The scene slowly fades in from black to reveal the SFWL logo - the silhouettes of two wrestlers, with one holding the other in a standing side headlock. After a few seconds, "Boxing" by Ben Folds Five begins playing softly in the background, and a sepia-toned monochrome still of Gabriel holding the SFWL World Heavyweight Title fades in, replacing the logo shot. The music gets louder as the image of Gabriel fades into another, that of the profile of the Suplex Master. In turn, that image fades to a shot of Kevin Snow in mid-dive. As the music reaches full-volume, the speed of the transitions picks up somewhat, showing a montage of sepia stills of SFWL legends. Bad Bobby Bronx celebrating with the SFWL World Heavyweight title. The Super Incorporated Empire hitting the ring in full force. Sabbath and The Dictator locking up. Armageddon in mid-rant, gesturing at something out of frame with his barbed wire baseball bat. The massive silhouette of John the Giant. The Sands of Time, standing back to back with the SFWL World Tag Team titles around their waists. The Creature, shown from behind, holding a much smaller competitor up by the throat. Wasp, in partial shadow, staring menacingly into the camera. Evan Scarlett executing the Scarlett Stunner on Ken War. Kamikaze standing on the top turnbuckle, holding up the SFWL Crusierweight title. The Grimm Reaper with Gabriel in a standing headscissors, giving the sign for the Dead Man's End. Suddenly, "Boxing" is replaced by "Electric Uncle Sam" by Primus, as the still of The Grimm Reaper setting Gabriel up cuts to live, color video. The Grimm Reaper executes the Dead Man's End on Gabriel. The still shots are replaced with a fast-moving, full-color video montage. "Suicide" Steve Fella nails Lilith with the Singapore cane. Arioc throws his head back and screams. Chris Lupsa, shown from behind, walking in a thunderstorm. Rob Justice executes a ropeflip moonsault. The Brahmin walks down the entrance ramp, with the SFWL Intercontinental title over his shoulder. Brian Bowers executes the No More Apologies on Evan Scarlett. Chic Glitz dives off the top rope with an elbowdrop. Adam Nitro plays to the crowd. Evan Scarlett holding up the SFWL World Heavyweight title belt. Gabriel holding up the SFWL World Heavyweight title belt. The Grimm Reaper holding up the SFWL World Heavyweight title belt. Kyle Scarlett holding up the SFWL World Heavyweight title belt. Brian Bowers holding up the SFWL World Heavyweight title belt. The Dawg Fatha holding up the SFWL World Heavyweight title belt. Havoc holding up the SFWL World Heavyweight title belt. Barret McDougal holding up the SFWL World Heavyweight title belt. "Suicide" Steve Fella holding up the SFWL World Heavyweight title belt. A close-up shot of the title belt itself. "SFWL Powerbomb Awards 2000", in giant white letters, with the SFWL logo beneath it, is superimposed over the image of the belt. After a few seconds, the camera cuts to a crowd shot, showing reporters, celebrities, and SFWL athletes and personalities seated in the venue for the 2000 SFWL Powerbomb Awards. [The scene disolves , this time into a booth where "The Natural" Grant Taylor and Skippy are sitting. Taylor is dressed for the occasion, in a black tux. Skippy on the other hand, is wearing a wife beater and boxers.] Grant Taylor: Welcome everybody to the third annual SFWL Powerbombies! We are just a mere one day away from the "grand daddy" of them all, Ultra Slam 4! Here with me calling the play-by-play for the first half of the awards show is none other than...the Table Lovin' Freak, Skippy! Skippy: Yo, yo, to my homies! Taylor: Riiiight! Skippy and I will be doing the play-by-play for the first half of the Powerbombies experience...then we'll turn it over to the Man who Does Voice Overs... Skippy: Man who Does Voice Overs? Is he new? Taylor: Don't mind him folks. What an evening we have planned for you tonight. Not only do we have the awards that were already announced, but we also have a couple "gimmicky" awards that will we will be giving out throughout the night! Skippy: What I want to know is...why isn't there an award for Best Colour Commentator this year? Taylor: You see Skippy, nobody cares. Skippy: Oh. Taylor: I meant that in a good way. Skippy: I see. Taylor: Gosh darnit! What I meant by that statement is that nobody really cares about the commentary *in a cheesey voice*, they care about the ACTION inside the ring! Skippy: I see. I guess I'm just a pawn. I guess the SFWL is just using me. I guess...I guess...oh what a whoa! Taylor: Uuuuh...can we get to our first award for the evening? Here to present the award for Manager of the Year is none other than...you're going to love this. I know Chris B. will. Ladies and gentlemen, the most electrifying man in Sports-Entertainment Today...LA ROCKA! THE ROCK! "Do you Smell what the Rock is Cooking" plays. The audience gives a dull roar as the Rock walks out to the podiu, carrying the Powerbomby. He walks up to the podium. Rock: Finally...the ROCK has come back...to...the SFWL! No repsonse from the crowd. Rock: The Rock doesn't understand this. The Rock is asked to come down to the SFWL's Powerbombies Award Show, hand this award to some trailer park trash jabroni, and yet...the Rock is not on any of the ballets. The crowd is still silent. Rock: Well let The Rock ask you this. You expect the Rock to just walk up to the..People's Podium...say a couple things and expect him to give this award to somebody? Well The Rock...will not have it. The Rock says that the SFWL can take this award...shine it up real nice... Absolutely no noise from the crowd. Rock: Turn this sumbitch sideways...and stick is STRAIGHT UP YOUR CANDY ASS! If you smeeeeellalalala...What the Rock... The crowd is still not playing along. You can see Chris B. stand up and yell "Go Home Rock". Many people join in on the chant of "Go Home Rocky". Rock: Is....Cookin'! Ah hell, here are the nominees for Manager of the Year. Kate Elliot, manager of the True North. Lots of claps from the crowd. Rock: Cereberus, manager of a former tag team champion, Faust. Minimal applause. Rock: Jackie, who managed Barret McDougal into many championships. Nice applause. Rock: Heather, manager and girlfriend of Mike Torment. Same amount of applause. Rock: And Lilith, manager of Arioc, the #1 contender for the World Title! The crowd goes nuts. Rock: And the winner