INTRODUCTION | HISTORY OF SHERPA | RELIGION | SETTLEMENT | SHERPA MARRIAGE | MARRIAGE SYS  | THE WEDDING | LONGCHHANG | THICHHANG | FIRST PECHHANG | DEMCHHANG | CHHYAWI | SECOND PACHHANG | ZONGCHHANG | ZANDI | GIVING DOWRY

INTRODUCTION

The Sherpa people who first originated from Kham, east of Tibet, migrated to Solu-khumbu about 600 years ago. The Sherpas who were probably the nomadic herders began to settle in permanent places probably after the introduction of the potato in the 19^th century. Though the Sherpas are normally found dwelling in the northeastern parts of Nepal, they are mainly concentrated in three regions that  are Khumbu, Solu, and Pahrak. Solu (Shorong) lies about 90 Kilometers to the south west of Everest.

The Sherpas belong to the Nyingmapa sect of Buddhism. The traditional Sherpa marriage of Solu is one of the rich and intricate cultures that prevail in Nepal. It is marked by several religiously and socially significant stages meant for the couples’ prosperous married life. The traditional marriage of solu is a very long process lasting more than a week.

THE MAJOR MARRIAGE PROCESSES ARE:                                                                                                      

Longchhag (marriage proposal)

Thichhang (confirmation of marriage and asking the girl’s parents about the necessary requirements by the boy’s parents)

First Pechang (a meeting to prepare for Demchhang)

Demchhang (literally “the union beer”)

Chhyawi (setting of the year and month of the4 final ceremony)

Second Pechang (a meeting to set the actual date)

Zendi or Chhangdu (the wedding day)

Nor or Chhitong (giving away of dowry)                                                                                                               

It is true that the Sherpa people of today, mainly due to the influences of other cultures, requirement of grater cost and lengthier time to conduct the marriage processes, and progressively changing life styles are adopting new modified ways of marriage practices. But modification does not necessarily mean that we can ignore our traditional practices of marriage. Our traditional method of marriage is a unique sense of identity to us. We should treasure and preserve our unique traditional. 

A BRIEF HISTORY OF THE SHERPAS

The word “Sherpa” is also known as “Sharwa”, which means people from the east. Their original homeland is in the district of “Solu-khumbu”, also known as Sharkhumbu. They are the descendants of the Khampas, the Tibetan warriors who inhabited the east of Tibet known as Kham. The Khampas were compelled to migrate to Solu-Khumbu due to ideological difference between the Tibetans and the Khampas. About 600 years ago people migrated from Tibet to the mountain valleys of Nepal. It is believed that they migrated to Shorong (Solu) via the Nangpa-la route, and old glacial pass near Cho Oyu Mountain. The Sherpas who were probably nomadic herders began to dwell in permanent villages of high altitude after the introduction of the potato in the middle of the 19^th century, which provided them the source of permanent food and income. As the community flourished people started establishing monasteries known as Gompas. Today most community has a Gompa of its own.

The Sherpas were engaged in trading, transporting goods in caravans between Khumbu and Tibet though the Nangpa-la passage. Salt was the most common commodity that used to come from Tibet to the northern Himalayas.

The sherpas came to be widely known to the outside world after Sir Tenzing Norgay Sherpa along with Sir Edmund Hillary first set foot on the summit of the Mount Everest in 1953. Today the Sherpa economy consists mainly of field agriculture, animal husbandry, trade, trekking and mountaineering. The boom in the tourism sector gave them the fresh work opportunities and many now run trekking agencies.

Their endurance in inhabiting the high altitudes of the Himalayan region and navigating through the arduous Himalayan terrain of Nepal has enabled the Sherpas to be world famous as skillful and daring mountain guides. Their faith towards non-violence and their amiable nature has made the Sherpas a likeable community amongst foreign trekkers and mountaineers. Today they play a significant role in the tourism sector of Nepal. 

RELIGION

The Sherpas belong to the Nyingmapa (meaning and order in Tibetan and literally “the old one”) sect of Tibetan Buddhism, which is a branch of the Mahayana tradition. Nyingmapa sect is also known as the “red hat” sect. The Nyigmapa’s practice tantric rituals and use esoteric means to achieve direct enlightenment. That is why we see many tantric rituals sherpa Buddhism. This is believed to be a remnant of the Bonpo traditions of Tibet. Bonpo religion practiced animism, shamanism and demonolatry. By overpowering the Bon religion, Guru Rinpoche who is regarded as a spiritual leader introduced Lamaism in Tibet and founded the Nyingamapa order. Legends has it that Guru Rinpoche was born of a lotus in the middle of a lake. It is to Guru Rinpoche that the prayers and maniwalls (prayer walls on roads around which people go form left to right direction to gain merit) inscriptions are addressed as “ Om Mani Padme Hum” which literally means, “ hail to the jewel on the lotus”.

Laxaism (the Tibetan Buddhism), the religion professed by the Sherpas, is predominantly a monastic religion professed by the Sherpas, is predominantly a monastic religion. The Sherpas believe life to be a struggle for enlightenment. Like Lamas, the Buddhist monks who reside in marvelous buildings called monasteries, it is also possible for a girl to enter nunnery and receive a Buddhist education provided she is religious, willing and her parents approve of her decision. However, in comparison to the monasteries, nunneries are relatively small and poorly endowed. Incarnate Lamas (Tulkus) are found in large number but female incarnate ones are unheard of. The ease with which the incarnate Lamas gain public respect, monastic authority and privileges in much higher than for the incarnate nuns. Monasteries are always lead by the incarnate Lamas. Interestingly, the Lamas run even some nunneries. Hence, girls seem to be less encouraged to enter nunnery.

THE SETTLEMENTS OF THE SHERPAS

The Sherpas predominantly reside in the northeastern regions of Nepal. Most Sherpa settlements are found at altitudes of 3,000 to 6,000 meters. Majorities of the Sherpas are found in the three circumscribed regions: Khumbu, Parak and Solu. The traditionally purest group lives in Khumbu. However, the densely populated and renowned ones are Sharkhumbu, the upper valley of Dudh Koshi and its tributaries. Due to reasons like environmental pressure and agricultural forces, there has always been a need for migration for the Sherpas since their early settlements

From Solukhumbu district people migrated to other areas like Sangku-sawa, helambu, Langtang, and Charikot. Small population of the Sherpas is also found in the upper part of Likhu Khola, Khimti Khola and Sun Kosi valleys. Other Sherpa settlements are in areas east of Khumbu (Inukhu Khola and Hongu Khola) up to the course of the river Arun and in the upper valleys of the Tamur. The Sherpas also moved form Solu-khumbu to places like Sikkim, Assam and Darjeeling in India

Population of the Sherpas in different countries.

