tekken

If you don't know what Tekken is.......I PITY YOU! Just for the people are they worthy of being called "people"?) who don't know, Tekken is a fighting game series. Currently, there are 5 Tekken games out: Tekken, Tekken 2, Tekken 3, Tekken Tag Tournament, and Tekken 4, all of the games were the best of their time (and Tekken 4 is the best fighting game RIGHT NOW!) and it featured a unique roster of characters.

So now, I shall count down the Top 10 Greatest Tekken Characters of ALL TIME, oh and by the way, this does not include any of the new characters in Tekken 5 since nobody in the entire world has PLAYED it yet, even though I'll probably have to redo this whole list again because the new guys look really cool, such as Raven, Jack 5, that new Kazama girl, and that new Japanese guy who looks like a horse. But this ain't a Tekken 5 preview.....so ON WITH THE COUNTDOWN!

10: Dr Bosconovich (or however the hell you spell it)

Now many, MANY people may disagree with me by putting Dr B in the top 10 as many consider him the worst character in Tekken history! Well, Dr B is not the best fighter in the Tekken universe, well, ok, he's the WORST fighter in the Tekken universe. But what he lacks in fighting skills he makes up for in humour! This guy is so crap you've just gotta love him, this little old man, holding some controller thingy who, as soon as the battle starts, falls over as soon as you do a move or send him going forwards or backwards. Then what does he do? Well, he just rolls around for the duration of the battle attempting to kick the opponent's ANKLES into submission. Hey, actually, if Dr B were to win by KO, how the hell would that happen? How the hell can you knock someone out by kicking them in the ankles? A DOCTOR of all people is trying to defy the laws of Biology by trying to knock someone out by kicking their ankles, only every time he doesn't succeed, I have never, EVER won a battle as Doctor B, all one of the times I've played as him. Nor have I seen any other player win as Dr B, all they do is get really annoyed at me afterwards when they say "you told me this guy was good you asshole!" So Dr B, as a reward for making us laugh, and cry, while playing Tekken on that old Playstation, you are in the Top 10 Tekken Characters of all time, and hey, you actually got there, your pal Yoshimitsu didn't even make the list!

9: Kuma

While searching for the character photos I found out some rather interesting Tekken facts, one of which is that there is actually more than one Kuma. There are in fact TWO, the original Kuma starred in Tekken 2, before getting killed, then Kuma JR came along afterwards to fill his shoes (or whatever bears wear on their feet, er, claws?) I've put the father and son together because they are exactly the same in moves and there is barely any difference between the two (apart from the fact that Kuma JR in the right pic likes to wear some kind of red bib) Kuma was the first animal in the Tekken series, and paved the way for more animals such as Roger the Kangaroo, Alex the Raptor and Gon the little farting dinosaur thingy. Kuma is perhaps the most intimidating character in the Tekken series, excluding true Ogre of course. He is massive in size and opponents always think they're gonna have a rough time. This guy is basically a rip off of Jack 1 and 2 (the robots) only he has some moves substituted to make more sense (I've never seen a bear fly, have you?). I believe that this is yet another controversial entry into the Top 10, but Kuma is unique as Tekken was always considered serious up until he came along and brought his animal crew with him, and non-serious gamers always like to pick him if they wanna have a laugh. Also Kuma's funny ending videos help his cause to be in the Top 10 as well, as they are cool! His love affair with Panda is strange, but Kuma adds a lot of comic relief to Tekken and makes it fun for serious gamers, and people who just wanna have a laugh. Thanks to Kuma we got, in Tekken 3...........

8: Gon

Yep, you guessed it, it's the little farter himself...GON! This little thing was in Tekken 3 but has failed to grace our consoles since, but there are still some great memories! Size does matter when you play as Gon, only in a different way, as he is so SMALL that some characters can't even hit him. It is impossible to execute combos against him as some characters have about 2 moves that can go down as low as Gon. Before you can even bend round to hit him, Gon's quickness can easily hurt you, his tail spin can send you flying, he can headbutt you in the knee, or he can send you to the ground by FARTING, yes, FARTING some dark green gas. Gon was a force to be reckoned with, and he also made history by becoming the only character that Dr B can hit in THE HEAD. Gon was the button bashers' dream, repeatedly hitting circle during a battle made him repeatedly do his tail spin making it impossible to hit him (unless you were True Ogre where you could fly up high, aim your fire blast at the floor and incinerate his ass!) Another fact I found while searching for the character pictures is that Gon was the first licensed Tekken character, he actually has his own COMIC BOOK SERIES running in Japan which has been going for about 10 years! Which leads to the question, why the hell would the makes of Tekken wanna get a license of a small dinosaur comic book character to put him in a FIGHTING GAME? IT MAKES NO SENSE, WHYYYYYYY? My guess was so that more people in Japan would buy the game such as fans of the comic book, as now their little farting hero is in a video game! His ending is also a classic, even Kuma makes a cameo! People who wanna watch his ending from beginning to end are still sitting with their PSone on watching it, with a looooooong beard and their TV at the brink of blowing up, it just links on and on and on and on: He comes out the the water on a dolphin, the dolphin shoots him up with water, he lands in the woods, spins around, steals a fish from kuma's paws, lands on a leopard, the leopard runs with him on it, he falls off a cliff and lands on the bird, he then flaps his hands to try and fly but falls in the water, he then comes out of the water on a dolphin, and he flys up.......ok you get the story!

