Articles by Mr.Tony Lutz Esq.
A Rant About Marching band
Nobody listens to them, and they do all of this hard work at the crack of dawn (minus the forth of July) to make shitty drum noises with the occasional tuba sounds (which in fact are a bit cool) Then to top it off the march around a tree in circles. I mean what is the point of this I ask? It's not like it makes the trees to grow, or creates a non fallopian tube disease.... Well I've sat around for days thinking of the pointlessness of their existence and the answer has finally hit me, plaster of paris. Yes it is true, the countless hours of drumming and marching in marching band is not for marching (and looking like hamsters) but for Plaster of Paris. Secretly, marching band has a hideout under the school that they get together and sculpt stuff. From sculptures of pineapples to Ethiopians, the marching band has really been creatively sculpting stuff and mailing it to Cuba where everyone stares and makes babies in front of these sculptures. Another speculation has led me to this. The other day during class, we had a poll and everybody in there that was in band (I have a list in my pocket) had white stuff in their hair. At first I speculated that it was man juice, but hunny some of the white stuff was in the girls hair too. Since most of the guys in Band are Homo�s I concluded it was Plaster of Paris.
By Tony Lutz
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