conditions and the UAV provided pictures of ruins or aliens or pastoral natural scenes, but you never knew.
Things could go to hell in a hand
-basket the millisecond they arrived.They never knew what they might find on an alien world, and yet, they went, eagerly, all of them, immersed in the challenge and the opportunity to be first.
Even O’Neill, who pretended to hate it all, who grumbled and groused and griped with the practice of a lifetime in the military, yet had led his team through that wormhole more times than any other commander.
He wondered how he himself would deal with what his teams endured day after day. Could he go through the 'gate with equal aplomb? George was a battle hardened veteran of multiple tours in the meatgrinder of Vietnam, he knew what war was like. But this was a horse of another color, a different beast entirely, actually. That took another kind of courage, of faith, and yes, bravado.
Sure, he'd gone through the gate, and hell, yes, he'd enjoyed that yeehaw moment flying second seat with Teal'c, but still he wondered how he would tally up against the men and women he commanded.
George sighed, and turned away, heading for his office and the long days of waiting.
~~~~~~~~
Teams came and went and called in their reports… SG-8 departed for a P5N-976. SG-10 was off to Vorash. SG-14 was studying rocks on a moon. SG-15 returned from a quiet trip to investigate the yellow flora and fauna of a world circling a pair of double stars. SG-9 was trying to negotiate with the Eotomans for a supply of Naquadah. The gateroom was a busy place, now that they had so many teams.
He waited and worried, for all of them.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Three days later, George watched as SG-1 returned right on time, the foursome strolling back down the ramp. He could swear the same snarky grin was still plastered on Jack O'Neill's face as the gray haired officer said something to his alien teammate. The Jaffa raised an eyebrow, Dr. Jackson tried to hide his smirk, and Major Carter grinned openly.
"Piece of cake, Sir," O'Neill reported, looking like the cat who'd just swallowed the canary. This was going to be an interesting debrief, George thought with a shake of his head.
~~~~~~~~~
Many nights, George never left the base. After all, there was no one to go home to, no one waiting for him in his too big and too quiet house. He would bunk down on the cot in his quarters, sleeping lightly, waiting anxiously for the sound of the gate dialing.
Dreading the sound of the gate dialing.
Praying it wouldn’t be early, or late, or never happen at all.
Times like those, he wished he’d retired, wished he’d never heard of the Stargate program, wished he’d never joined the Air Force…but then there were the other times when he couldn’t imagine anything else, anything better or more challenging, anything more dangerous or more laden with responsibility. It was exhilarating. And terrifying, like walking a tightrope inches above a pit filled with vipers. One false step, and disaster could overwhelm them. Enough times it nearly had, like when they'd accidentally connected to the black hole, when they'd been invaded by the reetou rebels, or when Reece had let her 'toys' loose on the base.
One slip, and they'd have fallen into that pit, and taken the whole planet with them.
But it hadn't happened, thanks to the good people of his command, through their skill and courage and flat out good luck.
Sometimes, he wondered why he did this, why he hadn't retired when he'd been ready, five years ago. And then he looked down into the gateroom, at the young men and women who served under him, and he knew how important this work was, how special these people were, what an incredible, amazing, astonishing thing he was privileged to be a part of.
His job didn't have the glamour, but it was no less important.
This was his calling, to be here, for these people, to be the rock on which they could lean.
To stand alone, and wait in silence.
“They also serve who only stand and wait.”
~~~~~~~~~~~Finish