7: Kazuya Mishima

Many people will argue with me that his guy should be higher up, but I stick to my decision. Kazuya has starred in every single Tekken game apart from Tekken 3 and most of the series is based around him and his father Heihachi's rivalry, and Jin despises them both as well, oh and Jun (mother of Jin) doesn't get on with them either, making the Mishimas/Kazamas the most disfunctional family in the world, even more than the Osbournes (well, they act it). Anyway, Kazuya has had a very eventful life: he got posessed by a Devil (more on him later), won the King of Iron Fist Tournament 1, threw Heihachi into a volcano, only for him to climb out and beat Kazuya in the KOIF Tournament 2, Heihachi threw Kazuya into a Volcano, scientists revived Kaz and did experiments on him in a lab, the lab was invaded by Heihachi's men and Kazuya beat them all up and escaped, wow, much better than mine: TV PC PS2 TV PC PS2 TV PC PS2 etc. Kazuya's fighting style is very similar to Heihachi's and Jin's (non-karate) style, possibly because the style is called the MISHIMA STYLE. I rarely play as Kazuya but from what I have seen he is very powerful if you have mastered him and can pull off devastating combos. Plus, playing as a guy who has been absent for a game (so about 2/3 years) is quite thrilling and exciting. Some people would probably put this guy as their number one character, but since I don't play as him that often, he has to settle with number 7.

6: Paul Pheonix

Ah Paul Pheonix, the gangster who also knows karate. He is one of the only characters to be in ALL of the Tekken games. This guy's power has built up over the years, we first saw him in the original Tekken as a teenage guy who wanted to look rough, and over the years he grew a beard and people began to take him seriously. Now, some of his moves are very interesting, there is this move where he juggles the opponent in the air with two high kicks which looks more like a dance move than something that is meant to hurt someone, but it is very effective. His uppercut is a great move as you never expect it, first he is on the ground, then seconds later your character is needing jaw surgery! Also, he posesses probably the most powerful move in the game, this move is very hard to hit and takes some time to do, but he charges up, takes one step forward and BAM, he punches his opponent right in the chest and takes away about half a bar of their health! When somebody did this move against me it almost gave me a heart attack, but of course I overcame that and won 2 out of 3 battles. This guy has a Gangster-Karate fighting style and it is a great mix, even though when Tekken 4 came along this guy was in his late 40s, he must be a RETRO GANGSTER, hanging around with all his old folks all having their medication in their crew while spraying stuff on walls like "GROOVY" and "FAR OUT" and other 60s catchphrases long gone, usually people would laugh at a gangster at this age, but not at PAUL, oh no, otherwise he'll whup your ass and send you flying, even though the 5 Tekken characters above him could probably send you flying A LOT further... This guy recently became a clubber, but then realised that it wasn't "his style" and dropped all the MONEY and glamour, got back on his bike, moved back into his one room apartment and got back to his usual business of hanging around on the street beating up fools from rival gangs, what a nutter. "So why isn't he higher up in the Top 10?" I hear you ask, simple: because I don't play as the guy and he isn't really "my style" of character, yes yes, I know this Top 10 is unfair, but well, you'll all just have to deal with it! Mwahahaha!

5: Lei Wulong

Many people believe that the makers of Tekken based this guy on Jackie Chan, now he certainly LOOKS like Chan and he is from the same country as him, so maybe, just maybe, we've seen em base characters from FARTING COMIC BOOK characters so they may have a Chan-based character as well. Lei is possibly one of Paul's rivals as he's a copper while Paul is a gangster, that's kind of a no-brainer, who's ever heard of a gangster being friends with a copper? That's even stranger than a Doctor being friends with the leader of an intergalactic pirate organisation...

...well, that makes no sense as well...but who's ever heard of a girl getting along with a PANDA?!