 (Source: The Sherpas And Sharkhumbu, 1999, Sherpa Thupten Lama

SHERPA MARRIAGE

Marriage opens the door to a new life. It encourages people to be more responsible towards family life, empowers them the right to sexual relations and a greater bond with the society in terms of love, care, respect and understanding. The colorful dresses of the  couple, people on horses as if in  a combined mission, the laughter and the dances- the Sherpa wedding is a wonderful festival. An initiation by a Lama (usually a head monk) is an importance process in converting a person to a monk. Similarly, marriage is critical to the acceptance of a Sherpa in the society to undertake communal roles.

A marriage is arranged by the mutual consent of the couples’ parents, often respecting the veto of the child. The traditional Sherpa wedding is a lengthy process lasting more than a week. The wedding practices are carried out mainly for the propose of bestowing happiness and prosperity in the couple’s married life. Hence, each event during the wedding signifies important initiations for couples’ prosperous, joyful and blissful future.

THE MARRIAGE SYSTEM

There are several clans living in different parts of Soluk-humbu and other part of Nepal. A clan’s identity is inherited through the father. The Sherpa people practice exogamy. From time immemorial, the Sherpas have held the view that endogamy produces weak, sometimes deformed and often unhappy progeny. Traditionally, marriage between the members of the same clan or brother clans is not allowed. For example a Lama (note this Lama is not the same as Lama, who is a monk) cannot marry another lama but a Lama can marry members of the other clans. Traditionally if a family had three brother then it was customary for the middle one to enter monastic life.

Social observers have found the Sherpa women to enjoy a higher social status than their counterparts in many other societies. They are not subjected to mistreatment as have been evidenced in other cultures through foot binding, forced veil wearing, polygamy or confinement inside the home. As evidenced, the Sherpa women have considerable freedom to leave bad marriages and raise voices against the affairs of family and society.

SIX MAJOR CLANS AND THEIR RESPECTIVE BROTHERS CLANS.

THIMMI                             LAMA                               CHAWA                           NGOMPA

Paldorje                                           Lama Gompa                                Nawa                                           Chakpa

Salakha                                            Lama Sharwa                                Lhukpa                                         Tompa

Manpung Salaka                                                                                   Dhakpo

Paldorje Salaka                                                                                     Zhuwa

Khampa-che                                                                                        Dhawa 

Miding Salaka

Khumbu Salaka

Khunuwa Salaka

Zhurwa Salaka

Gobarma

Chusharwa

Pya-Phullo

Murmin

Mining Nawa                                                                                                                                                               

Thimmi Nawa

Nawa-Tezong

Dhompa

Zong-Nagwa

Lhungbuwa

Shire

Dotup

PARWI-TSO (RONGGI-SHARWA)                                                 MINYAKPA               

Baye-Mi                                                                                                                           Mingyapa

Whotampa-Mi                                                                                                                   Shire

Muli-MI                                                                                                                            Minyak-Draktok

Chakyu-MI                                                                                                                       Taktok

Rangdok-Mi                                                                                                                      Taktok-Garza

Shengden-Mi                                                                                                                     Taktokpa

Nau-Mi                                                                                                                             Pinasa

Marma-Mi                                                                                                                       Dorip-Pinasa                        

Ju-MI                                                                                                                              Ngemaray

Chukte-MI                                                                                                                       Pinasawa

Chuu-Mi                                                                                                                           Pangkarma

Ngarma-Mi                                                                                                                     Piwang-Pangkarma

Mani-Mi                                                                                                                         Jhangser-Pangkarma

Wishang-Mi                                                                                                                    Sharwa

Nawa-Mi                                                                                                                         Dongpa

Pache-Mi                                                                                                                        Yulkongma-Pinasa

Chukle-Mi                                                                                                                      Garza                                   

Paa-Mi                                                                                                                           Nyendawa

                                                                                                                                      Tajungpa-Garza

                                                                                                                                     Taktok-Pinasa

                                                                                                                                     Sharitokpa

                                                                                                                                     Gole

                                                                                                                                    Khapa

                                                                                                                                    Shaore

THE NUMBER OF SHERPAS IN DIFFERENT CLANS:                                                                                

(source: The Sherpas AndSharkhumbu, 1999, Sherpa Thupten Lama)                                                                   

Lama Sarwa is also known as Serwata.

Lhunbuwa clans are founded in Sankhuwasabha.

There are also other clans, which are termed as low class

Some of these clans are:

Yawa

Halungda

Oya

Pangami                                                                                                                                                                       

Chhukulyami

Riptami

Riparmami

A sad example of the conflict between the higher and lower clans among the Sherpas can still be witnessed in some of the villages of Nepal. Near Dolakha village lies two other village namely Wari and Pari village. The people of the Pari village are of lower clans whereas those of the Wari are of higher clans. A public millhouse is used by both of the clans of the Wari an Pari village. Often, boys and girls from both villages who came to use the millhouse formed romantic relationships. However, due to the social backlashes of a romantic affair between the higher and lower clans, the lovers would be compelled to flee away from their village, never returning to their villages. Nevertheless, as an exception to this one such couple decided to return to the village.

The boy was from Wari and of a higher clan. They were not welcome by the Wari villagers who shunned them because the boy had humiliated and disrespected the whole village by marrying into a lower clan. However, the Pari villagers accepted the couple mixed with a sense of feeling a happiness in having a higher clan man join their village and because of the Wari villager’s sense of humiliation. While clan feelings of superiority may not be as strong as in the past, there is still some hesitation amongst the Sherpas in marrying into a lower clan although the notions of equality are much more prevalent in the Sherpa society compared to other communities in Nepal.

The Sherpa clans are divided as two endogenous group:                                                                                               

I)                   Khadhiku clans (Higher status)

II)                 Khamendeu clans (Lower status)

A person with whom a Sherpa would not be prepared to share a drink from the same tumbler is known as Khamendeu, literally meaning “bad mouth”. The rest are known as Khadhiku.

Traditionally a higher status person on marrying the lower status one loses his or her higher status and has to accept the lower status. In most of the religious ceremonies of the Sherpas, there is a custom of sharing (taking a sip from the same bowl or cup) either tea or wine by a number of people in turns. The humiliation faced by the lower status people can normally be witnessed when the higher status people refuse to share their food and tea.

Fraternal polyandry is seen in the northern Himalayan region. The Tibetan nomads who later settled there generally carried out such practices. They carried out such practices mainly to overcome socio-economic problems of poverty and resource scarcity such as lack of capital, cheap labor and arable land. Polyandry marriage is often welcomed by some of the Sherpa women because they believe they can have the advantage of generating incomes from both the husbands. Since the two husbands can take turns at shepherding or conducting caravans, one becomes always available to the woman. This provides added sense of protection and security to the woman. Polyandry has acted as a form of population and communal resources control in the Sherpa society. It does not allow inherited property to be distributed amongst brothers. It serve as a kind of population control because there is only one child bearing female amongst multiple sons. This limits the number of children, as well as the number of households in the village. Polygamy is rarely seen in the Sherpa society. In Solu, such practices are uncommon. In the northern part of mustang, Dolpa and Gorkha some still perform fraternal polyandry.                       