is...ah it doesn't matter who the winner is! The crowd boos. Rock: Alright, its Lilith! Lilith gets up from her seat and strolls to the stage. She looks more irritated than happy. Lilith: [holding up the award in mock presentation] Wow! I am so surprised... please. Let's see the SFWL's Greatest Manager EVER is Manager of the Year? Uh huh... I mean let's look at what this is all about. Every year right before Ultra-Slam a bunch of the SFWL Executives get together and present these... um... awards to their top stars. And EVERY year it's always the biggest draws in the business walking up to the stage, so everyone can take their photos and listen to the superstars speak. Why? Because it's just ONE MORE ticket they can sell. Well, to all those big shots in the SFWL, I would like to say thank you... thank you for giving me one more opportunity to be EXPLOITED! Some of the audience is quietly booing her. Lilith: Oh really... God, you guys gotta lighten up. Hey, I'm grateful... really. For the past seven months I've terrorized, I've moved, I've done everything I can to make us the best. Did I not tell you I would be a great leader and role-model for the SFWL? From day one! But you know what I'll be GRATEFUL when I watch Arioc claim the real prize at Ultra-Slam. I'll be GREATFUL when I see Steve Fella lying in a pool of his own blood... I believe that by the time I've left this building my whole outlook will have changed... I'll be quite happy... really... no, really. Lilith makes her way back to her seat as casually as she made her entrance. Taylor: Wow...Lilith...speaking a piece of her mind. Skippy: I'd like to get a piece of something else from her! Taylor: Oh will you stop it! Skippy: WHA? WHA?!? Taylor: Jeez Skippy, you did this at the "Greatest...in SFWL History" Award Show too. Can't you show some respect! This is one of the Crown Jewels of the SFWL year, and somehow, someway, you seem to screw it up! Thanks Skippy, thanks a bunch. Skippy: I'm...I'm sorry Grant. I didn't know you felt so strongely about this! Taylor: Well...not you know. Skippy: Allow me to make things up to you! At the other Awards Show this year there were some musical guests...well I've prepared a song tonight for all my Skipaholics out there! And it goes something like this. Taylor: This should be good. Skippy: *Clears his Throat* Let me see your Thoooooooooooooong. Thong, Thong, Thong, Thong, Thong! Taylor: OH GOD! Let's go back to the stage! [Scene goes back to the stage. A voice over on the P.A. comes on.] VO: Here to give out the pretigous "Who?" Award is none other than Who himself...Jim Neidhart! "Bad to the Bone" plays. Jim Neidhart comes out through the curtains behind the stage, both arms raised. The audience is going nuts. Jim is wearing his "Who" jump suit. Jim walks up to the podium, sitting a Powerbomby on it. Neidhart: Mwaaahahahaha! How you like 'em apples! SFWL called me up just a few days ago, told me to get my butt down here to present this award. What is this...a joke? The WHO? Award? C'mon! Mwaaaahahaha! This is an insult to my legacy, mwaaahahahaha! But oh well, as long as I get my paycheck! The audience claps to that. Neidhart: Now, after careful consideration, the Powerbombies Voting Staff voted on one tag team. A tag team that were basically nobodies...then all of a sudden, became Tag Champs. Mwaaaaahahahaha, I know how that's like! But as soon as they won them, they left! Mwaaahahahahaha, losers! So, tonight, I present the "Who?" Award to, none other than, Mwaaaahahahahaha. The HIGH ROLLERS, Ace and Club Kid! There's not a big ovation from the crowd. One person in the crowd shouts "Who?" Neidhart: The High Rollers couldn't be here tonight, but on behalf of them, mwaaahahahaha, I would like to say thanks. For the first times in their careers, mwaaaaahahahaha, they've won something and will hold onto it for a very long time! Mwaaahahahaha, thank you! Jim Neidhart walks off the stage with the Powerbombie. The crowd is cheering for Jim even as he leave. Taylor: High Rollers! Taking home a Powerbombie! Skippy: Who? High Rollers? Taylor: Yeah, don't you remember them? They won the Tag Titles one night, and the next they quit. Skippy: Ah....no, no I don't. Taylor: Well I guess they made a right decision with going with the High Rollers for this award! Skippy: Let me see THAT THOOOOOONG! Taylor: Enough Skippy! Up next, we have a SFWL great standing by to present our next award, Stable of the Year! Ladies and gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure to announce PETER PAN GUY as our next presenter! "Jobber 4-Life", a remix of nWo 4-Life, plays. Peter Pan Guy walks out to a huge ovation. He's carrying several Powerbombies. Peter Pan Guy struts out to the podium, dumping all the Powerbombies on it. PPG: Stables, never been in one, probably never will. All I really know about stables is, is that they could kick my ass. One-on-one, or in a gang fight! But right now, I would like to present this award to the strongest Stable of the Year, voted by all of you. Your nominees are...The Dawg Pound Nation, led by The Dawg Fatha! An OK applause. PPG: The Syndictate, led by no man. But they did hold several great wrestlers in their stable! A bigger ovation. PPG: The Bad Mother...shut your mouth. But I was only talking about the BMF's! A big pop. PPG: The Super Incorporated Empire, most noteable, the Golden Age SIE, led by Gabriel! A big pop. PPG: And the Near-North Express, led by Brian Bowers! A decent ovation. PPG: Your winner...no surprise here...The BMF's! [Steve Fella stands up and throws both arms in the air. Danny DeCosta rises up beside Fella and does the same. The Brahmin, a couple rows back, stands up and throws his arms up. Rei stands up and does the same. Doug Bronson gets on his feet. The BMF's stare at him. Doug sits back down. The BMF's walk up to the podium, led by Steve Fella and his World Title. Rei runs in front of Fella and right to the podium. He grabs one of the Powerbombies that are sitting there.] Rei: Yo Adrian! ADRIAN! [Rei starts running around with the Powerbombie in his hand. The rest of the BMF's make it up to the podium. Steve Fella hands DeCosta two awards. DeCosta hands one of them to The Brahmin. Steve Fella grabs the other award. Rei sneaks up behind them, ducking through them, right to the podium.] Rei: This is the greatest day of my life! Thank you all for proving me