KinotosQuestion = What is your question for Kinotos? How would one go
about capturing a walri for use in scientific experiments?
Well, Timmy, it seems the true identity of the Walri has eluded you. The Walri exist solely to kibitz and are made of pure sugar and fat cells. There is no reason to capture one, unless you want to put yourself in danger. There really is nothing else to learn about the Walri.
Can you attribute human emotion to animals?
Is there a term for such a thing?
1. "Don't poke me, I'm trying to sleep"
2. "Give me your food or I'll sit here all damn day if you dont'"
3. "Open the door, I have to crap"
If you happen to find an animal that portrays more that these three "emotions", then it is not because they are an intelligent sub-specie, but rather because they are actually a very tiny human wearing an extremely elaborate and convincing costume. Watch out for these types, before you know it, you'll be the pet and they'll be the owner. As for non-house pets or "wild" animals, they are all holograms, and holograms don't have emotions.
Does 'Little Debbie snack cakes' put pure chocolate
in there ingredients to make you become addicted??
Well, Timmy, I�ve spent the last month planning and infiltrating the elusive headquarters of "Little Debbie". After a week of observations through the ventilation grate I camped behind, I have observed only a couple peculiar things. First being that your typical "ventilation rodents" are actually quite friendly and tamable, as I was able to recruit and train a small retrieval party to gather product for my examination and project evidence. After siphoning through countless samples retrieved by my minions and several investigative chemical procedures, I have noticed only one unusual ingredient, that being an unusual form of nicotine. It seems as if this moderately addictive substance is used to produce a flavor of "sweetness" or a "rich" quality. By word of my highly trained reconnaissance team, this substance is housed in an insecure area and is located in inconspicuous barrels labeled "sugar". I suspect a very high level of deception here. Much to my demise, I was unable to complete my research due to an unexpected coup d'etat. It seems I wasn't "sharing enough of the spoils" with my officers. At that point I had no choice but to evacuate and prematurely conclude the investigation.
I'm baking some delicious Toll House cookies, and i
don't have a measuring cup, but the recipie calls for eight pounds of
lard. I do, however, have a ruler. What is the conversion equation for
pounds to decimeters?
Well, Timmy, here's a list of the things you'll need for this endeavor:
1. Funny looking green paper/cloth material
2. A jagged metal stick
3. Calories to burn
Now.... get in your car and buy yourself some damn cookies. Don't bother trying to make them yourself... The NSA cracked down last time I tried too... something about "atomic" and "conspiracy".
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THE CONSPICUOUS AND CONTINUOUS CONSUMPTION OF
AMERICA?
Well, Timmy, since you haven't specified what is consuming "America", I'll assume that you mean Megatron of the Decepticons. Though he may be a terror inducing force in "America" and the Autobots' worst nightmare, I recently had tea with Mr. Megatron, and he seems to have given up his life of evil to pursue his ambitions in competitive sailing. So rest assured there Timmy, there will be no more consuming in "America".
How big is my penis?
Well, Timmy, it's obviously of negligable size if you can't see for yourself, however, astronomers have recently measured mine to be 4 parsecs.
shall i ask bartholemew to the ball this coming weekend? it shall be
the event of the year!
Well, Timmy, this reminds me of a well documented quotation from the once Duke of Alscingham, Sir Feagle Mackintire, in a conversation with his wife:
"...the only balls you should be concerned about are the ones smacking you in the chin."
Should I fall in love again?
Yes, but only with me. If not because I am extremely attractive, and I don't just mean to positively charged particles, then because I have a prize winning lamb as a hefty dowry. It won second place at the last fair for ensuingly biting the rear end of a rowdy patron after herding 300 runaway cattle that escaped a quarantine barn in an attempt of a revolt. If that damn first place ox didn't conjure a hurricane that decimated the neighboring village, I swear my lamb would have won.
who is the artist that drew the shitty rendering of
your cosmic figure?
I haven't seen blasphamy of this magnatude concentrated into a single sentence, since I told God to "Shut the hell up.". I was like, "dude, god, you watch First Blood lately?". God was all, "Mr. Stallone is a sub-par actor. I think I'll pass." I had no choice but to peddle him a new attitude via verbal lashing.
As far as your inquiry, the picture wasn't drawn. It is actually a superimposed image of myself onto the computer screen. If you haven't been informed, or don't read well, you might not know that I am composed of pure static electricity, as I am the embodyment of such. So in effect you have called me "shitty" looking, and that I do not appreciate. You're shitty looking... you shitty looking bastard.
discounting yourself, what is the best thing ever?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA..... Good one, Timmy.
the hair on my tail is falling off; should i be concerned?
Not if you collect every stray folicle and amass a formidable collection to build a rather large and attention-grabbing fake mustache to wear when you are in public in order to divert attention from your new, awkward, and hairless extremity... Otherwise, yes.
If a Indian(India) is running 20 mph, and eating a
snickers candy bar at same time, how many calories did he gain and how many calories will he lose?
Well Timmy, that's a good question. That's why I've decided to conduct a little experiment on this query. My friend, Casey, has volunteered to help. He is not Indian, but he kinda knows where India is. He's also allergic to peanuts, so we'll have to do away with the Snickers bar. And unfortunitly he's recently had knee surgury, so he won't be running. After closely observing and documenting my friend Casey sit in his recliner, I've come to the conclusion that India is really far away.
How will the recent death of Pope John Paul II affect
the way that the Roman Catholic Church deals with controversial
political and moral issues?
Who cares Timmy? Seriously... I'm not dead. Besides, the Catholic Church always has Burt Reynolds to step in his place... Or Norm McDonald doing Burt Reynolds... that's just as good.
PBS has been criticized for doing a poor job in
attracting 18 to 35 year-olds. Do you agree? How does PBS interact with this audience segment? In what ways do they attempt to appeal to this demographic? How does public television�s relationship with this audience relate to its economic structure and motivations? Should PBS do more to attract these viewers? What concrete suggestions would you give PBS?
If anyone seriously sends me a question this long again, I will break all your limbs and feed you hamsters until I get bored. But your lucky there is a one warning rule here, so I'll answer anyway. Yeah, I was lying when I said I was going to answer. I can't believe you are still reading this. Are you that much of a shmuck? I think so. Still reading aren't you?
How do we account for the growth of gay-themed
subject matter on channels such as MTV, Bravo, and Showtime? What strategies do cable networks employ in producing this content? How do these shows attempt to define themselves as well as their audiences?
Well, Timmy, I had a conversation with God about this the other day. Here is an unabridged transcript:
Kinotos: "hey..."
God: "hey..."
Kinotos: "Why are you wearing a chipmunk-mascot uniform?"
God: "I'm gay..."
Kinotos: "And the gay stuff on TV?..."
God: "Yeah, part of my proliferation of gayness."
Kinotos: "Is this at all like your Pop Rocks fad?"
God: "Identical."