Marriages among cousins are seen in the Helambu regions. Their language is similar to the Sherpa’s but their culture differs from the Sherpas is many aspects like marriage and funeral.

Monks and nuns are not allowed to marry but on doing so as a punishment, they are dressed in white clothes and are expelled from the monastery or nunnery by the members of the organization responsible for running either the monastery or nunnery.

“THE WEDDING”

LONGCHHANG

A Sherpa wedding consists of several stages. “Longchhang” is the proposal by the boy’s parents to the girl’s parents asking the hand of the girl in marriage. Before Longchhang, the people from either the boy’s or the girl’s side seek information indirectly regarding the possibility of the marriage. If their marriage seems likely then either the boy or the girl goes to the astrologer to find out an appropriate day for the Longchhang. On the proposed day of the Longachhang, some members of the boy’s family and relatives (normally two to three in number) visit the girl’s home carrying a “pong” of wine. A pong is a traditional wooden jar used by the Sherpas to keep liquor. They fasten Khatak, a white silk scarf, around the neck of the pong and put some butter on its lid to show their respect to the girl’s parents.

“Ningar” (a strong rice, maize or millet beer) represents a strong plea for the girl’s hand in marriage. Presenting “Chhang”, a mild rice beer is an insult to the girl’s parents. Use of Chhang during Longchhang is quite uncommon. An engagement is not approved on the day of the Longchhang by the girl’s parents. The boys family returns home and wait for the decision. Both parties seek to help of astrologers to determine whether the couple will live a prosperous married life. The astrologer considers Lo and Kham, the birth cycle of the couple like pertaining to ‘ghotras’ of the Brahmins. The astrologer’s predictions are considered seriously and negative view by the astrologer can lead to a cancellation of a marriage proposal.               

In a traditional calendar of the Sherpas called Dhatuk, there are twelve years and each year has a specific name. Each specific year with a specific name is known as Lo or Lorta in the Sherpa language. The cycle repeats itself after every twelve years. The person’s Lo is determined by the year on which he was born. For instance if the person is born on the year of the Dragon then the person’s Lo will be Dragon throughout his life.

Year                                         English Name                                       Sherpa Name

1                                              Rooster                                                Cheeya

2                                              Dog                                                      Khi

3                                              Pig                                                       Phak

4                                              Mouse                                                  Chiwa

5                                              Bull                                                      Lang

6                                              Tiger                                                    Tak                                                                  

7                                              Rabbit                                                  Yat

8                                              Dragon                                                 Duk     

9                                              Snake                                                   Dul

10                                            Sheep                                                   Luk

12                                            Monkey                                              Te

“Lo” of the person is considered important because it is used in determining the Kham of the person. “Kham” particularly refers in determining the Kham of the person. “Kham” particularly refers to basic elements of life that are water, fire, earth, iron, and wood. Every individual is though to possess a characteristic of one of these five elements. All the people can be differentiated in terms of Kham. For instance, a couple with the Kham of water and earth is considered compatible as these two element are functionally more advantageous to each other. Married life of a couple with the same Kham is considered unfavorable.                                                                                                                                                              

Besides Lo and Kham, the astrologer refers to a sacred book called “Rongloha” based on which the feasibility or probability of the marriage-talking place on a certain year is determined. The book contains five main features of human life, which are Shokdel (life of span of an individual), Luidel (health of a person), Ongdel (wealth of a person), Lungdel (happiness and sorrows of life), and Lahdel (success of a person in any of his work).

Each of these features is placed in five different rows and every row has different columns for different years. As we go across the row, we find the decreasing number of year at every subsequent column. These rows are marked with either crosses or circles. Many crosses mean that a person is suffering or will suffer from troubles so the person has to perform a great prayer. Even if there is not a single cross, the person has to perform a great prayer.                                                                  

THICHHANG

Once the boy and the girl are betrothed, the boy’s and the girl’s parents start preparing for the upcoming marriages processes. “Thichhang” refers to asking the girl’s parents about the necessary things that they need to prepare and bring during the wedding day. This is also known as “Sodene” in Nepali language. On that occasion, some of the close relatives of the boy (the presence of the boy’s brother-in-law is a must) go to the girl’s home carrying a pong of wine. Once the relationship is approved, the boy’s parents start to preparation for the marriage. The date for the final ceremony is fixed on that day. They also make the necessary decisions regarding the various requirements for the wedding ceremony.                                 

FIRST PECHHANG

A process called Pechhang, a small meeting between the parents of the girl and the boy’s family, is conducted to make necessary decisions for the wedding. In fact Pechhang is any meeting carried to make certain important decision. For this particular meeting one or two people from the boy’s side go to the girl’s home no matter how far the girl’s home may be.

DEMCHHANG (literally “the union beer”)

Having received the approval from the girl’s parents regarding the marriage, the boy’s parents move towards the process named as “Demchhang”. It is considered as one of the important processes in the sense that the girl is now considered as the member of the bridegroom’s family. It also marks the completion of half of the marriage process. In Demchhang a phemar, a pyramidal shaped mixture of ingredients like flour, butter, sugar, powders of Churpi (hard condensed milk), coconut etc weighing about 20kg and “theka” of wine are presented to the girl’s parents. “theka”is a large wooden jar to keep liquors and it is used to transport liquors from one place to another in a convenient way. Phemar is considered to be the most delicious food and its preparation requires a lot of effort as well. For the Sherpas, Phemar is equivalent to a special cake. A special type of Phemar known as “Kyaki phemar” is presented to the bride’s parents during the wedding day but it is again taken back to the groom’s home after the completion of the wedding ceremony.

PREPARATION OF PHEMAR                                                                                                                       

To prepare about 36 kilogram of phemar approximately the following amounts of ingredients are required:

30 kg of millet flour (cooked and well-grinded millet)

15 kg of butter

5 kg of sugar (more if sweetness desired)

Raisins, coconut, powder of churpi (according to the desired taste)

PROCEDURE                                                                                                                                                       

First, a neat and large plastic is spread on the floor. The flour is put on the plastic. About seven to eight people gather to mix butter with the flour. The butter is mixed with the flour by rubbing the flour and the butter between the palms of the hands. This rubbing process is continued until the flour becomes a little warm,. No water should be added. Absence of water makes it possible to be stored for a longer period. Raisins, coconuts and powder of churpi are then added according to the desired taste. When it is warm enough,  it is made into a pyramidal shape, if it is not warm, then it cannot be made into a desired shape. After its preparation, it is kept on a round place according to the size of phemar.