wrong. Proving to me that you all are as ignorant as you look! [Steve Fella pushes Rei out of the way.] Steve Fella: Since the BMF's begining almost a year ago we have been feared. We have been feared simple because we were...and always will be...the Best Stable in SFWL's History! What other stable has been able to hold every single's titles at the same time? Only us. The BMF's know why you all voted for us. You fear us! Including Mike Torment! Mike, you can keep trying to get rid of us, but as you do so, we'll only get stronger. We have a surprise for you Mike Torment, a surprise like no other. And if you don't like that....tell 'em Rei... [Rei sneaks back up to the podium.] Rei: You can slap my ass and call me Judy! YO ADRIAN! [Rei goes running off the stage with the Powerbombie. The rest of the BMF's cooly walk off and back to their seats.] Skippy: I love Rei. Taylor: Really? Skippy: Ye...I mean NO! I was just...playing around. Taylor: Sure...sure. Now many of you saw that this past year, many of the ideas that originated from the SFWL were stolen by the Big Two...the WWF and WCW. Skippy: NO DOUBT! Taylor: And because of this, hear to present out "Copyright Infringement" Award, here is none other than...O.J. Simpson! "American Killer" starts to play. O.J. walks onto the stage. The audience starts to boo. O.J. walks to the podium, setting the Powerbombies on the podium. The crowd settles down. Simpson: Dammit, the glove didn't fit! I will not sleep until I find the real culprit. The crowd is dead silent. O.J. looks around. Simpson: Come on guys! I need something! I'm losing money, losing endorsements! CHEER FOR ME! The crowd is still silent. Simpson: Damn. Well...this past year the SFWL has been used, abused, and forgotten about by the Big Two of the Wrestling World. Who could forget the amazing feud Brian Bowers and Chris Lupsa had, and who could forget that same angle being done in the WWF. Now, I must say, that's a conspiracy. Its a conspiracy against me! I mean the SFWL! It was a historicaly announcement when Steve Fella challenged Kamikaze to a "Five Star Match". One day after that match happened, Chris Benoit challenged Jeff Jarrett to an identical match. Now how's that for coincendences? Speaking of coincendences, it was just a coincendence that I was late for my limo, that I went out to get a burger at the same time that she was killed, and it was just one when her blood HAPPENED to get on my car. The crowd starts chanting "Bullshit". Simpson: Alright. I'm sick of this. The winners of the "Copyright Infringement" Award...Brian Bowers and "Suicide" Steve Fella! The crowd goes nuts. The camera goes to seperate shots of Brian Bowers and Steve Fella. Underneath their pictures are the words "Co-Winner: Copyright Infringement Award". The scene switches back over to Tayler and Skippy. Taylor: Make note to self: never invite O.J. to the Powerbombies again. Skippy: Right on brother man! Taylor: Yikes. Well, let's keep the boat going here, and move onto our next award for the evening. Here to present the award for Tag Team of the Year, none other than former SFWL Tag Team champion and Cruiserweight Champion, Sandman from the Sands of Time! "Time Again" plays. Sandman walks out onto the stage from behind the stage curtains. He's greeted to quite an ovation. Sandman walks over to the podium, sitting the Powerbombies on the podium. Sandman: Tag Team of the Year. Not quite the GREATEST Tag Team Ever, but still, they are the Tag Team of the Year. Being the Tag Team specialist that I am, I know what it takes. It takes hard work, dedication, loyalty to your partner, and above all else, team work. Here are the nominees for Tag Team of the Year. The Boys from Seattle, the Storms of Seattle! A good ovation. Sandman: The current tag team champions, Barret McDougal and Rob Justice. A loud pop. Sandman: The longest reigning U.S. Tag Team Champions, the Dawg Pack! A good ovation. Sandman: Arioc and Faust, The Fallen! A huge ovation. Sandman: And the team from up north, True North! A huge ovation. Sandman: And the winners...Brian Bowers, Jason Chadbourne, Wayne Reid, the TRUE NORTH! "Sudbury Saturday Night" by Stompin' Tom Connors begins blaring over the PA as Brian Bowers, Wayne Reid, Jason Chadborne and Kate Elliot make their way to the ring to a mixed (but primarily negative reaction). Jason Chadborne: Thank you, thank you all! It hasn't been easy carrying an entire division, and it's great to know that you appreciate our efforts! Wayne Reid: When we first signed on, nobody thought three unknown indy wrestlers from Northern Ontario would ever make it. When Brian and I won the tag team titles for the first time, nobody thought it would ever happen again. But, when we won the titles that second time, people FINALLY started to realize that Brian Bowers, Jason Chadborne and myself are, without a doubt, the single greatest tag team active today, and among the greatest EVER! Brian Bowers: WE may not have the tag titles now, but, since the day we lost them, we have not slipped from the number one ranking in the tag team division! And, as soon as we get the title shot that is rightfully ours, we will once again hold the SFWL's tag team gold! And, when... Kate Elliot cuts Brian Bowers off and positions herself in front of the microphone. Kate Elliot: I'd just like to take this opportunity to thank...me. I mean, it's fairly obvious that NONE of this could have happened withouit me. Hell, Wayne and Jason wouldn't even have contracts! Brian Bowers: What!? All four members of True North begin arguing with each other, as the microphone is abruptly cut off. After a few seconds, they are escorted from the stage and out of the venue, yelling at each other the entire way. Skippy: Ah, that Kate Elliot, what a doll! Taylor: A doll?!? She almost caused a break-up of the True North right on that very stage! Skippy: Yeah, but still... Taylor: Still what? Skippy: I don't know. I was just trying to make conversation! Taylor: Who does that Kate Elliot think she is? The True North would be just as great, hell even GREATER, if she hadn't come along! Skippy: But the guys wouldn't care about them! The fans wouldn't care about them! I mean, their whole popularity came when Kate Elliot showed up! Taylor: But a team shouldn't be judged if they have a cute manager or not. Skippy: Are you GAY?!? Taylor: No, I'm just saying... Skippy: Ah, I