I was strolling through the downtown area of my small (very, very small) town, when I came across a store called 'The Banana Liquidators.' <BIG MISTAKE>I thought it would be worth my time to check it out.</BIG MISTAKE>
Anyhoo, the inside of the store ranked of manure. You see, there is quite a large Mexican population in our town, and most of them work out in the fields all day. They can't afford much, so a store that sells damaged goods at a discount price is heaven. The store inspired me (after I was finished throwing up) and I wrote this...
Yessir, come on down to the 99¢ Discount Grocer!! Located in the heart of Lincoln, Nebraska, with new locations opening in Hiannis and Legigh a week from Thursday!
Golden Delicious Apples!
Hardly Marred at All! Come quick, while supplies last! They won't look this good for long!!
Albertson's list price (pre-garbage): $2.99... Just
Homestyle Bread Loaves!
Just like mom used to make! Fine quality bread made from the freshest grains shipped from Africa. Remember, good bread is aged just like fine wine!!
Costco loaf price: $1.89... Just
Unlabeled Canned Food!!
Awe your friends and impress your dates as you whip up "mystery dishes" from your unmarked food! It makes every meal an adventure!
Regular price (circa 1975): $ .69... Just 3 for
Turkey!...
Sure, Thankgiving was six months ago, that doesn't mean you can't enjoy delicious turkey for Memorial Day! Guranteed fresh until 12/9/99!
Price (as of 11/28/99: $25.00... Just
Space Sticks!!
NASA and Pillsbury bring you this creation that has not been seen on store shelves in almost 30 years! Guranteed to make even the toughest astronaut nauzeated!