The close relatives of the girls eagerly stay in a file of single row to accept the presents brought by the boy’s parents. The presence of the  boy’s bother-in-law is considered very necessary. In Khumbu region after Demchhang, the boy takes the girl away to his home and several months or even years may pass before their wedding takes place. In Solu after Demchhang, the girl stays with her parents until the day of the wedding. According to the Khumbu people the child born after Demchhang is considered as legitimate whereas in Solu it is considered as illegitimate child (Naang-wool). Traditionally, after Demchhang if either the girl or the boy betrays their relationship and chooses another partner then the betrayer has to pay 90 rupees to his or her partner. This system was prevalent during B.S. 2018 and B.S. 2019.                                                                   

CHHYAWI

In the next step called “Chhyawi”, the boy’s parents provide many bags of millet mixed with maize, approximately thirty “pathi” for wine preparation to the girl’s parents. One “pathi”, is the amount weighing four kilogram. However, in Dolakha Kimti, the amount of millet to be provided to the girl’s parents is about sixty pathi and hence the amount varies according to the variation in the place as well. Generally, if the girl’s parents accept the whole thirty pathi then it is the indirect indication to the boys folk that they do not have to bother preparing huge amounts of phemar for the zendi (the weeding day).

PREPARATION OF WINE                                                                                                                           

Well-cooked mixture of millet and maize is allowed to cool. When the mixture is just worm, yeast is mixed with it. It is allowed to undergo fermentation process for two days. During that period, it is well spread in “Rongjoong”, a bamboo mat. When it gives off a string smell, it is an indication that the mixture is now fermented. It is then kept in a wooden barrel with a flat stone as the lid. The barrel has small holes at its base. It is allowed to remain in the barrel for about one month in the summer season and for about two months in the winter seasons. The holes at its base are sealed with the hay of paddy and barley.

After one or two months, the lid is uncovered. The mixture is than soaked with about 20 liters of water and made into semi-liquid. The liquid that comes out of the small holes at its base is known as “Ningar”. The mixture in the semi-liquid state can be “Chaema”, a bamboo woven funnel like filter, and filtered. The filtrate is the “Chhang”. The unfiltered chhang can be heated and made to undergo distillation process to acquire the product “Arak”. The vapor, which comes out of the mixture and condenses in a separate vessel, is the Arak. The commonly used wines during the Sherpa marriage are Ningar and Arak.

SECOND PECHHANG

Two or three weeks prior to the wedding day, the boy’s and the girl’s family members hold a gathering of the villagers to inform them about the marriage. The parents ask for the villagers’ support during the wedding. The members of the bride and the bridegroom ask the villagers and their relatives to estimate how many people will be present during the wedding day. Then the preparation for the wedding day starts. The villagers and their relatives gather, discuss among themselves and choose some relatives representatives to collect money from those who will be present during the wedding day. The money, which they collect, is invested for the various parties during the wedding. The active participation of the Sherpas in the fulfillment of the communal responsibility shows their respect for Buddhist ideologies of compassion.                                           

ZONGCHHANG

Zonchhang refers to a kind of inspection on the preparation of the marriage. All those involved during the inspection process are offered with Chhang. However, today Zonchhang has been taken by the people as the form of offering Chhang to the guests when departing away from the bride’s home at the end of the marriage ceremony. Three or four days prior to the wedding day all the relatives from far and near gather in the bridegroom’s home with some rice beer and wine. Rehearsal for the dressing up of the bridegroom and rehearsal of various kinds of dances may take place on the day. They ascertain that all the requirements are fulfilled. Preparation of phemar in huge amount for the wedding day starts from that day onwards.

ZENDI (CHHANDU)

“Zendi” precedes the wedding day. A Ngagpa, a married priest, wakes up very early at down and commences his rituals. A monk is not allowed to carry out the marriage rituals. Monks are supposed to refrain from the worldly pleasures. Moreover, they do not have the detail knowledge about the social customs as they live a monastic life. Nuns who can conduct the marriage rituals are called Khadoma but Khamodas are rarely seen carrying marriage rituals. The Ngagpa prepares Chhepa, a small decorated place, to keep a arrange offering made to the God. The typical Sherpa home consists of a large room apportioned properly. In the corner of the room lies a kitchen. The ground floor is generally used to store the woods. The guest room is generally attached close to the kitchen. There is a separate prayer room, which an altar and where most of the rituals are conducted.

The Ngagpa then performs “Sherkim”, which means devoting ourselves to the God. The Ngagpa then prepares “Sippa Khorlo”, a flag representing the wheel of cycle existence, while inside the home. Sippa Khorlo is a spectacular Buddhist drawing, which displays the four noble verities. On proper understanding of these four noble verities, one can gain an insight into the Buddhist ideologies. At the apposite time, the bridegroom is adorned with the wedding dress and guided out of the home. At the same time, Gelings, long metallic flutes, are played.                                                                           

During the wedding, the use of many instruments comes into play. The sounds of instruments are thought to bring us closer to the Gods by making people happy, one of the many small steps on the path to the enlightenment. These sounds are said to be the counter-parts of the natural sounds of the body. Likewise, the mantras (chants) are believed to be the expressions of the natural sounds of truth.

Outside the home, the Ngagpa performs Surjang to revive Sippa Khorlo. Surjang is an offering of wine to the God. Surjang is always offered while leaving or entering either the bridegroom’s or bride’s home. The guests are offered a sip of Chhang in turns as a benign request to accompany the bridegroom to the bride’s home. Then the monk anchors Sippa Khorlo outside the home on the ground facing towards the direction of he bride’s home. The bridegroom is made to remove his wedding outfit. The outfit is kept below the Sippa Khorol and the Ngagpa fastens red, white, blue, yellow and green striped clothes around the Sippa Khorlo. This whole process is known as Kanjing.                                                                           

It I s believed that the Khorlo protects the “Janti” (people in the procession) from all the evils that they may encounter on the way to the girl’s home. It is believed to overpower all the evils that come form any of the direction it faces. After Kanjing, the Ngagpa performs Sang, the worshipping of God for the prosperous future of the bridegroom. The bridegroom’s party are provided with the morning breakfast before they proceed towards the bride’s home. Men dress up in “chuva”, long black cloaks, knee length leather boots and rumpled fedoras. A women wears colorful brocade with precious necklaces around her neck, turquoise earrings, colorful “angi” (a sleeveless chuva) and a long cloak, which trails behind her.

Sherpa women especially prefer to adorn themselves with jewelry made of mainly three major stones, which are Dzi, coral, and turquoise. Dzi is a precious black and white colored stone. These stones possess agate like a bead like eyes and is existence in the stone is still a mystery. The more eyes a stone has, the more expensive and auspicious it is. Legend has it that to obtain Dzi stones we must go to a certain part of Tibet at a specific time so that we may see caterpillars resembling black and white colored stones. It is believed that throwing dirty clothes over these caterpillars would turn them to stones.

Coral stone (Churu) probably come to Tibet from the Mediterranean via the silk trade.