gotcha! You have a crush on Kate Elliot. Taylor: No, I didn't say tha... Skippy: Grant and Kate, sitting in a tree, F-U-C-K-I-N-G... Taylor: Skippy! Don't make me smash this table. Skippy: You don't have the guts! Taylor: Oh I don't...do I? Grant Taylor stands up. He picks up the chair he was sitting on. Taylor: I'll do it! Taylor lifts the chair high above his head right above their table. Skippy: I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY! Just...don't hurt Susan! Taylor: Susan? Taylor calms down. He sets the chair back down and sits. Taylor: Who's Susan?!? Skippy: Oh...nobody. Taylor: Someone has a crush on someone! Skippy: Yeah, you're right. You do...on KATE ELLIOT! Aaah! Taylor: Our next award for the evening is the Match of the Year Award. Here to present this award, none other than former IC Champion...get ready for this...ARMAGGEDDON! "Big Pimp" by Jay Z plays. Armageddon walks out on the stage, holding up two Powerbombies. The audience goes nuts. Armageddon flips the bird to the audience. He walks over to the podium. He sets the two Powerbombies down. The crowd is chanting "Armageddon". Armageddon: Sit down and...SHUT THE FUCK UP! The crowd grows louder. Armageddon: I didn't come back to this fucking place to get cheers I could give two shits about, oh no. I came back to present these two god damn awards to some sons of bitches that I could probably beat the shit out of! The crowd won't shut up. Armageddon: Ah fuck all this! Here are your fucking nominees for Bitchest Match of the Year. SIE vs. D.O.O.M. 2 from last year's Ultra Slam. A huge ovation. Armagedon: Gabriel vs. Grimm F'n Reaper from King of the Ring. Another huge ovation. Armageddon: Kamikaze vs. Steve Fella in a Ladder Match from European Extreme. Another huge ovation. Armageddon: Tyler MacDonald and Grimm Reaper vs. The Near North Express. Another huge ovation. Armageddon: Kamikaze vs. Steve Fella, FIVE STAR MATCH! Another huge ovation. Armageddon: And the winner of this piece of shit trophy...Kamikaze vs. Steve Fella, in their FIVE STAR MATCH! "Explotation" by the EuroBox Band plays. ["Suicide" Steve Fella rises out of his seat. The people in the audience all jump to their feet and give him a standing ovation. Steve Fella waves to the people in the crowd. Fella picks up the SFWL World Title, throwing it over his shoulder, and walks up onto the stage. The audience is still on their feet. Steve Fella bows before them, and waves one more time. Steve Fella walks over to the podium, sitting the World Title up in front of the crowd.] Steve Fella: Another award. This one was no surprise... A large screen is being lowered behind Steve Fella. Steve Fella has no idea. Steve Fella: I wish Kamikaze was here so I could take this award, looking him right in the eyes...and LAUGH! Kamikaze, this one's for you...BITCH! (The audience turns its attention to the video screen, as the screen fills up with static for a second, before clearing up to a shot of Kamikaze standing in front of the SFWL logo. Wearing his traditional crimson mask, however accentuated by a nice black pinstriped tuxedo for the occasion, Kamikaze looks just as good as the last time he was seen by the SFWL fans. He is holding a Powerbombie in his right hand and seems to be checking his reflection in the metal of the trophy. He turns toward the camera and begins to give his speech.) Kamikaze: Thank you, thank you, one and all. You see, it was obvious to myself, and to the rest of the country, that one of my numerous matches with Steve Fella should earn the dubious distinction as a match of the year. So please forgive me if I don't give the traditional "I'm just happy to be nominated speech." Because you see, I deserve this. This is finally a momento of something I have given to this God-forsaken league and not have it crapped back onto me. I am the greatest cruiserweight the division has ever seen, and yet people look past all my accomplishments, and look at the people I've carried to those 5-star classics. Steve Fella is one of those people, and now he wears the SFWL World Championship. Good for Steve, but remember. If it wasn't for Kamikaze pushing him to the limits each and every night, both mentally and physically, then there would not be any World Title. There would not be any BMF stable. There would not be any Steve Fella - PERIOD. So take heed, Fella. Because you know just as well as I do, that with a snap of my fingers - I could take away everything you have worked so hard to get. It must make you sick to your stomach that I share this award with you. Because once again, Steve, you can't do it without me. You never could. Match of the Year? Of course it is - because it involved the REAL Great One - Kamikaze. (The camera feed cuts out, and the screen goes back to static) The crowd is going nuts. Steve Fella looks stunned standing at the podium. Steve Fella: Ummm...thank you? Steve Fella walks off with his Powerbombie and World Title. He's shaking his head as he returns to his seat. Taylor: WOW! That about sums it up! Skippy: Who's KAMIKAZE? Taylor: Someone who could kick your butt! Skippy: But I'm a former World Champion! Taylor: Your reign didn't even last a week! Skippy: SO! Taylor: Kamikaze coming back, and coming back with a vengence! Man! Kamikaze is one of the few, the proud, that can say that shut Steve Fella up! Skippy: SO! Taylor: It was just great seeing Kamikaze again. Kamikaze is, without a shadow of doubt, the greatest cruiserweight ever in the SFWL. Skippy: SO! Taylor: Give it a rest Skippy! Skippy: Fine, fine. Just trying to have a little fun out here! Sorry for RUINING everything! Jeez! Taylor: I didn't mean it like that. Skippy: Yeah, whatever Grant. *Whimpers* I understand. Taylor: Dammit Skippy, you're making me cry now! I didn't mean anything by it! *Starts to break down* I just...I just...I just... Skippy: *Laughs* GOTCHA! Taylor: *Quickly becoming calm* You didn't get me! I was playing all along. Skippy: Sure...sure. Taylor: *Whiping a tear away* Oh man. Just go to the stage. Its time for Influencial Wrestler of the Year...with the presenter being...