"Aaaaaah! Where is my makeup case?!"
"No, wait, that’s mine! Give it back!"
"Someone tell me how I look!"
The G-Boys waited at the bottom of the stairs, everybody looking impatient except for Quatre. "You get used to it," Quatre sighed.
Heero, Trowa, and Wufei originally weren’t planning on going to the mall but there really was nothing better to do at home, and playing Mario Kart 64 without Duo was just pointless since there would be absolutely no competition whatsoever. Unless one wanted to be in a race to see who would finish last first.
Wufei tapped his fingers impatiently on the banister, glaring at everybody. His fuse was steadily becoming shorter and shorter.
"Why must we wait for these women? They are just foolish, foolish to be so obsessed with this shopping fetish!"
"But you’re going shopping too…," Duo started, then shut his mouth when Wufei glared his way. Wufei was still angry over his ruined shrine.
Quatre scratched his head. For some reason, Trowa was always staring at him with an amused expression on his face, as if saying, "I know something you don’t know". Quatre was really getting uncomfortable. Was there something that he should know? He didn’t like being left in the dark like this. But every time he tried to ask Trowa what was the matter, Trowa just zipped his mouth shut. Then his gaze would flicker to Duo for a second before he looked down and covered his eyes with his bangs. Quatre gave up and continued to endure Trowa’s unmoving gaze.
Finally, Trisha came down the stairs. "So, how do I look?" she asked, totally concerned. She twirled around on the steps and, down below, Duo drooled. Quatre shoved a napkin into his mouth.
"You look absolutely wonderful," Quatre said, which was true.
Trisha smiled and bounded back UP the stairs.
"Hey, but---,"
Wufei was interrupted as another of Quatre’s sisters walked down. "You don’t see a blemish anywhere, do you?"
"No, you look gorgeous," Duo supplied, eyes goggling.
"Thanks," she said offhandedly and bounced back up the stairs. This continued about twenty-seven more times until Quatre’s sisters were finally ready to go to the mall - about an hour and a half later. Duo didn’t seem to mind. Said in his own words, as Duo was sprawled at the bottom of the stairs since his legs were too giddy to hold him up, "Va-va-vooooom!" So maybe they weren’t his own words.
Quatre held open the front door. "Ladies first," he said politely but Heero just barged on pass, eager to get out into the fresh air. Quatre sighed and smiled and bowed to each of his sisters as they walked past. They all gave him a ruffle on the head as they went out the door.
"You know, maybe you should hire a machine to do that for you," Duo suggested. "Back strain becomes a major problem as you get older."
Quatre frowned at him and continued bowing.
Twenty minutes later, they were all out the door. Wufei’s face was all red from the wait inside and Heero’s face was all red from the wait outside. Quatre’s sisters just chatted constantly, telling each other what they were going to buy and exchanging make-up tips. Quatre came out and locked the door, hair looking like he just woke up from bed. He quickly pulled out a comb and started smoothing his hair out.
"So, where’s our ride?" Angelica asked, looking around innocently.
"Uh…," Quatre’s jaw dropped. How were they all going to get there?
"Walking keeps one fit and builds up the calf muscles," Wufei said proudly, displaying his shapely legs. Quatre’s sisters all looked at Wufei’s bow-legs in disgust and shivered, standing around in their stilettos. Wufei took the silence to mean approval and he started marching down the sidewalk towards the mall, not bothering to look back to see if anyone was following. Nobody was.
Quatre said, "Well, we do have a limousine, if---,"
"Really? Where?" Quatre’s sisters all said excitedly, looking for the luxury car.
Quatre pressed the button for the garage opener and the stretch limo appeared. It looked pitifully small with Quatre’s sisters all surrounding it.
"Me, first---,"
"No, me!"
"Get out of my way!"
A fight broke loose between Quatre’s sisters as they all tried to get into the limo at once. The chauffeur was standing around on the driveway, looking confused.
"Hello, let me take that," Duo said as he grabbed away the chauffeur’s cap and placed it on his own head. The chauffeur still stood around, not understanding. "Get along, now, you’re on a break," Duo said and hustled the chauffeur away. The chauffeur nodded eagerly and scooted away. Duo looked greedily after the gleaming golden buttons on the chauffeur’s uniform, then decided not to push it.
"Duo, are you sure---,"
"Don’t worry, I can handle it." He brushed past Quatre and made his way through the throng of Quatre’s sisters.
"’Scuse me, my lady, coming through. Watch your step there. My, what a pretty dress you have on. May I ask what kind of perfume you’re wearing,…" and so forth until he reached the passenger door of the limo, where three of Quatre’s sisters each had a leg in, trying to get in first. "There, now," Duo said, patting them away, "you’ll all get your turns soon enough. Here, let me help you in," and, taking one girl’s hand, started helping her into the limousine. Then the next, and the next, and the next. Each time, Duo asked for the girl’s name and Duo tried to remember it, even though he most likely wouldn’t since each looked pretty similar to the other, but he had to get points for trying.