Turquoise, found in Tibet or imported from Persia is also considered as a talisman. Its unique property of becoming darker when worn during the time of illness is believed to b e related with its power to absorb toxins from the patient’s body. Other unique jewelry include Sergi Mendok, “flowers of gold” worn around a women’s ear and Sergi Tiktik, a necklace oar gold plates, Gao, a box like jewel made of either gold or silver which holds sacred prints and objects is often worn along with the necklace of Dzi and corla.                                                                                                                                           

The bride has to wear five layers of clothes topped up by floor-length-embroidered tunic and two aprons. The bridegroom is dressed in a colorful chuva that is symbolic of a Tibetan king whereas that of the bride is symbolic of a Tibetan Queen. He is treated like a king with a umbrella carried by the Kelmi over his head. The Kelmi is the best man usually his cousin or brother who is not yet married. Zendi also provides a good opportunity for a rendezvous between the bachelor men and women who may be seeking for the probable partners. The people form the bridegroom’s side have vermilion on their foreheads to distinguish them from the bride’s people

The Bridegroom’s dress consists of the following:

Chuva (a long cloak)

Tettung (a Tibetan shirt)

Shemung (hat)

Kaja ( a boot)

Sherkang (red and white long striped clothes)                                                                                                          

Chuva is a worm ankle length robe, which originated in Tibet probably due to its cold climate. Originally, they were made from the undyed white color of the Sheep’s wool but today the stripes of hand-woven woolen cloth replace these raw materials. Chuvas are long clothes with sleeves that extend beyond the fingertips and hence are normally found rolled. Due to the immensity of cold climate ion the high altitudes, these are also made of leather. These leather Chuvas are designed into jackets or pants giving them the protection from the extreme cold. Its upper portion resembles a large pocket for money and other things. Chuva is bound around that waist by a long sash. A Toudung, a Jacket or a shirt with a stiff high collar is worn underneath the Chuva and these are up to knee length. The interesting thing about the outfit is that the people normally withdraw their arm from the right sleeve.

As Chuvas are of knee length , the Sherpas wear knee high boots originally made from woolen cloth. They have leather soles (Kho-dzin) or wool cord soles (Shang-dzin). The red striped cloth is worn in a circular path starting from the left shoulder and ending at the right side of the waist. The white stripped one overrides the red striped cloth from the right shoulder. These two different colored clothes show the interdependent relationship between the sky and the earth. It also means that like the sky and the earth the life of the couple is interdependent on each other.

The bride’s dress consists of:

Kochen Bakkhu (a silk angi)

Khongur (a long rectangular silk cloth hung at the back and fixed at the neck)

Mattil (a rectangular multi-colored cloth worn at the front)

Pangdel (a mattil worn at the back)

Kara (a belt)

Sikok ( a long cloak)                                                                                                                                           

Angi is a sleeveless chuva worn by the women. Traditionally women used to wear striped woolen aprons over the angi, which used to be the same length as the angi. A Special apron finely decorated with brocade patches, known as mattil is worn over the angi. On special occasion women wear a long coat with panels of wool and brocade known as Khongur. Men and women also wear a special kind of hat, a high crowned hat with fur-lined flaps known as Tsering Kingab.

The groom takes Dhattar, Phumba and Duflong along with him and the main Ngagpa carries with him the Sippa Khorlo. The dancers carry Sward, Bukchal (cymbals), Gelings (long metallic flutes) and yak’s Ngama (yak’s tail). The “janti” also take the requested number of phemar, wine khatak and chhang. These kinds of cymbals: one small and two large, distinguished with small bosses (Sil-nyen) are held vertically and used in offerings to peaceful deities. Those with large central bosses (Buk-chal) are held horizontally and used in prayers to fierce deities. The small cymbals (Ting-sha) are used in offering rituals. Dhattar represents a stick fastened with five different striped clothes. Dhattar is thought to bring power and prosperity. Phumba is a pot, the shape of which is like a flat shaped jar with a pipe to bring out the water from the pot and which is richly decorated with precious stones and metals. Phumba is normally found placed on altar in the Sherpas homes to keep water perhaps the most important in Buddhist rituals, as an offering to the god. Phumba is thought to increase the life span of the bridegroom.

Duflong is a portable shrine in which an image of the owner’s personal deity is kept wrapped in silk cloth. Most Tibetans use it at home or during traveling. At home, it is kept on an altar. However, when traveling it is fastened at the belt. Generally, it has a trefoil shaped top and a window in the middle through which one can see the personal deity. It is made up of two parts, which fit together to form a box. The back is usually left plain and the front is richly decorated. It is thought to increase the power of resistance against evils and to bring good luck.

The bridegroom also wears golden necklace, known as Serki Kan. Before the janti leaves the bridegroom’s home, the Ngagpa blessing and support for the success of the marriage. The Surjang is also offered to the earth and the Nag (a god of snake). A stemmed flower is used to sprinkle wine thrice in the air and thrice towards the earth. The Ngagpa recites some lines o a holy book known as Tashi Chhakpa, before proceeding towards the girl’s home. There are mainly five holy books among which the two major ones are he Tashi Chhakpa and Nangsal Nange. However, if these books are not available, then the Ngagpa can also recite relevant lines of other holy books like Jaum, kargium and Newa Kunsil. The recitation of the relevant lines form these holy books is to bring good luck to the “Janti”. These holy books is the Buddhist literature represent treaties on transcendent wisdom supposed to have been given to the Nagas by the Buddha to guard until humankind had become wise enough to grasp its profound truths.                                                                                                   

The “janti” then proceeds keeping Sippa Khorlo at the front of the procession. As they proceed, a Twung (Conch Shell) and gelings are played. Twung is a white conch and its hamming sound proclaims the glory of the saints. It is especially given as a symbol to the gods as the sound that vibrates through the shell penetrates far and wide. In the past , guns were fired in the air as the procession proceeded. Today the practice of firing guns in a Sherpa marriage is becoming rare.

The traditional gun was a different kind of gun. It resembled like an air pump of a bicycle. It had a large metallic barrel with one end close and a small aperture at the side of the closed end of the barrel. It neither possessed a trigger nor a butt. Inside the barrel, gun-powders were inserted and then made to explode with the help of a burning matchstick. A burning matchstick or any other suitable, easily burning materials, had to be cautiously inserted inside the aperture, which eventually led to the explosion of the gunpowder. While all this happened, the person had to hold the barrel as strongly as possible since the explosion would generate a large amount of force. Sometimes the barrel itself would not withstand the force of the explosion. This resulted in loss of the person’s fingers who had to fire the gun.

Traditionally the bridegroom rides on a horse and if affordable, the other elderly members also ride on horses. The bridegroom’s close relatives on his younger brother guides him. As they guide the bridegroom, he is provided shelter with the help of an umbrella over his head. As they approach near the bride’s home, guns are fired in the air once more. Cymbals and gelling are played. A pure chhang is kept outside the girl’s home to welcome the guests. The chhang is first offered to the Ngagpa at the arrival of the janti. This chhang which is first offered to the Ngagpa, is called Phichhang. On arriving at the bride’s home, the Ngagpa once again offers Surjang to the Gods, Demi-Gods and Devils. The Nag and the Earth.  

At this enjoyable moment, it seems as though the victorious troops are returning from the battlefield with the bridegroom as the king heading the army. Their overwhelming excitement is particularly at its height when the bridegroom’s party has to walk long distances to reach the bride’s home, dancing and singing as they walk to the bride’s home.