*whipes another tear away* Evan Scarlett! "Superman's Dead" plays. Evan Scarlett jogs out onto the stage, both arms raised the air. He gets no response from the crowd. Evan stops midway to the podium. Evan tries again to get a response. Nothing. Evan reaches into his pockets and pulls out a whole wad of bills. He starts throwing it into the crowd. The crowd goes crazy. Evan walks over to the podium, sitting the Powerbombie on it. Evan: Its great to be here in the SFWL! Its great to know I'm still welcomed. Its great too... Someone in the crowd yells "Shut up." Evan: OK, OK. I'll get on with it! I'm here today to present the Powerbombie to the Influencial Wrestler of the Year Award. This award is presented to the wrestler that has most influenced other wrestlers careers, or in this year's case, other federations, like the WWF and WCW. The nominees for this award are...Brian Bowers of the True North! Loud ovation. Evan: My buddy, Steve Fella! Loud ovation. Evan: Barret McDougal! Boooo... The crowd goes nuts in response to Evan's booing. Evan: Shaddap! Brian Griffiths! Booo... Once again, a crazed ovation. Evan: Dammit! All of you shut up! And finally...The Undertaker? The audience jumps to its feet and start going ape shit. Evan: Damn! And your winner is...c'mon Steve Fella. THE UNDERTAKER?!? The lights go out. Three toll bells ring. "UT's Theme" plays. The crowd is going nuts. Dry Ice starts to rise from below the podium. Evan backs away, then runs. From the top of the stage, The Undertaker is lowered down on wires. He descends until he hits the stage. He unhooks himself and walks over to the podium. He raises both arms and the lights come back on. UT grabs his Powerbombie. UT: Vampires, Crimson Masks, Evil World Champions. I am your lord and master! Rest in PEEEEACE! UT grabs his award as the Dry Ice comes up again. The lights go out. They come back on and UT is gone. Taylor: Whoa! Skippy: What just happened there? Taylor: I believe we just had a UT sighting! Skippy: A what? Taylor: I don't know! Skippy: I'm confused. Taylor: So am I...so am I. Let's go back to the stage where Harvey Wallbanger will present the next award, our last award for Skippy and myself. We're taking off...leaving you guys to our...voice over...counter parts! Skippy: Voice Overs? Taylor: Harvey? "We ain't gonna take it" starts to play. Harvey Wallbanger walks out to a good pop. Harvey shows off the two Powerbombies in his hands as he walks to the podium. He sets the Powerbombies down. Harvey: Well, here I am again, at another Powerbombies Award Show. Here to present the Feud of the Year award. Yep. I sure am. Well, with that said, yep, let's get on with it. Here are your nominees. Arioc vs. Chic Glitz! A silent ovation. Harvey: Steve Fella vs. Kamikaze! A good ovation. Harvey: Brian Bowers vs. Chris Lupsa! A good ovation. Harvey: Curtis Jamison vs. The Brahmin vs. Chris Lupsa! A good ovation Harvey: Steve Fella vs. Arioc w/Lilith A huge ovation. Harvey: And the winner is...no surprise here...Steve Fella vs. Arioc w/Lilith! Lilith leads Arioc by the hand up to the stage where she accepts the award, which she quickly passes off to Arioc. Lilith: [looking over at Steve Fella] Well, Steve-o, this is just one more thing that you've been carried to by someone else. The audience reacts with an expression of shock at Lilith's comment. Lilith: Come on Steve. Even you have to admit that SOMEONE had to be there to make you a star? Would anybody even give a damn about Steve Fella if he wasn't constantly assaulting sweet innocent me? [laughs] Oh, Steve, [in an almost pleading voice] don't worry, I don't want to sound like I'm trying to take anything away from you, I want you to share this moment to, after all it is your time as well. [cracks an evil smile] I will have my moment Steve. I have the perfect time and place... so, Steve why don't you come up here and lay on some of that character on all of us... huh? She starts to leave. As she reaches the end of the stage, she turns and steps back up, grabbing the mic. Lilith: I mean... you could at least thank me, Steve. Lilith laughs again as she tosses the mic on the stage. The echo causes some feedback which causes everyone to jump and cover their ears. Lilith and Arioc leave the stage. Steve Fella gets up and walks up on the stage. Everybody waits in anticipation for Steve Fella's response. Steve Fella: Isn't she just darling?!? Lilith, you ask me to come up here and...thank you? Thank you for what? I did what any normal pyschopath woulda done to a...bitch like you. I smacked you over the head with a Singapore Cane. Face it Lilith, nobody likes you! It was only a matter of time before someone did it! You should be thanking me! If I hadn't done it, someone else would of. And then you would be involved in a feud with them. Imagine...Arioc vs. Ricky Brookman. Please Lilith! You and Arioc owe everything to me. I made you two famous. But at Ultra Slam, mark my words, I'll break what I made. And if you don't like that...tooo f'n bad! Steve Fella picks up his award and returns to his seat. Announcer: And now, to present three of this year's honorary Powerbomb Awards, here is the one, the only, Extreme Machine! Extreme Machine (who looks a lot like Bushwhacker Luke in an Extreme Machine costume) walks out onstage. Extreme Machine: David Copperfield can make anything disappear. Although his power pales in comparison to Sid's ability to make ratings disappear, the fact that he has made 747s, the Statue of Liberty, and any number of other things apparently vanish is still impressive. It is in his honor that we present the SFWL's David Copperfield Award to the man who has consistently disappeared at the most inopportune times, always taking major angles with him...Chris "Thunder" Lupsa! (There is a brief, awkward pause. Someone mutters something offstage.) Extreme Machine: I have just been informed that Chris Lupsa, although scheduled to be in attendance tonight, is not here. His award will be sent to his representatives. A second Extreme Machine, this one looking suspiciously like Mo, formerly of Men on a Mission, emerges from stage left. Extreme Machine 2: Sometimes, you just need cheap heat. And what better way to get it than by attacking an innocent woman? This has been a major part of professional wrestling for years, but sometimes, a man comes along who takes it to a new level, attacking any and every woman in sight, all in the hopes of drawing that all-important heel pop. And, in the SFWL, that man is honored with the coveted Jarrett Cup. This year's winner of this sought-after prize is..."Suicide" Steve Fella! (The video wall cuts to a live feed of "Suicide" Steve