Views of the Abyss: Thoran

Author: BadgerGater

Email: [email protected]

Season: 6

Category: Drama, missing scene/epilogue

Summary: An alien POV before, during and after Abyss

Spoilers: Abyss and anything before

Rating: PG

Pairing: None

Warnings: None

Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, SciFiChannel, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, Gekko Productions; all the powers that be, not me; This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement intended. The story is the property of the author and may not be posted without the author's consent.

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What happened to Kanan? What fate has befallen my friend?

The Tau'ri tell me he is gone; that he betrayed his host, betrayed the highest law of the Tok'ra, that he used his host without consent.

I do not believe it.

He was an ancient, and honorable Tok'ra.

And most of all, he was my friend.

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I was with Kanan at the blending. It is always a difficult thing, to take a new host, to adjust to the needs of a new body, even a healthy one; to soothe and placate a new mind, even a willing one; to form a new partnership, even under the best of circumstances, which this was not. It was a most traumatic blending for my friend. Kanan was weak from the death of his last host, and quite unprepared for the resistance of the new. Though O'Neill was weakened by the virus afflicting him, and though the human had consented to the procedure, he nevertheless was stubborn, hostile, and resistant.

Yes, a difficult blending.

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I had begun to worry that this implantation would fail. I sighed with relief when, at last, Kanan opened his eyes. The unfamiliar brown eyes stared around the room in momentary confusion before his gaze found my familiar face. A smile graced his new visage.

"Thoran. My friend." Even the voice carries a different timbre, within this new body.

"You are well, Kanan?"

"Tired. This host is most difficult," he answered with a frown.

I nodded. "O'Neill initially rejected the blending to save his own life. He consented only after being informed that you carried vital information for the cause of the Tok'ra, and possibly the Tau'ri as well." I took a deep breath and told my friend the rest. "This is only a temporary arrangement, my friend. I pledged to him, on your behalf, that you would not remain. I am sorry, Kanan, but once another host is found, you must undergo implantation once more."

The gray-haired head nodded slightly. "Yes. He told me that. Over and over. He does not much like us, and he does not trust us, Thoran. His entire being radiates with hostility. "

"I know. But the situation was desperate. We need your report."

Kanan closed his eyes, wearily. "I must rest first, then I shall meet with the Council."

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The meeting with the Council lasted many hours as Kanan gave a detailed report of his latest, nearly fatal, mission. When it was concluded, I helped my exhausted friend back to his bed, worried he had overtaxed himself so soon after an arduous blending.

"I will be fine, Thoran, after I rest," he assured me.

"The healing is complete?"

"Nearly so. It has been exhausting. Not only was this human gravely ill, but he has many old wounds which afflict him still. This fragile body has been treated harshly. Although the virus is completely gone, I am still working to repair all of the damage.

"And the mind of your host? O'Neill?"

"He is restive. I have soothed him."

Yes, we can, for a short time at least, flood the body with endorphins for those who please us, unlike the Goa'uld, who inflict pain to control their hosts. "His friends wish to speak with him."

Kanan shook his head. "Tell them no. He remains in a state similar to unconsciousness, it is the only way I can suppress his strong emotions…"

"Is that wise?"

"This is as you say, Thoran, only temporary. In this state, he will remember nothing, only that he slept. It will be easier on him than to allow the blending to consume us both, since I will not remain within."

I nodded. Though I do not have personal knowledge of this warrior O'Neill, he is well known among us as one who is a strong and bold warrior, though opinionated and distrustful. "I shall let you rest, then."

That was the last time I saw Kanan.

The humans believe they know why, that something of O'Neill influenced him to return to aid someone he left behind on a previous mission. I do not believe it. I know Kanan well. He understands the price we pay for the risks we take in this war. He would not waste his life. And yet, I know that a host can influence a symbiote.

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Our numbers are so few, we cannot afford to lose a single one of our kind.

Kanan.

A good Tok'ra.

I will not believe he has committed so grave an offense until I know the truth.

We have received a message today, from the Tau'ri.

O'Neill has been found.

I am returning to Earth to speak once more with my friend.

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I stand now in the office of General Hammond, leader of the SGC.

He rises, and waves a hand at a chair. I decline, and remain standing.

Hammond nods. "I regret to inform you that Kanan is dead."

"Dead?"

"Yes. Colonel O'Neill returned without him."

"That is not possible."

"It happened."

"I must speak with O'Neill," I demanded.

"Not yet. He is in the infirmary, suffering from withdrawal."

"Withdrawal?"

"Apparently, while in the hands of the Goa'uld Ba'al, Colonel O'Neill was repeatedly tortured, then healed in a sarcophagus."

"Kanan would have healed him!"

"The Colonel told us Kanan left him when they were captured."

"I do not believe it."

"Ba'als Lotar, Shallin, confirms the story."

"You would take the word of a Lotar?"

"This woman is the reason Kanan, without Colonel O'Neill's consent, by the way, returned to Ba'al's fortress."

I could not believe such an accusation. "He would not do such a thing."

"Well, he did."

