Abyss: Shallin

Author: BadgerGater

Season: 6

Episode: Abyss

Category: Missing scenes/sequel from Abyss; drama

Spoilers: the obvious, Abyss

Summary: A view of Abyss from an entirely different point of view

Pairing: None

Rating: PG

Warnings: None

Disclaimer: I acknowledge the sad fact that I don't own SG-1; kowtow to those who do; and would gladly adopt 'em if the Powers That Be would let me. Until then, I'm just borrowing them.

Author's Notes: There's just so much fic fodder in Abyss, so much left unsaid, implied and left totally to the imagination. This fic is part of a group of Abyss fics from various viewpoints (Already posted: Entering the Abyss and Shadows)

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Who is this man?

He says he is Kanan.

How can he be Kanan?

He stands beside my pallet in my quarters, in the dark of night, speaking in whispers so that the others sleeping nearby cannot hear. He wants me to flee with him, to leave my Master.

He says he is Kanan. Yet, his voice is different. I do not recognize the face.

Staring, I ask, "Is it you? You look so different. How can you be Kanan?

He does not appear in the physical form of the man I knew, yet he speaks as Kanan, knows things only Kanan could know, recalls the intimate moments only Kanan and I shared.

But this is not Kanan.

My eyes do not lie.

This is not Kanan.

This man is older. His hair is gray, shaded to silver at the temples. His face is care-worn.

But his eyes, his eyes are scarred by life and living. They are a warrior’s eyes.

He is tall and slender, slim hips, square shoulders, and the long, strong fingers that now caress my cheek… none of them are of the man I knew.

Who is this man?

Can I believe, now, what Kanan told me then? That he, like my master Ba'al, is not human, but a being within a being, one controlling the other, a beast disguised as human?

"Rosh hareesh kalash suhm ka'tal, Shallin," says the man who is not Kanan, yet is.

He knows the words, the words I spoke when we parted, the pledge I made to Kanan, to keep his secrets safe within my soul, to keep myself safe, to reveal nothing of him, and what we meant to each other. He did not promise to return; I did not ask him to; I did not expect him to.

Why does he return for me now?

"No one gets left behind." His eyes look puzzled as he utters those words to me, urgently.

Taking my hand in his, he whispers, "We must leave now, before Ba'al comes."

"If I leave with you, he will know." Ba'al will know that I have betrayed him, and my family will suffer. My Master has told me this, reminded me often, just as he tells this to all those he owns… I must serve him, or he will revisit my world, and visit his vengeance upon my family. It is bad enough that I was taken to serve this cruel master; I cannot let the same fate, or worse, befall my mother, my sisters. The universe is not vast enough to hide from the wrath of a lord as powerful as Ba'al. I have seen his might, seen the things he can do, things no mere human is capable of doing.

Ba'al is my Master. And my God.

I fear him.

I cannot leave.

The others will suffer.

So I stayed when Kanan left, the other Kanan, he whom I loved, and for whom I betrayed my Lord and Master.

And now he has returned, beseeching me to leave with him.

He says he is Kanan, but I am unsure.

Can my eyes be wrong? Yet my heart says Kanan is within this unknown shell.

He pleads eloquently with me, and in the end, I cannot resist. I take his hand and we flee the fortress, running through the dark forest.

My fears are soon realized.

We are pursued.

Ba'al's Jaffa seek us.

I can hear the heavy tread of their footsteps behind me, their shouts, the resounding wail of the signal horn as they surround us.

"Hide here," he commands, and I obey, huddling frightened in the brush.

The Jaffa pass nearby but do not see me, and I sigh in relief.

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Moments later, I see it all unfold before my frightened eyes.

Kanan running, reaching the Chappa'ai, and its signal device.

For a moment, I allow myself to hope.

And then the first shot strikes him.

Smoke curls upward from the burning hole in his back, and I stuff my hand into my mouth to prevent my scream of despair and horror as he is hit again. I watch helplessly as he staggers and falls to the ground, and even from so far away I hear his moan of pain. The air is filled with the sickly sweet scent of charred flesh.

The Jaffa surround him. Without pity, he is dragged away, through the cold mud.

Suddenly, there is a sound nearby, and I turn, but too late.

"Aha. Here she is!" The Jaffa have found me. A strong hand grips my wrist, crushing it mercilessly as I'm pulled forward to stand beside Ba'al's First Prime. He stares down at me contemptuously.

Kanan's new body lies motionless at my feet. I ache to reach for him, to hold him and comfort him, but I cannot, not with the Jaffa watching. Trembling, I try to remember Kanan's instructions. I will tell them he took me against my will, that he was forcing me… he had given me those words to use, those lies to protect myself if we were captured.

A groan rolls from his throat, and I cannot stifle the sob that rises from deep within me.

A Jaffa kicks him as he lies prone and helpless, another moan escaping from the dry lips as I hear the death rattle in his throat.

Oh, Kanan, my love, I told you to leave and never return.

Oh, Kanan, you should have listened…

Oh, Kanan…

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Kanan's body is thrown roughly onto a cart and I am forced to walk behind it back to the fortress.

I am numb with cold and fear and sorrow and hatred.

