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Jimmy: Well, a tough night for the New York Yankees. They lost to Arizona, 15-2. The Series is tied at three games apiece. Here, with a commentary, is our own Seth Meyers. Seth: Thanks, Jimmy. Tomorrow night, despite two thrilling ninth inning victories here in New York, the Yankees magic run may finally come to an end. Some people say their offense is inconsistent, some say their pitching is too old. But I know the real reason the Yankees have struggled a bit in the Play-Offs. It's because, for the first time in history, Red Sox fans are actually rooting for the Yankees to win. I know. I'm a Red Sox fan. For the past 83 years, you've had nothing but our negative energy and hatred in your way, and it's led to like, 65 world championships. But this year, because of what happened to New York, Boston's decided to put our personal feelings aside and root for you to win. When the Yankees went to Boston, they played "New York, New York" over the PA. People were holding up sines that said "Boston Loves New York". And you started losing. Coincidence? No! Everyone and everything Boston roots for loses. If Boston rooted for gravity, we'd all be floating three inches off the ground. We're the worst! Right now, Donald Rumsfield is in West Roxburry, Massachusetts, trying to convice eight guys named Murph to root for the Taliban. Personally, I don't like this camaraderie. Remember the later Tom & Jerry cartoons, where they were friends, and it sucked? Same concept. That having been said, I love New York. No city deserves a World Championship more than this city right now. So, in order to help you out, I, a Red Sox fan, will say this: I HATE the Yankees. Paul O'Neill, you're a whining crybaby. Chuck Knoblauch, you're a glorified Oompa-Loompa. Roger Clemens, I would give every penny I have to whack your 39-year-old groin with a Fungo Bat. And I'm only saying this because I genuinely want you to win. Jimmy? Jimmy: Seth Meyers, everybody! Seth Meyers! Good job, man! |
