| Musings |
| On Musing: What is it about musing that never makes it quite as gratifying if you feel no one's listening? On Music: Why does French rap suck? Well, where's the skill when you rap in a language where everything rhymes anyway? On Love: That's a little too heavy for anyone to "muse" carelessly about even if nobody's really sure what the f#ck it could mean. On Work: Just remember that it's as futile and meaningless as everything else in your life except (and here's the plus) you have more than a headache or heart-break to show for it at the end of the day. On Addiction: Tell me one thing that you enjoy that isn't? TV, cigarettes, music, work...addiction is the basis of a streamlined consumer society. Don't knock it because, honestly, you live it. On Life: The only disease with an unquestionable mortality rate of %100. On Religion: See addiction and remember not to knock it. On Stupidity: Were it not for stupidity where would we be now? On Cheese: Now, I love cheese, but how the f#ck did that get discovered? As if milk weren't nasty enough. And then there's the whole mayo question. On Art: Why does everyone ask this question? why is it never "what isn't?" or "why pennies?" Who uses those anyway? On School: Basically school can be two things: (1) A name with which to comodify yourself later or (2) an excuse not to (but secretly we all know that's bullshit anyway). On Lists: I've never been good at them. First there's the whole aesthetic issue to deal with and then you have to try to remain relevant and (and this is what sucks the most) cogent. On Girlfriends: The reason they're never happy is because nobody really is...niether are you so stop with the chauvinism. On Reading: You haven't if you think you can read a book once...it's not a movie people. On "Making the world a better place": If you don't believe this applies to On Addiction then consider this: Even if you imagine a world that is perfect in every way (i.e., no hate, no violence, no hunger, etc) you'll come to realize-if you can stand it-that humans just aren't suited to it; we just wouldn't be happy without pain. Visualize this: spending a quiet eternity contemplating on and with God in all his goodness with no possibility of a drink to break the boredom. On Boredom: Nothing more than poignant realization that life is just so much time to be passed with nothing worthwhile to do in the interim. On Regret: If you can't help but to, at least try to get comfortable with it. On Insanity: Name me one person who you consider to be the bastion of sanity and then think about it: Isn't sanity in itself a contrived and delusional state of mind? On Happiness: Are you happy? When will you be? Why not just ask "On Unicorns" or "On Flying Pigs?" On Philosophy: Its ultimate goal should be to rid us all of itself. On Family: Why can no one remember that they're just as small and in need of love as you? Get over it already. On Friends: Grade your friends, make them best or acquaintances but at some point realize they were all willing to deal with your bullshit, if only to your face...which is a lot more than you can say for most. On Highschool: Where else can you get detention for what in most states would be considered a felony? On Optimism: Even if the glass were half full, I gotta ask: "What the hell is it full of?" On Metaphors: Tell me one thing in life that isn't. On Grammatical Correctness: The definition and epitome of OCD; really just think about it. On Logic: Every premise is dictated by a psycho-physiologically immediate condition. Yes, A=A, it's the law of identity, but someone had to have a problem to want to figure that out. On History: Even if you learn it you're still doomed to repeat it. Really, what makes you so different? On Progress: By what are you measuring it and what are you giving up in the process? On Reality: Really people, what isn't? Most of the time we use the word to try to persuade somebody to see things "our way." On Endings: They only happen in movies, and bad ones at that. On Prepositions: How do those make sense? For example: "On the outs." How about "I got ins?" Stupid. On Answers: Let me know if you have any? On Questions: What else is there? On Time: Where else could you imagine that someday you'd be happy without the future or reminisce about the "good times" if it weren't for the past. It's not time that sucks, just the seemingly eternal present. On "I could never do that": Yeah you could, and the f#cked up part is that you probably will. On Fact: Opinion with the added bonus of being backed up by authority. On Opinion: Every necessary yet intrinsically feeble attempt to understand this life. On Intelligence: Can you really quantify it? I suck at math and the only things I have ever been good at are those fields heavily involved in rhetoric (i.e., the art of bullshit) but even at that someone could say I'm a linguistic half-wit. It's really just a question of style and interest. On Illusion: With no way to separate its presupposed opposite i don't know how you can say. On Hope: The breeding ground of fear. On Fear: The possibility of hope. On People: You'll like them a lot more once you realize that they just wanna be cool too. On Memory: Our own personal and constantly revised narrative. On Being: Wouldn't it have been better not to have had to. On Success: File this one away with happiness and every other