Quatre shook his head. How did Duo do these things? He handled his sisters like it was as simple as tying one’s shoe. Even Quatre got overwhelmed most of the time and here was Duo, packing them into the limousine smoothly and efficiently, even though it was as crowded as sardines in there. Quatre decided not to ask where Duo got this skill. He didn’t think he wanted to know.
When all of Quatre’s sisters were in the limousine, ALL of Quatre’s sisters, Duo brushed off his hands, tipped his cap, and started walking to the driver’s side. When he walked past the gaping boys, he winked. Quatre could smell the scent of lilacs and perfume on him.
Heero, Trowa, and Quatre walked over to the other side and got in the front beside Duo. Arranging his cap in what he assumed was a professional chauffeurish look, Duo started the limousine with the keys that he had quickly snagged off the real driver. Then he arranged the rear-view mirror so that he could see all of Quatre’s sisters as he drove.
"Uh, Duo…," Quatre said, crushed in beside him.
"Hmmm?" Duo asked, arranging the side-view mirrors to do just the same.
"Never mind," he said, and got himself prepared to look out for passing cars.
When Duo finally arranged the mirrors to his liking, he whipped out his arm to work the stick-shift. Heero glared as he was elbowed in the chest. Then Duo backed blindly out of the driveway and onto the road. A car horn honked as he thumped the wheels OVER the curb and bumped the limousine down, leaving tire tracks on the front lawn. Then he worked the stick-shift once again and, once again, Heero glared as he was elbowed in the chest. Then they were on their way.
"Uh, you sure you know what you’re doing?" Quatre asked, brow furrowed in worry. He constantly looked over his shoulder for passing cars, since Duo didn’t seem to care about that part when changing lanes. And he did that A LOT.
He saw Duo glance into the mirror and smile charmingly at his sisters for, what must have been, the hundredth time. Then Duo looked at him and said, "Don’t worry, little buddy, I got this driving stuff down pat."
Quatre didn’t like the way Duo described driving as "driving stuff". That probably meant that he didn’t know much about it.
"So, I have never seen you drive before," Quatre said conversationally, after reminding Duo to look back on the road.
"Oh, that’s ‘cause I’ve never done it," Duo replied casually.
"What?!"
Just then, Duo cut someone off. It was only now that Quatre realized that he didn’t use turn signals. The car they passed honked and Duo stuck his head out the window and waved at it, saying "hi" and honking back.
Quatre quickly grabbed Duo back in. Duo, totally elated at the friendly drivers, started honking at everybody in greeting. They all honked back.
When Quatre finally got Duo to calm down, he asked, "But I thought you said you had a license!"
"Oh, I do," Duo replied and whipped out a card from his pocket.
Quatre looked. It was an official license for piloting a mobile suit. Above it was Duo’s grinning happy face, waving at the camera.
Quatre looked at Duo in horror. "But that’s different!"
"It is?" Duo asked, and looked at the card, eyes off the road. He studied it for awhile, Quatre quickly grabbing the steering wheel and steering shakily while Duo’s foot rested heavily on the pedal. "No, it isn’t, see look, I’ll show you." Then Duo whipped off the chauffeur’s cap, looked at Quatre, and made a happy grinning face identical to the one in his ID.
Quatre groaned. He should’ve known that Duo was too young to drive. Heero and Trowa didn’t seem to be worried though. Trowa had opened the window and now he was sticking his head out, letting his bangs blow in the breeze. Quatre believed that that was the first time that he saw Trowa’s entire face.
Quatre sighed and leaned back in the seat (or, at least as best he could, with four boys crowded in the front). The rest of the boys could do as they liked. What Quatre was worried about most were his sisters.
Quatre turned around in his seat and Heero glared menacingly at him as he was shoved out of the way. Quatre quickly muttered an apology and reached over to the window separating them from his sisters. He opened it.
A flood of heavy perfume immediately wafted over to the front seat and Trowa coughed, not used to a scent so thick. Quatre was accustomed to it, Heero spent enough time with the heavily-perfumed Relena to numb his senses, and Duo basked in this scented heaven, eyes half-closed and lost in hallucinations of Quatre’s sisters.
Keeping one eye on Duo and the other on his sisters, Quatre asked, "Is everybody all right back there? Is there anything that you need?"
"Oh, no," they all replied, busy watching Fashion File on the miniature t.v. screens. Some of them had even opened champagne bottles in the built in coolers of the limousine, and now they were enjoying themselves totally, completely unaware of Duo’s deadly driving techniques on the outside.
Good, Quatre thought and shut the window.
Trowa cleared his throat and Quatre looked over. For some reason, Trowa was looking a little green. "Are you okay?" Quatre asked him.
