Chic's Funny Stuff
Jokes Riddles and Ponderings
Frog Loan
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller.
He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name.
The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger,
and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this,"
and produces a tiny porcelain elephant,
about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you
and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral."
She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says...
"It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
A Period
A kindergarten class had a homework
assignment to find out about something exciting
and relate it to the class the next day.
When the time came to present what they'd found,
the first little boy walked up to the front of the class
made a small white dot on the blackboard and sat back down.
Puzzled, the teacher asked him just what it was.
"It's a period,'' said the little boy.
"Well, I can see that,'' she said, ''but what is so exciting about a period?''
''Damned if I know,'' said the little boy, ''but this morning my sister was missing one,
Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted, and the man next door shot himself."
The Interview
The CIA had an opening for an assassin.
After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists:
two men and one woman.
For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
"We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances.
Inside this room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. You have to kill her."
The first man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife."
The agent replies, "Then you're not the right man for this job."
The second man was given the same instructions.
He took the gun and went into the room.
All was quiet for about five minutes.
Then the agent came out with tears in his eyes. "I tried, but I can't kill my wife."
The agent replies, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."
Finally, it was the woman's turn.
Only she was told to kill her husband.
She took the gun and went into the room.
Shots were heard, one shot after another.
They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls.
After a few minutes, all was quiet.
The door opened slowly and there stood the woman.
She wiped the sweat from her brow and said,
"You guys didn't tell me the gun was loaded with blanks.
I had to beat him to death with the chair."
Help Wanted
A local business looking for office help put a sign in the window saying:
"HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual.
We are an Equal Opportunity Employer."
A short time later, a dog trotted up to the window,
saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail,
then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined.
Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager.
The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least.
However, since the dog looked determined, he led him into the office.
Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager,
who said, "I can't hire you. You have to be able to type."
The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and typed out a perfect letter.
He took out the page and trotted over to the manager,
gave it to him and then jumped back on the chair.
The manager was stunned, but then reminded the dog,
"the sign says you have to be good with a computer."
The dog jumped down again and went to the computer.
He then demonstrated his expertise with various programs,
producing a sample spreadsheet and database which he presented to the manager.
By this time the manager was totally dumbfounded! He looked at the dog and said,
"I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities.
However, I still can't give you the job."
The dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign.
he put his paw on the part about being an Equal Opportunity Employer.
"Yes," the manager said, "but the sign also says that you have to be bilingual."
The dog looked him straight in the face, and said, "Meow."
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