Ba'al is waiting for us. He stalks out of his room, smiling triumphantly as he stops beside the cart and looks down at Kanan's still features. "Ah, so we have him." With sudden interest, he bends closer, his expression changing rapidly from satisfaction to anger. "This… This is the creature who was here earlier, but only the host remains. The symbiote he carried is gone. Where is the symbiote?" he demands of the Jaffa.

"The symbiote escaped, my Lord. It fled when he was wounded. I have left men to search but I do not believe it shall be found."

"Continue the search!" Ba'al turns back to the body lying before him. Pointing to two Jaffa, he orders, "Take this away and prepare him. I would speak with him, and know his secrets. Half of this Tok'ra may have escaped, but what remains will still know all."

The Jaffa pull Kanan's body off the cart, dragging it through the hallway toward Ba'al's secret chamber.

My Master turns his attention to me, smiling as he grips my chin roughly in his strong hands. "So, little bird, what were you doing out in the woods in the dark of night?"

My fear is real, and I'm shaking as I answer. "He forced me, Master."

"He forced you?" Ba'al turns to look down the hallway where Kanan's body is being taken. "Why?" he demands.

"I-I don't know," I stammer.

"What value could you have for him?"

"Master, I do not know." I repeat.

"Hmm," he nods, looking sharply at me, then glances over at the remaining Jaffa. "Put her in a cell. I will interrogate her when I am done with him. She may know nothing, but we shall see."

I watch Ba'al walk away without a backwards glance.

I shudder. He who is Kanan, or not-Kanan, does not know what horrors lie in wait for him.

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Alone in my cell, time passes slowly.

And then it begins.

I hear the painfilled cries of he who is or was Kanan.

I know Ba'al's cruelty.

I close my eyes and try to close my ears, to block out the sounds of his agony, but it cannot be done. And when I close my eyes, I see that lean and care-worn face, and his eyes bore into me, beseeching me to believe in him.

The sound stops at last. Above me, I see his body carried to the sacred chamber. Hours later, he is marched past the doorway.

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Over and over again, the horror repeats… his cries of agony, his body carried away and then he is returned to the cell near mine.

Who is he? Where is Kanan?

When will they come for me?

If he tells the truth, Ba'al will have this and worse in store for me.

He will tell.

No one can resist.

I have seen it before, seen strong men break, weep and beg for the suffering to end.

But there is no end, not until Ba'al is finished. When my Master has what he seeks, only then he will grant this not-Kanan his release, the release of death for the flesh, the soul long since stripped away.

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I cannot believe how long this has continued.

He who is not-Kanan is very strong, but his cries are getting weaker, the returns from the sacred chamber taking longer with each trip.

This time, when he is taken away to Ba'al's chamber, he no longer protests. I see that there is weary resignation in the brief glimpse of that face and haunted eyes.

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Chaos erupts.

Shouts. Screams. The rumble of weapons fire. The walls of the fortress shake.

He is at my door, hand extended. "Come with me," says he who is not Kanan.

"No. He will stop us."

He grabs my hand. "Come on."

I do not know this man, he is not Kanan, but those earnest eyes persuade me. I follow him, out into the hallway, running by his side, his hand gripping mine. As the fortress shudders and shards of rock rain down upon us, he reaches over to me, pulling me against his chest, shielding me with his own body.

As this man leans over me, sheltering me with his arms, I see the evidence of Ba'al's cruelty. The brown robe is torn and bloodied. Shaking, I look up into the face and catch the eyes unaware. They are dark, wild and frightened, yet determined and filled with hope.

I can smell smoke now and hear more shouts.

"Come on. Hurry." Again, he grabs my hand and pulls me forward. We race out into the sheltering darkness, toward the Chappa'ai. A Jaffa stands before us in the trail, and Kanan-not shoots him with the zatnickitel he carries. He shoots another and another until at last we reach the great ring device.

Hurriedly, he dials, then taking my hand, urges me up the stairs. I am terrified, but he smiles and I trust him, and step with him into the blue pool.

We emerge… somewhere else!

"We're on another planet," he tells me. "We're safe here. I've got friends here," he explains.

"You are not Kanan. Who are you?"

"I'm Jack, Jack O'Neill. And you?"

"I am Shallin."

He nods as if I've told him something he already knew, but did not remember. "You know about Kanan?"

"He was Tok'ra."

"And do you know what the goulds and the Tok'ra *really* are?"

I am the one who nods this time. "They are beings who live within, like those carried in the pouch of the Jaffa. That is how you were Kanan."

"Right." He grimaces, and for a moment, I fear he is injured, but then I realize it is bad memories which trouble him.

"What happened to Kanan?" I must know.

"It's a long story," he says, softly. His hand reaches out to touch my face, the same gesture Ba'al used, but this touch is gentle and caring, and for a moment, I close my eyes and lean into the hand, and let myself believe I am with Kanan once again. "I'm sorry. Kanan is dead."

I sob, and gently he enfolds me in his arms.

It does not feel like Kanan's embrace, but it is warm and comforting and my tears soak into the fabric of this stranger's shirt, mingling with his own sweat and blood, shed to protect me.

Kanan is truly gone.

"He wouldn't leave you behind," says the soft voice of the not-Kanan. "He loved you."

I sob once more, and feel the tears falling.

"You are free," Jack O'Neill tells me. "We're free."

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*Finish*