Right OK that's happened in Tekken AS WELL, so I guess it is possible for Paul and Lei to get along even though they would be the oddest odd couple ever. Anyway, Lei has a very unorthodox style and that's why I picked him, well, actually, nearly ALL the Tekken characters have unorthodox styles, and if anyone disagrees, try flying up in the air and blow fire at the ground, it's harder than it looks isn't it? Lei's trademark moves include the double-kick, which is a kick to the head and then about 1 second later a kick to the ANKLES (stealing a page out of Dr B's book there) which sends the opponent to the ground not knowing what to hold in pain! One of my favourite of Lei's moves is one that can either be annoying or extremely funny depending on who executes it, it is, get this...LAYING DOWN. Yep, like me, laying down is one of Lei's most effective moves, it catches the opponents totally off guard, I'll set the scene: Lei vs Jin, Jin goes for a high kick, Lei LAYS DOWN to avoid it and while Jin's leg is still coming back after the kick WHAM, a kick to the lower leg (THE ANKLE) sends him to the floor. The move is that quick, and it stands (or lays down) along with Gon's fart, Yoshimitsus burp and a few others in the greatest Tekken moves of all time! Lei is great at catching opponents off guard and getting them on the ground quickly to make them defenceless, this is why he is at NUMBER 5!

4: Law

There are 2 Laws in the Tekken series, Marshall Law who has appeared in Tekken 1, 2 and 4, and his son Forest Law who has appeared in Tekken 3 and Tekken Tag Tournament. There are a few other famous members of their family who havn't featured in any of the Tekken games but need to be mentioned: there's SHADOW Law (for all you Street Fighter addicts out there!), there's DENIS Law (for all you RED DEVILS!) and of course, the most popular one of the lot, THE Law (we are all followers of him!). Now, Law (both of them) have been compared with Bruce Lee and his son, just like Lei is compared with Jackie Chan, Dr B is compared with Emile Heskey and Ogre is compared with Michael Jackson in 10 years time. Law is possibly, nono, Law IS the fastest Tekken character, his trademark flips come out of nowhere and send the opponent literally FLYING into the air. His kick combos are lightning quick and are impossible to get out of once you have been hit by the start of one (unless you have lightning quick reactions like me). One of the other reasons that Law is at number 4 is...HIS CATCHPHRASES, they are classic: "OOOOOOOOO" "AH WAYAAAAAAAA!" are the things he say when he wins a battle. During a kick combo he likes to say "WADA EH OOO" and when he gets knocked out..............."AAAAHHHHHH OOOOOOO," classic CLASSIC stuff! It should also be noted that there is an unlockable Law costume in Tekken 3 that Bruce Lee actually WORE, it is yellow with a dragon on it and it is called something like: "The Way Of The Dragon," so that kinda proves that Law is infact based on Bruce Lee. Now, once again, Law is probably other people's number one, but not mine as I don't play as him, who needs to master Law when you have already mastered err....the master?

3: Devil

Devil is the guy who drove many hardcore Christians away from the Tekken series, so the makers had to win them back by cloning him and calling the clone "Angel" which made sure that they still had the hardcore Christians on their side, along with some confused Buffy fans. Notice how I HAVE NOT included a picture of Angel alongside Devil even though they have the same moves and the only differences are their name and appearance, I havn't done this because, quite frankly, Angel sucks and makes no sense (oh and I mean the TEKKEN CHARACTER, so hopefully I won't get a knock on the door by somebody calling me a "Satanist"). It just makes no sense that an ANGEL would enter the King of Iron Fist Tournament, aren't Angels meant to be calm caring creatures? THIS Angel loves to shoot lasers out of her head and fry people, now this makes perfect sense if a Devil were to do it but an ANGEL doing that kinda rewrites the Bible (not that I'm religious or anything), it would have even been better if the Tekken characters had a laugh and included Angel The VAMPIRE from TV as Devil's clone (and that license would make more sense than some others the Tekken crew got). Angel had no reason to enter but Devil actually HAD ONE. Kazuya agreed to be posessed by the Devil so that he could win the King of Iron Fist Tournament 1, and this Devil has stuck with him ever since, and it was passed on to his son (Jin) and funnily enough the mother of his child, yep to answer all the rumours, Unknown and Jun Kazama are the SAME PERSON, even though I've never heard of genetics being passed on from somebody to someone who is not even in the same family, ah well, that's Tekken, nothing has to make sense. But Devil Kazuya is the Devil we're talking about here as he's the one that made it to number 3 while the other 2 are just outside the list. Devil is famous for his lasers where he can fire almost anywhere, high, low, straight, while flying and low while flying, this makes him quite a hard character to master because you have to memorise the button combos for EVERY laser direction. But if you have already mastered Kazuya it will take you literally 2 seconds to master Devil, as Devil has exactly the same moves as Kazuya, just he has the lasers and Kazuya doesn't. So basically, Kazuya jumps FOUR places by turning purple and being able to shoot lasers. Oh and did I mention that the team of Devil and Kazuya is one of the best in Tekken Tag? Not because I like their fighting style, it's just THE TAG MOVE, instead of just stepping out and stepping in, they MORPH INTO EACHOTHER (because Devil and Kazuya are the same person). So because this guy looks cool, is way better than his clone, has a cool tag move and can shoot LASERS, he's my NUMBER 3!

