Journal Entry - Wildfire (ch.2)
Its amazing how one night can change everything. I've never been able to stay in a long-term relationship but I've done it now. For a year I have been a part of something, you know? For a long time mom and dad were weary about me dating David because he is so much older than me but now that they accept our relationship and the love that we have for one another its amazing...or that's what I thought until tonight. I had to watch him go to do some stupid show for MTV and that hurt me so bad. He told me that he was doing it for the money which doesn't add up at all. I have money. He doesn't need to go out there and pretend to be something that he's not just to get by. *sighs* I just wish sometimes that when we talked it didn't feel like he's so above me and that he's always right. Still, he does make me happy...right?
For the past few weeks or so all Nastassia and I have been talking about is going to Jessica Simpson & Nick Lachey's big bash. We were going to go in there and own the place! Well, Stassia's dumb ass twisted her ankle so it was down to being a solo trip. I cracked out that silver dress that she hates because she can't fit her ass in it (and I mean ONLY her ass - everything else is fine) and then headed out. I was a little down about David leaving but once I saw Jessica it was cool because at least I wasn't alone and we've been friends since the TRL show where David and I met. So, here is where things get a little strange. These two guys start walking pass us when Jess reaches over and snatches one up. Guess who it is? It was none other than Justin Timberlake! Can you believe that shit?! The man is even more gorgeous up close and personal than he is on TV!
Anyway, push comes to shove and Jess and Justin's guy friend disappear on us and we're alone in this crowded room. I don't even remember what we were talking about before we went to the bar because I was so caught up in eyes. He has amazing eyes...he walked with me to the bar holding my hand and I thought I was going to faint. Eventually I ended up pinned in front of him at the bar while we kind of tested each other out and right before I made my get away I borrowed his trucker hat without consent. It was the nastiest looking headgear that I had seen so I was doing him a favor - that and the fact that I was feeling way guilty about flirting so shamelessly with him when I'm with David. I am WITH David!
Camille
Journal Entry - Wildfire (ch.3)
I'd been debating all day on if I was going to do it or not. Was I going to call this guy? David's still missing in action and I had nothing to lose but still, should I call him? On my way out of the party I had run into Nelly. He's fine as hell too but he slipped me Justin's cell phone number and told me to call him. If I didn't know that they were friends I would have been weirded out but I wasn't. I kept thinking to myself if Justin had asked him to do it for him or was Nelly just peeping out the situation and nipping it all in the bud for us both? I got home, showered, and changed into a pair of shorts and a tee before going to bed and all morning when I got up I just lay there with that crappy old hat that I had ganked from him. Later, Stassia and I ended up going to mom's house and that troll told her what I had done. So mom was badgering me on returning the hat to its owner and all this crap. In all actuality it just gave me the incentive to call him.
While I was at this photo shoot today getting ready to go in front of the cameras I decided that the moment was as good as any. I was kind of hoping that he didn't answer the phone so I could say that it wasn't meant to be but he DID answer it. His voice was a little scratchy but still he sounded sexy as hell and I was trying my hardest to sound like I didn't care who he was and that the whole call was just about business. He asked what I was doing and I told him that I was doing a shoot with this magazine. Half an hour later here comes Mr. JT through the doors. I wanted to kill him because his presence alone made me want to jump him (in a non-violent sort of way if you catch my drift) right there. I gave him my cell number and he invited me to go to lunch with him tomorrow. I should have said no...
Camille
I swear to God that David has been in complete asshole mode since he's gotten home and I don't even know what its about. I take that back because I do know what it's about. Ever since I told him that Justin and I have been hanging out and that sometimes he drops by some of the photo shoots that I have to do for all of these magazines he's had a stick up his ass. I tell him all the time that he has nothing to be worried about because my heart is with him but every day he asks me what's really going on between us like I have something to hide.
I like Justin. Yes, I do. I'm not lying about that because he's a beautiful person and when I'm with him I feel free but I'll be damned if I walk out on the first serious thing that I've ever had to be another name on his list. I'm not implying that he goes through girls all the time because he doesn't. He's a sweet guy but you have to understand where I'm coming from with this. I know that he likes me on more than a friendship type level because its mutual but I can't let it get to that point. The other day we were talking about his music and he was so passionate about it. You could just see the excitement in his eyes and then it all just melted away...not the excitement but the conversation. It was as if we were reading into each other's souls before I broke it off and stood up to leave. I cannot let this happen no matter how much my heart is telling me that one door is closing and the other one is standing wide open.
Camille
He left me. He's gone and I'm broken. My heart is broken. He says that he can't be with me because of Justin. What has Justin got to do with us? I gave up so many opportunities just to keep David happy. I had to let go of important shoots and interviews because David wanted my time. I hate him! I hate him so much because I need him! How could he just walk away like what we had didn't amount to shit?! It was everything! He was everything! How could he let go of the rope while I was still hanging on?
Camille
I feel so empty, cold and worn by all of this. I'm not holding up my end of the bargain and JIVE is calling. They have to release the album with or without my promotion. Why am I letting all of my dreams fade away because of a man. David is only a man. I've been shutting down my entire world and retreating into myself but it isn't working. I know that my parents are worried and I know that Nastassia is going out of her mind. I talk to her every day but I haven't answered the phone in a week. It didn't surprise me when he came knocking on my front door. I expected SOMEONE to show up after so long but when it was him I couldn't keep it anymore.
I cried and Justin held me. I cried and Justin got my keys. I cried and Justin carried me to the door, put me into his car, and drove me away. I woke up here lying in the bed of the guest room closest to his bedroom and I'm scared. I'm scared because I love him already and not because of what he's doing for me. I swear, I think I fell in love with him the moment that we met. Was David justified in leaving me? Did he already see what I was unable to accept?
Camille