As the election enters it's final weekend, "Jeff" holds a commanding lead over such candidates as "Mike" and "Jethroe," with a whopping .0056% of the national vote! He might just make it yet! Bill Clinton, though unofficially, has endorsed "Jeff" as his "candidate!" Way to go, buddy!


Q:��But why, you ask, is this so-called "Jeff" any better than say George Bush Jr?

A:��My friend, unlike George Bush, who has led the Republican Party to abandon American families in favor of fascist propaganda, Jeff has no intentions of abandoning ANYONE! You are all Jeff's all-knowing masters in his eyes, and that is how it will be for the four (or even 8) years that he will be in office.

Q:��What about Al Gore?

A:��Let me answer that with another question: Do you want me to hurt you?

Q:��What party is "Jeff" a part of?

A:��You're missing the whole point that Jeff is trying to get across: we don't need party systems in order to have a democracy. Jeff is not affiliated with any party. Some may tell you he once considered becoming a Reformist, but that is NOT TRUE! All three parties, influenced by the obvious power Jeff seems to have over people, have tried to sway Jeff in their direction, but he has bravely fought them off in the pursuit of a new America.

Q:��Is it true that President Clinton and "Jeff" have an intimate relationship?

A:��That depends on what your definition of 'intimate' is. They are close friends, ever since Jeff saved Mr. Clinton from a ten-foot long salmon on a fishing trip. They are also blood brothers. But as far as 'Monica intimate,' don't go there girlfriend.

Jeff with Hillary, Chelsea, and Bill Clinton.
Jeff visits with his close friends, The Clintons, on an annual camping trip.

Q:��Give us a brief history of "Jeff."

A:��That's not a question, but alright. Jeff was born in Chicago, Illinois in 1978. Jeff's parents, who were both hippies and attended Woodstock, raised him as a flowerchild. They originally planned to name Jeff 'Happyglorygoodthingsunshine,' but the state of Illinois would not allow that on a birth certificate. So they shortened it to Jeff. Jeff went to school in a small town named Plainfield, a small farming community. He graduated 7th in his class and attended his graduation in the nude. Nobody seemed to mind, and nobody was surprised. It was an event so many desribed as "so delightfully Jeff." College was not a big step for Jeff, he just went to Princeton on a full scholarship. He recieves his college diploma this year, and has majored in theatre. Some of his hobbies include playing the clarinet, watching Broadway shows, and caring for his pet cat, Socrates.

Q:��Who are some of the people "Jeff" idolizes?

A:��Jeff is a huge fan of Jeff Gordon. His dream of meeting the Nascar driver was finally realized when he Gordon noticed him in the stands and motioned Jeff towards himself. The conversation began as follows: "Hi, and what's your name?" "My name is Jeff!" "Really, my name is Jeff, too!" "I know, imagine that, two Jeffs meeting each other." "Yeah, man, the odds of that must be pretty off." "Nice race Jeff!" "Thanks, Jeff." "You're welcome Jeff." "Say have you met my daughter Jeff?" "No I haven't, what's her name?" "I just told you: Jeff" "You did? What was it again?" "Jeff" "What?" "No, you don't understand: Jeff" "WHAT?"...and it just kind of goes on like that.

Jeff and Jeff
Jeff and Jeff

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