2: Baek Doo San

I have NOT put Baek here just because he is a member of my unstoppable Tekken Tag Team, nope, I would never do a thing like that. Baek features in Tekken 1, 2, and Tag. His name is often pronounced wrong by partially blind people who cannot see his name properly and call him "Beak," now if he heard them call him that he would probably KICK their head in, because Baek prefers to use his feet for offence, just like the master himself. This guy has a slight feud with Law, well, if you want to kill someone I guess it's more than a feud, back in Tekken 2 this guy was ordered to kill Law (well in Tekken for some reason they can never say kill, they just say "destroy" they must treat it as a swear word over in Japan or something). Also, one of the reasons that he is at number 2 is because he trained the master, but he must now regret it as now he has been beaten by him in this chart! He would probably consider suicide if he was not already DEAD, he was actually killed by Ogre before The King of Iron Fist Tournament 3 started, but he came back from the dead along with Jun, Ogre, True Ogre, Kazuya (before we realised that he didn't actually die), and a host of others. Baek is a very speedy character and his moves can be very unpredictable, if you use the X or O buttons of course, as his punches are useless. Baek plays extremely well in a tag team and can perform a great tag team move when tagged with the master. Baek is one of those people that is great to use if you're a beginner, and an unstoppable force if you master him, well, there is one person he cannot stop ...even with his super speedy powerful kicks he is no match for the master, with his even speedier and more powerful kicks...yep, you guessed it, the master, and the BEST TEKKEN CHARACTER OF ALL TIME IS...

1: Hwoarang

The master himself...HWOARANG, and also, funnily enough, the guy that I've mastered and am the best with. The H man features in Tekken 3, Tag and 4 and was trained by number 2 in this list, Baek Doo San. Hwoarang is bitter rivals with Jin Kazama, before The King Of Iron Fist Tournament 3 started Jin and Hwoarang fought eachother for so long that Hwoarang had to accept A DRAW which was humiliating because he is the master and he is THE BEST. He has been rivals with Jin since, also, Baek was "destroyed" by Ogre, so Hwoarang also set his sights on "destroying" Michael Jackson, errrrrr, Ogre. Hwoarang used to be in a street gang and used to do all the typical gang stuff, possibly kicking Paul's gang's asses as well, while all the rest of his crew sat back and watched. Now, there are many disputes (ok, disputes between me and a couple of mates) over how his name is pronounced, in Tekken 3 and Tekken Tag the announcer pronounces his name "Wunnong," however, when Tekken brought in a NEW announcer for Tekken 4 (who is not nearly as good as the rough Tekken 3 and Tag one) he pronounced it as it is spelled, or for those of you who still need help in knowing what it sounded like, it sounded like "whore-rang." I believe that the Tekken 4 pronunciation is correct, but I'm not Japanese so how should I know. Hwoarang's moves vary so much that the opponent cannot know whether he'll attack high low...or both in the same combo! This guy has a combo which consists of 4 kicks, if he lands the 4th kick it sends the opponent into the air...so you can juggle him with the SAME 4 KICKS! A simple running kick can spin your opponent around leaving their back open to attack. A new Hwoarang move was put in Tekken 4, I like to call it the flutter kick, he stands on one foot with his other leg in the air, and just does little but quick kicks with his leg, if he does this close enough to you it is almost impossible to get out of and you'd might as well put your controller on the floor and wait for the words "KO" to appear on the screen, this replaced a very similar move that was easier to get out of...so I guess they made Hwoarang better, WHOO! Like Baek, Hwoarang is a man who prefers to kick so his punches aren't that good, but his moves are extremely unpredictable, devastating, and sometimes humiliating. Hwoarang can knock people out in STYLE and that's why he is THE BEST TEKKEN CHARACTER OF ALL TIME!

Hosted by www.Geocities.ws