Fella choking out a makeup girl backstage.) Extreme Machine 2: Uh...apparently, Steve Fella is...otherwise occupied. Extreme Machine 2 tucks the award underneath the podium. A third and fourth Extreme Machine, looking for all the world like Bushwhacker Butch and Mabel/Viscera, walk up the aisle and onto the stage. Extreme Machine 3: As Vince Russo has taught us, wrestling as we knew it is no more. Depsite the numbers drawn by Lucha Libre and Japan's puroresu, and despite the fact that Chris Benoit, Billy Kidman, the Hardys, Edge, Christian, and even Shark Boy are drawing pops based solely on their athletic ability, we have been told that all anyone cares about these days are the Sports Entertainers...those individuals with the ability to completely disregard suspension of disbelief, the traditions of professional wrestling, and sometimes even the laws of physics, all in the name of "entertaining" the fans! Extreme Machine 4 (still panting from the walk down the aisle): Tonight, the best Sports Entertainer in the SFWL will be honored with the Vince Russo's Career Memorial Award. And that man is...Paine! The video wall shows a montage of Paine moments, set to The Buggles' "Video Killed the Radio Star". Paine chokeslams a reporter sixteen feet onto a van. Paine throws a rat into a burning barrel Paine sets a warehouse on fire, slowly walking away from the blaze. Paine reveals his hideously scarred face. The house lights cut out, and the video wall fades to red. The Extreme Machines are in complete shock. Pyro erupts from the stage as it is stormed by as a dozen figures in hooded cloaks, all carrying baseball bats. They immediately attack the four Extreme Machines and, after beating them into submission, drag them offstage. One of the cloaked figures steals the award (setting up a future angle, no doubt) as he leaves. The video wall cuts out, and the venue is in complete darkness for nearly a minute. The house slowly come back up, revealing an empty stage, with a mysterious symbol painted on the podium. The crowd is confused and annoyed. A janitor emerges with a bucket and a thick rag and cleans the symbol from the podium. The janitor draws a surprisingly better reaction than the entire previous segment. After a few seconds, multi-federation superstar John Tenta emerges from behind the curtain, sending a wave of shock through the audience. As John Tenta walks to the front of the stage, he gives the classic Earthquake "thumbs down" taunt. Tenta: Finishing moves have the ability to make us laugh... (The video wall shows a montage of finishing maneuvers.) Sargeant Slaughter executes the Atomic Noogie. Swoll executes the alleged Heart Punch. The Rock executes The People's Elbow. Tenta: ...and to make us cry. Bastion Booger executes the Trip to the Batcave. Goldust executes the Shattered Dreams. Luna Vachon executes the Testicular Claw. Tenta: But, most importantly, they have the ability to put an opponent down for the count. If I may demonstrate... (John Tenta takes a step back and does the famous arms-over-the-head jump. The first four rows of the audience clear out of their seats and sprint up the aisle. Tenta: What? I was kidding! The nominees for the Powerbomb Award for finishing maneuver of the year are... ... Brian Bowers' No More Apologies (The video wall shows Brian Bowers executing the No More Apologies.) ..."Suicide" Steve Fella's Jackass Drop (Steve Fella executes the Jackass Drop.) ...Barret McDougal's The Breaking Point (Barret McDougal executes the Breaking Point.) ...Rob Justice's Brickyard Blues (Rob Justice executes the Brickyard Blues.) ...And Arioc's Last Rites (Arioc executes the Last Rites.) John Tenta opens the envelope. Tenta: And the winner is...The No More Apologies! "Everybody Knows" by Leonard Cohen plays over the PA as Brian Bowers makes his way to the stage. Brian Bowers grabs the trophy from John Tenta. Brian Bowers: Well, what can I say? The best thing about this award is the fact that I had to injure so many of you to win it! The No More Apologies - the move that is not only the finisher of the year, but, as you remember, THE SINGLE GREATEST WRESTLING MANEUVER IN SWFL HISTORY - has won me two Intercontinental titles, two Tag Team titles, and two SFWL World Heavyweight championships! And, tomorrow night at Ultra Slam 4, it's going to be the move that rids the SFWL of Havoc once and for all! Brian Bowers makes his way down from the stage and takes his seat, as John Tenta leaves the stage. The lights cut out again. Several red spotlights shine toward the back of the venue, where the hooded figures are once again seen. They make their way back to the stage, with the four bloodied Extreme Machines - all of whom now sport the same logo that was left on the podium on their chests and foreheads - close behind. One of the Extreme Machines steps up to the microphone. Extreme Machine 2: Silence, mortals! We are the Demonic Legion of Ultimate Carnage and Death, and we have stolen your award statuette! You must pursue us for months to get it back, during which time you will all be locked in the trunks of cars, thrown into rivers, and raised to the ceiling on cros... Extreme Machine 3 grabs the mic from Extreme Machine 2. Extreme Machine 3: ...symbols! You will all be raised to the ceiling on symbols! Some of you might even join us, being inducted into our dark legion in a cornball on-air sacrificial ceremony! The houselights suddenly cut back in. The hooded figures and the Extreme Machines are escorted from the building by security. The crowd is giving the security staff a standing ovation. After the noise and confusion subside, SFWL announcers Del Davis and "Big" Paul Briggs step out onto the stage. "Big" Paul Briggs: As SFWL announcers, we watch nearly every match at eye level. We have a chance to watch the careers of many wrestlers from beginning to end. Del Davis: Sometimes, a wrestler surprises us all, going from a less than impressive career to a spectacular one. This year, there have been several SFWL wrestlers who have gone from less than impressive beginnings to reach the superstar level. The SFWL Powerbomb Award for Most Improved Wrestler is awarded to the individual who's transition has been the most dramatic. "Big" Paul Briggs: The nominees for Most Improved Wrestler are... ..."Suicide" Steve Fella (The video wall shows Steve Fella pinning The Grimm Reaper to claim the SFWL