A separate temporary home, Chhanga, will be made for the janti at the bride’s home. The home is generally made large enough to accommodate as many people as possible. The people from the bride’s side usher the janit to their respective seats. The guests sit in descending order of importance. The Ngagpa occupies the top position. The bridegroom sits facing towards the left side of the Ngagpa. The bride and the bridegroom’s seat are decorated with Yundum.Yundum is a mark draw with the help of rice grains showing the positions of the bride and groom on a neat Tibetan Yundum of the groom is directed towards the left whereas the bride’s Yondum to the right.

Yundum is also known as Swastika in Nepalese language. It is an auspicious sign used as a symbol of law. It is one of the sixty-five marks of Buddha hood found in symbol; it represents the esoteric doctrine of Buddha. The host family serves all the guests with rice beer and tea and ensures that the guest’s glasses are constantly filled through out the day. The sense of hospitality in Sherpas is reveled by their benign urge to offer food and tea to the guests. The salt-butter tea (Surchhya) is the most common. Butter is mixed in the tea to make it a more nourishing mixture, more fluid than liquid. It’s high calorific and energetic value accounts for its intensive use as tea in the Himalayas.                                                                       

PREPARATION OF SURCHHYA (BUTTER-SALT TEA)

Surchhya tea is generally prepared in large quantities and is kept in a large kettle. It is re-warmed and offered to the guests whenever required. Its preparation is a simple process.

PROCEDURE

According to the quantity of tea needed, water is boiled. Some tealeaves is mixed in the boiling water until the color looks right. Appropriately milk, salt and butter is put inside a Dungmu, a cylindrical wooden mixer with a long stirrer down the entire length of the cylinder. The boiling water is then poured inside the wooden mixture and then stirrer is moved up and down to entire length of the cylinder continuously for about ten minutes. When the butter and salt is well mixed, it is poured into a large kettle and further heated. When the tea starts boiling then it is ready for drinking.

The bride’s folks offer chhang or tea to the guests from the bridegroom’s side. Etiquette requires a long drawn out game of courtesy between the host and the guest; the former is supposed to keep of filling cup after cup and the latter is expected to allow him to do so but with due hesitation. This process is known as Syorki Tomsi. Then the bride’s parents again offer chhang or tea to the bridegroom’s folks. As they do this, they also simultaneously recite a religious poem. There are two types of poems of which one is directed to the bride and the other to the bridegroom.                                                           

The poem directed to the bridegroom:

Chyo gyakar penchen

Bodla katin che

Pema jyungne kula de tong med

Data lhonup sinpoi khanon jeth

Urgan remp chel dhuchee chopa blul

It means:

Padma Shambhab, a great priest, has done a great deed having visited the Tibet.

You (Guru Padmasambhawa) are immortal. You were neither born nor ever died.

Right now, “He” is taking control of the enemies who live in between the south and the West

Pakistani Guru Padmasambhava I offer you the holy nectar.                                                                                   

Guru Padmasambhava, the reincarnation of Shakyamuni Buddha, was born on a lotus crowned by eight auspicious signs in Udyana (meaning garden in Sanskrit) in Swat valley of what is now Pakistan’s Northwest Frontier Province. He was a renowned saint and scholar of the eight century. He was invited to Tibet when it was under harsh troubles created by the malignant devils, which beset the Tibetans immensely. He made these malignant devils appreciate the dharma and safeguard the sacred teachings. In many places in Tibet, He is introduced the Vajrayana School of Buddhism. He taught some of the knowledge directly to the people. He instructed his pupils to write the sacred teachings in books (ter-ma), which they miraculously concealed in rocks, the earth or made invisible. Guru Rinpoche prophesied that the people who would be his one hundred reincarnations, the “Tertons” or the treasure finders, would find these hidden books from their caches when the religion would become too liberal and confused, people would break laws, disobey Lamas and would not follow the rules of the Government. The “Tertons” on finding out these hidden books would spread the knowledge and religion for the benefits and welfare of the beings of that particular time.

The Poem directed to the bride:                                                                                                                                   

Marsam jyodme serab pharol chin

Makey migag namkhi ngowo trid

Sosor rangring yeshe chyoyal ma

Dusum gelwi yumla duchee chopa bhul

It means:

You who cannot be imagined nor can be explained in words and highly educated,

Without having a birth, without any flaws and bearing the attributes of the sky,

Bearing a profound knowledge, a knowledge that could be understood by none other than you,

Mother of Trikal Buddha I offer you the holy nectar.

The bride’s parents introduce themselves to the bridegroom’s party and kindly ask whether their journey was safe and enjoyable. This process is known as Ngosi Tomsi. The host family hands Siljang, a chhang which is offered to the bridegroom as an indication that he is now free to take his cloak off and to take some rest. When this has been done, the bridegroom’s parents hand over kyaki phemar and khatak to the bride’s parents and relatives. Parents of the bride’s family then greet the guest and inquire whether their journey has been safe and peaceful.

All the guests then have their dinner. Some important members of the groom enter the girl’s home to present Phemars and Khataks. In the mean time, guns are fired in the air outside the home. This process is known as Chhini Gegug. Once again both the party of the bridegroom and the bride perform Syorki Tomsi to each other. The Ngagpa then reads out Mola, a public announcement of the marriage.

The Ngagpa who recites Mola should have a good knowledge of the religion; its history, significance and its association to the wedding. He is given Khatak and Chhang by the members of the bride and the bridegroom, cordially requesting him to read out the Mola on their behalf. Then all the guests rhythmically utter in loud voice “Khu-A, Khu-A” in a wave like fashion to show their acceptance of the marriage. Khu-A means that we now happily accept the girl. Then the members of the groom start singing a song.

CHINI GEGUG SONG

Riko khoye khoye rila mukpa khoye (repeat 2 times)

Jimkhang kipi naangla changtang yangso khoye

Pising gawa galsungla

Tongmar mentok syarsung (repeat 2 times)

Pumu modo sasingla phama jangbi nangsong (repeat 2 times)

Changti chobi chang chinla

Nama lingi chang cheena (repeat 2 times)

Nama nortang doni la                                                                                                                                       

Kesang phayul longdo (repeat 2 times)

Chati chorko ding tang ding

Nangbi laying gyapsong (repeat 2 times)

Phumu dhapsa ding tang ding

Mitang lungba lepsong (repeat 2 times)

The translation of this song though may not be exact appears to see like this

The hills are being obscured by the snow white clouds

Chhang and blessings have enveloped the merry home

The old tree have withered away

And Rhododendron is at its full bloom

The making of Chhang is not just about Chhang

It is about winning the heart of the bride’s parent

The bride along with her wealth

Has returned to her native land

Like the birds chirping merrily

Fly across the summit to a new land

Our daughter too has crossed the summit                                                                                                           

With courage she has reached to the exotic land

The guests then begin to dance. The night of the zendi is about drinking and dancing. In the mean time, the bride and the bridegroom are given rice beer. They are then adorned in their wedding dress. This particular rice beer (Cechhang) is given to inform the bride and the bridegroom that it is now time for them to get dressed and to be ready for the final major process of the wedding. After a while, the bride is slowly guided to the bridegroom’s place. Gelings are played.