state of being that we relegate to the future or past. On Disappointment: It's success with the benefit of its happening right now. On Bad Breath: Everybody has it, don't think you're the exception. On Death: The only thing I know is that we're all gonna have one...quite possibly the only guarantee in life. On Change: The one thing that doesn't. On In medias res: Where else have we ever been? On People Who Use Latin to Make You Feel Stupid: Fuck 'em. On Dictionaries: If you look hard enough you can find one that justifies your horrible command of the English language, or, you can talk to a socio-linguist. On Weekends: They're never as good as they were supposed to be. On Hangovers: The only sure remedy is to drink through them. On Advice: What can you say about it? If i say anything then i'm giving it so just pretend this didn't happen. On Sex: Touchy but really, what's the big deal? Maybe it's because i never figured out it's supposed to be good for both of us until i was 22. Well, that's what you get when you're first several dozen sexual experience happened by the grace of St Ides. On Double Negatives: You know they're bad but they feel so right. On "Growing as a person": Most of the personal growth i've seen has taken place in the mid section, thighs and buttocks. On Hotels: They're good for a handful of things: free soap, shampoo, pens and, of course, towels. On Waitresses: If they give you the option to have an explanation of what you've just ordered tell 'em no thanks, you want to be "Surprised." On Pets: They would eat you if they could. On Birthdays: If you're like me and you can't remember them you should just pick one day of the year and send cards to everyone you know. Just remember to be consistent. On Late Nights: Yeah, you know you've gotta get up in three hours but the charm of staying up late still hasn't worn off yet because somewhere, deep down in your subconscious you know you're being bad. I think if it ever wears off you should get yourself to a retirement community as soon as possible. On Food: There are just too many times when I just wish I just didn't have to deal with it. It's not like sleep, breathing, shitting or any of those myriad other obligatory activities because you just know that its's gonna make you tired, full, and give you agita but what can you do? If only they came up with a pill, and I don't mean Dexatrim; this isn't about physique it's about time. On Teaching: I never realized what a questionable proposition it was until I actually found myself doing it. It's yet another one of those things that make you wonder how the f#ck the world goes on day after day. On Parsimony: Whether it be money or words I just can't eem to get the hang of it. What the hell is this obsession with being concise anyway? What the hell has everybody got to do anyway? On Diseases: Remember, life itself is a disease so stop worrying so much and take a look at your intestines. On Being Low: You can always get lower. On Strength: I really think we should just call every motive inertia and just leave it at that. On Cheating: I'm going to wait until things clear up before I say anything about it. On Passion: First of all let's clarify terms. I'm talking about the only passion that's ever been any good to write about, id est, romantic/amorous passion. That said i'd like to say that it's nature's way of getting you (if you're a girl) or the girl you're with pregnant. Think about it: How long does the passion last? Yeah, the liminescence is great but it eventually wears off. On Tummy-flutteries: Yes, it may be a gay ass way to describe it but really that's how fruitty it is. A girl/guy who you like calls or writes you, you see them, etc...and you get these things. As to their ultimate significance I haven't a clue but, to me, they're just as satisfying as sneezes. On Monogamy: Man how i wish it were a reality. Every relationship i've ever been in starts out with my undying devotion and ends up with me in another girl's bed. Call it a fiction or a fantasy; an insidious yet subtle form of social control but the fact remains that it's a necessary psychological ploy for each and every one of us (unless you're a polygamist that is). On Morals: Now, after awhile (let's say age 12) I began to figure out that there were no such thing, that is beyond some kind of normative ideal thereof. Still, they're engrained in us so thoroughly (or not as the case may be) that it's kind of hard to do anything without (at least an implicit) reference to them. Maybe my blindness of their objective existence is just part and indicative of my pathology though. On People You'd Rather Not See: My advice is find them as soon as possible, exchange the obligatory remarks and forget about them once you've done your duty. On Major Life Decisions: I honestly believe that, for the most part, I have yet to make one... On Break Ups: Please someone tell me how to do one. On Serial Monogamy: Of all the "serials" I really believe this one is the most innocuous, excluding, of course, homonyms. But then again I heard today that BHT is really carcinogenic. On Waiting For A Phone Call: Now what's to get all excited about? If it remains only a phone call then it's a disappointment and if it's to set a date, well, then does anyone remember that part of the evening? On Disappointment: I honestly believe it's the one thing that never does. |