The Pager Story
By SM Fishman 1/00



Ok, I was in the middle of writing another story when this one floated in due to an act of the of the lord (and gravity) so here goes:

I first became interested in pagers back in the mid 80�s. My father wore this mini box of a pager that somewhat resembled a battery charger. He had it for his weekend duty and I thought my dad was the �kewlest� whenever it went off. I�d be like yeah my dad�s a drug dealer (well he�s a Pharmacist, same thing minus some big gold chains, a lowrider hooptie and a sidekick killer pimp named Guido).

When my dad got out of the weekend biz, I used to wear the thing around the house- now we are talking back when pagers didn�t have any digital readings- it was just a black box with a red light that would pierce the ears of all within 20 yards. Besides, it didn�t even have vibrate! I mean c�mon!!! Spin cycle me somebody! (ok, so this winter weather�s making me not only chew ice but have icicles attack me)

I got to FAU and it seemed like these things were stock issue to everyone in Boca. You didn�t just get a phone number, you got a beeper #, voicemail #, car phone, guest house, and otherwise a freakin headache.

One of my partners in crime, Mitch, had one of the older ones but with a digital display and of course, the vibrate. Mitch was sure to tell me what the vibrate was good for however I just don�t see a woman going for the whole idea, but Im sure there�s an internet site for �Bitches and Beepers� Just think of this quote for a photo �Look at I what found ,honey!� or sicker yet �I need more batteries!�

That�s not the point. So Mitch gave me his pager in 1995. This was in my IFC prime, big man on campus and all so I felt justified having one. I have had the cheesy gold chain so it wouldn�t fall out of my pocket or anything. I had this for about 6 months before I ran real short on cash and gave it up. But I loved the damn thing.

Oh I forgot- earlier I had found an old pager which wasn�t working but I still wore it for a few weeks before anyone caught on. Hey, it told time. Jenkins razzed me about it- he still does. Well I don�t know whats worse- that or Kendrew�s fake earrings (which were Wrigleys tinfoil) but I don�t wanna sell him out!

Firstly, Im guilty of putting in cutesy number codes into the girls I was dating at the time�s pagers�.awww�I know. But I didn�t have my own language or anything. Some people I know have complete conversations on their pager through numbers- talk about free time!

Ok, well lets get to the real story here: I carry a pager 24-7 for work. Its my electronic leash. I don�t get many pages and im thankful for that. Now that I�m a professional (ok, laugh it up!) I wear mine on my belt usually or sometimes hide it in my cargo pants�but mainly the belts. Now its important to always wear a belt (public service announcement).

So Im in my bathroom , pretty much draining the main vein of Spain. Usually I wear wide belts but I have one that�s just a normal one. Well normally my pager doesn�t even move off my belt�.well so there I am�.and all of the sudden I hear this big �klunk� and splash!!!!!!!!! YUP! My pager slid off my belt and right into the toilet!!!! OK, well I will keep the details minimal here but yes I did retrieve it!!!!

Of course it isnt working after I get it out. The waterlogged thing just keeled over. And then Im thinking how the hell am I gonna explain this one to my boss! �Yeah Jon, I pissed my pager off� That�s just gonna go overwell!

So I bring out the hairdryer and take it apart to get some of the water out but to no avail�.Im thinking of every excuse in the book�getting nervous like a gerbil in a Key West pet store��.

Now we have a happy ending- the thing kicked in last night out of nowhere and has been fine ever since. I have yet to tell any of my co-workers yet but I will be soon- im saving it for later (and to make sure the sucker works). And yes, I did rinse it off , thank you very much. Atleast it was �number one� and not a �number 2� � Friday reference.

-Seth wants a pager that has sound effects to go with the vibrations.


My website is up and running- I will give out the address soon!!