poems

Every poet finds their muse,
Every thinker has their question
One day they find that source of mystification
Of wonder and delight
It can become obsessive
Trying to find the key to the light
The answer to the question
If they ever or never find the answer or the key
Life can be dedicated to things that we will never know
Things that will never care in the way we do
Lovers dream,
Poets think
The muse I have found lies on forbidden terrain
A thing that never will be braved
They live in quiet boldness
A rose without a stem
I ponder over them
Wondering what makes them live
What is their key
Struggles under pressure of them discovering
They would never believe or understand
Without regret
Or without hate
They seem to know but act beyond belief
I often wonder what they want of me
Why they act of their own accord
Leaving me in tangled dust
Wisps of truth wandering off
They seem to laugh at me
As if to say you foolish one
How could things of that be
When what they think will prevail in my heart
They know what I do but not what I think
And there my muse will remain before
I crumble my shaky kingdom
Releasing to them the truth that will kill what I have kept secret
What can I do to prevail where I can only lose
Loving hate or hating love
It still looks the same on any resume
Even the estranger�s

Living that misery I thought had been worth it,
To see you grow, to see you bloom
Finding out things about yourself that I knew were always there
You came upon that midnight flower, the lonesome bud to call your own
Together you were happy, it seemed blissfully perfect
Two people found to start the dream anew
But roots proved to be a problem, their vine-like qualities trying to choke out the light
I stood by watching the petal fall from that sun soaked flower,
Knowing I was in no position to help.
No shears could ever cut the hold, no saw ever free the light.
But the persistence of every flower proved too strong.
Ever shifting, ever bending to elude the darkened shadows,
They grew ever onward together through it all.
Not allowing their path to end in the dirt, dampened and bruised.

It is strange to find your mirrored soul in the hands of another
The one you are connected to only by the friendship
Foolishly given during the time of adolescence
But as that time dwindles so does the image blur
A mist is placed over that mirror the passion fogs the glass
Not passion in the form of lust but passion in the form of life
A strange connection between worlds of uncharted feeling
You want to act but cant
Estranged by the red tape of Society,
Feeling and Personal Decision
How does one use common scissors to cut an
Eternal question?
I know all by knowing nothing and through my trials
I have come to find the closest thing to perfection only
To find my mirror has hairline cracks
These hidden to the outside viewer
I depend on these cracks as I depend on my mind
But both are faulty in their intricacies
One outlining brave deception and devotion
The other only lurid dreams

Bright blue flames lick up typed words
Like a thousand forked serpent tongues
Pages obliterated with a single action
The stench of burnt intentions
Fill my smoke choked throat
I gag on vapors of gray thought
Watching my dream be devoured by
Its enemy that brings only hot justice
I see shards of intimacy rise
Up out of the flames
Only to be forced into ashes
Characters born out of existence
Writhe and burn
Their hollow eyes peer hatefully at me
As their flamed faces flicker and change
They turn horrid
Dying as the embers emerge
What was once a noble action
Turned to hell for others
Now lies in tatters singed forever
Ashes to ashes
Dust to dust

My soul may make me untouchable
But yet i have known love
competing with the invisible lines
that connect you with the one you havechosen
how can i race against lines so strong
always being flung back toward the surging tide
it seems i have loved you forever
but i know it has only been three short but irreplacable years
to lie those two mornings beside you
in friendship, not intimacy
to stare into those pale blue eyes
and dream of a world in which i could act
but instead i stand here watching you
through my glass walls,
always connected but never as close as i'd like
to wonder what your skin would feel like in my hands
or atleast to know i could tell you of
the secret i have kept
it may be a weak wish but i still have hope for the future
even as i know and have come to
realize that only he seems
to make you happy in the way i wish i most could show
may you enjoy it while it lasts but,
i will always be here,
waiting

Quiet,
So quiet.
The leaves trickling in their cracked melodies behind me
Scritch scratch
They patter by me on the road
Alone on their invisible lines to nowhere
My dusty scuffed shoes seem to trail behind me
A torn backpack hanging in desolation
A strange coincidence has placed me here
What I have left behind me does not dare call me back
I have shattered the dreams I have created
So I try to find something to sustain me
Burnished lives hanging about in their tarnished misery
How foolish I was to drape my fantasies
On the prow of a fated ship
They gurgle and drown in the face of society
Drowning in the sea of middle class restrictions
I dreamed once of starlit stages and velvet curtains
Of vintage cars and LA streets
Of places with burbling waterfalls and green views of tropical hermitism
Of the lives I would live in comfortable peace
Lost in a maze of friends and acquaintances
Never hoping because I could achieve everything
Now I have risen to reality
So here I stand on the dusty street
Heading for freedom
I wonder why I am running for freedom
When it is in my mind

I take solace in the fact
Of you loving me
Not in the way that would make me soar,
But in the way that I am eternally grateful
I mean if you didn�t you
Wouldn�t put up with this much shit
I know you are trying to understand,
Conceive and Psych 101
But it really isn�t all that simple
But hell I wish it was
I can�t even comprehend how my life will change
Who I�ll meet,
Who I�ll love
What difference does it make what I wear, who I am
To most it is still a title
One I hope I understand
I sit there watching the screen flicker
The loves of lives growing together than close
Feeling that empty pit surround my stomach
Knowing it will take places and time to lift
Its cruel veil
I would not wish to take it all back
To go back to the normal equation
My E will never equal Mc2 and I�m fine with that
What worries me is who I will loose
Because of it
If you come right down to it
Love will never die in idea,
But its shape seems to be a problem for some
One and a half years down the road who knows
Where I�ll be
But I will always remember those who stood by me
Believe me, I�ll never forget