Trowa nodded silently and said nothing more. Actually, he never said anything in the first place but that didn’t prevent Quatre from worrying. Trowa’s face was getting greener by the minute.
"Hey, Trowa, what’s up?" Duo asked as he made a sharp turn and grazed several parked cars. Everyone’s neck whipped back and forth for a second, and then Duo continued on his way.
This driving action seemed to make Trowa look even more green, if that was at all possible.
Uh, oh. Quatre recognized the danger signs. He quickly dug in the glove compartment for an air sickness bag and drew it out, then handed it to Trowa.
Trowa quickly grabbed it away and did his business quick and silent. Which was the Trowa way.
After a millenia, they finally arrived at the mall. Duo parallel parked (or, at least, what came close to it) and stepped on the brake, the first time that he had used that pedal since starting the car. Then he rammed the stick-shift to ‘park’ and, once again, Heero glared. Then Heero pushed past the feeble Trowa and bounded out of the car. He hadn’t even bothered wearing a seat belt.
Duo got out of the car and looked at his handiwork. The front half of the limousine had gone over the curb and the front bumper was now kissing the rear bumper of the car in front of it, while the back half of the limousine swung out about a metre AWAY from the curb. Oh, well. Duo shrugged. Nobody was perfect. He galloped over to the other side and eagerly started helping Quatre’s sisters out of the limo.
Quatre and Trowa were a little slower. Quatre encouraged his wobbly friend and together they stepped out of the limo. Trowa was still clutching his barf bag to him, refusing to let go. Quatre cautiously let go of him and Trowa swayed around on his own for a second, hair blowing in the breeze. Then he made an awful noise from his throat and dashed into the mall, shoving people out of the way. He was headed to the public toilets.
Quatre shook his head and looked around, then spotted Wufei. Wufei was leaning against a pole, glaring at the shoppers entering the mall, arms crossed above his chest. The shoppers, seeing him, gave him a ten foot radius and detoured around him, entering the mall through the side doors. Quatre saw a lot of little kids crying and hugging their parents at the entrance, cowed at Wufei’s menacing gaze.
Wufei must have sensed someone staring at him because now he swung his head and targeted Quatre. It was unnerving how he did that.
Wufei started walking over to them and people in his path quickly jumped out of the way. Wufei never walked around anybody.
Wufei stopped in front of Quatre, hands on his hips. He glanced over to the limousine where Duo was still helping Quatre’s sisters out. He had about fifteen more ladies to go. Wufei gave his "how pathetic" look and turned back towards Quatre. "Well?" he demanded. "Explain yourself."
All of a sudden, Quatre felt like a midget standing next to Wufei, even though they were the exact same height. Quatre scratched the back of his neck, unsure of what to say.
"What took so long?" Wufei said, helping him out.
"Uh…well, you see, my sisters…,"
Wufei rolled his eyes, as if mentioning Quatre’s sisters explained everything. "Women!" he grumped, and closed his eyes, using his calming meditation exercises that Quatre had encouraged him to do. He could see Wufei’s jaw tighten as he wrestled against his temper.
Once again, it took another twenty minutes to get Quatre’s sisters out of the limousine and they walked to the mall entrance in one big group, Duo in the middle of them and striking a conversation with ten girls at the same time. And, once again, Quatre held the doors open for his sisters and bowed twenty-nine times.
A portion of Quatre’s sisters had already wandered into a store and were now examining the jewelry at the owner’s delight. The rest of Quatre’s sisters were standing around a fountain, fanning themselves. To Quatre’s horror, he noticed a lot of males goggling at his sisters, not the least of which was Duo.
By now, Trowa had come back from the washrooms. He had chucked his barf bag away and now he was back to his usual silent self. Until the drive back home. Heavy perfume coupled with Duo’s insane driving just didn’t mix.
"Now, what shall we do?" Quatre asked, massaging his back.
Duo had snapped out of his stupor long enough to answer. "Let’s go to the video-arcades!" he said. As much as he liked watching Quatre’s sisters, the idea of shopping still gave him nightmares. Everyone nodded agreement
Quatre was about to go off with the boys when Natasha grabbed his collar. "We still haven’t forgotten about the real reason why we came here, and that is turn you, our little brother, back to your better ways." The rest of the G-Boys were watching Quatre cautiously and, by now, all of Quatre’s sisters had gathered around to overpower the poor Quatre. There really was power in numbers.
"Um, let’s go to the video-arcades," Duo cried and hurriedly hustled the boys out of there.
"Wait!" Quatre called after them but they were quickly swallowed up by the crowd.
"Hmmm, now what shall we do first?" asked Monica, putting a hand to her lip.
"I know!" said Katrina, "Let’s go shopping!"
"Wow, what a good idea!" everybody added and they dragged Quatre along.
"Nooooooo!" Quatre cried.
Quatre's sisters continued...Part Five: More Shopping