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I was made to wait for days before talking to O'Neill.

At last, I was allowed to speak with him, to learn Kanan's fate for myself.

O'Neill was waiting for me in the SGC's Briefing Room. The human looked pale and shaken, like he was unwell, though I knew Kanan had healed him. Hostility radiated from his tense expression, his wary look, and the rigidity of his shoulders.

"It is good to see you again, Colonel O'Neill," I stated.

"We've never met before."

"We met at the Tok'ra base."

"Oh well, of course, I wasn't really *myself* at the time." Sarcasm dripped from every word.

"Kanan was in the process of healing you, at which he succeeded."

"And I appreciate that," he added, dryly. "I don't appreciate what he did after."

"You owe him your life."

"And he nearly took it back," O'Neill glared.

"Why?"

"I'm the wrong one to ask," he snapped.

"You were host to Kanan. You know what he knew."

"I do not know a single goddamn thing he knew," O'Neill angrily spat out each word.

"That is not possible."

"Oh really?" O'Neill lifted his chin angrily. "All that's in my head of the time I was snaked is a really big, black, dark blank spot."

I sighed, looked down for a moment, soothing my anger, and contemplating my next words. "I wish to know of the fate of Kanan."

"I wish I knew a few things about him myself. Like who gave him the right to drag me off to that planet?"

"His actions were not acceptable…"

"No, they weren't."

"I do not know why he acted in such a manner. I would explain it to you if I could, O'Neill. But perhaps, if you tell me what you remember, I will be able to understand."

"For which the Tok'ra are grateful."

"Riiiiiight. Next thing I knew, I woke up lying in the mud on some godforsaken planet I didn't recognize, with a smokin' hole in my back, dying. Your buddy was gone. Bugged out when the going was about to get tough. Abandoning…"

"He would not abandon you without reason."

"Well, maybe he had a reason, but he didn't bother telling me. So I don't know why he did what he did. Personally, I think he didn't want to stick around for the fun stuff he knew was going to happen next."

"I regret that Kanan's actions led to such an unpleasant…"

"Unpleasant?" O'Neill spat, leaping out of his chair and beginning to pace. "Unpleasant? Now *there's* a nicely descriptive word for what happened. Unpleasant. Riiiight."

"Colonel." Hammond spoke up for the first time, trying to soothe his irate second. O'Neill threw his commander an incensed glare before turning his back to us, to face outward and look down at the Stargate. Focusing his attention upon me once more, the human General added, "Colonel O'Neill was subjected to more than just unpleasantness…"

I raised a hand. "I am sorry. I chose my words poorly. I do not mean to downplay the significance of what happened. Ba'al's cruelty is well known. O'Neill, you are fortunate to have survived. But I still must know what happened to Kanan."

O'Neill turned back to me once more, his anger still clearly displayed in the taut line of his jaw and the clipped, hostile tone of his words. "Your snaky friend left. Departed. Deserted. Vamoosed. Skipped out. Fled. Took off. Took a powder. Is that clear enough for you?" His gaze once more challenged me. "Did I see where he went? No. Did I care where he went? No. I was a *bit* too busy *dying* at the time."

I carefully kept my own tone of voice neutral, which was not easy. "He did not reveal to you his thoughts or his plans? His reason for saving this slave woman?"

"I don't know what he was thinking," O'Neill continued to glare defiantly at me. "*I* think he was like you, a typical egotistical, arrogant, holier-than-thou snake, who like the rest of your kind share what they want, when they want and leave the crumbs to us humans because *you've* decided we're too young to know better. You're not so different from the gould. You use people all the time, it's just that most of the time you're just a lot more subtle about it."

Without thought, I had leaped to my feet, sharp words of answer on the tip of my tongue.

"Colonel!!" Hammond's voice rang through the room. "Stand down. That's enough."

"It's never enough with these... these," O'Neill's hand waved through the air at me, but he said no more, although the challenge never left his eyes.

"Jack," Hammond's voice grew soft, a tone I recognized as one no longer that of commander, but that of friend. "Just answer Thoran's questions, so he can go..."

Once more, the tall human's intense gaze returned to study my face, the anger and accusation remaining, clear and unequivocal. O'Neill slid a glance at the general, then sighed, and answered softly, "I don't know. He left. I heard the Jaffa report that they'd only captured the host."

"Ba'al questioned you about your host, his missions, and what he knew?"

"Yes." I saw the human shudder.

"And what did you tell him?" I had to know.

Angry brown eyes glared at me, eyes that had so recently been the eyes of my friend, and now were the eyes of an adversary. "I told him everything I knew, which was nothing."

"You do not know Kanan's fate?"

"No." Under his breath I heard him add, "and I don't care either."

I nodded and stood to leave. "Thank you for your report, Colonel O'Neill." I walked slowly toward the door, then stopped and turned for one last look at the Tau'ri officer. His look was no longer so much angry as confused. "I am sorry for what Kanan subjected you to, O'Neill. But it does not change the fact that he was my friend, and I will mourn him."

O'Neill's answer was blunt. "I won't."

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The End