I was strolling through the downtown area of my small (very, very small) town, when I came across a store called 'The Banana Liquidators.'
<BIG MISTAKE>I thought it would be worth my time to check it out.</BIG MISTAKE>
Anyhoo, the inside of the store ranked of manure. You see, there is quite a large Mexican population in our town, and most of them work out in the fields all day. They can't afford much, so a store that sells damaged goods at a discount price is heaven. The store inspired me (after I was finished throwing up) and I wrote this...
There's no place like Pittsburgh...

The Discount Grocer!


Golden Delicious Apples!

Hardly Marred at All!
Come quick, while supplies last!
They won't look this good for long!!
Albertson's list price (pre-garbage): $2.99... Just

Homestyle Bread Loaves!

Just like mom used to make!
Fine quality bread made from
the freshest grains shipped
from Africa. Remember,
good bread is aged just like fine wine!!
Costco loaf price: $1.89... Just

Unlabeled Canned Food!!

Awe your friends and impress
your dates as you whip up
"mystery dishes" from your unmarked
food! It makes every meal an adventure!
Regular price (circa 1975): $ .69... Just 3 for

Turkey!...

Sure, Thankgiving was six months ago,
that doesn't mean you can't
enjoy delicious turkey for Memorial Day!
Guranteed fresh until 12/9/99!
Price (as of 11/28/99: $25.00... Just

Space Sticks!!


NASA and Pillsbury bring you this
creation that has not been seen
on store shelves in almost
30 years! Guranteed to make even
the toughest astronaut nauzeated!
Price (before FDA ban): $1.25... Just


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