The bride sits on the left side of the bridegroom. Phumba, vermilion, cup of Chhang for each of them and some offerings are kept on the table, in front of the bride and the bridegroom. When the bride is seated, the bridegroom hands over Phumba to the bride. The bride sits with knees folded, similar to the Japanese style. The Ngagpa puts the mark of butter on their foreheads and blesses them. The Kelmis (best man and best women) hold umbrellas over the heads of the bride and bridegroom. The bridegroom then sprinkles the solution of vermilion powder thrice in the air, puts its marks thrice on his forehead and thrice on the bride’s forehead with the help of the ring finger. This process is known as “Sendir Kutuk”. The ring finger is considered pure as baby coming into this world with his two ring fingers inserted flowers were used as vermilion. However, as the pollen grains become less easily available, people substituted it with vermilion powder.

A pong of chhang with a flower contained at its lid is offered to the Ngagpa. The bride then gets up form the Yundum and starts offering some Chhang, particularly known as Yangchee, to the important guests present. As she does this, she holds their hands on her forehead showing respect for them. The bridegroom follows the same process as well. Again, both the bride and the bridegroom are given Siljang. Both of them are guided to the same room accompanied by their respective Kelmis to change into their formal clothes. They  are allowed to remain there by themselves so that they can chat with each other and know each other better.                                                                                                                           

There are mainly two types of dances, Shebru and Nadin dnaces. Shebru dance is performed in a line. A group of men and women link arms with one person singing and chanting, and a complicated series of steps follow. In Nadin dance two girls and two boys dance, together whereas others sing. Sili dance is performed by a group of people carrying Yak’s tail, cymbals and a sward. In the mean time guns are fired in air and cymbals are played.

NADING SONG

BOY:

Lhumu relmang tiriri (repeat 2 times)

Chomtang aaji kiriri (repeat 2 times)                                                                                                                       

GIRL:

Gumaradila resyok si (repeat 2 times)

Ti aachu lemula deyok si (repeat 2 times)

This is a kind of song competition between the group of men and women in which one tries to challenge and defeat the other by singing funny impromptu songs. It is also a good source of entertainment as one has to opportunity to chaff the other as much as one can. Moreover, this also opens the door for the young boys and girls to know each other better and a fresh opportunity for them to fall in love.

SEBRU SONG

Gomba yandi nangla

Lama jyu tisum sangya jyalani khata pul (repeat 2 times)

Chomo yangdi nagla

Chomo chang chomo changma yinkyang mentoktung (repeat 2 times)

Dingementok dangkyang lhangla pul

Lhangkhang sambi nagla pulni syok (repeat 2 times)

Lama jangbi kunde

Tayu pul orong ngo ngo syo syo chola so (repeat 2 times)                                                                                       

There are different kinds of Sebru songs. This particular song is sung during the Sebru dance in the name of god as a respect to the guests present at the wedding ceremony.

The bride and the bridegroom then are ushered to their own respective room and they take rest. Before the bet time the host family presents rice beer to the bridegroom. This particular rice beer is called a Nelchhang. Once again, early in the morning before the bridegroom gets up from his bed, he is offered with rice beer, which is particularly known as Langchhang.

The next morning the Ngagpa turns the Sippa Khorlo to face towards the direction of the bridegroom’s home. Once again, guns are fired in the air. The “janti” is invited to have the morning meal prepared by the local villagers whereas they have their lunchin the bride’s home itself. When they are done with this, the bride and the bridegroom are once again adorned in their ceremonial clothes. The couple goes through various rituals and the whole procedure ends with the bridegroom sprinkling the solution of vermilion powder thrice in the air, putting it thrice on his forehead and on the bride’s forehead. The bride offers some Phemar and Yangchee to her parent, the Ngagpa and her close relatives, which signifies the asking for their permission by the bride to leave the home. The bride’s folks put Khatak round the neck of the bride and the bridegroom before leaving home. In the front yard of the home, the members of the bride keep a pong of chhang and wine along with some butter at its lid. This farewell chhang is known as Kelchhang. Ngagpa then performs Sherkim to the Nag, the bride with him to his home. The kelmis of the bride also accompany the janti. As the janti departs, the host family put some dust of Chamba, a powder of flour, on the left shoulder of all the bridegroom’s home, it is very necessary that Sippa Khorlo leads the other members of the procession should serially follow the bride forces one of the members of the Janti to stay for a while in the bride’s home and he is offered as much chhang as he possibly can imbibe. Along the way the sisters of the bridegroom offers chhang and foods to the janti. The sisters in turn receive gifts from the bridegroom.                                                                               

When the janti arrives at the bridegroom’s home with the bride, the Ngagpa again offers Surjang to the God. This is to acknowledge the Gods support in making the wedding a success. Having bought the bride and to acknowledge the bravery and enthusiasm shown by the Janti, the bridegroom’s family offer chhang to the Janti so as to let them entertain themselves. The bride hands over the Kyaki Phemar, a pong of wine and a Theka bridegroom’s parents at her head as she sings a “song of respect”. The bridegroom’s parents bless the bride.

SONG OF RESPECT

(a small part of the song)

Yado siwala sa

Ewi meme sirng sertang ngulgi dongbu

Serku syarsung mesung syabji take buluhin

Yado siwala sa

Ewi phepni phepsong tala chipni phepsong

Tala serki lingsya chekla ngulgi chesang                                                                                                                   

Chesang nangi cuchi ewi syalla lingda

The song basically expresses the respect shown by the bride towards the parents of the bridegroom. She refers the parents of the bridegroom as precious like gold and silver and she assures them that she will be always there to help and support them.

Next day the Ngagpa performs some rituals. The couple is made to bow to the God. Once again, the couple is adorned in their wedding clothes and the bridegroom puts vermilion powder thrice on his forehead and thrice on the forehead of the bride. The couple then bows to the God. As they bow, the Ngagpa puts butter on their forehead and Khataks around their necks. Then there follows a grand party organized by the local villagers.