World Heavyweight title.) ...Arioc (Arioc and Faust walk down the entrance ramp wearing the SFWL World Tag Team titles.) ...Rei (Rei executes the Chairsault on Rob Justice.) ...Rob Justice (Rob Justice executes the Brickyard Blues.) ...The Brahmin (The Brahmin holds up the Intercontinental title.) Del Davis: The winner, and the SFWL'S Most Improved Wrestler of the year is...The Rob Justice! Justice: WOW!!! Most Improved Wrestler in the SFWL? Well, I can say I have gone a long ways from where I started. I started as a joke in the SFWL, and look at me now. A Four Time Cruiserweight champion, and eight time total champion. You can say I improved a whole lot. Well, this award goes out to the man that helped me when I was just starting my run as a SFWL Superstar. That man is Gabriel... Gabriel this award is for you man. From one Real Superstar to the Greatest Superstar of the SFWL of all times.... Thanks you SFWL... Thank you very much. Rob Justice holds up the award to the crowd and exits the stage. Del Davis and "Big" Paul Briggs leave the stage and take their seats. Brian Bowers stands up from his seat and makes his way to the podium. Brian Bowers: (holding up an index card and reading from it in a monotone voice) To remain the best federation in the business, the SFWL relies not only on the contributions of established, experienced veterans, but also, on a constant influx of new talent. As we have seen many times in the past, today's rookie will often become tomorrow's superstars, the competitors that will continue to make the SFWL great in the future. Every year, the Powerbomb award for Rookie of the Year is presented to the newcomer who makes the most significant impact on the federation, and shows the greatest potential for the future... (Brian Bowers turns the card over, finding nothing.) Brian Bowers: What? That's it for the sentimental bullshit already!? I thought, at this rate, I'd have to sing "Wind Beneath My Wings" before I was done! Anyway, as last year's winner, I'm apparently obligated to...for free, of course...present the Powerbomb Award to this year's Rookie of the Year. Well, here are the nominees... Brian Bowers pulls the envelope out of his jacket. ...Arioc (The video wall shows a short video clip of Arioc executing the Last Rites on Tirok Siban.) ... Barret McDougal (A clip Barret McDougal diving off the top rope with a flying dropkick is shown.) ...Adam Nitro (Adam Nitro claiming victory at the Thanksgiving Classic.) ...Chic Glitz (Chic Glitz, in his mask and sequinned robe, standing at the top of the entrance ramp.) ...The Brahmin (The Brahmin holding the Intercontintal title over his head.) ...and Tirok Siban (Tirok Siban hooking the Rattlesnake Tamer on Loki). Brian Bowers opens the envelope. Brian Bowers: And the winner is...the man who reached the top of this federation in three months and burned out in four, "The Hired Gun", Barret McDougal! (Powerman 5000's "When Worlds Collide" begins playing over the PA as Barret stands up wearing a camouflage colored suit, and his dark green military beret. Jackie wears a sparkling two piece red dress that it cut low on both top and bottom. Barret takes the award and step up to the microphone.) Barret: WELL... (looks around as the crowd starts cheering) Now who really thought they'd beat me for this award? Brahmin...? Arioc....? It's obvious that in the last past year, this Hired Gun has torn up the league more than once. I took belts in all divisions... Heavyweight... Cruiserweight... and even Tag Team, no matter when people tried to say that "I once was good" and shit like that, I still prevailed. Obviously the best all-around fighter this league has seen for quite some time. Now, I'd like to thank a few key people for aiding my dominant half year career here in SFWL. Bowers and Wayne Reid (aka Person Man), you guys originally took me in and showed me the ropes... we haven't even saw eye to eye, but you developed a fighter that even you guys can't always handle...Unleaded, my good friend. He helped me keep my cool when Dawg Fatha was getting just plain annoying... Tirok and Justice, both kickass tag partners who I'd work with again anytime... and finally (pulls Jackie closer) this woman here, who has saved my ass a few times in matches, as well as being there for moral support. Thank you all... (Barret raises the award high as the crowd gives him a round of applause. Barret and Jackie begin to exit stage left, but are redirected to stage right. Barret insists on exiting stage left by pulling out a 9mm revolver on the stagehand who just steps aside. Jackie waves to the crowd as the exit the stage.) Brian Bowers leaves the stage. Isaac Ford, better known as SFWL wrestler Ewol Crenshaw, walks out through the curtains and takes his position at the podium. Ford is completely out of character, sporting half-glasses and dressed in a tuxedo. A small "Psykobilly" chant starts up. Ford acknowledges it, without showing much concession to the character itself. Isaac Ford: Professional wrestling is built on a foundation of great matches, great entertainment, and great moments. The great moments of professional wrestling, the ones that make the highlight reel for weeks afterward and the ones that are remembered fondly by fans for years to come, often define an athletes career, and can even define the direction of a federation. These past twelve months here in the SFWL have been full of great moments, but we have narrowed the list down to five nominees, and one winner. Ladies and gentlemen, the nominees for the SFWL's Greatest Moment of the Year are... ...The return of The Grimm Reaper and his subsequent demolition of Brian Bowers (The video wall shows a clip of The Grimm Reaper emerging as Tyler MacDonald's mystery tag team partner at Harvest in Hell '99.) ...Person Man retiring in style at European Extreme (A brief clip of the infamous run-in at European Extreme 1999, as the tarp falls away from the truck revealing the words "Dumptruck of Plunder and Love".) ..."Suicide" Steve Fella winning the World Heavyweight title for the first time (Steve Fella executes the Jackass Drop on then-World Champion The Grimm Reaper.) ...Rei FINALLY winning the SFWL Cruiserweight title (Rei holding the SFWL Cruiserweight title high over his head.) ...and, Lilith finally snapping and striking out at her tormentor, "Suicide" Steve Fella (A slow-motion clip of