movie

One of the benefits of school being out is that I get to catch up with movies- some that I missed a decade ago, others just released. And in each flic, there�s always some moral lessons to be learned. Of course this can be up to your own interpretation- here�s what I learned from some recent screenings:

Go
General plot- drug deal goes wacky
Lesson #1: You get suppressed working in a grocery store
Lesson #2: �Tantra� is what happens when Viagra works way too well.
Lesson #3: Jewish women are buck wild (reference: hotel threesome scene)
Dating lesson #33: Stay clear from women who have a thing for drug dealers
Dating lesson #43: Seek out women who look like Katie Holmes. Yum
Overall lesson learned: Don�t be a skimmer

The Big Chill
General Plot: Friends suicide reunites 30 something�s former gang of midnight tokers.
Lesson #1: Jeff Goldblum has no game
Lesson #2: Quualudes just aren�t healthy
Dating lesson #1727: Recent Widows are big rebounds- don�t be an insensitive horny schmuck.
Dating lesson #59: Don�t carry a torch for someone you dated 15 years ago.
Dating lesson #61: Women in their early 30s are undisputed bedroom champions- start training now for the Olympic Games.
Overall lesson learned: Death can sometimes lead to lotsa nook among your mourning friends.

Gladiator
General Plot: Russell Crowe unleashes all holy terror on Roman Emperor
Lesson #1: �Its good to be king�
Lesson #2: If someone asks you to be King, say �Yes!� otherwise you will be forced into slavery with lotsa hairy men from all over the world who didn�t drop the soap back then, they dropped the axe. Ouch!
Dating lesson #36: Chicks dig Australian accents
Overall lesson learned: �Hey Joey, ever watch Gladiator movies?� - Airplane

Night at the Roxbury
General Plot: 2 rejects in flashy pants attempt to score in swanky clubs
Lesson #1: Don�t drive around in a flower delivery van
Lesson #2: Tape on the back doesn�t really work- so wax that shit, Gorilla Monsoon. PS- duct tape can be useful for other things�.!
Lesson #3: Epilectic dancing with women will get you no where
Lesson #4: Even if youre a pathetic geeker, if you have $$$, you will still get nookie
Dating lesson #61: Don�t wear anything that those guys wear in the movie
Dating lesson #45: Realize now the likelihood of credit card vixens and hotty police officers.
Dating lesson #47: Don�t use this movie as your training video
Dating lesson #15: Women who work in chandelier stores are freaks in heat.
Overall lesson learned: If lame SNL guys can score, so can you.

Office Space:
General Plot: Cubicle slackass realizes you just hafta say , �What the fuck�
Sub lesson: Don�t be a skimmer (see Go!)
Lesson #1: Your job will suck and you will hate it, but there are those who really really despise it.
Lesson #2: Traffic jams are suppressionistic mind games � don�t fall victim to road rage.
Lesson #3: Be a rebel- don�t settle for routines. Stretch the rules and disassemble your office.
Lesson #4: Everyone needs to swear like a sailor party animal Indian friend.
Dating lesson #56: Frequent cheesy chain restaurants and you too can land a Jennifer Aniston!
Dating lesson #34: Don�t torment yourself with visions of ex lovers of your current- its just not healthy.
Dating lesson #35: There are real low maintenance women out there and they are keepers
Overall lesson learned: Stay away from squirrelly mumbling guys with affections for red staplers