In the evening, they go through the process called a Tashi Solo. In this process, the Ngagpa performs rituals and the newly wed couple is made to prostrate to the God. After that, they are made to sit. A long Khatak is hung above their heads in which some rice and some money are tied. It is necessary that a person who is not a orphan rotate the khatak clockwise around their heads. As the Khatak is rotated, the people join hands together and sing the “song of blessing”. Eventually the Khatak is taken out and fixed at the head of the groom.                                                                                           

TASHI SOLO SONG

BOY:

Khi namba kangteki thembo

Ngi namba thansangki karmu

Jyalayong sambani machung

Kangteki thembo yala jyalsung

Jyali molamoji debu khewi tashiji solo

GIRL:

Khi namba thakteki thembo

Ngi namba chegyaki gaymo

Jyalayong sumbani machung

Thakteki thembo yala jyalsung

Jyali molamji debu                                                                                                                                                   

Khebi tashiji solo

BOY:

Khi namba jakteki thembo

Ngi namba dumjoki lemo

Jyalayong sambani machung

Jakteki thembo yala jyalsung

Jyali molamji debu

Khebi tashiji solo

GIRL:

Khi namba pangteki thembo

Ngi namba sewakee rapchung

Juyalayong sambani machung                                                                                                                                   

Pangteki thembo yala jyalsung

Jyali molamji debu

Khebi tashiji solo

This song is about blessing given by the villagers and relatives of the bridegroom to the newly wed couple for their prosperous future.

The people from the distant places return to their home. On that day, a large quantity of beer and phemar are made. Next day the bridegroom once again goes back to the bride’s home carring rice beer and phemar as gift to those who are still present there in the home. This process is known as “Karm-Laku”. The next day, after the arrival of the bridegroom, the close relatives of the bride’s family are invited to receive the gifts. The bridegroom stays nearly for a week in the bride’s home. While the bridegroom stays at the bride's home, he has to carry out various seasonal works and help the bride’s parents. After a week, the bridegroom returns back to his home alone.                                                                               

After one or two days the bridegroom again goes back to the bride’s home with some gifts to take her back to his own home temporarily. Traditionally the bride would remain in her parent’s home until she gives birth to a child and her parents offer dowry to the bridegroom. The bride’s parents then offer some wine and Phemar as a gift to the bridegroom. After some days, bridegroom’s home, the procession of welcoming the new bride begins. The bridegroom returns to the bride’s home after a few days to pay courtesy to the people who are still present and helping the bride’s family.

The actual wedding ceremony is formally completed with the final visit of the bridegroom to the bride’s home. However, in Sherpa tradition, once the couple gives birth to a child, the bride’s parents to mark the second marriage of the couple provide dowry. The coming of a child and the dowry brings the marriage ceremony to its successful completion. The amount of dowry given depends upon the economic condition of the bride’s parents. The richer the parents, the dowry will consist more of movable wealth like cattle, jewelry’s and cash.

Even after the completion of the marriage, the husband has to offer a Phemar and a Theka of wine after the interval of every six months or so to the parents of his wife. The time duration may very. This happens because in the past the wife used to live in her own parents home until she had given a birth to a child. Traditionally the stay of the wife in her parents home may range between three to four years. Moreover, the husband has to help his wife’s parents in their household works from time to time in order to fulfill his role as a good husband. The dowry is given only after the wife has given birth to a child. This is to ensure that dowry is also given if they do not wish to live in a joint family.                                                                                 

THE PROCESS OF GIVING DOWRY (NOR or CHHITONG)

When the married couple give birth to a child, the process of giving dowry takes place. While giving the dowry things like the family condition, the behavior of the husband throughout their stay with each other, and other economical problems are taken into account. The wife first informs her parents about the intention of asking for the dowry.

When her parents agree to this proposal, the husband approaches his wife’s parents along with his relatives. Before they ask for the dowry, the couple again goes through the process of putting solution of vermilion powder on their foreheads. While asking for dowry, the wife holds a porcelain bowl containing chhang. She offers a sip of chhang from it to her parents and relatives. The husband carries a pong of chhang so that the bowl is constantly filled in.

Three or four girls who are good singers accompany the wife. First, they approach the parents of the wife. They start singing a “song of blessing” which ask for the blessing form the wife’s parents. The couple holds the hands of the wife’s parents and touch with their heads to show their love and respect. Then they sing the “song of dowry”. These touching songs make the dowry giving so emotional that they tend to give more. One of the songs targeted at the brother of the wife conveys the massage that he being a man does not have to leave home whereas women have to depart from the family.

THE SONG OF DOWRY                                                                                                                                   

“To the mother”:

Keni aaee kesung soni aawi sosung

Sowi aawa maten kewi aama tensung

Aachu chuchu mingbu sertang nguli dongbu

Serki tapa chuni mingbu jolaku soyin

Gyadha tayi kersung dongdu chomi kersung

Aama chomi pangdu serki chorten jyalasung

Phari riti seryin chuririti ngulyin

Patur tungi chorten Chhyawi lami jimkhang

Rila metong syarsung metok thuku songsung

Ngini pangi dembu gomba syuku songsung

Namkha ngormi tengla chalung karmi tartang

Sashung thangi jungla orong pingi tartang                                                                                                               

The translation of this song though may not be exact appears to seem like this:

Mother brought me into this world

And father helped me survive

Father’s memories have faded away

Maternal love is still alive

Brothers are my parental home

Who are like the flowers of gold and silver

Laid behind the beautiful lake and hidden by the green hill

The beautiful lake, the lap of my mother

And the golden stupa of Buddha; I have an opportunity to witness them all

This is a sad occasion for everyone present there. Gradually they start asking for the dowry with the other members of the family, close relatives and finally the villagers. There will also be process may continue throughout the night and may continue the day following it. When they receive the dowry all the people loudly utter “Khu-a, Khu-A” meaning that they happily accept the dowry. The dowry consists of movable wealth, such as animals, jewelry, cash, and the traditional kettles, which are the most important display items in Sherpas homes. The dowry constitutes a daughter’s inheritance and ideally should be a fair share with the other daughters. The daughter does not have the right to parents immovable property but in case the parents do not have any sons, then she is entitled to have the right on them.                                                                                   

The wife’s parents should borrow one rupees from her husband after giving away the dowry. This process is known as Lar Shika. This signifies that if the wife dies then the husband will be responsible for her cremation. If the wife’s parents did not borrow the money, then they will be responsible. However, the responsibility can be shifted to the husband if he is willing to do the crematory work by leading one rupees to the parents of the girl.

The dowry giving process is economically well planned so that the girl’s parents do not feel that their wealth is in deficit to carry out their daily economic activities. When the wife’s parents is informed about asking of the dowry, they discuss about the matter with their relatives and villagers. Their relatives and the villagers agree to offer certain amount of their assets to the concerned parents. The assets which the wife’s parents receive is not a gift but in fact considered a borrowing. Generally, the girl’s parents offer an equivalent worth of assets in return to those who offer their assets during the dowry when their children too get married, hence making the transaction fair.

If the couple earns enough money before the process of giving of the dowry then in such a case the wealth of the couple is divided equally between themselves and the portion of wealth belonging to the wife can be given to her parents. The parents would include this wealth as the dowry and give it back to her in the form of dowry again.

When the dowry giving process is over the couple further receives gifts in cash and in kind from the people who voluntarily wish to do so. This process is known as Karta. Unlike giving of dowry, this is done without the consent of anyone. The parents of the wife do not have to repay their kindness.

Author: Pemba Tshering Lama, Currently an alumni of the University of Maine, USA and a Registered Nurse (RN) at Mercy Medical Center, Catholic Health Services, USA.

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