Lilith kicking Steve Fella in the groin. The men in the audience collectively wince.) Isaac Ford: And the official greatest moment of the past twelve months in the SFWL is... (He opens the envelope.) "Suicide" Steve Fella winning the World Heavyweight title for the first time! "Explotation" by the EuroBox Band plays. "Suicide" Steve Fella rises out of his seat. The people in the audience all jump to their feet and give him a standing ovation. Steve Fella waves to the people in the crowd. Fella picks up the SFWL World Title, throwing it over his shoulder, and walks up onto the stage. The audience is still on their feet. Steve Fella bows before them, and waves one more time. Steve Fella walks over to the podium, sitting the World Title up in front of the crowd. Steve Fella: Wow, what can I say. Ummm, I knew winning the World Title was the greatest moment in my career, but for this year in the SFWL? Wow. What can I say but...thanks. Who would of thought people would actually care about me. Who would of cared that I won the Cruiserweight Title...twice, the Extreme Title, and the IC title, and after four years in the SFWL, I finally won the World Title. I guess people do care. And for that, I would like to thank ALL OF YOU here in the SFWL. If it wasn't for you...I wouldn't be standing here today with this Powerbomby. If it wasn't for you, my moment of glory would of meant nothing. And for that...I thank you. Thank you! Fella holds up the award. He grabs the World Title and goes back to his seat. Isaac Ford leaves the stage through the curtains. SFWL Interim Vice-President Chris Binstock walks onstage and stands at the podium. IVP Chris Binstock: Well, this is the big one, folks - the Powerbomb Award for the SFWL's wrestler of the year. The SFWL is built on a foundation of phenomenal talent, and a lot of wrestlers have made a real impact on the league this year. While there are only five official nominees for this award, there just as easily could have been ten, or more. However, after difficult deliberation, five potential recipients of this honor were selected and you, the voters, have chosen one of them. The nominees for the SFWL's Wrestler of the Year are... ..."Suicide" Steve Fella (The video wall shows a still shot of Steve Fella holding up the SFWL World Heavyweight title.) ...Brian Bowers (The video wall shows a still shot of Brian Bowers ranting at the camera.) ...The Grimm Reaper (A still shot of The Grimm Reaper in mid-execution of the Dead Man's End.) ...Arioc (A still shot of a bloodied Arioc standing in the center of the ring in victory.) ...and Barret McDougal (A still shot of Barret McDougal walking down the aisle with the Cruiserweight title around his waist.) IVP Chris Binstock: And the winner is... Interim Vice-President Chris Binstock opens the envelope. ..."Suicide" Steve Fella! "Explotation" by the EuroBox Band plays. "Suicide" Steve Fella rises out of his seat. The people in the audience all jump to their feet and give him a standing ovation. Steve Fella waves to the people in the crowd. Fella picks up the SFWL World Title, throwing it over his shoulder, and walks up onto the stage. The audience is still on their feet. Steve Fella bows before them, and waves one more time. Steve Fella walks over to the podium, sitting the World Title up in front of the crowd. He picks up his Powerbomby and holds it up in the air. Steve Fella: Wow, what an incredible night its been for me. 6 Powerbombies, by far the most ever in SFWL History. But this...this right here... Holds up the Powerbomby. Steve Fella: The Powerbomby for Wrestler of the Year is the one that holds the biggest piece in my heart. It symbolises that even the biggest losers can become the biggest star. It symbolises that the person that many people counted out since day one could one day come back up and nip you right on the ass. With that said, I would like to thank the people who helped me become who I am today. Jim Wilson, without him, I might still be banned. Evan Scarlett, like I've said many times in the past, he and I built each other's careers. I tip my hat off to him. Grimm Reaper, for giving me another shot at the World Title. Kamikaze, 5 Star Match, that about wraps it off. Gabriel, gave me the "rub" and the IC Title. Finally, I have a special message to send to Scott Thomas, Nick Hudson, Air Max, and Suplex Master. Riot...just...won! And if you don't like that....toooo f'n bad! Fella holds up the Powerbombie as the crowd goes nuts. "Explotation" by the EuroBox Band plays again as Fella walks off the stage. The camera follows him as the credits begin to roll. Steve Fella is walking down a dimly lit corridor towards the rear exit of the building. Steve Fella is carrying one of his Powerbomb awards in one hand, and a duffel bag in the other. Skippy is seated on a table, holding an SFWL Powerbomb Award trophy in his hands. Skippy: Steve... STEVE! Hey, you forgot one! Steve Fella: Shit, Skippy, what the hell? Forgot one, what are you talking about?! (Steve Fella opens the duffle bad and pulls a few more awards out.)I Steve Fella: What the hell did I forget? Skippy : [holding the trophy right in Steve Fella's face] THIS ONE! Steve Fella: Give me that! [Snatches the trophy out of Skippy's hands. ] Let's see... Manager of the Year... What the FUCK is... Lilith, Arioc, and The Watcher jump Steve Fella from behind. Lilith whacks Steve Fella in the back of the head with a Singapore Cane. They begin punching and kicking him to the ground. Steve Fella tries to fight back to his feet. Arioc throws Steve Fella into the wall. The Watcher takes Steve Fella down with a DDT. Lilith: USE THE TABLE! Skippy jumps up on the table waving his hands. Skippy: NOOOOOO! Lilith: SHUT UP! Skippy: YOU PROMISED! NOT THE TABLE! Lilith canes Skippy over the head and he falls limp on the table. Lilith: SHUT UP! The Watcher and Lilith drag the table away from the wall with Skippy laid out on top. Arioc picks up Steve Fella. Arioc nails Steve Fella with a powerbomb onto Skippy and through the table. Steve Fella and Skippy are out cold. Trophies are scattered everywhere. Lilith searches through the trophies until she finds hers. She picks it up and looks at Steve Fella. Lilith: [nearly giggling, points at Steve Fella.] Powerbomb award... Lilith, Arioc, and The Watcher step over Steve Fella and Skippy and walk out through the exit. The camera cuts out.