| Bad things happen in 3�s. For as long as I can remember, I have loved aggressive, balls out soccer. Heck I have more leg padding than a 13 year old�s bra so I can wrecklessly slide-tackle any MoFo who even dares to try me. Of course, I seem to forget that I am not 19 anymore and finally it has come back to haunt me. On the first Tuesday of classes, me being the uber-cool administrator, played soccer with the kiddo�s to prove that Im a bad MoFo. 10 minutes later I am writhing in agony, like someone took a baseball bat and just cracked your shins twice (one for good measure). While ER was amazed that my blood pressure was so low, I was amazed I wasn�t crying like another reject from the Bachelor. Heck all I was thinking about was �How the hell am I gonna tell my parents this� and �what kind of cool story can I make up.� I have never ridden in an ambulance and don�t have any future desire. The hospital here was like Scrubs and at least I think that�s a witty show. I was the main attraction, must have picked a low massive injury hour because everyone from the janitor to the head hospital honcho stopped by to shake their heads at my X-rays. Come to think of it, there was a cute receptionist who surely had to be of the Manishevitz Persuasion. After my super size shot of Demerol in my arse (which caused me more pain days later), I was babbling like an idiot with a short term memory comparable to your average dope fiend. Think Half Baked. I think I was most upset that this whole leg cast thing took away my opportunity to drive, to dress Seth chic, and to well, walk, drink, eat, etc. I own 2 legitimate pairs of shorts. It could be 100 degrees out and I would still have pants on unless I was hiking the Grand Canyon or hitting the beach�.so this definitely dampened my fashion aura, plus I have to wear sneakers for a few more weeks. Another area that I am lacking�. Crutches are not cool however women kinda dig that. I also got a wheel chair however this seems to have the sympathetic affect and I hate that so I only use it at work or when I am sitting out in front of my apartment after a Category 2 Hurricane named Frances. 2 phrases that I wish to never hear again: �hunkered down� as in �The residents of South Florida are hunkered down in their homes as the storm pounds the living daylights out of their world� and #2 �feeder band� � as in �and another strong feeder band from the hurricane is coming to West Palm Beach in 10 minutes.� Hell I felt like an embedded reporter, �live from the Hurricane HQ.� How to survive a hurricane, Seth style with an added broken leg: 1. Beer. No, not to drink cause it doesn�t mix well with Percocet. Beer to trade with local idiots. Once a hurricane comes, curfews are enforced and there are no alcohol sales anywhere until its lifted. Its better than cash�and there are a lot of idiots here (see 2000 Election for example) 2. Wheelchair � when you got no power, just wheel yourself on outside�.true I hated this more than an 8AM college class, however compared to the alternative sweating buckets inside�. 3. Mini TV � 16 years ago, I would have never guessed that the mini black and white TV with a whooping 2 inch screen would come in as my vital source of contact with the outside world�got this as a Bar Mitzvah gift. 4. Slim Fast shakes � if I lost any more weight I would be shopping at Gap Anorexics however these things were great during the storm and I now keep some around for just this purpose�. 5. Pop Tarts � while they have got some crazy synthetic kinds now, these things were instant breakfast�.and lunch�.and dinner. Right up there for the 2 pounds of Goldfish crackers I ate (thanks for those, Erica!). 6. Manual Can Opener � DUH! Kill your electric opener, you lazy asses! 7. An amazing sense of humor and perseverance. 5 days without power with the added comfort of my leg feeling like a 18 wheeler ran it over can really try your patience. Plus you get tired of all the �gimp� jokes. Damn you Pulp Fiction! Seth�s reasons when people ask how he broke his leg: 1. I was saving little Ashley from the jaws of a shark on Palm Beach 2. I was saving little Juanita from the roof caving in during Hurricane Frances 3. Snowboarding accident in Vail where I was doing a triple lindy flip. They found me head down in 2 feet of snow and a woman named Bunny nursed me back to health in the lodge. 4. When I said I would really break my foot off in one of my friends asses, I don�t mess around. 5. Rough sex with a entourage of Jewish women�.but damn it was worth it! 6. �I broke my leg playing chess� � Revenge of the Nerds II -Seth survived the hurricane though he eventually moved into his office for a little bit and then a friends apartment for another week who consequently lived on the 3rd floor. He is now on his 3rd week of the hard knock crutch lifestyle and assures you it sucks. |